Heavy In Your Arms
by Last-Dragomir
Summary: Bo's hard life and depression have a pretty good hold of her life. When someone unexpected from her past comes knocking at her door will it be the light she needs in the darkness or the last push over the edge? DOCCUBUS/Parallel Storyline with 'COSMIC LOVE'
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: As always characters belonging to Lost Girl are not mine but the storyline and settings are.**

 **Heavy In Your Arms:**

 **Chapter 1:**

I threw the pillow over my head with a huge groan as my head felt it was splitting into two. The throbbing of my skull only enraged me even more as I threw the covers off me and padded through the house in annoyance. I ruffled my long hair as I massaged my skull. I could feel my eyes reacting to the lighting in the living room as I looked around the house for the source of my torment.

I winced as the noise got even louder before it stopped. I could see the smile on his face as he saw me, it was a smile many women swooned for and at some point so had I. His ripped shirtless torso was covered in sawdust and I gave him a scowl to let him know I wasn't happy. He recoiled like a dog being kicked and raised his hands up in defense. Before he could say anything I interjected.

"You know the rules, why is there a saw in your hand and ON so fucking early in the morning!?" I demanded as I massaged my throbbing skull once more.

"It's a hand saw, it belongs in my hand." He explained like the smartass he was.

"Ryan I swear we gave you rules and a fucking workshop for a reason." I scoffed as he handed me his coffee and I took a sip gratefully.

"I'm fixing the bathroom door, can't really take it down to the workshop. Kenzie was stuck for an hour last night before I heard her whimpering in distress." He mentioned with a chuckle.

I groaned again and grumbled in disdain.

"What's got you so moody this morning sourpuss?" he asked with a pout as he wrapped his arms around me and I burrowed my head into his chest.

"I didn't sleep for shit..." I admitted closing my eyes tightly letting out a huge sigh.

"Tell me about it." He laughed. "Kenzie made me sleep in her room just cause she was so traumatized over the door. I couldn't get a blink of the stuff."

"It's New Year's eve…" I said absentmindedly and his expression changed as he tightened his hold on me.

"Hey, I can cancel you know." He offered softly and I shook my head rapidly.

"Kenzie's got me, it's all good." I winked at him trying to put him at ease. "I think I just need some bacon."

I pulled away and tugged my robe tighter against my body. I saw Ryan put his saw down and grabbing his phone as I sat with his coffee on the couch sipping on it and staring at the flickering lights of the Christmas tree. I could hear him mumbling a take-out order as I thought about the workload I had ahead the upcoming week. The holidays had pushed me back a bit and I didn't want to lose any ground. I thought I might as well get a head start and turned on the T.V. happily finding it already on the sports channel. I grabbed my notepad from the small end table along with my glasses and listened to the recent reports.

After a while and an empty coffee cup later the channel switched to a pre-recorded highlight reel show. I sighed and closed my notebook ready to hit the laptop or the newspaper to review stats and standings. It startled me a bit when Ryan came back into the room.

"Already hard at work? It's your day off hun…" he let it hang in there knowing I hated when either of them hassled me about work.

"I'm just getting a head start, it's a dog eat dog kind-of world out there." I reminded him my mantra.

"I know, I know… if you don't get a head start someone else will." He mocked me and I shoved him as I pushed past him to get changed and get ready for my day.

"Breakfast will be here soon and Kenzie is coming to eat lunch with us on her break." He reminded and I waved at him knowingly without turning around.

Deep down inside I knew that Ryan was right. I shouldn't be so work driven all the time but it was the only thing that consumed me completely, leaving my mind no time to stray to anything else. I liked being occupied, it kept me centered and steady. Contrary to my troubled upbringing which had most people pegging me as lazy, I was a very hard worker and Ryan as well as Kenzie would argue I was a workaholic. I decided to ignore the fact every time it would come up. I had already a plethora of addictions to deal with without adding this one to the list. Although I had to admit, out of all my words ending in –holic, workaholic was probably the most constructive one.

I settled on a pair of dark jeans that hugged my every curve and a deep v neck black lace tanktop that I absolutely adored. I left my feet bare loving the feeling of the hardwood floor beneath it, it had been my one request when we were house shopping. I recalled how Kenzie and I had purchased this house with not much left. It had been foreclosed and it looked like a crack shack to say the least. It brought back really bad memories to me in the beginning but it was all that we could afford.

Things changed for the better when I met Ryan. We needed the extra income and he needed a place to crash. He had money, tons of it, but he just liked to live very frugally. He was a recovering compulsive shopper so his recovery included living on low income. Kenzie and I had never lived with anybody else since we had teamed up in University so it took some time to warm up to the guy. As time went by he kept fixing things and renovating spaces and before we knew it we had a home that no longer terrified me.

I heard the doorbell go snapping me out of my thoughts. I was excited for breakfast for lunch, it was something we tried to do on Sundays since I had the day off. I came out of my room and saw that Kenzie and Ryan were unpacking the breakfast order that had just been delivered. My bestie lit up as she saw me, her blue eyes flashing with excitement.

"You won't believe who I met today!" she sang as I sat on the counter munching on a home fry.

"Please enlighten me Kenz" I indulged her as Ryan whistled a tune as he loaded his plate.

I chuckled as I saw he had politely thrown a tank top over his chest before joining us at the table. I loved him for the little considerate things he did for Kenzie and I all the time. Ryan was literally my guardian angel and I knew I owed him so damn much.

"Soooooo" Kenz mumbled between bites of bacon turning my attention back to her. "Erin Andrews was at my firm getting the specs for her new year's fitting with one of our clients."

My jaw dropped as my eyes grew wide in disbelief. By the small smirk adorning the young goth's face and expressive eyes, I could tell I was giving her the reaction that she wanted.

"THE Erin Andrews?" I was freaking out now.

"Yup, I have not only her digits, but I'm sure I JUST scored you a private sit down with her and her agent." She rushed and I almost choked on my food.

"WHAT!?" I couldn't believe it. "This could be-"

"HUGE! HUMONGOUS!" Kenzie exclaimed obviously pleased with herself.

"Who is this Erin chick?" Ryan asked mouth half full as I looked at him as if he grew a second head.

"ONLY one of the top female sports reporters in the industry!" I raged with enthusiasm in my voice as he chuckled.

"So it's kind of a big deal that you got this then. Congratulations hun, this could shoot you into the career position that you've always worked hard for." He commented appraisingly and I half smiled trying to push my natural self-depreciating reaction down.

For the rest of our meal we made small chat and finished eating and cleaning up together. We did almost everything together, we felt like a small family of misfits but it was my family non-the-less. After a bit Kenzie had to go back to work and Ryan had rushed to the gym before he had his big date tonight. He was hesitant to leave me by myself for so long but I assured him Kenzie would be back soon. We had been pushing him to find a girl recently since he was always bumbling around in the house. Kenzie had even gotten him a whole new set of clothes and I wasn't ruining his chances now.

Kenzie worked at a fashion firm nearby, it was close to my work at a media firm where I was still trying to break out. She was the best fashionista I knew, and much like my closet had her suggestions in it, she used Ryan as her personal Ken doll. They would bicker and argue about colours here and there but at the end of the day he indulged her because he had a huge soft-spot for the girl.

After checking the afternoon set of highlights on the huge T.V. I made my way to my small office in the basement. Ryan had divided our humongous basement into workspaces for the three of us. Kenzie had an ample space with mannequins and textures hanging from anywhere and everywhere in her space. Ryan on the other hand had a full-blown workshop down here with power tools and blue prints along with materials and a few computers. Ryan was a contractor and an inventor so he relished his space deeply. I had an open space with a small couch across from the mahogany desk I loved so much. I had a board with various annotations and pictures along with plane tickets and game tickets I had been able to afford.

I opened the laptop and started shuffling through appointments and schedules of meetings and games. Kenzie had assured me that she would send me an email with the specs to my opportunity with the journalist I so admired. I still couldn't believe it, but I was grateful. This career was demanding and hectic and even if you were amazing at what you did so much of your career hung on chance and the right meetings, the right opportunities at the right times. Like Ryan had said this could be huge. Yet I couldn't allow myself to hope. When I did and things didn't go the right way I tended to have problems coping.

After I studied my annotations about the upcoming soccer game I was covering I made sure I had every resource I needed for that coverage. For now I was only being digitally printed on my firm's sports zine and I desperately wanted to make the jump to either printed media or-my lifelong dream- being in front of the cameras covering the sports news. I had even taken the shittiest assignments to make it to that zine, I was ready to move up.

By the time I was done revising my work and headed upstairs it was dark and late into the afternoon. I noticed my phone on top of the kitchen counter was blinking. I reached for it absentmindedly as I pulled out some juice and looked around. I hated the holidays, it was the worse time of the year for me. My depression usually hit me in droves when it was this quiet in the house and I couldn't wait for Kenzie to get home. The silence was maddening so I flicked the remote turning on a random show to fill the void.

I wrung my hands as I read the text over and over again. Kenzie had texted me about drinks with some friends from work. They had arranged a surprise party for her to celebrate her new promotion. I bit my lip as I shifted my weight between my feet. I hated being alone, and I was fairly certain Kenzie had forgotten that Ryan had a date tonight. They had made a conscious effort since he had moved in to be here every time I was home and not leaving me alone. It was easy for me to drop to dark places in very little time so they tried their best; tonight their effort had fallen through the cracks.

I hadn't wanted to text Kenzie to come back and ruin her evening so I decided to sprawl out and watch TV to occupy my mind. As the evening progressed and I found myself alone for longer I fidgeted uncomfortably as countdowns and New Year's shows started to litter the channels. I could hear the city around buzzing with people ready for the New Year. My mind was literally like a rat in a cage, if left unoccupied. There was no more work to be done and with the shit that was playing on TV my mood had plummeted significantly.

I walked over to the fridge and grabbed a water bottle to clear my thoughts, however my eyes landed on the small clutch Kenzie had forgotten on top of the upstairs desk. The compulsion to look through it was so hard my feet had moved on their own. I stood in front of the clutch hating myself for the astonishing want of searching through the bag. It wasn't that I was a stalker or anything, but I knew that in the business Kenzie was, it would be really easy to score drugs.

I felt the heaviness of guilt slam to my shoulders as my thumbs flicked the latch open. I closed my eyes as I let out a ragged breath and my hands shook. I licked my lips in anticipation. It had been so long, yet here I was about to throw my sobriety away because I couldn't shut off my fucking thoughts. The loneliness had made my mind wonder to the dark places it loved keeping me in. My mind was in over-drive with thoughts of my childhood and the numerous ruined holidays I had endured. It was too much and I needed **something** , **anything** that could shut the thoughts away.

As my fingers played with the pink pill my throat grew dry as my eyes zoned into my answer. I wished I was stronger because I knew they would be disappointed and upset at me as much as they wanted to mask it. Even with the knowledge of their frustration I couldn't contain the compulsion. Truth was that every time I fell back into these coping mechanisms I got deeper and deeper into my deranged mind where shutting my thoughts was the only thing that mattered. I raised the pill to my lips with a ragged breath. As I was about to drop the X into my mouth and let the high take me away when a small knock was heard on my door.

My hands trembled as I shook my head knowing none of my roommates would knock on the door. Who else would so close to midnight on New Year's? I let out a shaky breath and a whimper as I shoved the pill in my pocket before carefully closing the clutch and leaving it like I had found it. I would have to wait until whoever it was left me with my thoughts once more. As the doorbell rung with insistence breaking me out of my thoughts I jumped slightly. My heart was hammering I was already on edge, my palms sweaty as a thousand thoughts ran through my head. My feet moved to the door before I swung it open.

I stood perplexed looking around to see if this was some sort of twisted joke. There was a small child on my doorstep. Well, not small, but not a teenager either. I stared waiting for it to speak. I was unfamiliar with children, I didn't have the typical friends someone my age had who had popped at least two of these already. I scrunched up my face as it stared at me. It had to be here with someone right? I mean, it looked way too young to be able to roam around freely with no leash or whatever kids used.

"Uh, can I help you?" I asked confused out of my mind.

"Who are you?" the small voice curiously looking into my eyes.

"Hey missy, you came knocking at my door and you don't even know who I am?" I narrowed my eyes at her.

"I mean, I think I know who you are." She looked shy but determined and I wondered yet again if this was a prank.

I looked at her expectantly and she ran her small hand through her dark hair loosening the bun she had been wearing. The way her hair fell along her shoulders and her brown eyes stared at me made my stomach tighten and my heart beat faster than ever. It couldn't be.

"Are you Bo Denis?" she asked firmly and my throat ran dry.

"Yes." I almost whispered.

"I'm Fleur, your daughter."

The words crashed into me hard and fast and I felt like I couldn't breathe. It was as if I had been pushed into this empty void and I was falling rapidly with nothing to catch my footing. My eyes widened as I looked into her small face and if a new light had been shown against her features I could see myself in her. My shaking hand reached my lips and I shook my head in disbelief.

Her eyes looked at me way older than her small frame and she stayed silent, perhaps knowing I needed the minute. I saw the way she wrung her hands in nervousness and closed my eyes tightly knowing this was happening and it was true, hitting me in the face.

"I… How…?" all that fell from my lips as her smile was turned modest.

"I've looked for you." She mentioned as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Where are your adults? I mean… how?" I repeated and she not-so-shyly now pushed gently past me into the house looking around.

She had a black backpack that seemed to be filled to the brim trotting on her back with each step she took. Her dark hair was well past her shoulders with a soft wave to it like mine. Her face was rounded with that baby fat kids haven't shed off yet but you could tell she'd be a knockout someday. As she turned to me her lips turned into a mischievous smirk and it reminded so much of my own that I grimaced.

"Did you not give birth to a baby girl ten and a half years ago? That's me." She pointed to herself and I was about to faint.

"I… I need a minute." I mumbled as I ducked into Ryan's bathroom in a hurry.

I started hyperventilating at once. My heart was pounding and my hands were sweating as I leaned against the sink. When I looked into the mirror I could almost see her face and it was too overwhelming. I hurriedly opened the lid of the toilet and emptied the contents of my stomach. This couldn't be happening.

"Do you have any juice?" I heard her ask as she rummaged the fridge behind the door. "Nevermind, I found some."

I leaned against the sink letting out a ragged breath and steeled myself to go out and face this. I stood and threw water on my face after cleaning my mouth. My mind was muddled with how she had found me. It had been a closed adoption and I hadn't even been able to look at her before they took her away. I had chosen it that way, it was for the best. I reached for the doorknob determined to take this child home. She looked well dressed and elegant so she must've had a good home. As I dried my palm on my jeans I felt the small bump where the X was nestled. I reached for it in my pocket and wordlessly dropped it in the toiled flushing it before leaving the bathroom.

 **Hello there friends!**

 **Welcome to a new journey from my noggin. As many of you requested that I share my new project here it is. This is a** _ **2 Fic piece**_ **, which means that I'll be posting another piece called** _ **Cosmic Love**_ **which is 'the other side of the coin' of this story and from Lauren's POV. As you can imagine this is a very ambitious project because it's basically two stories following the same timeline and storyline. The updates might not be as frequent as other fics I've put out since it is two stories but I'll get them out as fast as I can.**

 **Please read and review as always but be gentle. This story is very close to my heart. I need it to be perfect and I will try and treat it as such. It's a fic my wife SuccubusShinobi asked me to write based on the Florence and the Machine songs. It's quite a loaded story, it won't be all rainbows and it's meant to show the power love can have in the darkest of times for anybody that receives it.**

 **Please enjoy.**

 **Cheers eh!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you for the kind reviews. As you can tell the beginning chapters are more of setting As for how will Bo's recovery progress, you can only read and find out.** **Decided to post this quicker than I had planned due to the great response!**

 **Also to all of you wondering why I didn't post the two POV's in 1 story: I didn't want it to be repetitive and it would alter the flow of Bo's story (as well as Lauren's) as a whole. It is not NECESSARY to read one fic to understand the other as they can stand alone (which is another reason why) but it is encouraged and out there. I see a lot of fics where the other POV is requested and this is the best course in case anybody wanted to see how Lauren fights through her difficulties as well.**

 **PLEASE: Remember this is a parallel story with 'Cosmic Love' which is from Lauren's POV. Make sure you check that one out too.**

 **Cheers eh!**

 **Disclaimer: As always characters belonging to Lost Girl are not mine but the storyline and settings are.**

 **Heavy in Your Arms:**

My hands still trembled as I drummed it on my glass of pop. My leg was bouncing up and down as I glanced anxiously at the phone waiting and hoping to see a reply from Kenzie. I had sent her and Ryan an SOS as soon as I gathered my bearings together. Fleur was looking through some of the magazines on the coffee table with a small mug in her hands when I had come out. Her backpack was on the couch and she looked at me excitedly.

"Kid, I have to get you home. Does your adult know you're here?" I asked, I was worried I'd get in trouble for this somehow.

"No, my Mom doesn't know. I just… I wanted to meet you." She said as her eyes shone bright and her small shy smile appeared.

"There's not much to see kid, I'm just someone trying to get by life." I admitted candidly not wanting this girl to expect any fairy tales from this.

She shrugged and continued to look at the magazines with a small smile. It was almost as if she didn't really believe what I was suggesting, but I remember small children also being very naïve at the world and its realities. I saw that she must've been uncomfortable with all her gear and I offered her help out of her small coat and layers which she happily took. She sat on the floor and clumsily took off her small shoes with a giggle and I couldn't help but smile at her cuteness.

I sat in front of the TV perplexed as Fleur ate Kenzie's gummy bears with a glass of orange juice beside her. We were watching some sort of countdown until I could figure out how to get the girl home without involving the cops. She had been playing hard to get with me and had not wanted to tell me where she lived saying I just wanted to take her back there. I couldn't understand for the life of me why she wanted to be here with me out of all people. I had given her up and yet here she was.

I watched her as she lit up when a commercial came on about the winter classic which was tomorrow. At least she knew some sports it seemed. Her being here had triggered such distant and painful memories it was by my own sheer will that I had not crumbled and succumbed to the panic inside my head. I didn't want to give this child a glance at my inner demons and they would have to wait until I delivered her safely to her mother and she was out of my life once more.

"I wanted to go to the winter classic." She whispered as she looked on getting me out of my downwards spiral.

"You like hockey?" I asked trying to change the course of my mind.

"Yeah, I play." She said excitedly as her eyes lit up causing me to smile.

"What position?" I asked liking the way her eyes caught mine in excitement.

"I'm a Centre like Sidney Crosby!" she started excitedly. "I want to play for the Olympic team like he does."

"You can achieve anything you want." I said surprising myself when I actually meant it.

"I think my mom wants me to be a Doctor like her." She confessed dangling her small feet since she couldn't reach the floor.

Before I could answer her the door swung open and Kenzie rushed in like a tornado. I saw that Fleur was a little startled but her small brown eyes shown with curiosity.

"Oh My Lord Bo! I'm so fucking sorry!" she exclaimed dramatically coming in. "I had totes forgotten about Ryan's little sha-bang tonight!"

I had only texted her about needing her back and that I was without adult supervision. Which was a technicality, I didn't want to say alone because it would've been a lie since Fleur was here. I saw Kenzie's eyes widened as they landed on the small human in our living room. She gave a curious look as her eyes darted between Fleur and I. It didn't help that her resemblance to me was uncanny. I was beginning to think it was the hair.

"Do we now have a house elf? 'Cause I'd believe that before believing you're babysitting." Kenzie commented with her nervous chuckle.

I could see it in her eyes, deep down, she knew what was going on. I hadn't delved into details when Kenzie and I met but she knew I had given up a child sometime. I hadn't been in the best state when I gave up Fleur, and I knew deep down even as young as a 17 year old, I knew I couldn't keep the baby with me.

"Kenzie this is Fleur." I mentioned as Fleur stood up and walked over to Kenzie and smiled so big a dimple formed in her cheek.

My heart ran faster as I saw Kenzie's eyes zero in on the detail as well and she extended her hand at the small creature.

"I'm her daughter." The small child declared pointing to me and I choked on my drink as Kenzie's eyes grew even larger.

"I feel like I'm in an episode of the Twilight Zone." Kenzie mentioned in a whisper and I noticed her shock was so deep she had been rendered speechless.

"Tell me about it." I muttered after I caught my breath with watery eyes.

"What's the Twilight Zone?" Fleur asked quizzically and I noticed how her nose scrunched up in the cutest way.

"It's a show you're too young to know where weird sh—stuff happens." I explained trying to sensor myself.

She nodded in acceptance of my answer and as if she was curious yet cautious of Kenzie I watched as she took a seat next to me. Her small frame was almost using my body as a shield where she could observe Kenzie from without being disturbed. My roommate was still in shock it seemed.

"How?" she asked me as I shrugged meeting her eyes.

"She wanted to meet me, here she is." I repeated Fleur's words hopeful that they would reveal a reason to Kenzie that escaped me.

"I…Wow" the small goth was stumped once more and I was surprised.

Before any of us could continue the conversation I heard the door close and key's hit the small box we had there for them. I sighed almost as if their mere presence here had given me a sort of clarity that my loneliness couldn't. I heard Ryan's voice reach our ears before he walked into the room.

"Babes I'm home!" he declared with a whistle as he walked over pressing a kiss to my cheek with his scruffy face. "it's snowing like a mo-fucka out there!"

I felt a small tug on my sleeve and I turned to Fleur to see what the insistence was. Ryan's 'what the-'made me realized he had now noticed the small child on our couch. She waved her hand before she cupped it in front of her mouth and I understood she wanted to tell me something private. I leaned into her and as her tiny voice reached my ear I laughed wholeheartedly at her thoughts.

"No, he's neither." I assured her with a smile as she blushed.

"What?" Ryan insisted. "It's not polite to tell secrets in a full room young lady."

I laughed ever harder at Ryan's tone. He sounded like a pouty child himself as the words left his lips and I could tell Kenzie was laughing too.

"I wanted to know if you were her boyfriend… or my father." Fleur said firmly, she looked upset to be in the spotlight.

Ryan's eyes widened as they connected with mine. I gave him a single nod and he understood this was for real happening. He could tell I didn't want to elaborate on it right now and left it alone thankfully.

"No need to get your jimmies ruffled Fleur, Ryan here is just a big baby." I admitted to the small girl who was pouting with her arms crossed in front of her chest in a small huff.

"You know, this went about all wrong." Ryan said gently as he moved and kneeled in front of her. "My name is Ryan Lambert my beautiful princess, who may you be?"

I saw Fleur blush at how charming Ryan was being, her anger seemed to be forgotten as she smiled and buried her face against my arm. Her small warm body made me want to drape my arm around her and pull her close for her to know it was ok. I chastised myself internally for the thought. I had never been good with strays, falling in love with them quite quickly, Kenzie and Ryan proved that. As much as they had saved me numerous times, they weren't the most stable either but I still wanted them to be happy and safe.

"My name is Fleur Charlotte Lewis, I'm not princess Mr. Lambert. I'm a Jedi." She said with a playful smile coming out from her new favourite hiding spot and looking at Ryan's goofy smile.

"Well, Jedi Apprentice Lewis, you're quite lucky you've landed on a household that completely supports the Rebel Alliance." He quickly countered not missing a beat with his geek speak. "As a matter of fact, I have been building a lightsaber in my workshop, would you like to see it?"

"You DID NOT." Kenzie exploded and he grinned widely and her and nodded.

"I DID TOO little Kenz, it's still in it's experimental stages and the foam material has proven difficult to recoil but it lights up!" he mentioned excitedly.

I felt a small tug at my hand and I looked at Fleur. She looked excited but unsure and I gave her a nod. If she needed confirmation that Ryan was a good guy, she had just gotten it.

"May I go see the lightsaber?" she asked very politely and I nodded quite quickly as she stood and grabbed Ryan's awaiting hand.

My heart was racing from that last interaction we shared. It felt so real and domestic it took my breath away. It was as if I had gotten a glimpse of motherhood by her just asking permission to go with Ryan. I took deep steadying breaths to help me center my thoughts and not go into a full blown panic attack. This was all happening so fast.

I felt hands on my own and I opened my eyes to see Kenzie giving me a sympathetic smile. It pained me to see the worry in her eyes and I knew it was not unfounded. I had crumbled before time and time again from smaller things in my past. This was huge, the kid that came out of my womb was here and I didn't understand how to handle that.

"You're very good with her." Kenzie whispered and I shook my head vigorously.

"No!" I said firmly "I can't be, I don't want to be. I didn't… I didn't want this. It was a closed adoption…how?"

I searched Kenzie's eyes in a panic before she embraced me tightly. I could feel the rat in the cage that was my brain gnawing at the corners trying to escape. I pulled her close as big fat tears rolled from my eyes. I was grateful for Ryan, he had read the situation perfectly and had given me time alone with Kenzie to calm down. As we pulled away she kissed my forehead and saw next to me leaning her head in my shoulder watching the full on snow storm outside now starting to really come down.

"You know… sometimes life just throws us a curveball like this, and you REALLY really think it's to fuck with you… but what if, what if someone else needed you more than you need your sanity right now?" she whispered and I clenched my jaw as I thought about what she was saying.

"What if she's not here to destroy your life, but fix it?" she continued.

"There's no fixing this Kenzie. Therapy, groups, sessions, rehabilitation and I'm still at the verge of a collapse every second of every day. I… I think of numbing the pain every single day and I don't understand how to cope most of the time." I explained shaking my head.

"But you don't. It's been a while…" she tried and it angered me. I didn't deserve her support, I had almost let them down.

"You had an X in the pink clutch you forgot on the mantle." I whispered bitterly. "I'm no better than I was before. If Fleur hadn't knocked on my door I would've done it."

I heard the sigh leave Kenzie's lips as she tightened her arms around me protectively. She knew she needn't say anything because there was nothing that would make me feel better about my almost relapse.

"I just don't know what she wants, why she's here. I have NOTHING to offer any other human being, especially a kid." I lamented.

Kenzie stood up as we heard giggles and footsteps coming from the stairs from the workshop. She gave me a sad smile and caressed my face softly her eyes catching mine.

"You're a very beautiful soul Bo. That you're lost doesn't mean you're ruined. Just remember, you could've still popped that pill in your mouth. That kid you have nothing to offer just saved your sobriety for one more night." She mentioned gently before letting her hand drop.

Her words hit me deep in my soul. I stood there taken aback by the truth behind them. This child had actually stopped me from relapsing. If I had to confess, I was relieved for the distraction as soon as I had opened the door. My mind felt busy and grounded with the small curious kid around and I had no time to slip into the darkness that threatened my sanity time and time again.

"It's almost midnight, let's bring in the New Year and find this kid's legal parents tomorrow." She suggested gently.

As if on cue Ryan came through the doorway with Fleur on his shoulders. She had a huge grin on her face as she held on to Ryan's head for dear life giggles coming off her tiny mouth as he made spaceship sounds. He was one big child and now I couldn't be more grateful to him. It was amazing how fast Fleur had warmed up to him in comparison to Kenzie. Although let's be honest, Kenzie's makeup was intimidating to any child. I heard a small grumble and Ryan laughed as Fleur giggled embarrassedly and he put her down.

"Are you hungry Jedi Apprentice?" he asked her as she nodded.

"I'm such an idiot!" I scoffed knowing I should've offered her more than gummy bears.

"I'm just VERY good with little squirts like this one." He said ruffling her hair. "I have nieces and nephews."

"I'll call you uncle Ryan then." I mumbled sarcastically and Fleur giggled.

"Bo, come on!" he feigned hurt and held his chest.

"I'll call you Uncle Ryan!" Fleur giggled at his overdramatic expression.

"Well, I'm super stoked about that!" Ryan lit up and looked at us "I'm an Uncle again!"

"What's for dinner Uncle koo-koo? It looks like a blizzard out there, delivery is closed." Kenzie pressed.

"I know how to make pizza!" he offered and I groaned.

"Please don't burn the house down." I begged.

As Ryan sang and tossed his pizza dough in the air Fleur sang in French right along with him. I found ironic that they were singing in French to an Italian meal but what the hell. Kenzie went around putting party hats on all of us as midnight approached. As the clock struck midnight we made a toast with pizza for Fleur's sake. The small girl had been excitedly telling us how she was staying up 'til midnight for the first time. Kenzie decided to mark the occasion and go all out by pulling the ice cream after pizza.

After dessert we sat on the couch and watched TV. It wasn't until I went to get up to go to the bathroom that I noticed Fleur had fallen asleep beside me. Her head was half on my lap, her hair every which was as her small frame raised up and down with her breaths. I panicked knowing deep down inside she was getting attached to me. This couldn't happen. I gave her away for a reason, I was not fit to be anyone's parent. Hell I wasn't fit being a functional adult! I needed supervision myself at best, and I didn't even want to think what would happen at worse.

"Uh… guys…" I stammered and Kenzie and Ryan's attention was on me immediately.

"You knocked her out." Ryan chuckled as I threw them a desperate look.

"Well, what do you need? A manual? Take the child to a bed Bo!" Kenzie giggled and I sighed.

"What if she wakes up?" I questioned with a serious tone.

"Kids that little rarely do." Kenzie mused and I sighed knowing they were pushing me to do this for some random reason that escaped me.

Her small body was very light in my arms, she was still slumbering peacefully as I tried to walk carefully. I was glad Ryan had fixed my room and the hallway, it made things easier not to trip on loose floorboards. My bed was big and spacious and I knew she'd be comfortable there. Kenzie and Ryan's rooms were absolutely out of the question. I'd be surprised if I'd find her in the morning. As I set her down on the bed her eyes fluttered open and I panicked for a second before she smiled a sleepy smile. I felt a strange sensation wash over me that I couldn't place and before I knew it my voice broke the silence.

"Go back to sleep, it's late now" I tried and she pouted.

"Would you stay with me?" she whispered and I nodded.

"I gotta turn off the lights, I'll be back though." I matched her tone and hurried out of the room.

I rushed to the living room once more. Kenzie was now browsing the channels for something with no animation on it. Ryan was snoring lightly on the couch, his shirt now unbuttoned and open revealing his chest as he slumbered.

"Kenzie." I called in a hushed urgent whisper.

"What?" she asked amused.

"She wants me to lay with her."

"Then what are you doing here!?" she asked indignantly "Go cuddle with the little mini Bo, it might be the only time you get the chance."

I guess my apprehension was evident in my face because she then continued.

"Listen Bo, I know when you woke up this morning never in a million gazillion years did you imagine this kid would go Big Daddy on you. Thing is, she's here, she looked for you and you have this once in a lifetime opportunity to spend at least a few hours with her." She walked over to me and put her hand on my shoulder.

"I have nothing to offer her." I admonished myself.

"And she didn't seem to be asking for that. I'm not saying go be her mother, because we both know you aren't in any state to do that and by how she talked about her own Mom at dinner she adores her. I'm saying turn off your mind and cherish this rare second chance to internalize that you did right by this child. She's alive, healthy and happy because you gave her the best shot she had. If one night is what you get with her then let yourself enjoy that."

I nodded before I gave my best friend a hug. Even though she was batshit crazy most of the time, she had her moments like this one where she was wise beyond her years. I bid her goodnight and with that I walked to my room thinking of what she said. I only had one night, and if that was the case then I had to turn off my mind.

I changed into my night sweats and a sports jersey before letting my hair loose from the bun it was in. When my weight touched the bed I saw Fleurs eyes flutter once more as she looked at me curiously.

"hi" I whispered in a small voice as I laid there careful to give her ample space in the bed.

"hi" she smiled before her face turned thoughtful "I… I've been wondering what do I call you?"

"What's wrong with Bo?" I chuckled and she rolled her eyes at me playfully.

"Ok, Bo." Her smile returned as if she knew a secret I didn't.

"I was supposed to spend New Year's with my Mommy." She looked guilty and I felt bad about it.

"I'm sure she'll understand that you were curious about me. You have to trust your Mom and tell her about these things, it was very dangerous coming over here on your own." I whispered gently trying to give her advice and not reprimand her.

"I know, she just works so much." She sniffled with a frown. "I never see her, she loves her job more than me."

"Hey, I'm sure that's not true missy." I said hoping it wasn't.

Before long it seems we had fallen asleep because next thing I knew I was woken up from a deep slumber by loud erratic banging on our door. My heart raced as I looked at the clock on the bedside table and I saw it was 3:47am. During the night Fleur had cuddle up to my chest where she was opening her eyes slowly.

"Stay here, I'll be right back." I ordered and she nodded rubbing her left eye in the most adorable way.

I rushed to the door, my heart was hammering as all the possibilities slammed into me. It could be the cops, it could be my loan sharks finally catching up to me, it could be a scorned wife or husband as it had happened many times before. The banging got more insistent and before I reached the door I saw Ryan padding from his room with a worried expression.

"What the fuck, it's four in the fucking morning asshole." He yelled at whoever was on the otherside of the door.

I shook my head at him with a glare and threw the door open. I stood face to face with probably the most gorgeous woman I had ever seen. She looked as surprised as I did as she took my features in with what seemed amazement. She had an expensive looking coat wrapped tightly around her body, her head was covered by a small toque with snow covering it and her shoulders, her blonde hair framed her face beautifully and if it wasn't for the scowl she was now sporting she'd look like an angel.

"Where is she!?" she hissed at me as she pushed past me glaring at Ryan before looking at me. "I know who you are Bo Denis, I came to take my daughter back."

"Momma?" I heard Fleur's small voice come from the hallway.

Ryan and I were frozen to our spots. I couldn't believe this was happening so quickly. I thought I had until sunrise, maybe a little bit longer since there was a goddamn blizzard out.

"Oh my God Fleur!" the blonde rushed to the little girl picking her up in a tight embrace. "You scared me so much, it was so dangerous what you did."

"I know Bo already told me that." She whispered looking down in embarrassment.

As if burned the blonde's head snapped in my direction and when I saw her eyes glare at me with such intensity I abandoned any possibility of civility in this scenario. I readied myself because I knew this woman had no intention of being polite or courteous, she was looking at me with downright rage and hate. I knew I deserved it, but still somehow it unnerved me to see it from the blonde in a way I couldn't describe. Just like that I felt trapped in my past once more and the rat was set lose in my head. I wrung my hands in nervousness as I closed my eyes craving something, anything to numb all the self-hating feelings that were rushing to my head. I glanced at the window again to distract myself realizing we were all probably snowed in. It was going to be a long night.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you all for your kind Reviews.**

 **PLEASE: Remember this is a parallel story with 'Cosmic Love' which is from Lauren's POV. Make sure you check that one out too.**

 **Cheers eh!**

 **Disclaimer: As always characters belonging to Lost Girl are not mine but the storyline and settings are.**

 **Heavy In Your Arms**

 **Chapter 03:**

Fleur's mother had spent a good 10 minutes checking her daughter over and then texing on her phone rapidly. She had a tight grip on Fleur's hand as the small girl threw me a saddened look. I had closed the door behind her since the snow was coming in but now I had turned my eyes to the puddle on the floor. I was convinced this woman would call the cops at any moment.

Kenzie had come upstairs and was confused but silent in a corner. It seemed to me she was trying to wake up some and couldn't quite achieve it.

"Who exactly do you think you are?" Ryan asked the blonde as he came back from his room a shirt covering his torso now.

"Excuse me?" she asked indignantly.

"You heard me. You come storming in here in your high horse and what not. Who are you? You've been in our house for a bit now and we don't even know your name." he demanded.

I ventured a look up and saw the angry expression on Ryan's face. Fleur still looked like she would cry at any moment and I noticed that the blonde was taking turns from looking at the three of us in the room. She slowly let go of Fleur's hand and stretched it towards Ryan.

"I'm Doctor Lauren Lewis, Fleur's mother." The last bit of sentence held an absolute tone that held no room for doubts.

I watched Fleur's eyes settle into mine with sadness and my heart wrenched a bit in pain. She took the moment that her mother was distracted with Ryan shaking her hand and introducing himself and walked over to me beckoning me down. I met her kneeling down and met her eyes knowing this was probably the last time I would see her.

She was beautiful and I could tell she was smart, her mom had given her a good warm wardrobe and by the way they interacted with each other it seemed they loved each other. For a second, just a split moment, as I stroked her cheek and she smiled at me I felt different, light, warm, proud. I had given her the best chance she had and she had made it. She was free from my demons and my past, my selfishness. She had a clean slate.

All that washed away with a start as Lauren had closed the space between us and had yanked Fleur softly by the arm.

"I'm sorry Fleur, we have to go." She said firmly looking straight into my eyes.

"But Mommy-"

"No." she looked up from her daughter back at me and insisted.

"Ms. Denis would you get me Fleur's belongings we're taking our leave NOW. It was nice meeting you but we have to get going back to Toronto." She was courteous, I'd give her that but I didn't appreciate her talking to me like her butler in my own damn house.

"I can't let you leave." I stated and her eyes widened at me; afraid? "It's freezing out there, the roads are now buried, Ottawa is not as good responding to snow storms as I imagine Toronto to be. Don't know, never been."

"You should!" Fleur's voice broke the silence that fell afterwards.

I smiled at her and now more to piss Lauren off I addressed the little girl with a little nugget of knowledge.

"I have to fly to T.O. soon to cover a game, so who knows." I shot her and wink and she smiled.

Lauren's frame stiffened at my words and she let out an incredulous laugh. "Absolutely not."

"As for you Dr. Lewis, you can see we're in the middle of renovations in our humble abode. However my heart is very compassionate to fault, so I extend you our hospitality and offer you my very own bedroom where Fleur was spending the night. I doubt you can get to the end of the street tonight." Two can play eloquent, I was a reporter for fucks sake.

"I will NOT stay in this dump." She huffed at me and I crossed my arms across my chest with an eyebrow raised.

"Hey!" Ryan and Kenzie protested.

"Come on Fleur WE"RE leaving." The blonde angrily reached for her kid while shooting daggers at me.

I was pulled out of my thoughts when I felt a small warm hand on mine. Fleur had moved from her spot to my side and had grabbed my hand. She was looking crossly at her mother while pouting a bit. She was angry and I almost laughed at how comical she looked.

"No." she was firm and confident and it made my heart swell. "Bo's right. It's dangerous outside and I don't know why you're being so rude. Call uncle Dyson tell him we're good and let's stay. I'm not leaving."

"Young lady." Lauren warned, but Fleur just shook her head.

"I can't believe this!" Lauren exclaimed as she threw her hands up in frustration. "I'd rather sleep in the car. I'll see you in morning Fleur, you're in big trouble when we get back home."

"Oh come on Doctor don't be a child!" Ryan bellowed but the blonde had already pulled the door open and with one last glare into my eyes she slammed the door behind her.

As soon as she left I groaned hard and looked towards the ceiling. I felt a tug on my hand and pulled Fleur up. She hugged me and then whispered.

"I don't want you and Mommy to fight. She's nice too, she's just scared Bo."

I closed my eyes saddened that we had let it gotten to such lengths in front of Fleur. That wasn't what I wanted for her and she was a very perceptive child. I sighed and decided to make things right. Maybe Fleur was right and Lauren was just scared. I could only hope.

"Go with Uncle Ryan, he'll turn on the T.V. for you." I instructed and she nodded.

I put her down and she went over to Ryan who hugged her and gave her a smile. I threw on my winter jacket and my snow pants before my snow boots. I knew it was intense out there and I wasn't going to ignorant like Lauren. She must've been freezing her ass in whatever car she was.

"Are you sure about this Bo?" I heard Kenzie behind me as I finished getting ready.

"The kid is right, I can't let her mom sit out in the cold like that." I explained.

"She was a Double-A Bitch Bo, she doesn't deserve for you to go get her." Kenzie whined and I smiled at her childishness.

"Everybody deserves a second chance right?" I smiled brightly at my friend and she rolled her eyes at me.

"The kid should hang out with us more, she make you chipper." She noted as I stuck my tongue out to her.

"I'm not turning into Martha Steward anytime soon Kenz." I announced as she laughed and opened the door for me.

I was overwhelmed by the cold when I stepped outside. It had stopped snowing and it felt colder than before. I looked down and noticed there was only one set of footprints in the snow. I set out to follow them and find the Doctor. I couldn't understand why she hated me so much. I was going to return her daughter to her in the morning.

I reached her vehicle and saw the windows were fogged up and the car was running. However she was stuck within a snowbank and she wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. I knocked with my knuckles on the window and waited. I saw as she wiped the window several times to look but with no luck she just opened the door. She let out a scoff and threw me what felt like the thousandth glare my way.

"Can I come in?" I wanted to be polite.

"Must you?" she threw at me massaging the side of her temple.

"Dr. Lewis please, let's try and be civil, you're going to freeze out here. I'm surprised you dug the door out. You're persistent I'll give you that." I chuckled trying to make the situation lighter.

"I hope you don't have any illegal contraband in that house that my daughter can find." She shot and her eyes found my own.

"Ilegal-?"

"Drugs Ms. Denis" she deadpanned interrupting me and my eyes fell on my feet as my brow furrowed. "My baby was addicted to drugs when I adopted her. So I-"

"I've been sober for four years." I whispered as I gripped the door tighter.

The words had hit me like a punch in the gut. I felt like I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think straight. Fleur was addicted? She was addicted to my drugs? I thought… My caseworker had been on me so much about that. I had promised Trick I would quit after he had convinced me to give the baby to the system. He had been on my case for years but the old man wouldn't give up. Of course Gregory made sure we didn't stop partying, he wanted me to abort anyways and I wouldn't be surprised he had fed me the lies with the drugs in the hopes I had a miscarriage.

It was all too much for me. The good I had felt earlier now vanished and destroyed, gone. I stumbled further from the car's open door even though I could hear Lauren's calls very distantly in my mind. I leaned over behind another car and threw up. Shaking I pulled myself upright I threw some fresh snow in my face and mouth a couple of times to see if I could somehow kick-start myself.

"Bo." It was such a gentle tone I was caught by surprise.

I turned to see Lauren sporting a worried look on her face as she hesitated between getting closer or standing her ground. My eyes must've shown the panic that I felt because in an instant she had closed the distance between us and her soft hands were on my forehead.

"What's wrong with you, are you sick?" she asked as she took my vitals and continued to fuss over me. "I can't have you getting sick with my girl stuck in there with you guys."

"I… I didn't know" I finally said ignoring her previous questions. "I was a stupid kid, but I did what I thought was best which was giving her the best chance."

Lauren's eyes found mine as the searched my own and I shook my head trying to fight the memories from back then. The flashes came in waves and I felt my knees buckle under my weight as Lauren tried to keep up with the situation.

"No, Bo. Get up come on." She tried but to no avail.

I was back in that all-consuming dark place that had no end. I could hear myself sobbing as I tried to curl into myself remembering all the crazy nights, all the faceless bodies in my bed, the pills, the pain. I wasn't worthy of anything to do with this child, I would inevitably fuck her life up again. I would damage her like I had damaged myself and she would end up broken like I was, with no hope of ever feeling right. I felt Lauren grab me by my waist and with some effort lift me towards her car. She threw me in the passenger seat and I pulled my knees to my chest as my hands shook uncontrollably.

I needed something to numb this, I needed to not think to no feel. I couldn't take this, the guilt was so heavy that I felt my chest grow heavy and my breathing just felt useless as my chest went up and down rapidly. I could barely hear Lauren trying to get my attention. I felt some kind of change in lighting and vision but nothing to throw me out of the depths of my attack.

Before I knew what was happening I felt the warmth engulf me making my hands tingle and my body buzz. I felt the softness of her lips pressed against mine, the way they moved against mine was electric. I was completely and utterly lost in the feeling of her movements as my hands wrapped around her neck as I pulled her close and in a second her whimper broke through my trance.

My eyes shot open as I pushed her away in a panic. I could feel myself panting and whether it was over the kiss or the realization I couldn't tell. I was terrified of how good that had felt and how fast it had pulled me out of my darkness. The guilt that now washed over me was all-consuming.

"Bo, I'm sorry I it's a technique-" Lauren tried to explain as I shook my head.

"Please don't ever touch me without my permission again." I almost begged. "I… it's not good for my sobriety, I cannot have that kind of contact with you Doctor."

"I wasn't trying to take advantage of you Bo, I was trying to break you out of a full blown panic attack. I had slapped you twice before I resorted to another method." She explained.

"I am a recovering sex addict, I would appreciate if you could respect my boundaries so I can continue on my road to recovery." I whispered.

Her eyes widened as her mouth opened and closed. My demons had rendered her speechless. That was only one of the many, I was no good to anybody with all this baggage.

"No-no-no-no-no Bo" I heard Lauren plead fast kneeling in front of me trying to meet my eyes "DON'T, don't go to that place. Stay here with me Bo. Talk to me please."

I listened to the sound of her voice intently. It seemed she was desperately trying to keep me tied to this realm of sanity.

"why?" I whispered "You clearly resent me. Why do YOU care if I'm in my own private hell?"

"I'm a Doctor, I cannot let you suffer." her fingers grazed my chin and she forced me to look up at her, her eyes searched mine with surgical precision. "I will never kiss you again unless you ask, don't fear my touch, I want to make sure your blood pressure is normal."

I nodded and reminded myself to exhale. The numerous therapists I had seen had done nothing for me. One after another trying to crack this darkness inside me and with each one that passed it felt like not even a dent was made. I felt Lauren's fingers against my neck as she looked at her watch mumbling numbers to herself. Her brow was furrowed in concentration and she looked so downright sexy in her element that I had to breathe again once more.

"Hmm… I do not like how fast your pulse is." Her eyes met mine and I licked my lips regretting that kiss so much.

The problem with that kiss was that I had enjoyed it. I had enjoyed it entirely too much and now like the freak that I was I had begun to obsess about it. It was in my nature to focus on things and obsess over them, the experts called it 'addictive personality'. It had brought me out of my anxiety attack so fast that I couldn't quite believe it. I'd usually take hours to calm down from an attack as severe as the one I had just now.

"Bo?" I looked at her and her lips pursed in thought. "Maybe I should come inside after all."

"I think it's for the best." I admitted looking at the ground. "I… I don't feel stable enough to be around Fleur on my own."

"Thank you for admitting that." I looked up and realized she had meant it.

She extended her hand to me and I took it gratefully. I let out a deep sigh as I tried to steel myself to go inside. I had to face the little girl I had abandoned, addicted to the same evils I was. How could I live with myself now? Why had I been so naïve? I believed him blindly when he told me that it was impossible for babies to get addicted to the stuff.

"We're not friends." Lauren's voice brought me out of my thoughts.

I nodded, I couldn't be anyone's friend right now. I was lucky Ryan and Kenzie stuck around.

"Fleur and I will be out of your life tomorrow" she admitted and I nodded once more not knowing what to say.

We had struggled the rest of the way in silence. When we got to my porch I dusted the snow off of myself as Lauren followed suit. My eyes returned to the floor as I reached the doorknob. I felt Lauren's hand on my arm stopping me and I looked up to meet her eyes.

"I won't tell anyone what happened."

"Thank you." I said meaning it.

I opened the door and headed inside. In seconds Fleur got up to walk towards us. I grimaced and looked away from her immediately. My heart hammered as my breathing picked up. I moved my feet quickly and before anything else could happen I was descending the stairs towards the basement.

I must've fallen asleep in the small couch where my office was because next thing I knew I was being shaken awake. I opened my eyes and Lauren was looking at me worriedly. I threw her a confused look as I groaned. My back was killing me from the small couch.

"I came to make sure you weren't dead."

"Wouldn't I be so lucky?" I mumbled and her breath hitched.

"Bo…" she began

"Don't." I raised my hand to stop whatever. "We're not friends, remember?"

I saw her jawline tighten as she gave me a curt nod and I ran my fingers through my hair.

"Did… did you know about Fleur?" her tone was careful and I shook my head.

"The only thing I knew about the baby was that it was a girl and that it took a bit to cry. From that moment on she was gone from my life until yesterday." I explained bitterly recalling the past.

"Why? Why would you use while you were pregnant?" the blonde pushed and I shook my head and smirked.

"I'm not having a heart to heart with you Doctor, I owe you no answers. I gave up that baby 10 years ago and all of the sudden she shows up at my door saying she's my daughter and not telling me where she lives. I didn't ask for this." I let the words hang in the air with the heaviness of them.

"Of course Ms Denis, I understand." Lauren's professional demeanor was back and I noticed how my hands shook as I held myself back. "Fleur and I will be leaving shortly. The roads have been plowed."

I nodded and with a small hesitant step Lauren then turned and headed towards the door and out of my life. In all truth I wanted to scream at her and break down, tell her why I had done the things I had done but why? This was a stranger that had a good life, a good thing going on for her and her daughter IN SPITE of me. I knew deep down I'd probably would never be able to look at Fleur in the eye again after all the damage I'd done. I knew her mother had every right to be angry at me and I was surprised she had even helped me ever so slightly.

I stayed downstairs until I heard them leave. I remember the shuffling of little feet and the hesitation before they left through the door. I couldn't bare to watch them leave. It terrified and killed me that the two people I had probably hurt the most in this world were the same ones who made me feel something other than darkness for once.


	4. Chapter 4

**Things get rocky in this chapter. As you know this is a story of mental health and recovery and there's gonna be possible triggers for those who are familiar with these situations. I love you all and your wonderful reviews. I'm more than ecstatic that you guys are enjoying this journey as much as I enjoy writing it.**

 **PLEASE: Remember this is a parallel story with 'Cosmic Love' which is from Lauren's POV. Make sure you check that one out too.**

 **Cheers eh!**

 **Disclaimer: As always characters belonging to Lost Girl are not mine but the storyline and settings are. Every other intellectual property belongs to the owners.**

 **Heavy In Your Arms**

I vaguely heard the door close as I leaned my head to the side. The brightness coming in from the door was blinding me and my head throbbed uncontrollably. I hated this pain when everything was in focus: too sharp, too loud, too bright, too overwhelming. I rolled over and grabbed the blonde's body pulling her flush against my naked body as she groaned still in the clouds. I patted the bedside table and found the pill bottle, I flicked it with my thumb as my heart hammered begging for the release and with my head dropping back I threw back as many pills as I had left in the bottle. I grabbed the Vodka bottle and threw my head back washing the pills down.

I stumbled into the bathroom and stood in front of the toilet for a few minutes. I shrugged realizing I had forgotten what I was doing there. I looked at my reflection in the mirror, my eyes were big and sunken with dark circles around them, my skin was starting to get that pasty look to it again and my hair was matted and dirty. I got angry at what I saw, how it made me feel, how it made me think again and again of what a failure I was. With one quick movement the mirror was shattered and my knuckles bled but much like anything these days I didn't feel it. By now though I didn't care because my high had just kicked in. I chewed my bottom lip as my mouth grew dry and I padded my way towards the blonde in the bed nothing but release in mind.

My lips crashed into hers and her blue eyes stared at me as she groaned and moaned some kind of encouragement or response. I didn't care, I was feeling too good to pay any mind to her at all. I was numb to the world, numb to the pain and not even in the same stratosphere. Before I knew it another pair of lips were on me and I realized the brunette had come back from wherever she had gone. I could feel the numbness wash over me even though I could still think in the very back of my mind. As the woman assaulted my neck and I pressed harder against her I could feel my mind fog over I desperately clung to the stranger trying to wash Lauren's lips and hands off my body.

It was hours since the marathon the blonde and the brunette had started with me. I laid sprawled in the bed as my phone vibrated somewhere in the depths of the small rental room. I lit up a cigarette as I flipped on my back and stared at the ceiling. I was upset that I was starting to come down from my high. My tolerance had started to go up again and I had to buy more.

I was about to send Mindy-or was it Mandy?-to her dealer when the door got knocked on. It must've been housekeeping. I didn't really give a flying fuck at this point and just yelled for them to come in as I pulled a thin sheet over my body.

I did a double take when I realized Ryan was standing in the middle of the room. I groaned in fury knowing he was going to give me some shit about this like he had tried a month ago.

"Fucks Sakes Bo!" he glowered and I glared at him taking a long drag from my cigarette as the blonde and the brunette started gathering their belongings.

"Fuck off Ryan, you're ruining the party." I snarled and he shook his head in disgust.

I watched him accompany the women out after they had gotten changed. No faster was he out when Kenzie crossed the room hot on his trail. She stared me in the eye the whole way before slapping me right across the face hard. I held my hand against my face in shock as I stared at the mattress, my eyes watering instantly. Kenzie had never…

"We've been worried sick about you" she spat at me through gritted teeth and I looked up to meet her angry eyes.

"I…"

"No!" she shoved me deeper into the bed "You don't get to talk now. You fucked up, royally Bo. You're two seconds away from losing your job now."

I watched as Ryan walked back in with a duffle bag as he threw me some clothes and glared as well.

"Put them on" he barked and I flinched at his tone as I scrambled to do as he said with a deep frown.

"You're coming back with us. You're going to the therapist I select and you are taking a leave from work to recover." Ryan stated firmly as Kenzie nodded yanking me by the arm shoving me towards Ryan.

He grabbed me firmly against his side and almost carried me to the truck. Kenzie hopped in the driver's seat and Ryan was with me in the back. Ryan had put up a plexi-glass between the front and back of the vehicle and I glared at him incredulously. I couldn't believe they were doing this to me. I was fine, I was just having a small bender, I would be back to work in a few days. It was not like I was again addicted or anything. I mean I was coming with me out of my own accord and all.

A few hours later the notion didn't seem so crazy as I tried to kick the glass down in vain. I had already tried to jump out of the truck twice, I had broken Ryan's nose and the whole interior of the truck was full of blood. I was now completely sober and desperate to get high again.

"We have to sedate her." Kenzie kept telling Ryan as he tried to grab my hands while I tried to bite him.

"No! No hospitals." Ryan moaned as he cracked his nose. "It would be too much publicity, I would definitely not be able to buy that silence."

"We're passing by Toronto." Kenzie let the sentence hang in the air and Ryan flinched.

"I don't know if that is such a good idea" he mused.

I couldn't contrite much more on their plans, I had plans of my own. I had feigned staying still and before Ryan was aware of what was going on I had straddled his hips grinding myself against him hard. My hands held his face still and I kissed him hard while moving my hips harder against him. I needed to not feel anything again. The world was too much. The more lucid I was the worse the need became.

I felt my back hit the plexi-glass as Ryan pushed me away from him hard. His jaw was clenched in anger as he tried to push his imminent erection down. I reached for him once more grabbing a hold of his junk before he flipped me quickly pinning my arms around my back. I screamed in anger as he tried to compose himself once more.

"Fucks sakes Bo!" he yelled at me as I heard the knot in his voice. "Call it in Kenzie!"

"I TOLD YOU BOTH TO LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE. IT'S NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS." I growled.

"You just remember Bo, I tried to do this another way." Ryan bellowed in the cabin over my voice but I was already in motion again. I had to get out of this truck one way or another.

As they kept yelling back and forth about their options I braced myself and with one swift launch my legs kicked the window and I hung halfway out the car before Ryan pulled me back in and held me in a headlock. I struggled as he panted and Kenzie yelled in Russian swerving around a bit.

"Do it Kenzie, let's go. I can't hold her for much longer." I hear Ryan instruct and I kicked against the plexi-glass hoping to break it.

I felt the car stop before Kenzie typed away on her phone and seconds later we were peeling away once more. Along the way she glanced at the phone anxiously a couple of times before taking a couple of turns. The more I struggled the faster she drove. Before long, we stopped somewhere and Kenzie hopped out of the truck.

I knew wherever we were they had to open that door. I would just kick whoever was at the door and just book it. Ryan's hands were already weaker on me. I braced myself seeing a silhouette behind the tinted window. I sat still so Ryan would loosen his grip on me and facilitate my escape.

The door swung open and my eyes connected in her earth brown eyes. I was frozen as I looked at her face, I had dreamt her in so many sleepless nights, had tasted her in so many strangers. My hands shook as I reached and cupped her face. Her stern expression turned into a soft one as I sighed and whispered her name.

"Lauren"

Her eyes closed in a pained expression and in seconds I couldn't feel anything anymore convinced I had dreamt her in my stupor.

I crossed my arms stubbornly looking up at ceiling. My chest heaved up and down and my body was sweaty with exertion. I grabbed the glass of water Dr. Marquise offered me but still scowled at her in anger.

"Don't be a brat Bo, you ended up in my couch for some reason or another. YOU called ME remember?" she reminded and I huffed. "I thought we were doing so good."

"So did I…" I grumbled and she wrote something on her pad.

"So, what happened? Did you finger bang my assistant?" she asked humorously.

Dr. Evony Marquise was the top psychologist in the sex addiction field. I had been lucky Ryan was adamant we'd get her. I had woken up in a clinic after my last two month bender. At first I had been able to have my sexscapades and roll in drugs while still going to work and that saved me for a while. After a month or so Ryan had tried to confront me and that's when I had vanished. Much of the last month was much of a blur, I couldn't remember much of places or faces. Just a constant hum of angry bees in my skull.

"I almost did." I whispered through gritted teeth.

"She's hideous!" she scoffed and I glared at her.

"Not your assistant, but there was this blonde…" I trailed off as my jaw clenched tightly at the thoughts.

"What is it with you and fucking blondes?" she pondered and I glowered.

"Nothing…" I looked away indignantly.

"Need I remind you that I have sessions with your roommates as well?" she tried and I huffed. "Alright then… let's talk about Fleur."

"I'm not ready for that" I mentioned through gritted teeth.

"Alright then, what about her mother. The VERY blonde Doctor." Marquise pushed, I hated her sometimes.

I silently got up and made my way over to the punching bag set in the corner of her room and started hitting it with all my force.

"So the problem is with the Doctor right now…" I could hear her scribbling in her notepad. "What happened when you went to get the Doctor outside?"

"I've told you already…" I gritted as I hit the bag harder. "She told me Fleur had born addicted and that's why she resented me. I had a panic attack and she snapped me out of it."

"Yes, I know this story but let's get specific." She pushed as I grew angrier and my hands shook while I remembered the moment vividly.

"There's nothing specific to explore Evony." I said curtly.

"No?" she pushed as she rose from her chair walking steadily towards me.

"Nothing." I pushed and she stared into my eyes evenly.

"How long had you been intimately touched before that relapse?" she spoke firmly and I shut my eyes hard trying to make the memory go away "Since she what… caressed you?... no, kissed you? Yeah that's it."

I looked into her eyes almost begging her to stop. I couldn't take the feelings that came up every time I thought of that moment. I had ran for so long after that day. I was scared with Fleur coming into my life, that was a given, but I was terrified of Lauren being in my life. Downright horrified.

The attraction I could handle. It was like a magnetic force with us, I noticed from the get go. Even if she was downright hateful towards me I couldn't deny she was absolutely gorgeous. What took me aback was the fact that I had not wanted her like I did so many attractive women. I wanted her to steer clear me, I was scared I'd hurt her and Fleur with how damaged I was. When she kissed me, even if it was to help me, it shattered that notion immediately. I wanted her closer than ever before, I wanted to hold her close to me and kiss her like this for eternity. I couldn't understand the way my body caught on fire it was so intense and deep.

"It had been two years since I had been intimately touched." I admitted as my resolve broke and I plopped down on the floor.

"Thank you Bo. If you continue to be open like this, the process would be much easier than it has." Dr. Marquise assured me with a sympathetic look.

It had been four months since starting breakthroughs with Dr. Marquise. I didn't remember much from when I had gone on my relapse and much less of the day that Ryan and Kenzie intervened. Facts and nightmares had mixed in together and I couldn't quite remember the time correctly. Dr. Marquise told me that was my brain trying to recover and maybe she was right.

"What do you think that means though?" her voice broke through my thoughts.

"Excuse me?" I asked obviously lost.

"Where'd you go?" she asked clicking her pen at the ready.

I shrugged and she clicked her tongue before shaking her finger at me.

"Honesty Bo" she admonished me and I sighed crossing my arms.

"I was thinking at what led to me getting my first session with you." I admitted and she tskd.

"Anything back there you want to talk about?"

"No, I'm done with that." I admitted.

She nodded and reminded me.

"We were talking about you needing to give yourself a second chance."

"I don't know if that would be the best idea for Fleur though. I mean, if you think this would make me feel closure from what I did then so be it… but what about her?" I worried and Evony shook her head.

"You'll have to talk to her mother first." She pushed and I chuckled incredulously.

"Hello there Mother of my child-that I happen to find incredibly amazingly hot and singlehandedly caused me to relapse- can I borrow the kid?" I dripped with sarcasm.

"You are a charmer with them words aren't you honey?" Evony shook her head. "You need to start forgiving yourself. That like staying sober comes in stages. I think Fleur will be a good way for you to stay in focus with your recovery."

"What?"

"With what we've talked about I think your next step in recovery is this one." She insisted and I sighed. "You have to make sure Lauren's fine with that first."

"What about my obvious problem with Lauren?" I pondered and she shook her head.

"She's the mother of your child Bo, you HAVE to learn some self-control. Remember what I always told you and I mean it: What-"

"…I'm feeling doesn't sound like lust but strong attraction." I repeated her words for the umpteenth time. "…and if it gets too much, I can just call right?"

Evony nodded holding up her cell phone encouragingly. She was a godsend and I would be forever grateful to her.

"Try inviting her for coffee, that's what normal person do. And remember, you're a sex addict, no touching and unless it helps you heal, no disclosure of fantasies" she was quite serious and I scoffed.

Thing was this therapist was actually doing me some good. She was weird and quirky, she had odd methods, but I was sober and feeling better. I had followed her advice and gotten this far so I was willing to give her directions one more shot. After parting ways I decided I'd give myself the time to think about what to say to Lauren. I was terribly nervous about calling but knew this could potentially help me heal.

Even though I thought about the blonde a lot I hadn't seen or talked to her since her and Fleur had walked out of my life. I felt deeply selfish for bringing them both back into my life, but Dr. Marquise insisted upon it for months now. I had only started considering it recently.

Like a good family, we went through these hardships together, and that included therapy. Ryan, Kenzie and I were now a good ways into the healing process and I had been forgiven a thousand times over. I still felt bad every time Ryan flinched away from me now. It was hard to atone for things I couldn't recall quite well, but I was trying my best.

I had wanted to meet with Lauren alone. I didn't want to tell them about wanting to find Fleur. I wasn't lying, that wasn't good for my recovery, but I didn't want them to have illusions about the situation until it was concrete. Lauren could very well turn me down and I could tell in our group sessions that they had both really liked Fleur when we met her.

I was scared to call Lauren on a personal basis for some reason. It was as if I wanted a barrier or a buffer between us besides Fleur, something I could fall back on in case she took this badly. After my 'hiatus' with the firm I had been slightly demoted to lesser pieces but I was grateful to still have my job. Under the cover of a family emergency I barely scraped by with my job and I intended not to take it for granted ever again. Kenzie and Ryan had gone to great lengths to save my reputation and I owed them big time for it. Which is why I couldn't break their hearts.

I decided to do a piece on sports medicine to benefit the company but also to have an excuse to fall back on. I had my assistant contact a certain Dr. Lewis to see if she was interested in the piece. To my utter surprise she was in town this week and booked an appointment with me for the piece.

I waited several hours and thought hard on what to do. I was upset with myself I was going about things the dishonest way and Dr. Marquise was grinding in my head. I shook off the thoughts any longer and decided to go with what I had cooked up so far. I dialed her number and put on my utmost professional tone.

"Dr. Lewis." I hear her voice come through loud and clear.

"Hello Dr. Lewis, I…" I chuckled nervously and continued "I saw that you've enlisted in a sports medicine spot for the local Ottawa zine and it happens that I'll be your interviewer…"

"Who's speaking?" her tone had turned slightly guarded and I sighed, this wasn't going well.

"It's Bo Dennis." I admitted finally.

I had thought she had hung up but I heard her take a deep breath.

"I'm sorry Bo, I have to-" her tone was cold and final and I knew this was going nowhere good.

"I was just wondering if you'd meet up with me" I finally dropped the act. "I wanted to talk about Fleur, I've been thinking a lot."

"Bo. No… this is-" she started but I needed to see Fleur in order to get better.

"I'm doing really good, and I think I'm ready…" I tried to convince her as a firm question passed her lips with finality.

"How long have you been sober?" I flinched.

"Lauren, we've talked about this…"

"How long?"

"Almost 5 years now." I lied through tears. I HAD to see Fleur.

"I cannot do this with you Bo. I won't do this to Fleur it was bad enough that a few months ago I allowed it but you're lying to my face now-"she was angry and I was confused.

"Wait, what? A few months?" I asked.

"Don't play dumb Bo, I saw how incredibly trashed you were last time. You relapsed!" she accused and I felt the air get knocked out of me. "You're not coming near my daughter until you're better… and even then…"

I was stumped. What? How did she?

"What? How long? I've been getting help. Let's start this conversation over please." I begged pinching the bridge of my nose.

"Lies Bo. I'm not falling for this. I'm a doctor." She sighed. "Six months. Be sober for six more months and we'll see."

"But Lauren…" I tried once more.

"I don't trust you Bo, I really don't. I shouldn't even be considering this, but for Fleur's sake I will give you the benefit of the doubt. Take it as incentive or whatever you want, but mark my words: if you make me regret giving you this chance I will end you." I fell back on my chair and held in a sob.

"I will do my best." I offered.

"You'll have to do better than that."

With that the line went dead and I cried loudly in my office. I had been given a second chance and I had squandered it. Not only that but Lauren had seen me at my lowest and then even worse. I was so confused and I couldn't understand how Lauren had seen me in such state. Had Fleur? I was so embarrassed and ashamed. After I calmed down I decided to go find the people who might have answers to my questions. Kenzie and Ryan must've known how this was possible. It hurt me to think I had completely destroyed my chances to get Fleur back in my life. I couldn't even fathom or begin to explore how I felt about Lauren seeing me at absolute worse.

I picked up the phone dialing the number I knew by heart.

"Are you ok?" her worried voice washed over me.

"I need another session." I whispered.

"I'll be waiting." She assured me and I hung up feeling slightly better instantly.


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks for the wonderful reviews. I would like to make a couple of things clear. My characters are HUMAN and therefore like us don't have the luxury of perfection. They react to situations the only way they know how and with a passion for the conflict in question. This is a fic of human struggle and with that I ask that you guys keep an open mind. Not everyone reacts the same to every situation not even when you have the same genetic make-up. With that being said, I love you all for reading and as promised, here's the next chapter!**

 **PLEASE: Remember this is a parallel story with 'Cosmic Love' which is from Lauren's POV. Make sure you check that one out too.**

 **Cheers eh!**

 **Disclaimer: As always characters belonging to Lost Girl are not mine but the storyline and settings are.**

 **Heavy In Your Arms**

 **Chapter 05:**

My alarm went off and I stretched my arm lazily as I tried to snooze it. My arms flailed around a little bit when I realized with a start that my alarm was not in the regular spot. I laughed unguarded and unabashedly as I realized why the alarm clock eluded me. I had forgotten I wasn't at home, I was in a hotel room.

I threw the covers off me with a smile and took a deep breath. Today would be a good day, I was declaring it to be so. Dr. Marquise had insisted that for me to be able to move forwards I had to look at each day as a blank slate, nothing behind me and every possibility ahead. I'd been working hard at the sessions she had set in place to make up for the improvements she thought I'd have with Fleur. I still had my bad days, days where I felt like the world was going to crash and burn around me but I also had great days like I hoped this one would be.

It had been around 4 months since my last meltdown when I had lost all hope of getting Fleur back in my life. As much as Lauren promised visits after some time, I had highly doubted her words. Dr. Marquise had helped me though it and with Kenzie and Ryan having my back once again for the first time in a long time, I felt like I could perhaps pretend some days that I wasn't as broken as I was.

After a look out my tenth storied window I smiled brightly at the prospect of what the day held for me. I was excited to be traveling for work by myself for the first time since my relapse. It was a new beginning not having Ryan or Kenzie hovering over me. I had worked hard to get here and I cherished it deeply.

I grabbed my exercise clothes and changed quickly throwing my runners on. Another part of my therapy was physical activity. I had taken to hitting the gym once or twice a day, depending how wound up I was. Hitting the bags usually helped after a stressful day but today I wanted to run and feel free.

I took the stairs to the small gym next to the lobby. I had chosen this hotel for that reason and even though Ryan had to lend me a bit of cash to afford it I was happy with my choice. I popped the earbuds in my ears as I went inside the small gym and hopped on the treadmill right away. I was already warmed up from my stairs and I was eager to start my day with a blank mind. When I exercised I usually didn't think of anything at all. Dr. Marquise had explained that working out released a natural high and that it was a healthy release. She joked that it would be getting me addicted on something positive and I honestly liked the sound of that.

It was probably on my fourth or fifth mile that my music was interrupted. It was a number I didn't know so I let it go to voicemail. If it was professional or important they'd leave a voicemail or send an email. I waited but when none came I shrugged thinking it was perhaps a wrong number. I took this as my cue to cut my workout short and rush to get ready for my big day.

After a shower and fussed over the three outfits I had brought with me for the occasion. I decided to wear a dark pair of jeans and a white downy elegant long-sleeve since it was starting to get cold out. I applied light make-up and gave myself one last glance. I looked good, and I was happy that this was me right now, I had worked very hard to be where I was.

I had pushed past the crowd flashing my badge at various security points. I was glad I had left earlier than I was supposed to because I had gotten a little lost in such a huge ballpark. I couldn't believe Kenzie had gotten me this opportunity. I looked around the Rogers Centre almost feeling the electricity of the crowd already. I snapped out of my musing as I noticed the press box. I took a deep breath before setting off towards my destination and once there an usher signaled me to the grass where the team was taking batting practice. He showed me to the dugout and before I knew it I was staring into the eyes of one of my heroes.

The beautiful blonde gave my hand a shake and I offered her a smile. She had a simple jeans and shirt combo as well and it made me even more confident of my fashion choice. I had heard horror stories of people not getting the job over a wardrobe malfunction.

"You must be Bo Dennis, I'm Erin." She offered as soon as our eyes made contact.

I shook her hand with a wide smile I couldn't contain trying to calm down my nerves. "Please call me Bo. Thank you for seeing me today Miss Andrews, I know it's your only day in Toronto."

"It's no hassle at all! It's always great to meet a young ambitious woman who's as interested in sports as I am. Besides, I love Kenzie, I make a point to always drop by when I'm in Ottawa." She smiled.

Before we could continue a man came and swiftly tapped her shoulder before whispering in her ear and turning on his heels leaving as fast as he came. I saw a grimace cross her features and she gave me an apologetic smile.

"I have to do a re-take of an interview that just got deleted. Trust me this will happen to you many times." She laughed and I joined her feeling in my element, the jitters now gone.

"It's no problem, I'm here at your leisure." I admitted and she smiled.

"I knew I was going to like you from our emails!" she raved and I laughed.

"I try" I confessed.

"Well I now really want to go over a proposition I have for you. It's an opportunity that you might really enjoy. I'll be fifteen minutes at the latest. Pardon the interruption." With that and a wave she was off in the direction the man who spoke to her went.

I sat there looking over the field. This could be my life, I was within reach of it. I had worked so hard for this moment, networked and pulled myself from the ashes to get here. Work was the only normal and constant in my life, it was the one thing I excelled at and I was happy and even smug to admit that. No matter how low I would get, I'd always show up for work and tear it up. When I had relapsed I had almost lost it all and now I didn't want to lose my second chance like I did with everything else.

I wanted to do this, travel with the players, get the story, and connect the athlete with people like me who needed the escape. That's what sports was to me, a form of escaping for an hour or two the hell that was sometimes my life. I shook my head from dark thoughts and watched the batting practice for a moment musing over my progress.

I had been cleared by Dr. Marquise to travel on my own and she was even encouraging me to make new intimate friends. She always stressed the fact that many people thought that a recovering sex addict had to be celibate from then on. She always described my problem as a problem of wiring. I saw sex as comfort instead of intimacy and therefore I tended to misuse it and lead myself into trouble. So far though I just couldn't make the disconnection in my head so I stayed as far from temptation as I possibly could.

I was pulled out of my thoughts when my phone vibrated wildly on my jeans pocket. Another reason why I loved my outfit even more, it was practical. I looked around to make sure I was alone before I looked at the number and frowned noticing it was the same number as before. Curious now, I decided to answer it. I clicked the button pressing the phone against my ear waiting to see who was on the other end.

"Hello?" I enquired hoping it was something quick.

This was an important meeting and I didn't want them to see me on the phone. I was about to ask if anyone was there when I heard a sigh on the other line.

"Bo?" I stiffened recognizing the voice and felt myself falling quickly into the dark abyss I always tried to avoid.

"I… yes." My heart hammered in my chest as I waited gripping the bench beneath me. Hoping…

"I'm sorry to call, I know you must be very busy." She sounded tired and I closed my eyes hard trying to remember Dr. Marquise's therapy. I couldn't break down now, not here.

"I'm in the middle of a very important meeting… may… may I know what this is about?" I asked anxiously hoping everyone was ok.

Our last conversation hadn't been the best and I should've probably been bending over backwards over this right now but my career hung in the balance here. If I lost that, I would lose myself completely. Now, even if I didn't have Fleur, I had my career, if I lost that too...

"Fleur is sick. I need your help. I was wondering if I could fly you to Toronto, I wouldn't have called-'

"I have to go." I rushed and ended the call shoving the phone in my pocket.

I was shaking hard and my breathing was so ragged I thought I was going to start hyperventilating. I needed to get a grip over myself before Erin came back and saw me in this mess of a state Lauren had just put me in. Fleur was sick? What kind of sick? What kind of help could I possibly provide? I thought I wasn't allowed near Fleur for another few months. So many questions.

I wished I could go out there with the team and slug a couple of balls or run a few laps to clear my mind again. I didn't mean to panic when Lauren was talking to me but if I didn't end the conversation when I did I would've relapsed into an episode. Dr. Marquise had shown me how to spot the signs of the incoming attack.

I saw Erin walking towards me and I tried to fan my face and collect myself. Thoughts of Fleur's face popped into my head as Erin excused herself once more and sat across me. I looked up and gave her the best smile I could muster. Time was limited and I knew she wanted to get down to business.

"Are you alright?" she looked genuinely concerned and I gave her a nod and a smile.

"Yes, let's continue" I nodded needing to get back into work mode. I needed an outlet.

"Bo, I want you to be the field anchor for the affiliate network on the junior league. It includes analysis and stat counting which I know you're good at from the emails we've been sharing." I was completely stumped.

"Wow, Erin, what can I say? I mean, I love the junior league as it is and can talk numbers all day long. I really like the market the 67's bring to the hometown feel and if we can throw a segment with college I'm sure we could do some GG's football as well…" I started caught up in the possibilities.

"Oh, no you misunderstand Bo. The affiliate we have is here, in Toronto, the position is here covering the market here." She explained and I raised my eyebrows surprised.

"Oh, I see." I said not sure how to feel about the sudden change. "That could be something to explore."

"It's a great opportunity, with your looks and more importantly your vast analytical knowledge you could be covering the big leagues on SportsNet or TSN in no time." She encouraged and I nodded knowing I'd need some time to think about this.

My home was in Ottawa, so was Kenzie and Ryan. We had just begun to fix the outside of our house and I was growing fond of our new shower. Things between the three of us had just started to get to normalcy and I couldn't lose that. Not to mention the sessions with Dr. Marquise were doing wonders for me. I wasn't as sure I could make such a leap in such short notice.

My phone rang in my hand again. It was Lauren again and my mind immediately jumped back to that. I had to do something about Fleur. I had to help her in any way I could, it was the least I could do.

"Bo, if you don't want it…." Erin started and I shook my head.

"It's not that. I'm sorry I'm distracted, my daughter's mother just called to let me know she's sick and needed to see me immediately." I admitted as she gasped beside me.

"You have to go then, we can speak about this over email if you wish. I wanted to extend the offer in person though, it's the right way to go about things. Please consider it carefully and I hope your daughter gets better." Erin mentioned as we both stood and shook our farewell.

 _ **Your daughter.**_

I shook my head knowing I didn't deserve such words. I was Fleur's friend at best and after so long she probably had grown bitter that I had not said goodbye last time we saw one another. Truth was, back then I was in a horrible state and had no idea what to do around the pair. I didn't feel any more adequate to be a mother now, but I felt more in control of my circumstances.

After I left the field I rushed towards the exits. I pulled my phone out quickly and called the last number. I was about to give up on the eight ring when I heard Lauren's voice come through.

"Bo? Please don't hang up again. Please" her begging voice made me see the desperation laced within it.

"I'm sorry Lauren, I needed a second to process everything." I said as I rushed to my hotel nearby. I needed some medication if Lauren and Fleur were back in my life.

"Of course." Her voice was barely above a whisper but I could tell she had a lot in her mind.

"I think you mentioned something about Fleur." I was scared and hesitant about this new contact between us.

"I don't know when the next flight to Toronto is, I can probably-"

"I'm in Toronto, I'm near the Roger's Centre." I cut her off as I heard her sigh in what I suspected was relief.

"Can I pick you up? I'm not far from there actually." She asked hopeful and I nodded even though she couldn't see me.

"I'm by the hotel in the south entrance" I offered "You better not be texting and driving."

"I have a handsfree." She explained. "I'll be there soon, I think you remember my car."

"I do." I admitted and with that we hung up.

I thought long and hard of what was about to happen. If I prepared myself for the situations I was likely to encounter so I'd be better prepared to react to it later on. I found myself completely unfocused on myself and thinking of the little girl instead. I hope that Fleur was alright, that I hadn't costed her recovery time. I wanted to help in any way I could, she had been in my mind constantly in the last months.

After a few minutes Lauren was right there parked in front of me. She swung the door open for me to get in and I did so timidly. Being so close to her was throwing all my senses into overdrive and I had to grip the seat to calm myself. She smelled like a mixture of lavender and sweet grass that was incredibly calming.

She was nervous now that she had me in the car. That much I could tell and I smiled as she tapped her fingers in the steering wheel to the latest pop song that was playing from the radio. I smiled finding the gesture endearing and relaxing. Dr. Marquise was right, being in front of Lauren would be hard but I could overcome it.

"How bad is it?" I asked suddenly tying to remember why I was here.

"She's had a recurring virus that's starting to worry me. I want to rule out the probability of it being an immune system disease. For me to know she's genetically sound I need some of your DNA, make sure you're clear." The blonde explained as I nodded here and there catching the gist of it.

"So for now, it's pre-emptive?" I asked hopeful as the doctor nodded.

We fell into silence as she drove around. I was scared I wouldn't be able to help Fleur. I must've been damaged with all the shit I had at some point put in my body. However if Lauren needed to try I was here for that. We pulled into a garage and Lauren found a spot quickly.

"This is my lab." Lauren explained as we got out of the car. "Fleur's at hockey practice, we want to keep her in a regular schedule."

"We?" I asked as my heart hammer a bit faster. Somehow thinking of Lauren having a someone to share Fleur with seemed blasphemous.

"Tamsin and I, she's my best friend and fellow Doctor. She and her husband have been with me and Fleur from day 1." She remembered sadly.

"I'm glad Fleur grew up loved." I stumbled out trying to find the right words.

As we faced each other outside the car I could feel the tension between us. It was as if this unspoken battle was raging between our inner selves and we had no idea how to address it. I was wondering if I should bring up the fact that it had only been four months since we last had talked when she interrupted my thoughts.

"Bo…" Lauren said softly as she pulled into a garage where we went underground. "I.. I need your genetics… and…"

"And then I can leave?" I sighed pained, I should've seen this coming.

"I'm not trying to kick you out. I'm scared Bo… you don't understand…" She confessed and I shook my head fervently.

"You don't understand Lauren!" I demanded through gritted teeth as I paced in front of her car.

"Then make me Bo! I have a child who thinks the world of you and I can't tell her what I've seen cause it would devastate her. So make me understand, make me let you in!" she yelled frustrated at me and I sighed, knowing this was it, and I had to make a choice to either let her in or not.

"I'm scared to get close and I hate being alone. I long for that feeling to not feel at all, the higher I get the lower I sink. I can't drown my demons, they know how to swim." I confessed as I tried to voice it before I lost the words.

I heard a loud sigh come from her lips as she closed the distance between us. I braced myself but nothing came. Instead I opened my eyes to see Lauren's watery brown orbs full of something I couldn't quite place.

"You were honest." She breathed and I nodded.

"It's part of my recovery. It took some time, but…" I shrugged not knowing what else to add.

"Bo, may I touch you?" she whispered and I stiffened not knowing how to take this.

I shook my head slowly knowing I wasn't ready for that just yet.

"I would rather you didn't." I forced out and she nodded.

"Of course, I'm sorry for asking." She rushed out while turning around on her heel to leave.

I grabbed her hand softly and pulled her back. She turned in her heels again and it left her so close to me I could see the fresh tears forming in her eyes. I frowned and caught a few lose drops that had started their descent and couldn't help but marvel at how beautiful the Doctor was. It was almost painful how expressive her chocolate eyes were.

"One day, I will ask you to touch me, to hug me and comfort me… I feel like I would like that from someone like you, someone who has taken such good care of the only good part of me… but until then I ask you to be patient." I wanted her to know that I was broken and not just rejecting comforting her.

A small smile broke through her lips, it was probably the first smile I had seen on Lauren's face and I decided then and there that I liked it a lot. As she led us through the clinic I could see many annotations and boards and I wondered just how long had Fleur been sick. It must've taken her a lot of thought to call me up, that was for sure. I kept reminding myself today was still a blank canvas for me. I wanted to colour myself strong and so I could help Lauren through this. I wanted to prove to her I was reliable and worthy of visiting Fleur.

"You look very pretty by the way. I hope I didn't get you fired." She looked worried for a second as she took a seat motioning me to another and I chuckled.

"Actually, I got a job offer I have to consider." I mentioned.

"Oh. Congratulations." Lauren pulled away from me getting her items ready as I groaned looking at the syringe.

"All I need from you is a blood sample. I'll run multiple tests on it and we'll know by the end of the week." She explained as she applied an alcohol swab at my arm.

She had started rambling about patient doctor confidentiality to calm her nerves. I laughed at her nervous ramble and found it quite endearing. For the first time in a long time I felt very comfortable in my own skin and I realized with a start that it was Lauren's mere presence that was keeping me grounded. I had mentioned to her my fear of needles in the car ride. She had made it a point to talk to me about sports while she did her thing and I felt nothing at all.

"Holy, wow!" I chuckled in disbelief. "you give great needle."

"Ah, I get that a lot Bo. I'm glad you noticed though." She mentioned with a small laugh.

She busied herself around with the microscope and putting some of my blood in vials and envelopes and slides. It all looked way over my head but the way Lauren almost danced over the equipment was enough to keep me entertained. My phone rang startling me out of my thoughts and when I looked at the screen I realized it was Ryan. I groaned a bit and Lauren gave me a look. I smiled sheepishly at her.

"Go ahead and answer Bo, it doesn't faze me any." She explained making annotations.

"Hello?" I asked into the phone expecting him to chew me out for one thing or another.

"Oh my God Ysabeau!" I cringed hard at him yelling my full name and Lauren chuckled at my expression. I threw her a mock hurt look as she tried to compose herself. "Kenzie just got a call from Erin, she said your daughter is sick? WHAT…?"

I had to stop this train before it derailed. Ryan was about to lose his shit and I knew better than that. He'd buy half of Ottawa to decompress.

"I'm with Lauren right now, she's working on it." I assured him and he kept relaying the information to Kenzie who sounded like she was hovering over him.

"What!" Kenzie yelled into the phone as she took it from him "You're with Dr. Hotpants alone!?"

"It'll be ok, I promise." I sighed trying to calm my racing heart, I knew where she was coming from.

"Put the good Ol' Doc on the phone Bo." Ryan asked and I hesitated. "Come on Bo listen to Ryan-poo"

I chuckled and extended the phone towards the blonde.

"It's for you." Her eyes stared at me with joyous curiosity and she grabbed the phone.

She threw me a smile as she heard it was Ryan and after a few yeahs and assurances she handed me the phone laughing in the most adorable way.

"Your friend needs a shrink." She declared as she threw me a full on smile and I felt myself sigh at the sight. _What in the hell Bo?_

"Nonsense! We're gonna come out there." Ryan prompted as he took the phone back and I sat up straight as Lauren turned her attention to me.

"What?" I practically yelped into the phone.

"Don't worry I'm on it. Just tell me until when to pay the hotel in advance." Ryan said dismissively as I sat there confused.

"We've got this Bo-Bo, you just need to kill it!" Kenzie hollered making me chuckle.

"o…k guys." I mentioned uncertain "I gotta go"

I hung up feeling more confused than I had previously been. Lauren looked up from her microscope, her attention on me and I gave her a confused shrug. That seemed to do the trick as I saw a beautiful smile cross her features and she shook her head and rolled her eyes.

"What?" I asked her wanting to know what was going through her head.

"I keep seeing my daughter's reactions on your face Bo." She confessed and I thought about that for a second.

"Is that a good thing?" I pondered out loud as Lauren's attention was once again on me.

"I think so. I have a feeling you are quite the charmer when you want to be." She suggested and I laughed wholeheartedly.

The sound seemed to catch Lauren aback because she stared at me in pleasant surprise. I gathered myself and tried to keep it quiet as she diligently went back to work. I could see she was torn between being a good host and completing the task at hand. I wanted to put her at ease so I pulled out my phone and made a few quick emails and drafts for what I wanted to tell the people at my media firm. It was clear I wouldn't be back in Ottawa for a few days. Lauren's voice broke through my tasks and I realized I had gotten absorbed into work more than I had though. Quite some time had passed since I had gotten to my work tasks and now I could feel my body arguing about retaining the same position for long.

"You must be starving, I'm sorry I get caught up in my work." Lauren confessed as I stood from my chair and stretched out trying to sooth my aching muscles.

"It's ok, so do I." I admitted with a shy smile.

I had to admit it had been somewhat comforting and soothing to be working next to Lauren for a couple of hours. She was immersed in what seemed to be my blood work and I was writing an article on Sidney Crosby. I found it easy to get lost in my own world of stats and percentages while waiting patiently for the blonde to change our course. Since Lauren had been open in the parking lot I had decided that I would, to the best of my ability, try and give her some kind of makeshift support. Lauren's soft tone broke through my thoughts and when I looked at her shedding her lab coat it was as if I realized how beautiful this woman really was.

"We should go have some dinner." Lauren had suggested and I realized I was starving now so I nodded my agreement. "We'll go get Fleur first."

"Do you mean…?" I searched her eyes letting the question hang in the air.

"I think it's time you had dinner with her yes." She admitted smiling as my smile spread across my face. "I would like to thank you for your honesty today."

"I'm working on me Lauren." I admitted "It's not a straight path and it's hard but I know I can do it. Especially if staying on course means dinner with Fleur."

I saw Lauren's eyes change as they held my own, it was a soft expression I couldn't place. She nodded softly as she waved for me to cross the threshold first. I walked the path we took to get here from the car and as we reached it I gave Lauren a caught in headlights look.

"Hey…" Lauren made it a point to capture my eyes at the slightest of my mood changes, as if reading my triggers "…there's no obligations here Bo. You're helping us out as it is. It would just be dinner for now. I just want to apologize if Fleur is excited to see you. I hadn't told her you were coming, so she will probably burst."

I looked into her brown gentle eyes and realized that she was trying to keep me at ease. She didn't want to overwhelm me and I was grateful of that. I couldn't trust my judgement at times and would take on a situation I thought I was ready for only to realize that I wasn't. Like all treatment I had some minor setbacks at some points and I wanted to keep a level head throughout this so I could be of use to them.

"I think I'm ready to see Fleur now." I said after searching within me, Lauren looked pleased instead of angry this time and I pondered on how different our second meeting had been.

"I think Fleur would like that very much." Lauren admitted with a smile.

As we got in the car ready to drive off I pondered on whether I should voice my thoughts or not. In the spirit of honesty I took a deep breath and let it all out for her to know.

"Thank you Lauren, for giving me this chance and believing I could change."

"I wanted to think you were stronger than your vices Bo. Thank you for showing me I was right." She said firmly and with that we were off to pick up our daughter.


	6. Chapter 6

**Thank you all for the awesome reviews. As always this story is dedicated to my wife Succubsus-Shinobi who had been my muse and inspiration for this story and my Bo in a certain degree. She is also been extremely patient of me writing non-stop and proofreads everything before it goes up. Babes you da real MVP! Enjoy the chapter guys!**

 **PLEASE: Remember this is a parallel story with 'Cosmic Love' which is from Lauren's POV. Make sure you check that one out too.**

 **Cheers eh!**

 **Disclaimer: As always characters belonging to Lost Girl are not mine but the storyline and settings are.**

 **Heavy In Your Arms:**

 **Chapter 06:**

I was very nervous about having dinner with Lauren and Fleur. To be honest I was nervous of seeing Fleur again more than anything. I closed my eyes taking a deep breath before steadying myself. I wanted to do well and have a chance to be in this girl's life.

"If at any time, any of this is too overwhelming" I heard Lauren's voice break through my thoughts, grounding me.

I gave her a shy smile and shook my head confident now that I could do this.

"I think I'll be ok. I just… just keep talking to me like you've been doing. You're really making things easier for me." I confessed and she nodded.

"Is there anything you want to talk about before we get Fleur?" she offered and I smiled, she sounded like Dr. Marquise now.

"You Doctors are all the same" I laughed "which reminds me I never got to ask you what kind of Doctor are you?"

"I'm… I'm a research doctor now, I used to be an ER Doctor." She explained with a slight blush as we drove around.

"An ER doctor sounds intense" I mused and she nodded.

"I saw a lot of hardcore stuff." She replied with a grimace.

"Lots of people needing help like me." I sighed.

"Lots of people GETTING help, like you." She reassured without missing a beat.

"It's like you were out saving the world" I tried to remark move us onto lighter topics.

"I got too caught up in that didn't realize my daughter needed me." She whispered regretfully.

I wanted to reach out and ask her about this, maybe even comfort her, but then I reminded myself that I wasn't the best candidate out there to know what comfort was. I let the conversation drop, knowing Lauren needed some time with her thoughts. I wanted to help her despite of the rocky beginning we had. Not only did I need this woman to be healthy and happy, Fleur's happiness depended on it, but I also wanted her to be happy just because.

Lauren had been an enigma I had been trying to crack since the first day I met her. When she knocked on my door looking for her daughter I would've never thought that she would flip my world upside down like she did. Even though my whole relapse centered around the blonde, I didn't resent her. I felt like she had in some way shown me that I was a ticking time bomb. I couldn't quite understand what my current obsession with the Doctor had been. In all my years of addiction I had never focused on another person quite like this. I shook my head trying not to follow where that trail of thoughts would lead me and concentrated on watching the city passing me by.

It was twilight now in the city. Besides the bender I had gone on I had never been to Toronto. I had gotten here yesterday and quickly checked into my hotel until this morning. I wanted to avoid anything that could tempt me into a relapse. I didn't want to test my self-control too much too soon. Dr. Marquise always reminded me it was all about building up to what we could do.

I felt more confident besides Lauren and soon Fleur. I didn't need to be with Fleur to know that she would bring out the best in me. I had already felt a deep connection to Fleur when we were together those few hours. It had been what terrified me the most, and it overwhelmed me way before Lauren had told me the truth or before she even kissed me. My hand flew to my lips with a small gasp as I thought about the fact that here I was sitting next to her after that kiss.

"So it's your first time to Toronto?" Lauren asked me trying to snap me out of my thoughts and I looked up meeting her eyes.

"Yes, it is." I admitted looking around the big vibrant city.

"What have you seen so far?" she asked curiously and I shrugged.

"I got in last night so not much yet." I admitted as we passed the CN Tower.

"We could take you out tomorrow if you'd like" she offered and I smiled brightly at the prospect of spending more time with Fleur.

"I'd like that." I admitted softly "If everything goes well with Fleur of course."

I had to brace myself in case Fleur was not happy with me. I had been pretty shitty to her after my time outside with Lauren. I knew going into a bad episode wasn't just an excuse but Fleur was a child still and she had sought me out. The fact that I had somewhat rejected her weighed heavily in my mind.

"I have a feeling things will go well Bo." Lauren reassured me as she pulled into a parking lot. "we're here."

"Here?" I asked slightly confused.

"This is the arena where Fleur practices. We had to pick her up remember?" the smile she gave me melted all the insecurities I felt about seeing Fleur and I nodded deciding to trust her.

She gave me a small nod and locked her car while taking her place besides me silently guiding me towards the arena. I had learned at the small time on my job that arenas were basically all the same. It was the people in them that made the difference and from the looks of it when we got through the door this one was no exception. There was banners of their team pride and you could hear the bustling and hustling of people going about as I felt the cold of the ice hit me like a blanket of the well-known comfort.

Lauren's eyes caught my own as she gave me a gentle look and I returned the smile as the calls and yelps of little girls came to my ears. I couldn't really hold my excitement now that I was here. Lauren extended her hand to guide me through the crowd and with a deep breath I took it. The softness of her hand made my heartbeat quicken and my senses go into overdrive. I closed my eyes tightly a few times to calm myself as I glided along the bodies while Lauren guided us to the player's gate. I had to get over the way she affected me every single time. It wasn't fair for her that she had to treat me like glass every single second.

I watched as the coach made her way towards Lauren who was scanning the ice with a bight expression. I was about to pull my hand out of her own in an attempt of stabilizing myself when I caught the coach behind Lauren. She was looking at Lauren up and down in a predatory way as she licked her lips and put on a sly smile getting ready to get the blonde's attention. For some reason this made incredibly angry. Before I could really control myself I pulled gently on Lauren's hand. I watched as she turned towards me with curious eyes and the woman behind us cringed in annoyance.

"Can I guess which one she is?" I tried to distract her and it worked by the beautiful smiled she gave me.

"Why of course!" I didn't miss the small encouraging squeeze she gave my hand "Red jerseys on Thursdays."

I looked on and concentrated before a wide smile appeared on my lips. I chuckled a bit and Lauren's eyes didn't leave me for a second as I looked back at her.

"So they have a rotating goalie schedule" I pointed out and Lauren's face lit up.

"So observant!" she congratulated me.

I was about to say something snarky, I could feel the comeback already forming in my wit but as I saw Lauren's eyes brighten up I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned and immediately a smile crossed my face as I saw who wanted my attention. Her face was slightly longer and her frame had turned lanky, she looked as if she was starting to lose the baby fat I had met her with. The months had turned her into a pre-teen and as I looked at her excited eyes I knew the answer was clear in my mind. I wanted to be in her life as long as she'd have me.

"Oh em gee!" she exclaimed and bounced around on her skates. "I looked over and saw Momma and I couldn't tell who she was standing with…"

"Slow down Fleur" I could hear Lauren behind us laughing and I chuckled noticing the rambling ran in the family.

"I'm just so excited! I would've never guessed you'd be here!" she mentioned with awe as she grabbed both of my hands and then lunged in for a hug.

"Fleu-" I could practically see Lauren cringing in anxiousness behind us but before I knew it my arms had wrapped around Fleur's small frame returning the hug.

I realized with a start that this was the first time I was touching Fleur. It was the first time in our life we were consciously and willingly having contact. I felt the emotion overwhelm me for a minute and a small hiccup escaped my lips. Like the oblivious kid she was Fleur perked up at her teammates calling her name and threw me a smile before skating away.

"Are you ok?" I heard Lauren's soft voice wrap around me and I nodded.

"I… she's gorgeous." I stammered feeling my heart swell once again like it did when I first saw her. "I'm just glad she's not mad."

"I know, she was for a while but never at you. The beauty… well that's all on you though. I had nothing to do with that." she joked and I smiled brightly shaking my head.

For a moment we stayed silent as I watched Fleur skate and take a few pucks to the chest while proudly looking towards me every once in a while. When they went off to ice, presumably to the lockers rooms I turned around and looked at Lauren. I wanted to tell her so many things, I wanted to share so many thoughts but I thought better of it knowing my demons were much too great for someone else to handle. As if sensing my turmoil Lauren's eyes found mine and with a small nod of her head she spoke.

"She's yours too you know?"

I shook my head ready to counter that but Lauren beat me to it.

"I was naïve enough to think she was replacing me. It's why I was so angry, showed up like a livid bull at your doorstep. Caused you unimaginable pain…" her eyes closed and I fought the urge of reaching out and touching her cheek. I wanted nothing more but to take that pain away from her face.

"I'm healing" I assured her as she looked up at me once more.

"I'm happy that you're healing it makes me ecstatic. Partially, because of what I just said. I don't expect you to want to be her mother, that is something that for your own reasons you decided wasn't for you…" she rambled on but I couldn't hear her finish her thought.

I cringed at the memories washing over me as I realized what she had brought up. I raised a hand to my forehead as it trembled and I could hear Lauren's voice above me as I tried to regain my focus. I realized with a start that I had sat down on a bench suddenly and abruptly as the memories had gripped me. Everything was out of focus, like a flash grenade had been thrown at me and I could barely hear Lauren's muffled words. I closed my eyes hard in an attempt to come back to reality and push my demons back.

"Bo, please look at me… BO!" Lauren's voice made my head snap towards her and everything came into focus as my eyes met hers.

Suddenly the arena was loud and noisy again and colours were as bright as they should've been moments ago. I panted as I wiped sweat from my brow and reached for my small clutch with trembling hands.

"Bo, I'm sorry, I should've thought before I spoke-"Lauren started but I raised a finger to make her stop before opening a ziplock bag and chewing on a small cupcake.

Lauren's mouth hung agape for a few seconds before she closed it letting me finish my snack. I hummed a small tune Dr. Marquise had taught me to self-soothe and as I felt the effects of my cupcake hit me I started swinging my legs like a small child. Lauren now eyed me suspiciously and when I took a huge dreamy sigh and met her eyes once more she snorted angrily.

"I can't fucking believe you!" she hissed and I shook my head with what I knew was a goofy stupid smile.

"Shhhh, it's ok, look." I giggled feeling completely relaxed and shoved the small piece of paper Dr. Marquise had given me for her. "My Doc knew you'd flip out. You're all the same, remember?"

I took a nice deep breath as Lauren read the note. Her eyebrows shot up in surprise then she looked back at me with a dark expression. She felt guilty but I shook my head I couldn't blame her.

"Bo I'm so sorry" she whispered but I shook my head more comically.

"It's ok, relax." I said and even then I could tell I was overly relaxed. "I would've thought the same."

This was the LAST time Ryan was making my cupcakes. Lauren sat beside me and sighed deeply before leaning back into her seat. I could feel the tension in her body firm and tight. I didn't want her to blame herself, there was no use pointing fingers. MY mental health was a product of many many things, Lauren was just paying the consequences.

As we sat there I couldn't believe how **relaxed** I was really getting. I let out a huge sigh and smiled thinking back on how Fleur had hugged me. I felt so warm and good holding her in my arms that I wanted to do it as many more times I could and make up for missing out on so many hugs. I was for once on a positive high. I was high off the cupcake of course but from the feelings that flooded me over Fleur, the happiness I felt. I felt a little worried over her being sick but Lauren had assured me it was pre-emptive after all.

Lauren was the complete opposite of me in this very moment. I could feel the darkness coming from her, the guilt and sadness. I was on my feet before I could think much of it and stood behind the blonde. In a second my hands were on her shoulder blades kneading the knotted muscles. I didn't want to give much thought to what I was doing, it felt good and I felt good doing it. Even if I was touching her I realized I wasn't thinking of what I'd get out of the contact but hoping she was feeling better from her low. I couldn't wait to call Dr. Marquise and have our video session, I felt this right here was important.

I felt the blonde relax slightly under my touch before a smile crossed my lips.

"Bo please, what are you doing?" she disapproved and I frowned.

"You need to relax Lauren, really. Chill." I hated that my voice sounded like a typical stoner's but the moment Lauren laughed I smiled achieving my goal.

"Come on Lauren, eat a brownie, medicate yourself for a night and just relax." I tried as I massaged the back of her neck with my thumbs now feeling out the knots.

"They're cupcakes Bo and I" I pressed on a tense spot and I saw her melt under me I gave myself a pat in the back before she composed herself. "I can't I have to drive."

I frowned at the lame excuse, she was bailing and I knew it. I heard deep laughter and I looked up to see a tall burly man with a scruffy beard. Lauren snapped out of the little zen I had given her and tensed up once more. I frowned that my progress had been dwarfed and sat next to her with a 'plop'. I fiddled with my cupcakes and started 'dancing' them in front of Lauren's face. She tried not to giggle but I was winning the battle.

"You should listen to this one more often, eat the damn cupcake, I will drive." The guy offered as Lauren's eyes almost popped out of her head.

"Dyson you're a cop! You can't be condoning this!" she gasped alarmed.

So this was Tams… whatever her name was husband? Not bad Lauren's friend. He looks kinda cool and if he's on team Bo even better.

"I have NO idea what's in the cupcakes and… Bo was it?" he raised an eyebrow at me and I nodded "Bo is right, you need to relax. Tamsin had ten bottles of booze by the time she hits the sack, you? Zippo, nada, nothing! Not even jeopardy."

"Oooo Doctor!" I tskd and she frowned at me in mock hurt.

" .CUPCAKE" Dyson emphasised and I nodded giving him a fist bump for being on team Bo.

Lauren snatched the ziplock bag from my hand and opened it raising an eyebrow at me. She then gave a glare at Dyson and warned.

"If anything happens to Fleur…"

"On my honour! You can kick back Lau, please trust me." He smiled a boyish smile and she shook her head finally taking a big bite of the sweet.

I chuckled and she turned her eyes on me before showing me her half eaten cupcake in her mouth. I laughed so hard a few moms turned to see what was going on. Dyson stifled a laugh while Lauren finished the cupcake and we just sat there in excited silence.

It felt silly but it was almost as if I was reliving a crucial part of my childhood I had missed. I was doing a harmless drug in a gym with my geeky friend and her jock friend who pressured her. Somehow I felt myself happy, real happy for the first time in a long time. I was startled out of my thoughts by a giggle coming from beside me. My smile widened as I realized it was Lauren.

"Oh boy." She giggled again and Dyson laughed getting a few more looks.

"Let's get out of here before we get lynched by the power moms." He joked and it only threw us both into a louder fit of laughter.

Getting out of the arena had been easy for me, I had to adjust to these cupcakes when Marquise had given them to me in the first place. The fact that Ryan was heavy handed didn't seem to affect my walking but Lauren was another thing altogether. She was laughing so hard at Dyson's beard that he had to half drag her to his truck. He was slightly hurt she kept saying there was a bald spot on his jaw but it looked like he'd get over it.

He made sure we were both comfortably seated in the back before heading to look for Fleur. He had a bickering with Lauren over the radio station and now we were laughing at the stupid commercial that was on this particular one. The acting on it was horrible even for the radio. I looked at Lauren noticing her carefree smile as she threw her head back looking out the sunroof. She looked so beautiful I had to look away.

"I wish I could float." She mentioned out of the blue as if it was the most normal thing in the world as I laughed.

"I think you mean fly." I tried but she shook her head.

"No. I mean float. Like in the ocean but instead of that in the sky" she said as she motioned towards the sun roof.

"You are SO high." I confirmed and we both busted out laughing.

We tried in vain to shush one another when we saw Dyson and Fleur coming back. I nudged Lauren with my shoulder gently and we tried to supress our giggles. My heart raced every time we came into contact and I concentrated on not laughing so loudly. As soon as Dyson and Fleur had closed the door to the truck Lauren unraveled.

"… and a quack quack here and a quack quack there… ei…ei…o" she sang as I rolled around in the seat holding my stomach from the laughter.

"Holly kryptonite!" Fleur declared making me giggle harder as she turned in her seat to examine us. "You guys are high!"

"Fleur!" Dyson warned but she shook her head.

"I'm not a baby. There were these two girls in band the other day giggling JUST like that. They got suspended for smoking the reefer." She explained. "They're totally high back there."

"They're… medicated." Dyson explained with an amused smile.

"Look, I have a prescription!" I announced showing it off proudly as Fleur laughed out loud.

"Bo come on, she doesn't care about Doctory stuff, I bore her enough with that stuff." Lauren mentioned and patted the place where my ass should've been in the seat.

I fixed myself and sat next to Lauren, my heart racing like a school girl.

"I'm starving!" I announced.

Lauren threw her head back in the seat and nodded. "yup me too."

"There is no way we can take them to a restaurant." Dyson announced and I stuck my tongue out at him.

"You don't say?" Fleur feigned and Lauren gasped in mock hurt.

"Alright what do you guys want?" Dyson asked looking as us through the mirror as Fleur fastened her seatbelt.

I nudged Lauren with my shoulder and she blushed as she giggled shoving me back. She was having problems with her safety device. I unclasped my seat belt fastening hers around her waist. My heart hammered at the closeness of our bodies and I bit my bottom lip to prevent me from saying something that would perhaps be inappropriate.

"Man's asking you what's for dinner." She mentioned with a slow smile and I sighed feeling happy again, it was so foreign to me that I was convinced I had imagined it the first time.

"Pi-zza, pi-zza, pi-zza" I chanted as Fleur joined in. Before long Lauren shrugged and joined in.

"alright alright pizza it is" Dyson surrendered and we all high fived.

"Get the pizza!" I exclaimed and Lauren and Fleur joined me in a fit of giggles.

Fleur had somehow convinced us that we needed to watch the movie she had seen from her health class today. She completely insisted it was gross and educative. I agreed just to please her, because that's all I wanted to do. Lauren in the other hand tried to steer us in another direction. As we fought over movies Tamsin and Dyson had come back with the pizza and Dyson grinned as he handed us massive amounts of candy and sweets. We ate in the living room in front of the TV watching a documentary about wolves. Lauren and I giggled in inappropriate times and Tamsin kept looking at us weirdly.

"Are you guys fucking high?" Tamsin asked incredulously and I couldn't help the taunt that came.

"oooo… are you lame?" Lauren laughed and covered her mouth leaning into me as Fleur shook her head laying between us with a grin.

"Language auntie Tam Tam." She chastised sounding just like her mother.

"Shut it brat." Tamsin spat back with her tongue sticking out.

"They're medicated, just like you medicate with Jose and Jack" Dyson countered and Tamsin hit his shoulder before settling into the recliner to watch whatever Fleur wanted us to see. She kept glancing at us every so often but would also smile at times.

At some point Tamsin and Dyson had taken their leave. Fleur had gone to take a shower and left Lauren and I in a heap of blankets, pillows and candy on the floor. She was humming a soft tune and I had laid my head against the couch watching her movements.

"I'm scared." I admitted as Lauren's head snapped to give me her undivided attention.

"Don't be, I'm right here." She said softly as her hand touched mine softly before she hesitated and pulled back with a small frown "I'm sorry."

"I liked that." I whispered shyly as she smiled before getting back into topic.

"Why are you scared?" Lauren asked looking into my eyes like she could see into my soul.

"I got a job offer here in Toronto… but it's such a huge city, it's full of so many things." I closed my eyes in slight pain "so much temptation…"

"You're not alone Bo. Fleur has your back and so do I." she assured me and I couldn't help the smile that came to my lips. "You can do this"

After a bit Fleur came out of the bathroom in her pajamas. She took a seat next to me before laying her head in my lap with the innocence of a child that completely trusts you. I looked into her beautiful brown eyes and smiled as she returned it. My fingers ran through her soft waves of hair as I let out a content sigh. Lauren stood beside us and stretched.

"You guys pick the next movie I'm going to take a shower, I feel the second wave of that cupcake coming." Lauren giggled.

"Oh you're gonna know what relaxed means now." I warned and she threw me a rueful smile that made my heart stop.

I watched her leave before I heard Fleur's small chuckle from where she was sitting. I glanced at her and she bopped my nose as I wrinkled it.

"You have done the impossible." She whispered with joy.

"And what is that?" I countered genuinely curious.

"You've made my Mom completely and utterly relax. I have never seen her this chill." She mentioned and I pondered on that.

"What is she like mostly?"

"She's a work nazi." Fleur nodded and I could totally see that "She never kicks back this completely. Thanks Bo."

I felt my heart warm up knowing I had given Lauren a few hours of peace in the least. I smiled at the kid and opted for helping her find a movie. We got everything ready and when Lauren came back we were all set and bundled up in the floor once more.

I must've fallen asleep at some point because the room was mostly dark now, the only light coming from the blue screen on the TV. I looked around and noticed Fleur had fallen asleep in my lap. She had barely left my side as she talked to me about the bands she liked, her favourite subjects, which anime she followed, what games she liked. Anything and everything under the sun that girl talked to me about. I noticed Lauren had snuggled onto my shoulder at some point and was sleeping peacefully with a small hold on my arms. I smiled and closed my eyes, sleeping on the floor cuddled these two beauties was one of the happiest nights of my life.


	7. Chapter 7

**Hello Guys! Thanks for the awesome reviews. Gotta say Lauren and Bo get real baked real fast on the last chapter eh! I had a similar situation happen with a buddy of mine and it was instant (2 mins after we had ate it) and it lasted quite long so I write from what I know hehe. I'm glad you're all enjoying these chapters.**

 **PLEASE: Remember this is a parallel story with 'Cosmic Love' which is from Lauren's POV. Make sure you check that one out too.**

 **Cheers eh!**

 **Disclaimer: As always characters belonging to Lost Girl are not mine but the storyline and settings are. All intellectual property belongs to their authors.**

 **Heavy In Your Arms**

 **Chapter 07:**

I felt my eyes open and I saw Lauren, like I had seen her countless times before. The light in the darkness, the calm in the middle of my storm. I realized that like many times before I was dreaming and sunk deeper into this calmness I felt. I had not remembered seeing Lauren after my relapse I even confronted Ryan and Kenzie afterwards to see what was going on. Truth was all throughout my recovery I kept seeing flashes and dreams of Lauren, her face masked in pain yet massive amounts of compassion. Ryan and Kenzie later clarified that it had indeed not been a dream but a memory since Lauren had to sedate me to make it safe for them to bring me home.

I was broken out of my thoughts as the scent of lavender and sweet grass filled my nostrils and I felt the all too real warmth of another body beside me. I pulled away in a flash as I tensed realizing this was no dream and I had been indeed cuddling up to the real doctor. I tensed my jaw as I felt my pulse quicken, I had felt all too good in her arms and I didn't understand or know what to do about it; How to feel about it.

It had not been my intention to stay the night, I was going to take a cab back to my hotel after the movie, but I guess the exhaustion had caught up with me. I needed to not leave things awkward between Lauren and I under any circumstance. I wanted to be in Fleur's life as long as I could. The kid made me want to be better and do better.

"Sorry." I muttered upset at myself.

"Nothing to be sorry about." She chuckled and I couldn't help my eyes as they roamed down her body as she stretched "That was the best sleep I've gotten in a long time… the ONLY sleep I've gotten in a very very long time."

"Lau-"I started to apologize but she smiled and pointed towards the hall.

I turned and my smile was wide and big for sure. Fleur was sprawled against the tiled floor obviously too warm at some point. Her limbs were everywhere and her hair was a mess. I laughed imagining that I didn't look much better and Fleur woke up abruptly. She mumbled something in my direction and I laughed even harder. She was absolutely adorable as she glared at me before letting out a wide smile.

Lauren stood and walked past the kid as she stood and curled up beside me ready to keep sleeping. I however, had other plans. I quickly curled my fingers against her stomach and tickled. Her laughter filled my ears and it was as if everything was alright in the world and nothing mattered but making her laugh like this over and over again. Her happiness was contagious and I laughed along with her. After a while she grabbed my hands and we ended up wrestling on the carpet like two little animals. She caught the vase before it fell from the coffee table and we both threw a sheepish look at Lauren who was intently on the phone. We started wrestling again and when I pinned her down I heard Lauren's voice cut through the house.

"Bo! Where's your phone? Why aren't you answering?"

"I…" I was stumped, I hadn't thought about my phone in hours. I patted my jeans finding it wasn't there.

"I bet it's in the car, it happens to Fleur all the time." Lauren mentioned as Fleur smiled at me sheepishly and roughed her up a bit.

"Ryan, calm down. Bo's here she's safe. Do you want to speak to her?" I overheard her say and I instantly felt guilty.

They probably think I went on another bender and I don't blame them. Truth is, we would all live in the fear of my relapse. It was a recovering addict's reality, but I was determined for that bender to have been my last. I had good people around me and now, I had someone to make proud, someone who was counting on me.

I heard Lauren's laughter come through the house as I stood up kicking Fleur in the butt softly signaling our roughhousing was over. She threw me a beautiful smile and I padded behind Lauren. I took the phone from her to speak to my friends, just so they knew Lauren wasn't covering for me or nothing of the like.

"What do you want losers? I know Kenzie's next to you and I'm on speaker, I live with you both." I joked and heard their laughter reach my ears.

"We miss you!" Kenzie hollered and I laughed as I watched Lauren disappear into one of the rooms.

"I miss you too Kenz. Ryan don't be pouting I miss you and your shitty coffee too." I laughed.

"Ysabeau! There's a child around!" Ryan admonished me and I laughed.

"She is not a child anymore and she probably knows every curse word in the book. She should do as I say not as I do." I noted as Fleur gave me a perked up smile knowing I was talking about her.

"Listen to you being all mommy material already!" Kenzie gushed and I felt a twist in my stomach.

I didn't know how ready I was to be a mom, even if it was Fleur. I don't think I was ready at all. I was a hot mess any way you looked at it and I didn't feel like that was best for Fleur's mother. She already had a strong, independent and beautiful woman to call Mother. After a few more words of banter and them giving me the details of how everything was going I wanted to get back to Fleur.

"Listen guys, I gotta go soon, I want to spend some time with Fleur." I mentioned and Ryan hollered at another vehicle.

"Alright we miss you." And with that they had hung up.

They were driving here it seemed. I couldn't decipher why they were so adamant and eager to come. I mean, Kenzie was really busy this time of year with the fashion house and I knew Ryan had a few projects he was working on. I mean, I got it too, they had become attached to the kid in the living room just as I had. They had wanted to see her almost as much as I wanted to and the fact that she was sick was something I knew was weighing heavy on them.

I ventured a look at the Fleur in the living room. She didn't look sick, far from it actually. She looked energetic and vibrant with the power of her youth and curiosity guiding her forwards. I didn't want her to be sick, which is why I wanted to give Lauren anything she needed to help her crack Fleur's condition. Lauren had tried to convince me that everything she was doing was pre-emptive, but the looks that Tamsin and Lauren gave Fleur while we watched movies last night told me otherwise. I made a mental note to talk to Lauren about it. I felt that maybe she was tiptoeing around things because of my condition and I wasn't sure how I felt about that. Don't get me wrong, I totally understood. However, when it came to Fleur I needed to know everything, I just had to.

"Here we go again." Fleur groaned as we heard some sort of EDM classical music come from Lauren's room.

"What's up squirt?" I asked Fleur and even though she squinted her eyes at me in mock anger I could see she liked the nickname.

"Mom's gonna go work for hours on end." She explained "when she plays this kind of music it means she's thinking and ready to work. I hadn't heard it since I got sick but…"

"Fleur… how sick are you?" I asked now.

I was suddenly aware that this kid was treated like an adult by the adults around it and therefore was far more eloquent and mature than most kids her age, I wouldn't be surprised if she knew the extent of her own condition. I had wanted to talk to Lauren about it but if Fleur could give me answers it would make it that much easier.

"I'm not too sure I can talk about it, you have to talk to Mom, she knows more." She said looking down not meeting my eyes and it instantly worried me.

I proceeded to take my shirt off leaving me in a sports bra. Fleur raised an eyebrow at me before poking my ribs. I knew it wasn't my house to get this comfortable but what Fleur had said had gotten me really anxious and I needed a release. I proceeded to throw all the blankets on the couch with Fleur and it left me with ample open space. I started doing some simple warm ups and Fleur's face perked up instantly.

"Wait, you can't be working out in your jeans!" she exclaimed and I continued as she bolted towards a room.

Seconds later she handed me a pair of lycras and I looked at her confused. She shook her head and motioned me to put them on. With a shrug I turned around and discarded my jeans as Fleur giggled at my monkeys and bananas underwear. I stuck my tongue out and she giggled harder as I stepped into the workout pants. I immediately started to do some squats as Fleur watched me.

"What are you up to today?" I asked wanting to change the subject and get her mood lifted once more.

"Nothing really, I have the whole day to myself since I suspect Mom will be at the lab with Tamsin." She explained looking sad and bored over it. "What about you, what will you be up to in 'the six'?"

I smiled at her slang and shook my head switching to abs now.

"I have a game I have to do a piece on and cover." I baited.

"What do you mean? What do you do?" she asked curiously.

"I'm a sports analyst and reporter. For now I cover digital media and my firm's twitter… which might be a bad idea if I'm on cupcakes some time." I mused as she giggled.

"So you're basically gonna go watch a game FOR WORK?" she wanted to make sure she was clear and as I nodded panting as I felt the sweat come down my face and she continued. "You have HANDS DOWN, the best job ever!"

"I sure think so too." I mused with a smile. I loved my job and was so grateful I still had it.

"What kind of game?" she asked excitedly now.

"The good ol' American pastime." I smiled as she jumped off her seat and I stood about to switch exercise.

"Is it today's Jays game!?" she was pretty thrilled and I was getting a whole lot of happiness seeing her like this.

"It sure is." I admitted continuing my circuit "If only I had someone who likes Joey Batts as much as I do to come with me..."

"Come on! You're totally taking me with you!" she insisted "TELL ME you get press box!"

"Indeed I do." I smiled and she squealed jumping up and down.

"Pleaseeeee take me with you Bo." She begged with puppy eyes and I laughed.

"Only if your mom says it's alright." I didn't want to overstep any boundaries with Lauren, this was her kid and I just wanted to be her friend.

"I'll take care of mom, she'll take a while getting ready so if you wanna shower or whatever after you stink yourself up… Jeez, why are you so energetic this early in the morning!?" she rambled looking at me doing my set of push-ups now.

"I exercise quite frequently, it's part of my therapy." I cringed not really thinking when I said that. I didn't know what Lauren wanted her to know or not know about my condition. Hell I didn't even know for certain what I wanted her to know.

"Ugh, I have art therapy it's so boring!" she complained and I raised an eyebrow about her therapy. "I'm gonna go get ready cause I'm coming with you right?"

"Right" I nodded smiling at her eagerness.

"It won't take me long I swear. When you're done there's towels in the bathroom closet and extra items in the medicine cabinet. Help yourself and if you need me, my room is the one with the poster of Evgeni Malkin on the door."

"Oh, I see there's a Penguins fan in the house." I smiled pleasantly suprised and she chuckled.

"I wouldn't root for the Leafs even if you paid me." She remarked and I beamed at her. _Good girl._

"We should get going soon, I have to go to my hotel and get changed regardless if I shower or not." I reminded her and she smiled leaving for her room.

I finished my set and repeated it once more before venturing into the bathroom. Everything was neat and seemed to have its place. It seemed both ladies were extremely organized. From Lauren I believed it, but Fleur looked a bit more rough and tumble than her mother.

I let the water run until it got hot and shed my clothes. It felt so odd being in their house, at the same time it was so homey in a sense that I liked being here. It was partially why I had gotten comfortable enough to sleep in the first place. I hated sleeping in strange houses, I was ok with hotels, but once it was _someone's_ house it was weird for me. I think it was from my childhood and all the time I spent at 'other people's' houses.

I took a deep breath as I looked at myself in the mirror. I was looking healthier than I even did. My muscles were firm and toned from all the anxiety I would burn when exercising. My hair had a nice wave and glow to it and my face looked rested even though we had all slept on the floor. A smile crossed my lips as I remembered waking up to Lauren.

It confused me how this made me feel. It was foreign to me and I didn't like it, it made my heart hammer too fast and I was afraid it could be the start of a panic attack. I pushed it from my mind and stepped into the water letting it wash away the soreness in my muscles and the worries from my mind. Today was a clean canvas.

I finished in a hurry and got dressed quickly wanting to get my day going. I was eager to get into the field and see everything from batting practice to the last inning. If I was lucky I'd be able to score an interview or two. I was thrilled Fleur wanted to spend time with me and come so I hoped her mom would say yes.

When I came out Lauren and Fleur were talking in the kitchen. Lauren had a cup of coffee in her hand as Fleur munched on a granola bar. I smiled at the pair and Lauren lit up moving quickly towards the pot.

"How do you take your coffee Bo?" she asked and I smiled.

"Two creams, two sugars." I chuckled and she laughed.

"Your standard Double-Double, you're cute." She announced and I fought the blush that wanted to creep up my cheeks.

Fleur was decked out in the cutest ensemble I could think of. Skirt, leggings and a long sleeve. I loved how she gave me a twirl and when I nodded her eyes shone with delight. She grabbed my hand leading me to the kitchen where Lauren was humming as she made my cup. After a few minutes she turned and handed it to me. She looked so stunning in her deep v neck and leather jacket, while her jeans hugged her every curve.

It was hard for me to keep the attraction I felt at bay. Dr. Marquise would remind me often that attraction wasn't bad as long as there were feelings involved, a connection, and comfort beyond the sexual aspect of the transaction. I wanted to desperately believe her words when she would assure me the time would come where I would find a steady partner and lead a happy meaningful life with them. I knew my urges and I knew my demons and the notion seemed so far away that it sometimes staggered me.

"So Fleur said she wanted to go somewhere with you." Lauren spoke up sending me out of my reverie.

"I have to cover today's Jays game and I was hoping she could tag along. I'll keep her safe, I promise." I explained meaning the promise with all my heart.

"What happens if you have to have a cupcake?" she raised an eyebrow at me and I shrugged a bit.

"I can't guarantee I won't, it's my medicine, but I can promise I won't drive or give her any." I suggested and Lauren nodded.

"That's good enough for me. I know you'll do your hardest to not need a cupcake, right?" she asked and I nodded understanding what she meant.

"Fleur can I talk to Bo alone for a few minutes? Why don't you go find my Jays hat in my closet and you can wear it." She suggested and I gloomed over the impending conversation. She probably didn't really trust me with Fleur, I wouldn't trust me with Fleur.

As the kid walked away I watched as Lauren looked after her. It was as if she was scared and it made my suspicions grow in regards to Fleur having a more serious condition than I initially thought. I waited for her to speak, I didn't know what she wanted to talk to me about but I wanted to be ready for the rejection I would feel.

"I think it's great that you want to take Fleur out. I honestly feel guilty with all the work I've put in, I haven't had time to spend with her." She admitted and I waited for the other shoe to drop.

"But?" I asked wanting to get it over with.

"No. No buts. I think it's great." She nodded and I wrinkled my face in confusion.

"Then why talk to me privately?" I asked.

"Oh, yes!" she admitted as if she had forgotten. "I have a few things I need you to take with you for Fleur's well-being."

"I thought you said it was pre-emptive." I countered wanting to get the truth out of her.

"Well… it's just some precautions" she added vaguely and I let it slip not wanting a confrontation at this very minute.

"What do I need to know?" I asked eager to know how to keep Fleur safe.

"So, I need you to call or text me if anything unusual happens to her. I'm talking collapses, projectile vomiting, levitation anything weird." She joked a bit and I chuckled.

"So like a seizure or something?" I asked grasping at straws with the first thing that popped into my mind.

I saw her body tense and I didn't like it one bit. She bit her bottom lip and I felt my chest tighten at the uncertainty.

"Well… there's a small chance of seizures with the medicine she's taking. Her most recent dose was yesterday so she should be seizure free, so don't worry too much about side-effects." She advised and I nodded trusting her judgement.

"If anything weird happens I'll call and/or text." I mentioned and she smiled.

"She has a bank card in case she needs anything and I can drop you guys off wherever you need to be before I head to the lab." She offered and I smiled.

"You… you really trust me with Fleur?" I had to ask, I just couldn't wait for the other shoe to drop any longer.

"Of course!" she admitted as if it was the most normal thing in the world. "Bo, I asked something of you and you did it."

"Pardon?" I was confused.

"We haven't talked about this but we should. You called me wanting to be in your daughter's life. I could agree and see that it would be good for your recovery and I wanted to give you the chance but you lied to me Bo." I cringed.

"I take full responsibility of my actions, it was right for you to not trust me. We barely know each other and I had just relapsed. You **saw** me for-crying-out-loud. You made the right decision at the time." I offered and she smiled nodding.

"You did too." She answered firmly and I looked at her in the eye with a wondering expression.

"What?"

"I asked you to be sober for six months and here you are in the flesh." She sounded proud almost and I couldn't understand.

"It's been four months since that." I reminded her and she nodded.

"Yet it had been four months of sobriety when you called me. You've been eight months sober to the day Bo." She countered with a smile on her face.

"Why? Why are you so… so… _hopeful?_ " I asked grasping at anything to make sense.

I liked Lauren yes. However she had no incentive, no real reason to want me to get better. I'd say that the first time we met she wanted nothing but for me to disappear from their lives and here she was now like a whole new person trying to get me to bond with her daughter. Truth was, I didn't know much about Lauren and Fleur. I wanted to change that, but having someone so trusting on you was so weird and foreign to me that I didn't know how to take it or react to it.

"I love my daughter very much." She stated and I nodded knowing that already. "I also had a lot of time to think of what you said. Somewhere while she was still a part of you, when she was in your stomach you loved my daughter **very** much. You loved her to the point of giving her away to give her the best chance she could get."

I felt her words hit me and wash over me like a wave. It was so much that I felt myself tear up and start to cry softly. She gave me a gentle look and whispered gentle soothing hushes as she leaned her head on the counter to be at my level.

"I believe you can get better because of that love you still have for Fleur." She whispered and I chuckled incredulously.

Here it was staring me in the face, my love for this child which had always been there since she was in my belly. I remember her fist kicks, her moving around my insides and the way she'd sit on my bladder. I didn't want to love her because I didn't deserve her but in the end I loved her nonetheless. I had spent countless nights wasted trying to forget I had given up my baby 'cause I couldn't give up the drugs. Now here we were, the mother of my child and I talking about how much I loved her child.

"I love you Bo. I don't know much about you but I love you because you gave me the gift of being a mother and I will never ever forget that. That's why I want you to be happy and healthy." She admitted and I cried a bit more.

I couldn't believe this. It was the first time someone had said they loved me and it had been Lauren Lewis. I had not expected that when we first met at all. I couldn't believe the immense feeling of warmth and safety that covered over me. It felt so surreal I started to laugh softly.

"Bo?" she asked a bit worried and I looked up to meet her eyes.

"I'd like for you to hold me and hug me if that's ok" I whispered as I blushed and the smile that broke through her face was so wide I couldn't help but chuckle.

"Absolutely" she breathed as she wrapped her strong arms around me.

I let myself melt away in her arms burying myself deeper within her embrace. This felt amazing and I couldn't understand why. It was so strange to me, because even though the **want** I felt for the beautiful woman was there it was shaded and accompanied by something much bigger. I just couldn't understand what it was. Before long we hear a soft clearing of the throat and we both broke apart turning to look at Fleur sporting a Jays hat.

"It was REALLY buried in your closet mom." She admitted and then her eyes focused on me. "Are you ok Bo?"

She sounded so genuinely worried that it warmed my heart and I felt as if in that moment between Fleur and Lauren I would burst with happiness. These two people in this room believed in me and the things I could do. Even though I had given them every reason not to trust me, they did.

"I'm just really really happy right now and I don't know what to do about it." I was honest with Fleur and she smiled so wide that I was sure I would burst.

"Well that's THE BEST reason to be teary then! Here I thought mom had been a bully again." She made a face at Lauren who frowned.

"Hey, I already apologized over being a bitch before." She defended herself and I laughed.

"And the apology was accepted." I declared as Lauren's searching eyes set on me. "I really don't mean to be a party-pooper but I need to get to my hotel very soon."

"Are you guys all set then?" The blonde asked as we both nodded. "Let's get going then!"

I composed myself however much I could and made a mental note to not skip my session with Dr. Marquise no matter what. As we walked outside Fleur kept going on and on about this year's Jays roster. She was smart like her mother and numbers and stats were simple for her to process. She did so easily and I felt a swell in my chest as I held a very intelligent sports related conversation with her. Lauren seemed happy in silence in the driver's seat. I hadn't missed the small smile on her lips as she tapped the steering wheel softly.

When we got to the hotel Fleur jumped off the car with a smile as she wondered to the curb looking at the newsstand there full of sports magazines and memorabilia. I looked over to Lauren who gave me a bright smile.

"Have fun Bo, really, just enjoy it." She suggested as I nodded. My blank canvas.

"I think I will." I said throwing a fond look at Fleur as she thumbed over a hockey magazine.

"If anything just call me. I can come pick you guys up after I'm done in the lab. I have a good feeling about today, maybe it was the sleep I got." She admitted with a wink and I blushed.

"Be safe." I said not really wanting her to go.

As she pulled away from the curb I felt a hand nestle into mine and I looked down with a smile before Fleur returned it. I tugged a bit and she followed me into my hotel. The woman at the front desk greeted me and advised that I had missed messages from Ryan. I smiled and advised to transfer them to the room phone as we headed into the elevator. Fleur seemed to marvel at the hotel. It was big ad spacious and luxurious since Ryan had insisted on booking himself.

Fleur had grown silent as we took the elevator. I was about to ask her what was wrong when spoke up.

"I like your hotel, it's nice."

I smiled at her as the elevator left us in my floor. I was excited to get out day started.

"You've got a Jays shirt?" I asked and she shook her head. I smiled and nodded. "We'll fix that. I'll be quick changing."

She smiled widely as I opened the door to my room and invited her in. My bags were neatly stowed in the corner and next to my T.V. was my laptop and my gaming console. Fleur lit up immediately and ran to it. Dr. Marquise had made me get it citing that it would be therapeutic for me. It indeed had been a great help when I needed to escape the world for a few hours. I'd get to be an adventurer or an athlete or a Succubus endless possibilities and not many consequences.

"Why don't you take that puppy for a spin while I get ready." I suggested and she whistled as she skimmed her finger through the surface.

"Gladly!" she exclaimed.

I grabbed my jersey and a fresh pair of jeans along a fresh pair of underwear. I ran into the bathroom taking note of the time and realizing we had enough time to grab a bite before the players were available for media. I had seen plenty of media reporters have kids with them who would meet the players and get a couple of things signed. I had high hopes that this would be the case.

I quickly got ready and when I came out Fleur had cranked up the latest NHL instalment. I smiled and decided to challenge her. I let her pick Pittsburgh confessing it was my favourite team as well and went with the random team selection. She explained how her mother was a die-hard Montreal fan even though she didn't like or watch hockey she followed stats. It sounded silly and I would definitely tease Lauren about it.

After Fleur beat my ass on my own game we headed to the field across the street. I made sure to keep true to my promise and bought her the jersey of her choice which coincidentally matched mine. She put it on immediately and she linked her hand in my arm as we walked along the instructions I had been given in my email towards the media room in the locker rooms. As we got to a door I showed my badge to the usher which allowed me one guest. He smiled and asked to look into my bag. Another reason I had liked the idea of cupcakes was how conspicuous it was. He gave me a smile and leaned over to Fleur with a smile.

"Are you ready to meet some players?" his booming voice was jovial and I smiled as Fleur's eyes excitedly met with mine.

"Seriously?" she asked as I nodded.

"I'm more than ready sir." She replied excitedly as he gave us instructions and off we were.

As we walked down the hallways I could see her eyes lit up with excitement as she bounced with every step. I loved the way her excitement was rushing off me in waves.

"This is already the best day ever Bo." She whispered and if it wasn't for the knot in my throat I would've answered.

The rest of the day was spent with snacks, autographs and a lot of excitement. We had both been completely engrossed in the game and Fleur had even caught a foul ball. We were still raving about the game on our way back to the hotel. I had gathered a lot of data for my piece and had tweeted more than the required number of times since it was such an amazing game.

We had called Lauren to let her know we were done with the game but wanted to play some videogames in the hotel. Lauren agreed with no problem. She offered to bring us food as soon as she finished with the task she had at hand at the lab. She sounded happy and excited and it gave me hope she had found a breakthrough.

I got up from the bed after I hung up and set up the game. I was restless since Fleur was taking so long in the bathroom. I decided to knock and check up on her just to make sure she hadn't fallen in.

"Fleur honey, are you ok in there?" I called out but no answer.

I tried the doorknob and thankfully found it unlocked. I turned it hesitating for a second. I decided embarrassment was a small price to pay in case she really needed help. Once I opened the door my face fell and I felt my heart stop. I let out a cry as I raced to Fleur who was on the floor in front of the sink. I felt her shake violently as her eyes fluttered open and closed. I recognized this as a seizure and tried to think quickly. I put her on her side and looked around. I made a nest of towels in a panic to keep her propped up. As I ran to the room and grabbed my bag pulling it into the bathroom. I pulled my phone out quickly as the ziplock of cupcakes fell from my bag.

With shaking hands I grabbed it quickly tearing it open and gently breaking it apart as tears fell down my face in desperation. I gently broke it in the smallest chunks and mashed them between my fingers while carefully passing it into Fleur's mouth hopeful. I had read somewhere of marijuana's anti-seizure capabilities while researching for my own medication. After a few minutes as I dialed Lauren's number I saw Fleur's limbs relax slowly as the violence of the seizure stopped and she moaned slightly as the phone rung.

"shhh, it's ok Fleur I'm here baby." I cooed as Lauren picked up.

"I'm about to walk out the office." She offered and I stammered.

"Lauren come quick" I rushed out in fear "Something's wrong with Fleur…"

"Oh God I'm on my way… Did she have a seizure? You need to put her on her side, maybe get a pillow below her, I'll be there soon." She rushed and I could hear the desperation in her voice.

"I… it stopped… I gave her a cupcake." I explained not wanting to keep things from her.

"I'll be there soon Bo, just text me the room number. If she's stable don't call an ambulance I'll be there before it gets there." She explained.

"Ok." I whispered "Hurry, I'm scared."

"I know, it'll be alright, I'll be there soon honey." She assured and I hoped so. As I grabbed Fleur's hand and brushed her hair away I hoped she'd be alright.


	8. Chapter 8

**Thanks for the lovely reviews and enjoy!**

 **PLEASE: Remember this is a parallel story with 'Cosmic Love' which is from Lauren's POV. Make sure you check that one out too.**

 **Cheers eh!**

 **Disclaimer: As always characters belonging to Lost Girl are not mine but the storyline and settings are. All intellectual property belongs to their authors.**

 **Heavy In Your Arms**

 **Chapter 08:**

I leaned against the bed as I watched Tamsin and Lauren work intently on Fleur. She was calm and conscious and from what I could tell very collected. I was still scared of what had just happened but Lauren had assured me when she came in that everything would be alright and that she was on it. Tamsin had arrived shortly after Lauren and had given me a nod before stepping into the bathroom to help Lauren out.

I felt it had been hours when I blinked and saw Lauren in front of me with a worried expression. My head turned sideways curiously and she gave me a smile that anchored me to reality. She nodded towards the small balcony and I turned towards it. It was small enough that only Lauren and I fit in the small space after she closed the glass door. We stood close together and the air in my face was making me feel a lot better than the stuffy hotel room.

"Thanks for calling right away. You giving her that cupcake actually alleviated her a lot, so good job." She started and I nodded almost in disbelief of what had happened.

"Is she going to be alright?" I asked and I could hear the knot in my throat as I frowned thinking of the poor kid.

"Yes, your blood actually provided us with some answers today and I was in the process of making an antidote for her." Lauren answered quietly as I balled my fists.

"An antidote implies she's currently sick… you told me all this was pre-emptive but now I'm not so sure." I admitted and I saw her nod looking far away in the distance.

"I know it sounds like a two-bit excuse but I was going to tell you today." She looked down to her hands embarrassed as she let out a huge sigh.

"Why?" I asked levelly and she glanced at me, softness in her eyes.

"I wanted to make sure you were alright before I could tell you anything. I got a bit scared with how your episode went at the rink, but the way you managed it and this morning had convinced me you were more than ready. I was going to tell you this morning but with the game and all I decided to wait and give you a day of carelessness. Little did I know this would happen." I heard the sorrow in her voice as her chin trembled.

"You swear you were going to tell me?" I asked, I needed to know.

She looked into my eyes before looking down in shame and she nodded softly. I believed her. I really did and somehow I knew it had killed her not to tell me.

"I somehow knew you would love Fleur as much as I do, and I… I wanted to tell you so many times. I might be selfish but I needed someone to be here with me who understood the way I feel about this child." She cried and I felt the tears stain my face.

"Like you can't live without her." I confirmed and she nodded. "I feel that way too… After I saw her on the floor… the seizure. Oh God…"

I broke down crying as I leaned into the wall behind me and Lauren shook her head as she pressed her eyes shut hard and gripped the railing white knuckled.

"I know Bo… I still remember the day she had her first seizure and I found her on the kitchen floor… some nights I cannot do the dishes without breaking down and crying." She confessed and I shook my head as a small sob escaped me.

"I… May I touch you Bo? Comfort you?" she asked in the gentlest tone.

"I…" I hesitated as she waited patiently.

"You can say no, I won't be upset." She assured me but I shook my head.

"No. I would like for you to hold me right now. I'd like that." I confessed with a nod and she nodded as well.

I felt her arms engulf me as she guided my head under the crook of her neck. She held me tight and her aroma of sweet grass and lavender invaded my senses calming me. I felt protected in her arms and for a second I could think clearly enough to rationalize things.

Lauren had been working non-stop to find a cure. She had felt alone being Fleur's mother and didn't quite feel others understood what she was going through. It must've been hard dealing with my problems on top of that. I sighed and she ran her fingers through my hair as I felt her heart start to settle from the hammering it was doing earlier.

"I needed to be held too." She confessed as I squeezed her with my arms around her waist. "It never gets easier seeing her like this."

"I'm here now and together she'll get better." I assured her not really understanding where the assurance had come from.

She nodded in my arms and I sighed. I felt so at peace in her company that I didn't know what to do when she left to the lab or wherever she was going with Fleur now to make her better.

Tamsin knocked on the glass with her knuckles making us pull away. She gave a look to Lauren and with that she beckoned her inside disappearing into the bathroom. Lauren gave me a gentle look before squeezing my hand and going inside. I pulled the phone from my pocket and dialed a number I knew by heart. I couldn't wait until later.

"Bo? Is everything alright?"

"Hey, I'm… I'm alright I think." I confessed with a small chuckle and a sniffle.

"Talk it out with me girl come on, do you prefer we skype?" she offered and I shook my head even though she couldn't see me.

"I… I saw Fleur and Lauren. Everything went better than I expected and… I'm feeling a lot of new feelings." I started as I heard her hum in the other line.

"New feelings are good, you're expanding from what you know. Are these feelings good?" It felt good to hear her voice.

"Yes, mostly they are. They confuse me but they make me feel good. It's not like sex it's somehow different, I can't describe it." I groaned frustrated.

"It's alright Bo. What you're feeling is normal, you're probably experiencing an overwhelming sense of happiness that's new to you right now." She explained and I nodded watching as Lauren came back into the room rummaging in her bag and then go back in the bathroom.

"There's something else." I whimpered and she urged me to go on. "Fleur is sick. Lauren is helping her, but she had seizure in front of me not long ago."

"Oh dear lord Bo!" she whispered and I sighed holding my head nodding.

"I know and it was when Lauren got here that took care of it that I felt so helpless. I… I really feel so much for this child. I… I think I love her." I admitted and she whistled into the other line.

"I'm so damn pissed I'm not there to witness this breakthrough!"

"Come on Evony." I smiled in spite of myself.

"What about the hot Doctor, what about that?" she asked sly.

"I don't understand what's going on there. I… I can't deny that I know my body has wants and she's extremely attractive… but I dunno. It's like I can't go down that road once she says something or does something but… ugghhhh I can't even talk properly about it." I groaned and she _laughed!_

"Oh God Bo! I actually fucking did it!" she laughed louder and I frowned.

"What the hell?" I fumed and she tried to get a hold of herself.

"This is a good thing as well. It's a breakthrough and you should explore where these feelings lead you. It's normal to feel sexual at times when another human being touches you intimately like on the lips or genitals" I rolled my eyes as she continued.

"Humans are sexual beings and you will someday be able to enjoy a good balanced relationship including sexual activities. Who knows, maybe with the good Doctor herself" she teased and I scoffed.

"Fuck sakes, I can't… I just… no" I stammered and she laughed.

"Whatever Bo. Listen, embrace these comforting feelings, whatever makes you feel safe and protected do more of that in times of stress and I'll see you next session. Please keep me updated about your child." She finished and I nodded saying my goodbyes.

After I hung up I realized that Tamsin had a sleeping Fleur in her arms as she took her towards the door. My brow furrowed as my heart hammered in panic and in seconds Lauren was beckoning me into the room.

"It's alright Bo, Tamsin is just taking Fleur to the lab so we can work on her more efficiently." She added gently and I nodded still feeling shaky about how pale the kid was.

I felt on the brink of more tears as my lip quivered looking longingly at the door where Fleur had disappeared. I thought of what Dr. Marquise had said and before I could think of it twice I mumbled a half ass question.

"Could I… could you…" my words fell short and she nodded understanding what I meant somehow and my arms wrapped around Lauren as I buried my face on her chest feeling the tears overwhelm me. Her arms wrapped around my frame instantly and she held onto me tightly.

"I know it's scary and that she looks bad when these episodes happen. It's difficult to keep a calm demeanor with this but I assure you Bo I'm going to cure our daughter." She firmly stated before I twisted slightly to look up at her face.

"Our daughter." I repeated as the though really sunk in that Lauren meant what she said.

"Yes Bo, as I said she's just as mine as she is yours." The small smile that adorned her face made me want to reach up and close the gap between us. Her lips looked so enticing.

I quickly buried my face against her neck once more feeling the heat in my cheeks. She chuckled and thankfully assumed I had grown embarrassed over our conversation. I wasn't stupid and understood what Dr. Marquise was implying at times but now was not the time to think of Lauren in such ways. I was happy in her arms, safe and protected as the Doctor had noted.

"I don't want to be here by myself." I whispered knowing that I would not be able to go to the bathroom now even if I wanted to.

She pulled away from me and gave me a small smile while wiping my tears away. I smiled back and looked down trying to calm my racing heart. When Lauren looked at me like this it made me feel things I wasn't ready for. I might never be. My love has concrete feet. My love's an iron ball…

"I wanted to see if you'd like to stay with us for a bit. Maybe until Ryan and Kenzie come back and then you can decide what to do." She offered and I thought about it "I just thought you'd like to be as close to Fleur as possible."

"I do, but I don't want you to be uncomfortable." I whispered knowing someone like Lauren would never be able to want someone as broken as I was.

"I wouldn't. It would be my pleasure to have you in our house. Last night your company put me at ease and helped me concentrate on answers today. I mean that." She insisted and I looked up at her awed.

"I helped you?" I was astonished.

"Yes silly. You're not the only one that needs comfort. Fleur now has two moms as far as I'm concerned and I believe we can benefit from one another." I opened my mouth to protest but she stopped me immediately. "I know you have your demons you're working through and I respect that, that doesn't mean you're useless."

I nodded not knowing what to say. Such compliments were lost to me before outside of a work environment. I wasn't fully aware of how to properly respond so I stayed quiet and pondered on what Lauren was offering me. She was opening the doors to her home to me.

"I stayed behind so we could grab your stuff if you decided to agree." She prompted and I smiled.

"I'd love to stay with you guys. Thank you for opening the doors of your home." I mumbled as I nodded and she smiled.

"We'll pack the essentials, clothes for today and maybe the laptop and the gaming console. The rest I'll have front desk deliver to my house." She suggested and I nodded grabbing a small backpack and getting to work.

She started unplugging the game and packing it in its suitcase while eyeing the laptop. I finished grabbing my clothes and walked to the bathroom to grab my toiletries. I felt my chest tighten as I looked around almost reliving Fleur's episode in the bathroom. I was anxious and gripped the marble trying to shake the memories of the event. I opened the tap and splashed water on my face to help a bit. I wanted to go out and run hugging Lauren tightly. I was getting scared of how calm she made me even though I was conflicted about all that she entailed.

I was scared of what I was doing, these feelings I felt for Lauren were so foreign to me, and I didn't want to risk things with Fleur. I couldn't jeopardise being with Fleur so whatever this was for Lauren. I had to be an adult here and just push those feelings aside. I needed to step up and earn that mother name Lauren had just donned on me. I knew I hadn't been the best one yet, but I could change all that given the chance.

I took deep breaths calming myself and then set to push through my task. When I finished packing up I came out to find Lauren with my console case and the laptop pack on her. She gave me a small smile before I returned it.

"I already called front desk and set up for the delivery. If there's anything else you need just tell me and I'll make it happen." She assured me and my smile grew at her generosity.

"I'm good, I really don't need much. I was wondering if there's a park or a gym near your place."

"There's a gym in our basement, I'm amused Fleur didn't tell you." Lauren admitted with a smile and I chuckled.

"Well, that's perfect then."

"Ready to go?" she asked and I nodded walking over to her.

I stumbled over the carpet and she held out her hand to steady me. I grabbed it with my own and she gave me a look to make sure I was ok. I blushed embarrassed and she gave me a soft smile. This woman was going to make my heart fail one day if she kept smiling at me like that. She walked the rest of the way with my hand in hers and it felt so anchoring that I left it there.

We loaded everything in the car as Lauren's phone rung. I heard her talk quickly outside of the driver's door as I put my seatbelt on. I frowned hoping it wasn't anything serious with Fleur and wrung my hands nervously. When Lauren got inside again she gave me a glance before she turned the car on.

"So Tamsin has everything straightened out at the lab just waiting on me. Fleur just woke up feeling, and I quote "like the world is happy and in slow motion" and Tamsin says she can't stop smiling so I'm going to take that as a good thing" she laughed as it made me laugh as well.

"Are we going straight there?" I asked wanting nothing but to get Lauren in that lab so she could finish fixing Fleur.

"If you want. I could drop you off at the house if you'd like." She offered gently and I shook my head vehemently.

"I'd rather go to the lab with you if that's ok. I'll stay out of the way and work on my report of today's game, I gotta make my deadline." I admitted looking anxiously at the clock knowing I didn't have much time.

"That's 100% alright with me, I know it'll make Fleur much happier to see you there." She admitted and I smiled.

The rest of the car ride we spent in silence with our thoughts. Things had gotten pretty hectic, really fast. I was still trying to process all of it and it was a bit problematic. I let out a huge frustrated sigh and before I knew it Lauren's comforting hand was on top of mine. She didn't deviate her eyes from the road but she knew I needed to steady myself somehow.

I closed my eyes leaning my head back as a song I liked came on the radio. I had half a mind to call Kenzie and Ryan, I missed them and felt selfish but I needed them here. I knew they were on their way so it would be a moot point to contact them but still I craved their presence. Even though I had found new refuge in Lauren and Fleur I still depended on my two best friends a lot for my recovery.

It was funny how it had all come to be. I had hated Ryan in the beginning with a passion. He had come off as the spoiled brat when he was younger and I had heard stories of the man from before Kenzie started college.

They met when she was a teenager working at a tailor shop. She had wanted to get into fashion but had to save enough money to do so, hence why she kept the daytime job. One day this young guy came in and spoke to the owner pointing around to all the suits. Kenzie couldn't hear the conversation so she went back to work. After a while she heard the door's bell and assumed the young man was gone. She looked up to ask her boss what that was all about but instead Ryan stood there letting her know he had bought the business and she was now 'free'.

It took Kenzie a bit of explaining so he could understand she had no source of income and that now she was doomed. From then on, though, Ryan paid Kenzie handsomely to be his stylist whenever he had a whim. It was great since she could still pay for college and I met her, but that was also the time when Ryan just went nuts in the world and ended up buying everything under the sun including a historical concert hall in Paris. It wasn't after his rehabilitation that he sent Kenzie a message looking for a home that we ended up rooming together. The rest, as they say, is history.

I snapped out of my thoughts as we pulled into the lab's parking lot. I was nervous and wanted nothing more than run in there and see Fleur, but I also was scared that things had only gotten worse. I couldn't help but let my mind jump into negative spaces when under duress like this. I hoped that for as much of my sake, but also Lauren's they could solve the puzzle of Fleur's illness.

I could see that Lauren hadn't even thought of the harsh possibility of her not being able to cure or treat Fleur. She had said she had pretty strong indications of how to solve this thing, but life was so unpredictable that nobody had that guarantee, not even her. I had already been too aware of the fact that she hadn't been sleeping or functioning well since Fleur got sick.

It wasn't as if I would escape unscathed from the worst case scenario. I knew deep down in my heart I would probably be in the darkest hole of all, but Lauren worried me. The fact that it wasn't even a possibility with her made me think that if it came down to that she wouldn't be able to recover.

I decided that I would wait until tonight to talk to her about these things. If she was going to be there and support me, then I would try my best to do the same while she needed me. It hurt to think about but if Fleur didn't get better I had no idea if Lauren would still be this eager to help me recover. I would be torture for her with how much Fleur and I looked alike for sure. I felt a gentle squeeze on my hand and realized with a soft happy sigh that Lauren's hand was still on my own. I looked up to meet her eyes and she gave me a reassuring smile.

"Where'd you go off to?" she asked and I shook my head gently.

"Thinking of all the things." I mused and she nodded.

"Grab what you need, you can use my desk for your work. I have to get my hands right in there and get our girl better." She smiled and my heart ached hoping that Lauren was right and she had the answer within her grasp.

Fleur had been sedated when I came in so I didn't want to see her. I wasn't cruel or anything, I just didn't feel like I had the strength to see her in that state yet. The memory of her episode was still fresh and raw in my mind and I didn't want to add insult to injury.

As Lauren donned her white lab coat looking all professional and serious she led me to her desk which was in a corner of the lab. I could, from here, see where they had Fleur behind a curtain as several nurses worked on her diligently. Lauren softly caught my attention and pulled my eyes to her own as she gave me a sympathetic smile.

"I know it looks bad, but she's just sedated so she doesn't hurt herself with another seizure. We'll be keeping her here at night, I have a team working on her around the clock now to make her feel comfortable." She explained and I nodded unloading my laptop and other items onto Lauren's pristine desk.

"I… how do you do it? I mean, she looks sick and it's affecting me harshly. I've only known her for a few days, you've loved her almost her whole life… how do you not breakdown?" I asked gently genuinely wanting to know.

She pondered my words for a while and I saw as she took a longing glance towards the area where Fleur was with a pained expression. I didn't want to torment her, I just wanted help. I had a lot of feelings for this young kid that I didn't know how to handle now that she was in distress.

"I cry a lot at night when I go to bed." She admitted finally before continuing. "I just keep telling myself I have to keep working to make her better. Focusing on a task takes me away from the emotional part of it."

After a small hesitation she looked me in the eye and her voice shook a bit.

"I'm not a robot though, I still feel deep pain for Fleur to be in this state… I just mask it better than most I guess." She whispered in a sad tone and then without further elaboration she left to work on our daughter. Our daughter. It still sounded so foreign to me.

I pulled out my tools, set up the wi-fi and got to work writing my piece. If I wasn't quick enough I'd miss my deadline. I knew I could call work and explain that I had an emergency situation, but instead I let the pressure of work take me away for a few hours. Like Lauren had suggested, the completion of a task helped me immensely to keep my head from wondering to dark places. Before I knew it hours had passed and my article had been revised and published online getting a few comments already. I sighed and looked up noticing they were still going at it in full force.

I took this time to google the facility we were in and once I had an address I googled the nearest Chinese restaurant and got us some dinner for all of us and the staff. As I waited for it to be delivered, undoubtedly to the front desk, I struggled with my emotions in regards to the situation. I felt like I needed an outlet to voice my feelings, so in a second I opened another 'word' document and my fingers flew across the keyboard. I wanted to put down everything that I was feeling, for myself, for Fleur, for Lauren, for the whole situation and the surprise that I had a daughter after 10 years. I must've been really caught up in my own thoughts because before I knew it I heard a clearing of a throat in front of me.

I looked up to see Lauren with a bashful smile as she handed me a bottle of water. She pointed to where everyone had gathered to pile their plates and eat. Tamsin looked like she was about to rip a nurse's head off for an eggroll and I laughed wholeheartedly. I saw as Lauren put a plate down in front of me with a pair of chopsticks and pulled a chair to sit beside me. She was so close that our shoulders almost brushed together and I realized that even as I was struggling with my sex addiction, this woman still sought human comfort as another normal individual.

"Thanks for this Bo, you didn't have to." She whispered with a fond smile pointing at her plate and I gave her a small smirk.

"I wanted to, you are all working so hard on Fleur. Besides, we never got to eat dinner together." I admitted and she frowned.

I tried to desperately change the subject and perhaps give her a 10 minute break from the chaos of curing your own child.

"I don't know how to use these things." I mentioned with a giggle and she smiled amusedly.

"Oh! Well there's no problem, I can teach you how right away." She chuckled cutely.

She showed me the motions and positions as she explained her actions.

"Allow the chopstick to lay on your ring finger. Wrap the top portion of your middle finger around the chopstick. Place your thumb onto the chopstick to give it added support." She showed me how and corrected my grip with a playful smile.

I could possibly listen to her talk this way for hours. It was kind of nerdy and matter-of-factedly but cute and endearing at the same time. You could tell she liked teaching and that she was good at it. I could see as she nodded once I held it correctly and only then she continued.

"The second chopstick should be placed between the thumb and forefinger or pointer finger… yeah that's good Bo." She admired as I did it correctly.

"Now as you keep the bottom chopstick firmly in place, begin pushing down with your forefinger to have the chopstick move downwards. This is how you will clamp down on food. To move the chopstick back up, relax your forefinger." She helped me out gently and I couldn't stop myself from letting out a soft sigh.

"Now grab some food and you're all set to go!" she mentioned and I smiled.

We ate and joked a bit about how bad I was at this chopsticks thing. I sighed and realized that Lauren was more relaxed the more we bantered. I was glad I was able to provide this escape for her. It was something I didn't think I could ever offer anyone.

"Everyone's going to start leaving soon but the nurses on duty. I will take us home soon. Fleur needs to stay here, it's the best for her. I feel selfish about going home but Tamsin insisted." Lauren looked down again and I frowned.

"Well, she's right, you have to go home and rest in order to come back tomorrow refreshed and ready to crack this." I believed that.

"Thank you Bo." She sighed looking into my eyes before flashing me a small smile. "Be ready in 20?"

"That works." I nodded and with that she went back at it.

As I gathered my belongings I started to think about how much I hated leaving Fleur here. I could understand the guilt that she was feeling perfectly but I kept telling myself that I had not lied previously and had actually meant what I said. Lauren could only do her best on a rested mind. I looked over and scanned the blonde, hoping that she could crack this sooner rather than later. Not only for Fleur's sake but for her self."


	9. Chapter 9

**You can read this or Cosmic Love first, I personally would start Cosmic Love in this particular set of chapters, but it's up to you guys. Either way it'll work! Thanks for the lovely reviews and enjoy!**

 **PLEASE: Remember this is a parallel story with 'Cosmic Love' which is from Lauren's POV. Make sure you check that one out too.**

 **Cheers eh!**

 **Disclaimer: As always characters belonging to Lost Girl are not mine but the storyline and settings are. All intellectual property belongs to their authors.**

 **Heavy In Your Arms**

 **Chapter 09:**

I stepped out of the vehicle, my heels hitting the pavement with graveness. I was hollow and exhausted. I crossed the threshold to the small holding area and saw Lauren sitting to a side in front of a small wooden casket. I whimpered as I realized why I was here again and I felt the tears roll down my cheeks. I looked over to Lauren as I passed on my way to the casket. She flinched and cowered away from me as she did most of the time now since… since…

I looked over to the casket and realized I had to face reality. I had to come to terms that despite Lauren's best efforts, my daughter was now gone. I cried bitterly at the fact and I felt myself slip into darkness slowly but surely. As I walked the remaining steps towards the box- -

I sat up straight sweat on my forehead matting my hair from the horrible nightmare I had just had. I snapped my head towards the door quickly as I threw the covers off me as my feet hit the floor with force and I ran. Lauren was screaming at the top of her lungs, it was a blood curling scream that was filled with desperation. I ran down the hall and came into her room with a start. I realized she was still deep into this night terror and knew I had to wake her up.

"Lauren, Lauren!" I called and shook her a bit but there was no response, her eyes were far away in her dream still and she was still screaming in horror.

Her eyes

"Lauren! Lauren it's alright now."

Her eyes then focused on mine as she struggled to listen to what I was saying. I shook with a shudder as I realized I had once been in the same position opposite Lauren. I felt her breathe with relief as I saw recognition pass through her eyes. She looked so scared and broken it was painful. I wrapped my arms around her strongly, pulling her against me tightly as she gasped a few times and started crying.

I felt her pull me towards the bed in desperation. I froze as my head went into a slight panic, yet from one glance at her tear stained face I realized there was nothing sexual about this encounter. She seemed to have had the worst nightmare in history by how I could feel her chest heaving with laboured breath. She was soaked in sweat and I wanted nothing but to alleviate her discomfort.

I pulled back and she looked so sad and dejected that I couldn't stand it. I repositioned myself laying against the headboard and pulled her into my arms once more. I wanted her to feel safe like she did for me and I wasn't sure if I was the person she wanted here but here I was. She needed to have a clear peaceful mind if she was to save Fleur and prevent my own nightmare to happen.

I hadn't missed my own dream, it was too real and raw for me to give it a thought. I had silently been grateful for the distraction but now I had let my mind wonder as I held Lauren and she cried in my arms. I tightened my hold on her and whispered soothing phrases in her ear. I didn't want her to feel alone… I didn't want to feel alone and therefore I saw this as a win-win in a way.

It felt as if she wasn't just crying for her nightmare but maybe making up for so many times she was strong and didn't cry. I could feel her sorrow and pain as it wreaked havoc in her mind and it stumped me with the realization that I never wanted Lauren feeling as dark as I sometimes got. I never wanted Lauren or Fleur to feel that pain, sorrow and emptiness. It wasn't good for anyone but if I could help it, it wouldn't be them in the dark hole I called friend.

After a while I didn't feel Lauren crying silently anymore like she had done for a long time. I imagined she was letting go for the first time in a long time. I was grateful she had been this vulnerable with me, it made me feel strong and capable of bringing her comfort. I wished it hadn't come to this, but it did, and now I felt like perhaps I could bring that peace this woman needed so desperately.

I, in no way was ready for a relationship or anything of the like, not that I felt Lauren would ever see me in such a way. On the contrary, unlike Evony, I thought that I never wanted to be in a relationship ever again. A relationship was what had led me to give up Fleur in the first place. I felt torn, because I regretted not being stronger to be sober and keep her but on the other hand I would've never met Lauren and she wouldn't have known the happiness she did being Fleur's mother. As I held the blonde making sure her breathing was steady I sighed and carefully kissed the top of her head. Ready or not I knew I was feeling things for Lauren I had never imagined I would ever be able to feel. I felt my eyelids grow heavy and with one last glance at the beauty atop me I yawned slowly before falling asleep as well.

I was woken up by an alarm going off next to my ear. I stretched and shut it off as I pulled the nice warmth towards me once more. With a start I realized that it was soft and sturdy and I jolted awake noticing Lauren was pressed against me fuzzing about to wake up. She felt so warm and soft and gentle in my arms but I couldn't ponder much on that in case she wasn't comfortable. I dropped my hands in a quick movement and held still. I tried not to tense so she would know I was ok. Last night had been one thing but waking up with someone wasn't my forte. This was the second time I woke to Lauren, if I was being honest I found myself not minding that fact.

She stirred carefully and her eyes looked up at me as a small blush rushed to her cheeks. Her blonde hair was slightly messy but the way her eyes fluttered still heavy with sleep was the most adorable thing I had ever seen. My heart raced as I looked into her eyes a small smile playing with my lips. She pushed off me with a slight chuckle and I could tell she was embarrassed.

"It's ok. You had a bad dream… so did I. I needed that too." I confessed and her eyes landed on mine with what looked to be relief.

"Thank you Bo. Really… it meant a lot…" she trailed off in a quiet tone and I nodded. "I'm going to take a shower and get ready for my day you're welcome to spend a few more minutes in bed."

I smiled, partially because ironically, I had never heard that sentence in a non-sexual manner. I liked this though, it was new and exciting and I didn't know how to feel. As with most things I was conflicted because our daughter was sick and needed help, but I felt really good with Lauren. It made me feel guilty all of the sudden and I frowned as negative thoughts started spiraling in my head slowly.

 _ **Selfish bitch, you never change.**_

"Bo." I looked up to see Lauren standing over me as she touched my cheek. "Don't… don't think about that. Whatever that was, I don't want you thinking it."

I frowned and looked down thinking _It's not that easy._

"I'll try." I whispered in a low voice.

"I'm here if you ever need to talk. I know I'm no therapist and I'm not perfect either, but I'll listen with no judgement. I promise." She advised and I nodded.

"I don't want to talk about this though… not yet. **I know** I'm being irrational and when it's like this I can manage." I admitted nodding my head before swinging my legs over the bed.

"Second door to the left between the bedroom you were staying in and Fleur's. That's the basement gym door." She suggested and I gave her a smile.

"Thank you." I nodded and got up as she grabbed a few items of clothing and a small speaker.

"Fell free to use anything, eat anything, and treat it as your home as well please." She insisted and I chuckled.

"Alright… but afterwards, I'd like to have breakfast with you please." I insisted boldly, matter-of-fact was I wanted to get to know Lauren more and be there for her.

I saw a beautiful smile cross her lips and she nodded softly as she looked at the now crumpled clothes in her hand.

"Sounds good, I'll cook us something up if I'm out first." She offered and I nodded.

Lauren gave me one last smile and turned to shower. I smiled and went to the room I had stayed at part of the night. It was the guest room and I had most of my stuff set up here slightly. Dyson had been a real doll and had kind of set me up with my gaming console in the LED on the wall and had put most of my suitcases in strategic places. I had decided I liked the guy and he seemed genuinely worried about Fleur. Both he and Tamsin seemed to be very close with the ladies and even though Tamsin seemed like a hardass at first she had been crunching down for Fleur.

I grabbed my pink small ipod after quickly getting changed into some workout clothes. After my running shoes were on I made my way downstairs. I was pleasantly surprised to see that Lauren had a small gym down here with a treadmill, stationary bike, elliptical and quite a few sets of weights. I looked to the corner and smiled seeing a punching bag. There was a big empty space with a net at the end and I could see puck marks all over. Fleur was going places, I knew Lauren could do it, in the short time we had spent together I had truly seen how smart she was.

I looked around and didn't see the harm in taking my shirt off and working out in my sports bra. It was probably a bad habit but I liked the feeling of the cold air on my warm skin. I warmed up quickly and before I knew it I felt the adrenaline run through me as I started my circuit. I slowly fell into a great rhythm and I noticed that for the first time I felt good working out, I felt clear and not like I was running from something.

I now realized that yes there was a lot going on with Fleur being sick and that was intense as it was but if last night proved me anything it was that Lauren needed someone there for her. Now I knew I wasn't stable myself, hell I had a therapist to see every two days except for work trips… and even then… but I knew from last night that I could be strong for Lauren. I could be her friend and provide that support she needed. It was the least I could do, this woman had raised my child to be an incredible little human.

I remembered yesterday at the ball park Fleur had just caught the foul ball and she was beaming at me excitedly. After we watched the game for a bit enthralled in what was happening I tweeted a few reports and stats to meet my quota. She looked up at me and smiled and confessed how happy she was that I had given her a second chance. I had been upset at first and tried to explain how I was the one who had gotten the second chance. After a while she held my hand and quietly but happily stated we were both lucky and we were both happy and that's what mattered. It all seemed like a lifetime ago with how her health had deteriorated so quickly.

Lauren had taken that little girl from my womb and turned her into a decent human being, with a good shot at life. I knew Fleur was going places and as I looked over to her hockey marks I convinced myself that I would be there for her every step of the way from now on. With the decision made I finished my workout and took a deep breath feeling much better.

As soon as I came up the stairs the smell of eggs and bacon had hit me and I smiled widely feeling the hunger strike me. I was craving all the proteins since I had burned so many calories. I still had my earbuds in when I walked into the kitchen. I stared as Lauren danced and sang to whatever she was listening to as she flipped some eggs. I walked towards the fridge, taking Lauren's advice to heart and was pleasantly surprised to see some sports drinks in there. I grabbed one and turned to Lauren who was eyeing me with an amused smile. I returned it raising an eyebrow and removed my earbud to find she was listening to that classical dubstep again.

"What?" I inquired jovially and her eyes shone with mischief.

"It's hot in here" she mentioned and then she looked down at her eggs. I didn't miss how she bit the bottom of her lip and I swallowed hard.

"You're in front of a stove" I noted with a smirk and she rolled her eyes pointing to me with her spatula.

" _You're_ hot." She smiled and my eyes grew wide not knowing what to say. "I mean… why else would you be in the kitchen with no shirt on?"

I could hear the tease in her voice and it made me feel happy and playful. What was that? How come I felt so giddy? Was that flirting... no, I'd definitely know, right?

I blushed deeply realizing I had forgotten my shirt in the gym and I was very much in just my sports bra. I crossed my arms to cover slightly trying to play it cool.

"Have you ever kissed a girl?" I blurted out and rolled my eyes as I palmed my forehead internally as I groaned.

Her laugh was loud and unguarded as she threw her head back and her hair shone in the sun. I hated my internal babble, yet her reaction made me smile and feel at ease.

"Is that an invitation Dennis?" she mused and I chuckled.

"It's a curiosity… conversation call it." I mustered trying to feel confident and roll with my blunder.

She laughed and looked at me adorably as she flipped the eggs. I raised a finger quickly and took the time to run to my room and throw on the first shirt I grabbed from my room. I ran back to the kitchen with a wide embarrassed smiled as Lauren looked over her shoulder and turned off the stove serving the eggs.

"You didn't have to change… I mean, I said make yourself at home." She hinted and I laughed.

"Well Ryan had this weird thing that we all have to wear a shirt at the table." I admitted and it was true. "And are you bailing on the question Doctor?"

The way she chuckled and looked at the ceiling embarrassedly was adorable.

"So… I take it there have been non-shirt days at the table to begin with?" she playfully asked motioning me to the table which was set with bacon, homefries, eggs and toast. "And before you ask again. Yes, plenty in fact."

She winked at me and I laughed taking a seat.

"Wow Lauren!" I smiled as she gave me a proud smile.

"What can I say? Ladies tend to like the smarts." She chuckled and I nodded.

"I'll have to crack a book or two." I pondered and she shook her head.

"See… there's different kinds of smarts. There's book smarts, academic smarts, test smarts… those things I'm good at. You on the other hand if you're anything like Fleur, and I suspect you are, then you're street smart, you can get around in the world, you're sociable which is why you're in the media, you're very knowledgeable with numbers and statistics which I personally don't excel at." She countered and I shook my head to bring me back to earth.

The way she spoke entranced me, it was so intelligent and confident I trusted every word even if I wasn't hearing it. I smiled slowly at her before I could make a fool out of myself again by answering something stupid like _'have you ever kissed a girl'_. Geez, what was next? _You're really hot?_ I motioned to the food and exaggerated a smile.

"So much stuff!" I admitted and she chuckled.

"When you have a kid who can eat like Fleur can, you learn to cook fast and in big amounts. You're probably a big eater too, I'd bet 50% on it." Her eyes shone and I felt good to be having this light handed conversation about our girl.

"I think the apple doesn't fall far from the tree on that one." I mentioned laughing as we filled our plates.

We ate in silence besides the compliments I gave Lauren over and over for the food. It was amazing and if this was breakfast, I could get spoiled. She laughed as I insisted she needed to get out of the lab and put up a restaurant. As we finished up and I sat back sipping on my coffee satisfied I noticed Lauren's eyes meeting my own. She looked beautiful in her dark jeans and black long sleeve. Her hair was straightened and down and her eyes stood out that much more.

"You know Bo… thank you for last night." She whispered as she blushed "I really appreciate your company and comfort."

I smiled as I looked down at my coffee feeling useful and strong again.

"You're welcome Lauren. Just like you offered earlier I am here if you ever need to talk, or cry, or be held, or whatever." I explained truthfully.

She nodded her head gently and a small smile grew on her lips.

"Thanks, means a lot that you offered."

"It's the least I can do, you've taken care of me twice now." I reminded her and she looked confused.

"The blizzard was the one time…"

"…And when you helped Ryan and Kenzie with my relapse." I admitted nodding my head.

We hadn't talked about this. Even though we had skimmed through things this was something we hadn't brought up. I wanted to speak about it, I needed closure from the incident, from not knowing. I wanted her to know I was fragile yet not made of glass and I was trying to build a thicker skin. As much as I enjoyed holding her through the night, the physical contact had been hard for me to get to at first.

In reality I was scared, it was irrational so I knew how to deal with it but it didn't make it any less present in my mind. I was scared any contact with Lauren would send me into another relapse, another binge, another spiral. However as the night progressed and I internalized my feelings I saw that the need to be numb was not there. Yes I was scared and anxious for Fleur, yet the need for that haze was not the driving force behind my thoughts or actions.

"You know… I didn't know if you wanted to talk about that or not." She spoke gently, our previous bantering mood now gone.

"I just, I don't remember much if any of it and I don't know if it was… ugh I don't even know what I'm trying to say here." I struggled gathering my thoughts as a soft smile reached her lips.

"Bo… you were fighting Kenzie and Ryan the whole way, you had almost thrown yourself out of the truck three or four times, yet when you got to me you stood so still as if you couldn't believe I was there."

I remembered her face clear as day as clear as I saw her face now. I had dreamt about her like that numerous nights throughout my recovery. She had been categorized in my mind somehow as a saviour of sorts from all that darkness. After all, it was after such low that I was able to move forwards. I looked up as my lip quivered slightly and I shook my head.

"What is it?" she whispered and I felt such need to tell her that I couldn't help myself.

"I hurt my friends very deep." I lamented.

"Your friends care for you very much Bo, they understand you weren't in your right mind." She tried and I shook my head once more.

"I… I broke Kenzie's heart and… oh God." I trembled as I tried to hold myself back from crying. "I almost raped Ryan and I don't know how to live myself with that."

It felt so strange being so open and personal with Lauren. It had come suddenly and unguarded and I feared I had said too much. Now, though, it was all in the open for her to see. My demons just got darker and deeper with every step and that wasn't even scratching the surface. I waited for the backlash as she shook her head.

"You know…" she started slowly yet firmly. "People often don't realize how fragile yet sturdy a human being is. When something they feel they can't overcome comes their way they shatter and fracture and become many broken pieces and sometimes there's no putting them back together. However, when there's something to fight for, something to overcome these obstacles for it's amazing how a human can just grit their teeth and bare it. I'm of the firm belief that you are amongst the latter. There are things you've done in the past that I **know** you'll overcome."

"How come… why do you have so much faith in me? I mean, I get it, I gave you a kid… but let's be honest here it's not the most ideal situation." I could only feel to describe what I was feeling as grey.

It was a zone with the darkness threatening to pull me in and Lauren's light trying to anchor me out. She took a deep sigh and leaned over the table getting as close as she could to me without leaving her seat. She looked at me levelly in the eye and spoke firmly again.

"You held me when I crumbled, even though you could've just turned around and left me with my demons."

"You give me too much credit." I started but she shook her head.

"You don't understand Bo. Because of how things have gone everyone is focused on Fleur and I'm going to sound selfish but nobody had taken the time to ask me how I felt. Last night was the one real meal I've sat down and eaten in the last two weeks and it was because you made sure I ate. I sleeping two nights in a row was thanks to you making sure I got some rest." She looked down at my hand as if she wanted to touch it but I pulled back I was reeling from her words.

"I can see you have a very big heart and those are the basic values which I raised our daughter with. I have faith in you because I feel that you can do great things… just like I feel I can cure our daughter. One goes with the other, if I lose faith of one the other will inevitably fail." She explainer further and I nodded completely understanding.

My cell phone rung somewhere in the house making me snap out of my thoughts. I excused myself and went off to my room to answer knowing that it could be work. When I found it on my bedside table I quickly picked up realizing it was Ryan.

"Hey beautiful! How's your part of Toronto?" he asked and I smiled.

"It's alright… Are you guys here yet?" I asked hoping they were.

"Yup! We're dropping out stuff at the house. It should be another hour until we're free." He explained.

"House?" I was confused.

"We bought a house here nearby… I think…" he grumbled as Kenzie assured him it was.

"Wait what?"

"Fleur's sick, you got a job offer in TO so it was a no brainer. Your first session with Dr. Marquise is on Thursday, she relocated as well." He explained and I shook my head unbelieving.

"You're crazy Ryan, you can't throw money at everything!" I laughed relief washing over me that this was happening. Something positive in spite of everything else.

"This was one thing I COULD so I did!" he boasted and I laughed louder.

"So I'll see you guys in around an hour? I'll text you the address of where Lauren lives." I was happy now.

"Sounds good. Your room is a mess by the way." He chuckled and after a few goodbyes we hung up.

I had a smile when I came back to the kitchen. Lauren was tidying up and I came up behind her to help. I took the washcloth from her and nudged her so I could finish the dishes. She gave me a curious look and let me as she dried.

"I'm sorry it got real heavy earlier. It's just… it's how it goes with me. I can be having a super amazing time like earlier and then bam I get hit with this like megastorm of bad." I tried to explain as she shook her head.

"I understand, I don't mind talking things out with you Bo. I'd rather talk things out with you than not. Silence scares me because I can't figure it out but dialogue gives me something to work with." She explained and I nodded making note.

"What you said earlier… Sometimes I feel… like once upon a time I was whole. It was so long ago that I do not remember how it's supposed to feel like or if I even imagined it. Something along the way happened and I shattered in a million pieces… And I feel… I feel like along the way I've recovered all the slivers and shreds but I'm sitting here with glue and tape with no idea how to put it all back together." I tried to keep my tone light to not let the conversation get dark like earlier.

Thing was I wanted to get close to Lauren and from the no-shirt incident earlier I could tell she was not opposed to that. Last night had showed me I could handle Lauren's darkness because in some strange way it gave me strength. I could also see that Lauren's actions of presence was not a trigger, I would not lose my sobriety and last time was perhaps being caught off guard from all angles. I couldn't deny I was attracted to Lauren in the way that Dr. Marquise had suggested and as much as it pained me to give her kudos I had to.

I was terrified to put myself out there, more importantly with someone who held so much of me in her hands. If I dared to ever take a plunge and be with Lauren, how would I know things going sour wouldn't affect me seeing Fleur? The blonde didn't seem the type, yet I couldn't discard the thought without a second look. I had decided that cautiously I would talk to her openly and see what I got in return.

"I know what you mean ironically." Lauren finally spoke up catching my attention. "I… when I was young, even before I remember my parents died in a car crash. They didn't have families of their own, being only children to only children made the matter of my custody difficult." She admitted and I frowned as we finished the dishes.

She leaned against the counter as I let my curiosity get the best of me "Did you end up in the system?"

"No. I was lucky enough that my parent's lawyer didn't want me to grow in the system. I don't know if what he did was much better than the system but by the time I was 17 I had college level comprehension with no social skills whatsoever. I had a really hard time adjusting to society and the way things got done. For a long time I felt like you just described." She admitted with a far-away look in her face.

"How did you get rid of it?" I asked hopeful.

She turned and gave me a gorgeous smile that warmed every fiber of my being. I felt my breathing stop as I stared into her eyes small like half slivers from her smile.

"I adopted Fleur. She became my family, someone who would need me and love me for my whole life." Her words trailed in a whisper and I knew she was doubting herself, I remembered what she had said and added quickly.

"Just like she will see me stay sober." It was the first time I admitted such a thing with such conviction. It was as if I actually believed I could do it.

"I decided to take the job here in Toronto." I admitted breaking the silence that had befallen us and she smiled widely.

"That's great! I'm really happy for you Bo." She congratulated me.

"Apparently Ryan and Kenzie bought a house around here so we're neighbors now." I chuckled and her eyes grew wide in surprise.

"Really?" she pondered and I nodded.

"That's what they said. Apparently a no brainer since I now work here and Fleur is sick." I nodded agreeing.

"You guys just up and left your life in Ottawa for Fleur..." she whispered and I nodded.

"Fleur is one of the most important things in my life right now Lauren. Like you said I loved her from the beginning, and after what happened in the hotel, this is a second chance. You've made this possible and pushed me to be stable before this happened and I thank you for that. You're important to me too now, we'll handle Fleur's illness together." I admitted.

She looked down and big fat tears rolled down her face. I rushed to her side and wiped her tears with my thumbs not wanting her to feel sad. She gave me a radiant smile looking into my eyes as I felt my breath catch in my throat. I felt my heart hammer and my throat go dry as our eyes connected. I wanted nothing but to close this gap between us. I could hear Evony's words in my head telling me this was normal, I was normal for wanting this, for wanting her. I suddenly remembered a very different scenario between her and I which had now seemed like ages ago. I was now determined to make that last dark memory into a new one; a beautiful one with my blank canvas of a day. I returned her smile as I leaned closer, barely and inch between us as I saw her swallow hard and I smiled biting my lip.

"I want you to kiss me now Lauren Lewis." I whispered almost breathlessly.

Before I knew it I had leaned forward and our lips connected as my hands gently held her face in my hands. More accurately it would be described as how our lips crushed against one another because she met me half way eagerly. I felt her melt underneath my kiss and it encouraged me to pull her closer as she wrapped her arms around me. Her lips were soft and smooth as she massaged them against mine and my eyes closed on their own accord as a happy sigh left my being.

All my senses were heightened and I felt myself tingle under her touch, it was exciting and I could feel her heart hammer as I squeezed her. Her tongue ran between my lips and I pulled back biting my bottom lip with a smile as I looked at her under heavy lids. She looked dazed and then worried as she met my eyes. I shook my head wanting to disperse her worries and smiled.

"I'm just not ready for that yet… I don't want to fall into old habits… you're my daughter's mother after all." I joked lightly and she chuckled.

"I'm your baby momma." She joked as well and I laughed wholeheartedly as I squeezed her again.

"Technically I'm your baby momma, but tomato tomahto." I smiled and she rolled her eyes.

"You and Fleur are so silly sometimes." I melted at the thought of Fleur having some of my quirks and I suddenly wanted to get to know all of them.

She pulled away from me giving me a bashful look under heavy lashes. She let out a big sigh as she looked at her watch and looked back at me again.

"I… I really liked that Bo." She confessed with a smile touching her lips. "I don't care if it was a one-time thing… I just wanted you to know, I **really** liked that.

"I did too." I admitted with a smile. "I just need to take things slow."

"So there are going to be things that are going to be meant to be taken slow?" she teased with a smile as I chuckled.

"I'd like that." I nodded.

"I would too." She bit her bottom lip once more and looked up to meet my eyes.

"This is all new to me though, I have no idea how it'll go and sometimes I might need space and…" this was beginning to sound like a bad idea now.

"It's alright Bo. I'm patient and I can wait for us to do or not do things at your pace." She calmed me with a chuckle as she pulled my chin up to meet her eyes.

"Promise me nothing will come between us and Fleur." I suddenly realized the terrifying position I had gotten myself into. "I will **never** give her up again."

"And I will never ask you to no matter what happens." She admitted. "The only way you'll ever lose Fleur is if you go back to your old ways and I think you have no plans of that."

I nodded and she nodded along with me cradling my face in her hands. This was so new and odd to me. I had never felt so at ease with someone I knew so little of. I knew Lauren and I were sharing some sort of intimacy, but it wasn't like sex or any time alone I had spent with anyone ever in my life. It was as if, despite of the short time together, Lauren could see into my soul and that terrified me. It terrified me but it also filled me with hope, that someone could look past my demons and actually see the real me.

"I'm going to kiss you again Bo unless you don't want me to." She warned playfully and I smiled shaking my head.

"I want you to." I nodded and her lips were on mine once more.

I was floating in cloud nine by the time Lauren pulled out of the driveway towards the lab. We had agreed for me to stay behind and meet up with Ryan and Kenzie since she was going to be occupied immensely at the lab. I set out to watch the recent sports news and get acquainted with the new regional sports teams I covered when I heard someone come through the garage. I thought Lauren had forgotten something but the other blonde stood by the door looking around. I took my glasses off giving her a look as she let out a sigh. She looked flushed and drunk?

"Wherrrreeeee izzz Lawrence?" she garbled as she walked towards me and I cringed at the smell of alcohol.

I gritted my teeth to control my flaring want and I took a few steps away from her my hands shaking now.

"She left for the lab. You're trashed Tamsin, you should go home." I suggested firmly not liking this interaction at all.

"I neeed to taaaalk to her. I knowwww she doesn't want to assskkk forrr Fleur'ss fatherrr butt sheee hass to." She jumbled and I felt my heart drop.

"What?" I whispered and then I heard Dyson step into the house.

"Hey Bo. Sorry I lost her, we live next door she crossed the yard after being in the lab for a few hours." He explained apologetically.

"Dyson, what do you know of Tamsin and Lauren's research?" I asked not missing a beat.

"I don't know anything." He admitted as he cradled a now sleeping Tamsin in his arms. "She never talks to me about things of the lab. It's always Jack Daniel's and Jose."

I could hear the pain in his voice as I realized Tamsin was struggling and if this wasn't taken care of she could end up like me.

"When you take her home put her in an ice bath. It'll shock her awake, she'll probably cry and curse you out. Listen to me Dyson, you need to grow some balls and toughen it out." He looked into my eyes nodding as he understood what I was silently saying here.

"She'll be uncomfortable but don't let her out for three days minimum and hide all the booze… better yet, toss it. GET RID OF IT." I advised thinking Tamsin was probably feisty. "Lots of water, about 100oz a day to get it flushed."

He stared into my eyes in panic, it was panic that I knew, that I had seen, that I had heard. It seemed he had been keeping this under wraps for a while and was ashamed. I shook my head and placed a hand on his shoulder. I was getting kind of good at this comforting thing. Look at me comforting someone who isn't Lauren!

"Dyson, it's ok. I would never EVER judge either of you. You guys have been angels to Lauren and Fleur and I would not tell them, it's just not my place to do so. However she can't work like this and you have work to do." His eyes shined with gratefulness as he took a deep sigh.

"Thank you Bo. Really… I'm glad Fleur has you… but I'm even gladder Lauren does. I haven't been a good friend lately, as you can see my hands have been full for a long time." He confessed and I nodded choked up a bit.

"Go home, read up, follow the instructions and hand cuff her if you have to. I'll go over after Ryan and Kenzie get here and bring Lauren home before she works herself to exhaustion." I shuddered knowing the blonde might try.

"We'll talk later?" he sounded hopeful.

"I'll get your number from Lauren and demand an update, k?" I promised and he smiled before leaving through the back door.

I waited anxiously for Ryan and Kenzie to arrive. I had given them the address and now I was trying to concentrate on work but I couldn't. I wish I had been thinking about the amazing kiss I had shared with the Doctor, but instead I was here mulling over Tamsin's words. I hoped beyond hope they were just a drunken rant because I couldn't possibly confront Fleur's father at any cost. I would not only crumble, but it would destroy me and blow me up to smithereens. Instead of thinking of the light in the present, I felt myself pushed heavily towards the darkness of my past.


	10. Chapter 10

**I'm sorry for the delay guys, I stabbed my finger at work and it proved very difficult to write around. I know it's taking a slow road this story, but that's the road to recovery for you. I'm loving your reviews so keep them coming!**

 **PLEASE: Remember this is a parallel story with 'Cosmic Love' which is from Lauren's POV. Make sure you check that one out too.**

 **Cheers eh!**

 **Disclaimer: As always characters belonging to Lost Girl are not mine but the storyline and settings are. All intellectual property belongs to their authors.**

 **Heavy in Your Arms**

 **Chapter 10:**

I had not had the heart to explain to Kenzie and Ryan how sick Fleur **really** was. I had decided that Lauren was right in this particular issue and would wait for her to be available to do it. I wasn't copping out with this even if it seemed like it, I would tell them, but it would be better if I had Lauren around to explain what exactly is going on with our girl.

Kenzie was in the bathroom as Ryan roamed around the house putting things here and there. They had picked me up at Lauren's… well picking up was not true, they had walked over. We literally lived on the street behind this one now. Ryan had bought the house directly behind Lauren's, if we wanted to all we had to do was jump the fence. He justified it by saying we were close but we had our own space and I liked that.

My room was spacious but bare, everything was in the middle of it with the bed propped against the wall. I liked the vibes in this place and pondered if we could set up a gym in the basement like Lauren had. I liked the balcony on my bedroom, Ryan had given me one of two Master's and Kenzie didn't complain about her small room. She liked small spaces and reminded me of a cat in most instances. As I lingered by her door I felt Ryan's hand on my shoulder and as I turned I gave him a soft smile. I was so glad he was finally having some sort of physical contact with me. Truth be told, after the incident his mind recovered before his body did which would subconsciously flinch at my touch or presence.

"Hey, can I show you something real quick?" his gentle voice drew me in and I nodded now curious.

"Sure." I smiled following him "This place is amazing, love the small loft in the attic" I offered and he smiled.

"Well, that's for you to go chill out and do whatever you do in there to keep yourself safe." He explained and I could already see myself turning it into a small safe haven. "I thought you might like that the window looks out to their house."

"I do." I nodded.

I had just noticed he had slowly led me back to my room, there was a door across from mine that had been locked. I had long ago learnt now to open locked doors when I lived with Ryan, you never knew WHY it was locked. He gave me a small smile and unlocked the door swinging it open eagerly.

"I hope you like it… I hope she does." He chuckled and I gasped in awe.

"Wow…" I opened my eyes in surprise taken aback by the gesture.

The two side walls were shades of grey with a bold red stripe in the middle. The other two walls were a solid red that matched the stripe with numerous quotes on it. The ceiling was black with millions of stars expertly painted on. There was a twin sized bed with colorful STAR WARS sheets and a small Chewbacca teddy in the middle. There was a small desk in the corner with a laptop and a bookshelf with a few scattered books and knick-knacks. There was shelving along the walls with a few collector's paraphernalia. On top of the bed mounted on the wall there was a blue lightsaber glowing.

"I think pink is overrated for little girls." He mentioned as I looked up with heavy emotion in my eyes.

"I love it, I think she'll love it immensely." I said remembering how much she had gushed about the movie while we were in the ballpark.

 _We had fallen into a comfortable silence as Fleur looked on towards the field. This was so new and foreign to me but it still felt_ _ **good**_ _and natural. Her eyes glowed as she turned to me with excitement and she fired off talking._

" _Hey, do you like movies?"_

" _I LOVE movies." I confessed with a slight chuckle. "I quote movies at the most random times."_

" _Me too!" her eyes shone once more._

" _What's your favourite movie?" I asked curiously now._

" _You first please." She suggested and I smiled at her cleverness._

" _Well… they're definitely too many to choose from. I love all kinds of movies and have watched many of them that have enamoured me…" I explained as I thought hard about it. "If I had to narrow it down though, I'd have to say Fifth Element, what about yours?"_

" _I love Star Wars as you may remember." She gave me a girly smile that melted my heart. "I prefer the release order instead of chronological and I absolutely adored Episode I, in spite of what other people think, I think it was an amazing story to see how Darth Vader came to be the most ruthless Sith Lord in the galaxy."_

 _I was impressed by her mind and I could totally see a lot of Lauren in how she spoke. It made me smile at the small little hand gestures that matched her mothers. I already loved this little girl; that was for certain._

" _I'm not sure about the galaxy but I sure know about ninjas. I'm an anime girl when it comes down to it." I half smirked as her face lit up._

" _My favourite is Full Metal Alchemist. Momma watches that with me 'cause she likes the science." She laughed and I made a mental note of this._

" _Have you ever watched Naruto?" I asked as she smiled and shook her head negative._

" _It's amazing! I'll have you watch it sometime for sure!" I offered as she grew even more excited at the promise._

I frowned at the memory as I held it close. My girl was sick and I didn't know what to do or if she'd be able to use this room. This room Ryan had made so lovingly for her. The thought brought me out of my misery and warmed my heart as I felt tears roll down my cheeks. Ryan and even Kenzie had been so warm and kind to Fleur since the beginning. I guess it took him aback because his expression turned to worry rapidly. I shook my head reassuringly wiping the tears that had fell away.

"Bo, don't cry." He whispered with a frown like a little boy as I let out a small laugh.

"It's ok Ry-Ry it's happy tears!" I explained with a bright smile. "I just think you and Kenzie really are too amazing to me. Thank you for loving my little girl as well."

"I see we've accepted the fact that you're a mother now." He smiled brightly at the progress.

"Lauren made me see that she's my daughter too. I loved her even in my womb and giving her up was me loving her above all." I smiled sadly as I looked down at my hands. "That woman kind of soothes my soul sometimes."

"I'm glad somebody finally does Bo." Ryan mentioned with sincerity and I gave him a heartfelt smile.

We moved to the living room as I threw myself in the couch and Ryan climbed up in his ladder grabbing his hammer and nails.

"You like it?" he asked taking me out of my thoughts as he hammered some nails for a few paintings in the spacious living room.

"I actually love it Ryan, you are truly my guardian angel." I admitted as he waved me off embarrassedly.

"Anything for my ladies!" he yelled jovially. "I am a new uncle again, I will spoil this kid rotten!"

"Now, now cowboy, we can't have that… she'll turn out like Kenzie in that case!" I countered and he laughed.

"I'm not that bad!" she announced sticking her tongue at me and plopping down on the couch next to me.

"THAT bad…" I teased as she laughed.

"Soooooooo come on spill the deets. Do I need to go over and kill the Doctor yet? Has she been rude or weird of a ROYAL PAIN IN THE ASS?" she asked dramatically as I laughed wholeheartedly.

"No, she was quite accommodating." I mentioned with a whisper as I looked down at my hands, a small smile playing in my lips.

"oh." I looked up to see them both staring at me confused and maybe a bit scared.

"I'm still sober guys." I chuckled and they broke out in smiles.

"Thank 2 pound seven ounce baby jeesuss!" Kenzie exclaimed as we laughed. "For a moment there I almost didn't recognize you with such a smile on your face."

"Yeah Bo, you look like a butcher's dog." He smiled at me and I guessed in spite of everything, I felt pretty good about how things had been with Lauren.

I was still mulling over Tamsin's drunken words but I would bring that up with Lauren. She liked speech she said and I was going to ask if Tamsin was just rambling drunkenly or if my fears were completely true.

"….and it's gone." Kenzie pulled me out of my thoughts looking into my eyes.

"Sorry… there's a lot in my head." I admitted and she nodded.

"I want you to talk to me about the previous thoughts, the one making you smile." She said in a mock Evony voice. She loved quoting and imitating my shrink for some damn reason.

"I might as well tell you guys…" I decided that they needed to know, also partially I felt like I would burst.

"Oh God, I'm scared." Ryan chuckled from the fireplace.

"Lauren and I kissed earlier." There, it was out.

Kenzie's jaw hit the floor instantly as Ryan raised an eyebrow at me curiously.

"I thought you said you're sober!" Kenzie accused and I laughed.

"Well, I can see how I don't have the best track record to kiss and walk away… however, I did JUST kiss her and that was it." I offered as they still looked at me like I had sprung two heads.

"I mean I did hold her through the night last night, but she had a nightmare so yeah." I was nervous at how they were looking at me.

"Ok… so you haven't done anything sexual with the doctor?" Kenzie asked unconvinced and I shook my head as Ryan came off the ladder and stared at me.

"Nothing… we barely kissed as it was. I freaked the fuck out when she licked my lips and backed up." I blushed rolling my eyes.

"You nerd." Ryan snorted and I shook my head.

"Wow" Kenzie wiped the edge of her eye with a smile. "My Bo-bo is growing up."

I laughed at her dramatics and shook my head in disbelief. I couldn't believe I had kissed Lauren and I didn't feel the overwhelming need to take her in that kitchen. I mean, the blonde was as attractive as could be and I indeed felt something when we kissed, but it wasn't the huge beast that overtook me and made me into a monster. Still in my heart and mind there was a dark shadow lingering. I wasn't entirely sure I would be able to deal with the situation if my fears were confirmed.

"I have to go and meet Lauren at the lab soon. Do you mind dropping me off? I'm sure I can take a ride back with her." I assured and Ryan nodded.

"Sure thing… just be careful guys… I'd like you to take things slow Bo. Not only for your mental health but also for Fleur's sake." Ryan explained gently and I nodded.

"Thanks Ry, I'm not even sure even what this is. I don't want to think much of it, but I will be careful. I have a daughter to think about now." I added gently as the pair in the room exchanged proud smiles.

I left them tidying up the living room as I walked into my room to get changed. I was eager to go see Lauren and get things over with. I wanted to know what was going on so we could address it. I would admit that as much as it terrified me to find out what Tamsin had said was true, I couldn't panic until it was confirmed.

After a bit I realized I needed to clear my mind. I would've been easy pushed into a dark corner if I went in there guns blazing. I wanted to get answers but I had to be patient. I also needed to give Lauren the space she needed to get something positive going on for Fleur.

I moved a few things around my room trying to tidy up. I moved my big dresser and set up its mirror before I set to set up my bed. The labour was keeping my mind engaged and my body relaxed as I worked diligently. I head a soft knock on my door and turned to see Kenzie there.

"What's up buttercup?" I asked cheerily.

"Need help?" she offered and I smiled.

"Nah, I think I've got it, besides you probably have a million shoes to unpack." I chuckled as she sat on the floor beside me.

"I missed ya." She declared and I smiled widely.

"Me too, wanted you get here already."

"We hurried as soon as we heard… you didn't call us though." I gave her a guilty look and she just shook her head "we just worried and then you didn't pick up… we thought…"

"I'm **SO** sorry I worried you guys." I lamented and she shook her head slightly.

"Didn't come to guilt you up sugar-cup. The opposite actually." She corrected with her usual cheerfulness and a smile. "I'm really proud for you to be stepping up with Fleur."

"Thanks Kenz, it means a lot to me that you guys came all the way here in such short notice." I played with my hands as I spoke.

"You're family and so is Fleur now… and as much as I hate to admit it so is Lauren, so don't worry. We've got your back, Bo." She said meaningfully and I nodded blushing at the sweet gesture.

After a few jokes and her pressing for details about Lauren she left to start setting up her office. When I finally put down the mattress I was pretty happy with my progress. The room looked a little more livable now after I had moved my bedside tables and set up my lamps. I decided to set up my desk and working station after making myself a snack.

To my delight Kenzie had been a doll and picked up some groceries at the nearest supermarket. I found she had bought my favourite kind of deli meat and cheese. I grabbed some bread and got to work. After the sandwiches were done I grabbed a bag of chips and maneuvered a few drinks into my arms and walked to the living room. Ryan and Kenzie had lit up whenever I came in and helped me with the snacks. We ate in silence as we listened to the radio and I could feel the excitement in the room as we looked around our new house. As Ryan cleared our plates I heard my phone ringing in my room and rushed to get it as Kenzie turned on the TV.

I picked up the phone call out of breath from running to my phone and threw myself in the bed.

"Hey, Bo?" I could tell it was Dyson, he sounded so small it was uncharacteristic of the towering man.

"Hey Dyson."

"Hey… you said to call you if anything…" he was nervous but I was glad he called.

"Is she laying heavy the guilt so you go getting her booze." I took a guess and heard his soft choked acknowledgement come out rushed. "Listen to me, she doesn't need it and it'll only make you feel worse when she relapses. You can't enable her."

"She says she should be in the lab saving Fleur that I'm keeping her from it." He explained and I shook my head.

"No. That's bullshit Dyson she needs to just sit tight and get over her withdrawal. She's not going to be of any use like this." I explained as he groaned. "Hang tight Dyson, it'll be worth it."

"Thank you Bo." He whispered before we disconnected.

The call had jarred me into the present and made me realize that I couldn't push going to Lauren much longer. I needed to explain Tamsin's absence and tackle the questions I wanted to ask. I got changed into some jeans and a tall boots while throwing a leather jacket on top of my tanktop.

When I got to the car Ryan was already in with it turned on. He was jamming to a song I liked so I cranked it up after buckling up and we were off. I knew Ryan was anxious about his meeting so after we jammed out I turned the radio down and turned to him.

"We should get some Timmy's." I declared and he smiled.

"We're bound to find one." He mumbled and I laughed.

"Don't worry Ryan, people need projects here just as they did in Ottawa, you'll do great." I advised as he nodded.

"I know, I'm just hoping for the best, I want a project to get me going here and keep me busy. I know Fleur is sick and it worries me so I just need some distraction." He admitted and I nodded knowing her was right.

"I'm sure Lauren will figure it out." The conviction that came with my voice was real and he smiled nodding.

"Woman looks smart, I'm glad she's taken good care of you."

"I don't want to read much into things, I just know I feel something I've never felt before and it scares me. I don't understand what to do with it, with the craziness I feel in my heart when the woman smiles at me." I explained and he chuckled.

"Bo, just trust me, this is a good thing. A new stage in your life is happening and staying away from old habits will lead you to happiness. Now that you're starting to do different things you're receiving different healthy results." He advised. "Do you feel happy or sad with her? It's that simple."

"I feel happy." I admitted. "Healthy happy."

"Then rinse and repeat sugar." He smiled before I yelped loudly.

"Found a Timmy's!"

We celebrated as we pulled in. We ordered up and paid before rushing out with the addictive beverages in our hands. The rest car ride with Ryan was fun. We got lost twice but eventually we made it to the clinic. He needed to leave quickly but he assured me I could call him to pick me up if needed.

I looked over at the small building, it looked like your typical grey cold glass and steel structure but I had so much hope inside that building. My heart was in there trying to get better. Fleur was the good that I never would be able to reach, the best of me. When I reached the inside of the building the secretary greeted me as if she had seen me my whole life.

"Miss Dennis! It's nice seeing you." The older woman smiled at me as I smiled back.

"Hello." I replied gently and she waved her hand.

"Dr. Lewis is in the back room, Fleur seems to have woken up recently." She smiled at me as my stomach flipped with excitement.

"Thank you." I spoke genuinely and she smiled as I rushed to the back room where we had been the day before.

When I came in I saw Lauren glance up from the chair next to the bed where Fleur had been yesterday. Her face turned bright as she saw me and I couldn't help but smile back. She was absolutely stunning her blonde hair framed her face perfectly as her beautiful brown eyes shone with excitement and her cheeks took a rosy turn. Her lips stretched even wider as she swept over my frame with her beautiful caramel eyes and the way her lips moved made me want to kiss her instantly.

"Bo! You're here!" she sounded happy and that gave me hope that I would hear good news.

"Indeed I am." I chuckled.

"Fleur has been asking about you, I was about to call you actually." She explained and I looked behind the blonde to see Fleur sitting up on her bed yelling at the T.V.

"She sounds better" I noted jovially and Lauren nodded.

"She is. I was able to develop a treatment so I deemed it safe to wake her up."

"Oh my God!" I breathed as I hugged her tightly and I heard her breath me in making me blush. "Thank you Lauren."

"Hold your horses Bo." She announced pulling away from me slightly.

"A treatment is not a cure, it buys us time but it doesn't solve the problem. She can come home and be a normal kid in the meantime but I have a lot of work ahead of me." I listened to her carefully nodding my understanding.

Since we were well away earshot from Fleur I spoke softly hoping Lauren would understand where I was coming from. I didn't want to hurt the blonde but Ryan's words were still deep within my mind.

"I… I wanted to talk to you about the kiss." I stammered and her face turned into a slight frown.

"Oh." Her toned was disappointed even though she tried to mask it.

"It's nothing bad, and I don't regret it so please don't take this badly… I just would like to keep that side of our friendship from Fleur for now. I don't… I don't know what will happen and I just want to make sure Fleur's not gonna get hurt." I rambled as Lauren nodded.

"I understand." Her eyes held mine for a second longer before a voice startled us.

"Momma can we go to the game on Sunday?" Fleur asked from the other area as her eyes landed on me. "BO!"

"Hey kid" I smiled as I walked in and stood next to her bed excited to see her colour back to normal and the shine in her eyes. "I hate to break it to you, but you missed that game."

"Oh dang." The younger brunette whispered as I ruffled her hair.

I examined her beautiful face, her dark brown eyes looking at me with unending joy, her cheeks were rosy and her cute lips red and pouty. She looked perfect and it gave me assurance that Lauren was on the right track.

"How are you feeling?" I asked as Lauren joined us in the small area.

"Like I can do a hockey game and two marathons… and oh my god you gave me cupcakes!" Fleur giggled and stretched her arms so that I would hug her.

I pressed her small frame into mine and held her close. Her small fragile body warm against my own. I felt reassured having her in my arms, like she would be safe because I would ensure it. As we pulled apart Lauren smiled at us and mischief shone in her eyes.

"Did you know Bo has a new house?" she asked Fleur who frowned.

"I liked the old house, it had character! What happened!?" the small girl exclaimed and I chuckled.

"Well it wasn't in Toronto and the new house is." I said matter-of-factedly.

"Oh my God! Mom do you hear this?" Fleur was so excited.

"I do. Have you had a chance to see your new place yet Bo?" she asked curiously and I couldn't help but look into her eyes with a gentle smile.

"Yeah I did, Ryan actually bought the house behind your own" I chuckled and Lauren raised her eyebrows in surprise.

"I thought the Thompsons were asking for an overly ridiculous amount of money for that!" she gasped and I shook my head.

"Ryan doesn't care, he'll spare the money." I stated with a fond smile.

"So that means I'll get to see you a lot more." Fleur breathed looking up at me with adoration in her eyes.

I wasn't sure if I could take such true feelings coming from Fleur, she was so pure, loved so deeply and unguarded that it scared me. I was scared of letting her down, I had to do everything in my power to not let her down.

"I think that's what she's trying to tell you Fleur" Lauren laughed and I felt myself tingle at the sound of it.

If Fleur was going to be my salvation, then Lauren Lewis would be my demise. The woman had me completely enraptured whether I wanted to admit it or not. I cursed myself for the small 'talk' I had before we saw Fleur, just because I felt the want to kiss her lips so badly at the sight and sound of her unaided laugh. I hadn't hear Lauren be so happy and light hearted since Fleur had fallen ill under my care.

"I would like that yes, Ryan reserved you a room in our house in case you'd like to join us for a sleep over sometime." I admitted and her eyes shone in delight.

"Uncle Ryan is here!?" she asked excitedly as it was my turn to laugh.

"Yeah he and Kenzie are tidying the house right now." I admitted as the small girl clapped her hands in delight.

"Oh I missed Uncle Ryan and Kenzie, Mom when can I go see them!?" she asked excitedly.

"Well now, I'm sure Bo and her roommates want some time to tidy up and get settled Fleur." Lauren reminded gently before I jumped in.

"Oh, it's no issue at all! Her room is all set up and we only have some boxes to unpack, the rest is taken care of." I admitted excitedly. "If it's alright for her health and you're ok with it she can come any time."

"Momma can we go now, pleeeeease." She pleaded using her charms to such expertise it was unfair.

The blonde rolled her eyes and looked at me head on with a simple smile.

"This… this is your fault. How can I say no to a face as beautiful as that?" her compliment was not lost on me and I had to give her points for creativity.

I tried my damnedest to fight the blush back and nodded with a goofy smile.

"I feel myself melt already. That power of persuasion is all you though" I laughed as the kid looked too pleased with herself.

"So I can sleep over at Bo's?" she asked excitedly and the older blonde chuckled.

"Well, it seems so."

"YESSS!" was heard throughout the room from Fleur.

"However if it's ok with her I'd like to drop in at times to check on you. I still need to monitor you." Lauren reminded looking adoringly at her child.

I could see she had missed the kid as much as I did, it must've not been easy seeing her in that hospital bed day in and day out as she tried to figure out what was wrong. I decided I didn't want to be selfish and as much as I was Fleur's mother, Lauren was much more so.

"Would you like to join our slumber party then?" I asked the older blonde catching her by surprise.

"I…um…" she smiled at me and my stomach did flips at the sight.

"Come on Momma it'll be fun." Fleur edged as I smiled before her face fell. "Do I need PT again?"

I looked confused from daughter to mother and the oldest one shook her head.

"Not this time, you were out for only countable hours." Lauren explained and I understood.

Fleur must've been in this situation before and probably for a longer period of time. From what I could understand there was something she had taken before she didn't need to take again.

"So I'm all good?" Fleur asked her mother almost timidly and she smiled reassuringly before nodding.

"I just have to finish up some of these files and reports. I'm behind since Tamsin's playing hooky" Lauren quickly added as she scurried around the lab now while Fleur gathered her stuff from the small triage area "Maybe I should catch up with you guys later."

I bit my lip keeping me from telling her exactly why Tamsin wasn't here. I shook my head knowing right now was not the time for such conversations. My heart hammered rapidly as I approached her and rested my hand gently on her shoulder, the warmth from her skin just engulfing me. She looked at me with soft eyes and I gave her a smile as she tucked a hair behind her ear looking down and blushing under my gaze.

"It's time to put down the files for now and spend some time with our daughter." My voice was so gentle yet full of conviction behind my words. "Please"

The smile that passed her lips was bright and stunning which made me return it. I watched as her eyes searched mine and I gently squeezed her shoulder trying to convey the sincerity of my words. I felt Fleur grab a hold at my free hand joining our own little world and somehow I knew what Ryan meant; this felt new but it felt **right**.

"You're our ride back Doctor." I insisted and I could see her give in slowly with a gentle loving look towards Fleur.

"I don't want to rain on your parade, doing cool things with Bo." She tried as Fleur shook her head determined.

"Not a chance Momma, aren't you the epitome of cool?" she teased as her mother laughed.

"Are you quoting me now young lady?" Lauren narrowed eyes at the young girl as she giggled.

"Mayyyybe." She teased as we chuckled.

"You're something else kid." I pulled her against my side in a half hug as I looked on to Lauren expectantly.

"So… no more work for now right?" I caught her in the middle of packing some papers and she stilled giving me the utmost adorable pout.

"…but Bo!" she half whined and I almost melted then and there.

"Nope!" I mentioned firmly. "Not buts or butts!"

Fleur of course giggled at my lame joke as Lauren held my eyes with a fond look.

"Fine, fine… no buts then." Lauren finally gave in as Fleur and I high fived.

I watched as she unloaded all the workload she had stashed in her bag and set it atop her desk. I could've watched Lauren's precise and lithe movements all day long, she had a grace about her that was strangely comforting to me. I enjoyed following her hands with my eyes as Fleur fidgeted by the door where she had wondered to.

"Cooooooooomeeeeee on Mooooommmm" she groaned dramatically as Lauren and I chuckled at her antics. "I'm starving!"

"Oh! Watch this…" I challenged excitedly as I picked up my phone and dialing the number, putting it on speaker and moving beside the now curious child.

"Hello Duck-butt! My meeting went great! Have you been getting Doctor McSteamy?" Ryan's voice came through loud and clear and I blushed as I bit my lip turning to see if the blonde was watching.

Lauren giving me a curious look now with her eyes shining as I turned rapidly to see Fleur sporting a confused look. I need to change this conversation.

"Ryan, you're on speaker… Fleur is here." I nodded at the kid as she piped up.

"Uncle Ryan!" she spoke up excitedly.

"Oh My God Fleur! How are you sweetie?" his voice was now gentle and warm like honey as I prompted the girl to use those powers of persuasion.

"I'm **hungry** " she whined overdramatically and he huffed.

"Well that will simply not do! What would you like my princess Leia?" he purred totally whipped and Lauren let out an incredulous sound as she walked beside me.

"I want nachos and pizza!" she declared happily and he obviously obliged.

"Should I bring it over?" he asked eagerly.

"I'll be having a slumber party with Mom and Bo at your house." She corrected as he howled his excitement.

After she had hung up with Ryan and I pulled Lauren away from the desk we were loaded up in the car. We drove with the radio on Fleur's favourite station as she sang along with the song playing. She had insisted in catching up with her schoolwork on the ride and Lauren encouraged it, I thought the kid could use a break, but I had no right to talk to her about boundaries yet.

I couldn't ignore the small glances Lauren kept giving me. She was bouncing with nervous energy and for this very second I allowed myself to imagine a scenario where this was our normal life. Maybe if I wasn't so fucked up, this could've happened for me one day; Lauren and I would've met, dated and gone to dinners, gotten a puppy at some point as we moved in together and in the midst's of that blissful happy life we could've eventually wanted to have a family and brought Fleur into this world surrounded by love and care instead of the rough beginning and the hard work Lauren had to put in by herself. I sighed dejectedly knowing I had inevitably fucked it up before it even began.

I felt Lauren's hand on my own as our eyes met for a brief second. She traced her thumb across my knuckles and I could feel the tension in my body fade slowly being replaced by the calm that I now associated with the blonde. With a small glance to the back seat I could tell Fleur was deep into math. She gave me a glance and a big toothy smile before going back to the assignment. I leaned my head back letting the feeling of Lauren's hand wash over me as I tried hard not to think of the past and only the present.

"Momma I need to stop at the house and grab stuff." Fleur declared from the back.

"But we're going to be right there Fleur." Lauren laughed giving my hand a soft squeeze.

"I know." And that was it. That was Fleur's response.

For more reason this made me smile like a fool. The simplicity of Fleur's mind astounded and inspired me at the same time.

"I guess that settles it." Lauren declared as she turned onto her street instead of my new one.

"You have five minutes and then Bo and I leave without you, and may or may not be at the house when you get there." Lauren warned as she pulled into her driveway and I laughed.

"No fair" Fleur declared sticking her tongue out to us and unbuckling herself before hopping off the car with sass running inside the house.

"We're in trouble with that one Bo. She reminds me of someone." Lauren mentioned as she looked at me fondly with a smile adorning her lips.

"You and that kid…" I shook my head before turning to meet her eyes with a small smile of my own as she squeezed my hand softly.

"I've been wanting to kiss you all day." She confessed bluntly and I blushed a deep red as I drew in a huge sigh not understanding the lightness that took over me.

"I…" I smiled widely not knowing what to say but knowing how I felt.

Quickly before Fleur had her five minutes done I crossed the car's space and pressed my lips deliciously into the blonde's. She grabbed the collar of my jacket and pulled me closed as a whimper escaped her lips and if I hadn't been sitting the sound would've made me buckle. I grabbed her bottom lip between my own and suckled softly as I heard her gasp and pull me closer before I pulled up rapidly.

"Oh God Bo I'm so sorry." She gasped between pants as my laughter filled the car and Lauren looked at me confusedly.

"I got stabbed in the thigh by your car" I pouted and Lauren laughed throwing her head back in full a very candid moment.

I felt my heart pound faster and the urge came over me to kiss her again. Before I could act on anything the door was thrown open and Fleur hopped back in the car.

"What's so funny?" with that Lauren and I shared a look and busted out laughing once more.

Was this what happiness felt like? What peace really felt like?


	11. Chapter 11

**WARNING: THIS CHAPTER GETS HEAVY.**

 **Hello everybody! Thanks for the lovely reviews. I want to let you all know that I have a twitter you guys can follow me on where I will give updates on updates, do polls, previews of chapters and random other stuff.**

 **last_dragomir**

 **I hope you all enjoy this chapter and remember to leave me a quick line or two to say how you liked it!**

 **PLEASE: Remember this is a parallel story with 'Cosmic Love' which is from Lauren's POV. Make sure you check that one out too.**

 **Cheers eh!**

 **Disclaimer: As always characters belonging to Lost Girl are not mine but the storyline and settings are. All intellectual property belongs to their authors.**

 **Heavy In Your Arms**

 **Chapter 11:**

Fleur and Kenzie had painted each other's nails while talking about cute boys in her class. I didn't like the subject one bit as I started to notice how Fleur kept growing right before my eyes. Before I knew it, boys would be at my front door asking her on dates and I didn't think I could handle that. Not after what had happened to me.

Lauren had walked behind me calming my distress with a simple touch of my shoulder and a smile as she passed me by to help Ryan with the food. Now that we were all being civil she had found Ryan quite the intellectual and they kept bantering about some kind of physics that went over my head.

Ryan had bought pizza and nachos as promised and once their nails were done we were joined at the table by the two divas. I watched as Lauren passed a plate she had fixed to Fleur and then surprisingly did the same to me. As I thanked her with a small blush our eyes met. Dinner was amazing and it turned out Ryan had gone to Fleur's favourite pizza place for the orders.

I insisted on cleaning as Ryan bounced on his heels excitedly after we had all stuffed ourselves. He wanted to take Fleur on a tour of the house. I knew it was so it could culminate in Fleur's room and found it incredibly endearing. As Kenzie and Ryan took Fleur towards the back of the house to start the tour I suddenly felt very dark and down.

I felt the weight hit my shoulders and the wind being knocked out of my sails. It was as if a brick wall had hit me as I realized exactly all the time I had missed out on Fleur because of my mess. I gripped the sink white-knuckled as the overwhelming sense of dread filled me and I breathed heavily looking at the water swirl down the drain. In seconds I felt Lauren's arms wrap around me from behind and I braced myself to feel trapped and more anxious, yet I didn't.

Her warmth engulfed me as her chin laid on my shoulder and her voice tickled my ear. I realized she could now read me like a book and I felt so protected in her arms right now that I wanted her to never let go. I didn't know if I would ever forgive myself for missing out on Fleur but right then and there I decided I wanted Lauren to forgive my weakness and the state in which I gave her our daughter.

"I don't want you thinking about whatever it is you're thinking Bo." She kissed the shell of my ear before giving me a gentle squeeze and pulling back joining me side by side as I had done to her this morning.

"Think of other things like how happy your daughter is today… how happy I am today… we made a big breakthrough with Fleur's case Bo." She reminded me gently as she cupped my face gently.

"Are you happy Lauren? Even though I'm in your life now?" I asked dejectedly, I knew Lauren could do so much better and I wanted the very best for her. She deserved someone whole, someone who could offer her peace of mind instead of constant worry.

"I'm happy **because** you're in our life Bo." She explained looking gently into my eyes. "You make my daughter happy and therefore myself. You've been there in times when I've needed you the most."

I heard the knot in her voice as I bit my lip nodding and understanding she meant this from the bottom of her heart. Before we could say anything else we heard Fleur's squeal.

"OH MY GOD YOU GUYS HAVE TO SEE MY ROOM!" she yelled and Lauren and I exchanged glances and we chuckled all dark thoughts out of my mind for now.

I could hear Ryan's laugher from above me as he was laying down on the couch and I was propped against it on the floor. We had decided to throw all the plush pillows, blankets and duvets we had to make a sea of comfort in the living room. Kenzie was tangled up with Fleur as she patted her hair back lovingly both of them super focused watching the movie they had picked together. I realized that Lauren hadn't returned from the bathroom for quite a while and I decided to try and go find her.

I ran my fingers against the light blue walls of the hallway as I passed the open door of the bathroom. As I reached Fleur's door I noticed Lauren was leaning against the door frame looking at the room with an awed smile. She hadn't noticed my presence and I enjoyed watching the expression on her face a bit longer. Her beautiful blonde hair was pulled up in a messy bun as she wore a faded Evegni Malkin shirt I had lent her. She had complained it wasn't a Habs shirt as I laughed. I was suddenly engulfed by a warmth feeling at the fact that she was wearing my clothes. I decided to steel my nerves and wrap my arms around her waist as she had done to me. I was slightly hesitant at first but she put her hands over my own reassuringly while she leaned back into my touch. I leaned my face on her shoulder as she side glanced at me with a small smile and a sigh.

"This is beautiful Bo. Ryan went above and beyond for Fleur." She whispered and I nodded.

"He's a very good man, my guardian angel." I confessed as she got a mischievous glint in her eyes turning around to face me.

"He called me Doctor McSteamy." She teased and I blushed hard knowing I had been caught.

"I…" I chuckled embarrassedly. "Maybe"

"I think maybe is quite a yes." She giggled and my heart felt so light at the sound that I gently closed the gap between us and kissed her lips.

Our kiss was gentle and playful at first as I felt her arms wrap around my neck while my hands settled on her waist. I enjoyed how we fitted against one another as our lips picked up a soft but steady rhythm. It was as if she was peeling parts of the walls I had so painstakingly built around myself and I felt oddly comforted despite being exposed. I attentively ran my tongue over her bottom lip and with a gentle moan she opened her lips melting in my arms. As soon as our tongues touched the other a moan escaped my throat as I felt my heartbeat quicken at her warm mouth.

"Bo!" I jumped away from Lauren as my heart hammered in my chest. I looked at Ryan like a deer in headlights and I could see Lauren blushing against the doorframe with her head down.

"Fucking… fuck, shit cocksucker!" I blurted out as Lauren laughed heartily.

"I can see you're eloquent as ever!" Ryan laughed as well. "I didn't mean to interrupt but uh…"

His smile made me blush hard and I knew he thought things were getting heavy when they weren't. I shot him a small glare as he raised his arms in self-defence and smiled.

"Alright, alright but the kiddo was about to come looking for you two, just be glad it was me." He smiled before turning around and leaving.

Lauren's laughter snapped me out of my anger as I caught her shinning eyes while she bit her lip looking me over.

"I was right, that's quite a temper." She mused as I gave her a rueful smile.

"What can I say… I hate being interrupted." I teased as Lauren raised an eyebrow playfully.

"Ditto." She muttered and with that she pecked my lips one last time before turning around to leave. "I was really enjoying that moment."

As we went back to the living room I couldn't stop smiling.

When I woke up Fleur was tangled all up in my legs. She had insisted Lauren take her bed 'cause she didn't want her to go home yet. After Kenzie and Ryan had gone to bed I had taken Fleur and Lauren to my room to watch some Naruto as I had promised Fleur. Sometime in the night I had fallen asleep and it looked like Lauren had excused herself to Fleur's room.

I was ready and full of energy for my day. For some weird reason I was all hyped up and ready to rock and roll. I slipped out of bed carefully trying not to disturb Fleur as I padded down the hallway for the bathroom. When I got to it Lauren was just coming out in all her morning glory. She gave me a bashful smile looking down with rosy cheeks.

"Good morning Bo." She whispered shyly.

"Good morning." I smiled "I hope you slept well."

"I did, Fleur's bed is very comfortable." She noted and I smiled.

The way my body was tensed up and wound up I knew I had to spend some of this energy I had in me. I took this chance to make sure Lauren would not escape with the dawn and I asked quickly before I lost my chance.

"Do you think I could use your gym in the mornings? I don't know if this is too forwar-"

"Not at all! I'm heading home right now would you like me to wait for you? Fleur will be out probably until the afternoon." She chuckled and I smiled.

"If you don't mind waiting, I'd like that." I admitted and excused myself towards the bathroom.

Inside I refreshed myself and put my workout clothes on quickly. I didn't want Lauren to wait long for me, I already felt like I was overstepping by asking to use the gym yet I knew I needed to spend the energy. I had loved Lauren's little gym and had wanted to use it again. When I exited the bathroom Lauren was waiting for me leaning against the wall. She gave me another smile and I just about melted.

We walked through the yard silently enjoying the morning breeze on our skin. The smell of the leaves made me happy to be outside and I could feel the sun beating down on my back. For the first time in a long time despite of everything my heart felt content with what was going on in my life.

I was looking forward to reporting to work today in my first assignment in Toronto. I wanted to get rid of all this energy so I could perform well on my job. After we took turns giggling as we jumped the fence we walk the short distance of Lauren's yard and I swung open the back door holding the door open for the gorgeous blonde.

"You know where things are, as always make yourself at home, I'm going to shower and get ready for my day." She instructed with a smile as I nodded.

With that she disappeared behind her bedroom door as I stared behind her. She looked particularly gorgeous this morning and I couldn't help but stare after her. In seconds I could hear her horrible music and I chuckled at her eccentric taste. Sleeping with Fleur safely in my arms last night had given me a new perspective on certain things like small moments of happiness like this and I intended to enjoy each and every one of them.

I made my way downstairs and felt strangely at home even though I had only used the gym once previously. I took my shirt off once again and started with my workout with a smile feeling like I could conquer the world today. As my muscles protested from exertion after my workout I pulled away from the punching bag and drew in a sigh with my head thrown back. I looked up to the stairs pulling out my ear buds and noticed Lauren at the steps with a mug of coffee. I gave her a shy smile as I saw a blush creep onto her cheeks. She extended her hand offering me a bottle of water and I nodded at her in thanks.

"I'm sorry for barging in, Fleur's upstairs whining that we left her behind." I braced myself so I wouldn't feel the sting and drank some of the water to brush it off without alerting Lauren. _**You've left her before Bo**_.

"I didn't know the kid could whine, seems so below her." I smiled trying to imagine her doing so.

"Well, I was a bit of a softie when she was younger so when she really wants to work me up all she does is whine." The blonde confessed blushing. "I'm off to work soon but I was wondering if you wanted to do something later…"

"Ok." I quickly responded with a smile.

"I… um… remember you have no shirt. Dyson might come by sometimes." She added as I chuckled.

After a while Lauren had left for work and after I had taken a shower and borrowed some clothes. I curled up in the couch with the grumpy pre-teen who was pouting at me. I chuckled and opened my arms as she laid her head on my chest tucking it under my chin.

"You and Momma disappeared." She grumbled and I smiled even more at her cuteness.

"She wanted to get ready for work and I had to do my work out… you know how I get." I kissed her temple as she sighed and un-paused the TV.

"I set up a stream for us, is this the episode we were in?" she asked as I looked up surprised she had loaded an episode of the anime we were watching last night.

"This is exactly it. English subs?" she nodded "good girl."

"Who's your favourite character?" she asked as the opening credits rolled.

"Naruto of course… besides him I absolutely adore his mother and father." I confessed as I teared up a bit feeling the irony.

"Did you watch this when you were little?" she asked innocently and didn't notice me tense up at the question.

"Not exactly baby girl." I whispered and she sighed.

"I really like you Bo." She kissed my shoulder and I couldn't help but smile.

We stayed tangled up in each other watching episode after episode getting caught up in small chit chat about the series. I enjoyed how her fingers played with my hair and how her small body was warm against mine. It made me feel like in a way I was holding her as I would've held her when she was a baby. As we watched I received an e-mail from Dr. Marquise and decided to read it.

 _Bo,_

 _Sorry I haven't been able to relocate as soon as I wanted to. I hope you're doing well since I haven't gotten any phone calls from you. I should arrive in Toronto at the end of the week and I would love to see you right away. I hope Fleur is doing better and remember I'm always just a phone call away._

 _Dr. Marquise._

I quickly typed a quick reply to let her know I was alright but most importantly happy that Fleur was on the mend. I made sure to let her know I would call soon and let her know of all the things I had not been able to speak to her about yet. When our stomachs started grumbling around Fleur giggled and we set out to find some food in the house. I found some Japanese branded noodles and smiled remembering Fleur commenting about wanting to try ramen while we watched Naruto. She confessed her mother ate it a lot for lunch but she had never tried it herself. I made a mental note that Lauren liked ramen and set out to make our girl a fan too.

I grabbed some green onions, eggs, bacon and leftover chicken from the fridge ready to show Fleur my culinary skills. She took a seat on the bar stool and watched me prepare the meal. Lauren had insisted once more to make myself at home and with Fleur it was very hard not to. I could feel my love for the child grow exponentially.

"Do you like cooking?" she asked curiously.

"I do, I actually love cooking but didn't have a great kitchen in Ottawa. The one here is gorgeous so I plan to teach you a thing or two young lady." I winked at her as she smiled wider.

"Momma likes cooking but she has no time for it." She lamented and I looked up at her.

"Your Momma will find time to do many things with you after she finds the cure ok?" she nodded at my assurance and her smile grew slowly.

"Do you think my Momma is pretty?" she seemed casual, yet I could feel the underlying meaning of it there.

"I think your Momma is very pretty just like you." She blushed and brushed a strand of stray hair behind her ear.

"I'm glad you two like each other now." She smiled "I like having two moms so far, you're very smart and know a lot of things that my Momma doesn't."

I tensed slightly at the mention and I looked at her with soft eyes. I was overwhelmed with joy at her pureness and let out a small sigh.

"You… you think I'm your mom?" I knew it sounded silly since she **knew** yet this sounded like something more.

She looked up smiling brightly capturing my heart in her hands. Her soft brown hair framing her face as her big brown eyes stared at me with so much love I knew I didn't deserve.

"You're so funny sometimes you know? One moment you're making a completely rational statement and then you're not making sense. Of course I think you're my mom, you **are**." She giggled and I could hear Lauren's smarts come out of her mouth.

"I…" I didn't know how to explain so I busied my hands with the cooking.

"I don't want to push things, because my Momma says that sometimes other people are not ready for things that I'm ready for, if that makes any sense…" I gave her a small nod and she continued "I really like spending time with you, and I know you love me because… because I love you too… you are my mom and when you're ready for that we'll still be here."

The knot in my throat was hard to push down and I set my knife aside to not cut myself on trembling hands. I instantly walked over and pulled her close into my chest with a sigh.

"I love you too Fleur, I'm really happy you're letting me be your mom." I choked out after a while.

After fits of giggles and a lesson I provided her with chopsticks we sat down to watch more anime curled into each other in hushed whispers of character lives and giggles. This was something I had never shared with nobody, it seemed silly, but the series had helped me through my depression so to be sharing it with Fleur was deep for me.

TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

We had fallen into a very steady rhythm during the last week that I was starting to enjoy. I would get up early cross the yard and jump the fence, Lauren had given me the code for the back door so I would generally let myself in and go straight downstairs to workout. Generally the three of us would have breakfast together before Lauren and Fleur would leave for work and school. I'd go back home, get changed and go to work. Today however I was late and knew for sure that Fleur was at school already.

I had waited until everybody left for work before coming over wanting to be alone. Truth was I was very rattled by a nightmare that had woken me up drenched in sweat. I didn't want to admit it before but now in the silence of the gym with only the treadmill running I admitted that this nightmare had taken me monumental steps back in my recovery. It had plagued my mind since the early hours of the morning and I had laid in my bed not catching a wink of sleep even when the sun rose. I wanted to come here earlier to clear my head but I couldn't face Fleur this way, it was too painful and the rat was biting the cage in my head begging to come out.

I took off my shirt like I usually did and popped my earbuds in starting my circuit. I went through the motions aggressively wanting to erase the memories in my head but not quite being able to. I was truly disappointed that besides taking the edge off my workout was not calming me as best as I wanted it to. With how I was feeling I didn't want to go and eat a cupcake, I wanted to have a clear mind for today but it was proving extremely difficult to push my feelings and memories away.

After I was done with my routine not only did I feel drained physically but mentally as well. I couldn't stop thinking about the images in my head that came so vividly again with the dream. I sat on the second step of the basement and covered my face with my hands before I started crying softly feeling lonely, broken and hopeless. I was so overwhelmed with the feeling I felt like I was drowning and I didn't know where to turn to find relief.

It was maybe three to four heartbeats before I felt protective arms wrap around me as I heard Lauren's soothing voice reach my ears. I cried harder realizing I had longed for her, yet I felt so open and vulnerable I wasn't sure if I was ready to open this door to my past without hurting her or Fleur.

"It's alright Bo, I've got you" she cooed in my ear as I let out a heavy sobs knowing I should've come by sooner.

After I had calmed down to barely hiccups she looked into my eyes with her beautiful caramel colored ones. She gave me a sad smile and I returned it as she wiped the tears away from my cheeks.

"I didn't think you'd be home." I confessed as she gave me a sad look.

"I'm glad that I was. I thought it odd you hadn't swung by and it worried me so I stayed back to catch you." She explained as I internalized what she was saying, she was worried about me. "I'm glad I did, it would've broken my heart to know you were by yourself feeling like this."

I let out a huge sigh I was scared, I was scared of being so close to Lauren because I liked it and it calmed me to no end. Last night's nightmare made me feel like a ticking time bomb, something I would not be able to out run. I hated how most of the time I watched Lauren walk on eggshells beside me. For once in my life frustration got the best of me and I wanted to spill it all, lay it at her feet and let the cards fall where they may.

I tugged on her hand as I stood and without a word she walked behind me following me back up the steps to her house. I pulled her into her bedroom not caring about the boundaries, after all, she had told me to make myself at home. We sat by the back balcony which overlooked the balcony in my room. Lauren had followed me wordlessly, yet I could feel her hand gently in mine indulging me in this small little walk. Truth was I was stalling trying to think of how to explain to her what had happened, how could I possibly make her understand?

I pulled the chair closer to hers and motioned her to sit down. I didn't even care that I had no shirt, all I needed was to talk to the blonde and bare my soul. I ran my hands through my hair trying to calm myself and find a way to begin the conversation. My leg bounced up and down anxiously and Lauren gave me a concerned look. I had to admit my actions weren't very confident this morning. I took a seat close to her and she held my hand once more reassuringly being her beautiful patient self.

"I want to talk to you about my past…" I blurted out as Lauren looked surprised. "I had a dream last night and…unfortunately it took me back to the state of mine that I was in when… when I had Fleur."

"Oh Bo" she whispered with comfort dripping from her tone.

"I thought after a good workout I'd feel better but I need to talk to someone." I finally admitted as she looked into my eyes touched.

"I'm here for you Bo." She explained as I met her eyes sadly as I nodded.

"I know and I thank you." I admitted as I looked over the yard.

"You can tell me anything Bo. I won't judge you…" she whispered and I wanted to believe her and take this plunge.

"I'm scared" I whispered as my voice trembled.

"I know, but I also know I've seen you somewhat happy these past few days. I have been nothing but happy to see how you and Fleur just grow closer with each passing second. I'm not going to let you fade again Bo, so talk to me please." She pleaded as I took a long sigh. "Trust me Bo."

"I guess that if I'm going to tell you these things I should very well start from the beginning." I let out a shaky sigh as Lauren waited patiently for me to gather my nerves.

"I'm sorry if I can't word things properly… truth is my secrets are burning a hole through my heart, and my bones catch a fever…when it cuts you up this deep, it's hard to find a way to breathe…" I closed my eyes and started with the basics "I was never in a real home."

Her eyes met mine as I started. There was something hidden behind her eyes that I couldn't quite place. I gave her a slow sad smirk before I continued. If I fretted too much I might not even tell her my horrific story.

"I assume my parents died when I was less than two but I cannot be certain. Everything from back then is very fuzzy and I cannot remember details very well but long story short I ended up in the system. I went to two good foster homes before I ended up in what I still remember as hell." My voice was bitter as I recalled living in that home the venom that poured out of me was fueled by years of resentment.

"Wow…" I heard the blonde exclaim before I nodded and stood overlooking the yard as I continued.

"Hector and Patricia were the kind of Foster parents that would collect the kids for the paychecks. I had about eight other foster 'siblings' if you want to call it that. I was six when Gregory moved into the house. He was 11 at the time and I couldn't really put my finger on what was that even at that age I didn't like about him." As if sensing the tension in my body at the mere mention of his name Lauren reached out and stood beside me steeling my resolve.

I closed my eyes tightly the pain of all those years washing over me. How much could I tell her? How much did I dare to bare before her? I looked up into her eyes and saw sadness and worry but also sincerity. I knew I had to tell her, she needed to know why I was as broken as I was. Lauren deserved to know why I couldn't give her the life her and Fleur deserved.

"The… the foster parents would use kind of a buddy system. Older kids to younger kids in an effort to ditch their own responsibilities. I was terrified of my environment at first, even though I kept thinking I'd get used to it I never really did. I would get two meals of porridge a day and would go hungry at night, as my foster parents indulged in alcohol and fine dinners and all the trimmings. One day I was so hungry that I took a piece of bread from the table. I must've been eight by then…"

The way my voice broke in the end must've alerted her to how painful this really was for me. I clenched my jaw as I tried hard not to cry again. I had decided long ago I was done crying about this, but this time I felt like I would break.

"Bo you don't have to…" she whispered but I nodded insisting.

"I do though… I need to tell you. I'm not brave enough to face my past, it would kill me Lauren." I whispered as I saw her jaw clench and she pulled me close.

"Then don't. I don't want you to ever have to see these animals again." She whispered in rage and I shook my head.

"You won't be saying that once you hear the whole story." I promised sadly.

I knew where the nightmare had come from. Lauren had me over for dinner the past few nights which Fleur absolutely loved. However when Fleur was excused and went to her friend's house to spend the night last night, I remember talking into the wee hours with Lauren. I had such a good time getting to know the things she liked and the things she didn't. The conversation would flow easily between us and even though I tried to encourage her to drink her wine with dinner she refused out of respect for me.

It wasn't until we moved to the couch that Lauren had received a call from the lab alerting of some findings Tamsin had made. Apparently Tamsin and Lauren had a small falling out and even though they were working together to solve Fleur's mystery they were doing opposite schedules to avoid one another. I had excused myself to the bathroom as she took the call, I guess I came back faster than expected because I could hear her bellowing into the phone in a firm angry tone.

' _Absolutely not Tamsin, I don't care what the findings say… I'm not putting Bo through that… NO! You cannot look for the Father either! I swear to you if I so much hear you did this behind my back we're done.'_

The thought of Tamsin speaking the truth while drunk had dawned on me rapidly. With Fleur's sudden recovery and her endless energy I had easily forgotten to ask Lauren about my fears. As I laid last night to sleep it weighted heavily in my head. When I woke up breathless and drenched in sweat I knew why that was.

"My 'buddy' sibling was in charge of punishing me for stealing the bread." I continued as her head snapped towards me in fear. "It was Gregory of course."

"Hector and Patricia had taken two of the kids with them to the store, the rest were in school and in the end Gregory and I were left behind…" my hands shook as did my voice and I could practically feel myself being thrown back with force into the moment so many years ago.

"Bo…" she whispered but I was hell bent now into telling somebody… anybody what had happened once and for all.

"I have to…" I whimpered my voice sounded as broken as I was. She nodded and I took a hard breath before I continued.

"He took me to the attic announcing he was to punish me now and made me sit on the floor…" tears rolled down my face as I found I had lost my voice to explain what had come next.

My mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water. I wanted to speak with all my heart but I was physically unable to. Lauren's voice shook as she spoke. It was covered by horror but I could also hear the tension of anger.

"Bo did he…?" her voice was firm and carried a fire like quality that I couldn't place, yet I understood the question suspended in the air.

I could only nod my response as a small sob escaped me as I vividly relived the moment. I felt my knees buckling as the memory crippled me and before I could hit the ground I felt Lauren take me in her arms strongly. I had started to cry uncontrollably as Lauren pulled even closer to her. I could feel her tears fall as well as I watched her jaw clenched hard.

"It went on for years after that…And last night I dreamt about it again." I admitted by the time I had calmed down.

"In my dream… time stood still the way it did before it's like I'm sleepwalking…"

"It's over now Bo… They can't hurt you. I won't let them." Her voice was so fierce and determined that I almost believed her.

"I thought it was over but it's not." I confessed as I pulled away searching her eyes.

She looked confused and angry and even in her fury I could not stop myself from admiring her beauty. She was this fierce for **me**. She had not run or yelled or accused me of being a slut as many had before. I had been led to believe that I had caused this somehow, earned it with my actions. My foster parents had insisted it had been my fault for acting like a child around a teenaged man. At the time I didn't understand, I didn't comprehend that what had happened to me was wrong, I thought I had caused this somehow like the people in my household accused. Yet Lauren still didn't know what the worse part was.

"I heard you talking to Tamsin last night." I confessed and her eyes grew wide while her face paled.

"Bo, I don't want you to think about that-"

"Do Fleur's chances improve if you have information about… that guy?" I countered quickly, I needed to know. "Please I need to know the truth."

She looked panicked into my eyes, searching for the right thing to say. I wanted the truth even though I already knew it and deep down I felt myself breaking into a million pieces once more. I was beginning to think I wasn't meant to feel whole ever.

"It would. I could probably cure her with his genetic information." She confessed in a low defeated voice and she looked down to the ground ashamed.

I felt my whole world close in on me and I took a deep breath trying to calm myself from the impending panic attack. I couldn't keep doing this to Lauren, I needed to be strong for her and Fleur even if I thought it'd be a losing battle. I threw my head back and looked into her eyes.

"I will never call him her Father, he doesn't deserve that." I spat suddenly angered and enraged myself. He didn't deserve to know Fleur, to meet such a beautiful smart and amazing child. "He should still live in that hell-hole I crawled out of with such difficulty."

She looked at me with a mixture of confusion and fear as I could see the wheels turning in her smart head.

"Gregory…" I bitterly mentioned and her eyes grew wide as I saw realization cross her eyes horrified by the confirmation.

"No Bo. It's out of the question!" she roared suddenly as she let me go and paced rapidly the length of that balcony with such fierceness. "Not one of these people is ever going to see you or talk to you ever again! It's…it's absolute horseshit!"

I was taken aback with her reaction, I had never seen Lauren so livid. She had been cold and distant when we met, yet this was a whole other level that blew anything else out of the water. I could see her knuckles white from the fists she was making as she muttered angrily under her breath while she paced faster. I normally would recoil from reactions like this, my upbringing had a lot of violent moments and it usually triggered me off. However looking at Lauren's ire I felt absolutely protected and whole. For a few seconds I could amaze myself with her and forget anything else. This woman was enraged **for me**. I had never experienced this before and it stunned me.

"I'll come up with another way. I'll do anything to keep you away from those barbarians!" she declared protectively.

I crossed the distance between us in a few short strides. The wind was now picking up making me chilly, yet the heat inside of me growing under Lauren's hot stare kept me put. I watched as her hair danced in the wind, her lips held in a tight angry scowl and her brow furrowed as she searched my eyes. Her caramel orbs held mine with such gentleness that it took my breath away and I grabbed the collar of her leather jacket pulling her to me quickly. I needed Lauren in this very second, it was something that grew inside me strongly. The way she had been moved, angered and hurt by my story was something I had not experienced in my life. The only other people that knew about this was my foster parents and Gregory so I had only received rejection and guilt.

I wasted no more time and brought our lips together kissing her fervently as she was careful not to touch my topless torso. I parted her lips expertly with my tongue as it danced with her own sending a shiver down my spine. I needed her closer than she already was and I grabbed her firmly and pulled her closer as she whimpered at my gesture. I groaned as I deepened the kiss and lost myself in her and her sweet grass lavender smell. Her arms finally wrapped themselves around me and I was now all too aware of how her fingers felt against my skin. I moaned loudly and suddenly I pulled away.

"I understand." She whispered looking into my eyes with conviction. "Don't be afraid, I'm still here. I won't go anywhere Bo, I'll be as careful as you need."

And she was. She had not run away from my broken self. She had picked up my burden to carry with me now. I couldn't explain how I knew this but how I felt lighter with Lauren knowing and yet staying which was extremely important to me. I needed to let her know how I felt, how **she** made me feel but I needed her to let go.

"I know with my past it's hard to be with me but sometimes I don't want you to be careful sometimes I just want to be normal… you make me feel…" I shook my hands not knowing how to word things.

"Tell me Bo, however you can, just tell me." She insisted.

"Your eyes are swallowing me, they're like mirrors that start to whisper where my shadows start to sing and my skin's smothering me I need you to help me find a way to breathe" I whispered with a smile as I melted into her caramel eyes enjoying feeling anchored in such a way for the first time in my entire life. This was the first time I had admitted to someone I needed their help, that I wanted it.

"I'll hold your hand and heart safely with me Bo. Thank you for letting me in." she whispered.

I boldly took a step forward feeling empowered by our sudden closeness. I remembered last night as she had covered my lips with her own leaving me breathless and consumed by her. My smile grew and I could see her staring at my lips wanting me to close the gap between us. I pulled her towards me wanting her to make the move and not be hesitant with me anymore.

"You're like a fallen star that has left me blind." she smiled almost bitterly. "you've left me in the dark"

"I don't understand."

"Thing is Bo… with you, with how things have gone down around us it's been so difficult to make heads or tails of anything." she held my hands gently and looked at me intensely. "With your condition it's like there's no dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight. In the shadow of your heart"

I looked down ashamed knowing this was the other shoe dropping. Maybe she had considered what was at stake. I wasn't stable and now she knew I would forever be broken. After curing Fleur even more so than before. I felt her finger hook underneath my chin as she prompted me up to look into her eyes.

"And in the dark, I can hear your heartbeat, I tried to find the sound but then it stopped, and I was in the darkness, so darkness I became…" her words washed over me as I understood what she was saying, hope grew in me and before I knew it her lips were on mine soft and smooth almost curing my heartbreak.

I was taken aback but my arms wrapped around her as I felt myself get lost in her lips, in her kiss, in her scent and her words. This woman kept picking up my pieces and putting them together even after the hundredth time I had been stretched too thinly. I let out a soft sigh for the first time in my life feeling the profound peace of someone knowing what had happened without pointing the finger at me. She pressed her forehead against mine and stared into my eyes so deeply I felt she was looking into my soul.

"…Then I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too, so I stayed in the darkness with you." She whispered as I closed my eyes a tear escaping me as her words touched my heart.

"You're amazing Lauren Lewis, how was I ever this lucky?" I admitted.

"We were brought together by the one thing we loved the most." She squeezed me as I smiled thinking fondly of the girl.

"Fleur." I whispered her beautiful name.

"She's the real mvp here as she would say." She joked and I giggled.

"There's my beautiful girl" she whispered as I felt my blush reach my cheeks.

"You're an angel." I breathed as she chuckled shaking her head.

"Just a scientist who will do everything in her power to protect the ones she loves." She whispered as she pulled me close wrapping her leather jacket around me.

I let her lead me into the house, in reality I was stunned. Directly or indirectly no matter what I had just told her Lauren had just told me she loved me for the second time ed. I felt stronger almost renewed and I couldn't have imagined myself feeling anything like this last night or even twenty minutes ago. She had pulled me from the darkest place I had and yet here we stood **stronger**.

Somehow with all the talk of it I found comfort in the fact that Lauren had been able to pull me from my past. I felt like now that I had confronted my demons and Lauren had not run for the hills I could push to confront them face to face. I needed to help Fleur and do my part in her recovery, it was my job as her mother and I would do my duty as such. I didn't want to broach it again, I already felt like we had dealt with enough heaviness for one morning so I kept these thoughts inside for another time.

Lauren led us to her beautiful black marble bathroom adjacent to her room and I threw her a glance. Inside I was scared, not of Lauren, but of the intimacy of the situation. I didn't want her to think that I didn't want to be close to her, because I did. However I wasn't exactly ready to bare my body as I had my soul. Somehow everything with Lauren felt important and I wanted to do things right. Even with the emotional drain placed on me I could admit it was hard not to give into the small part of me who wanted to shed my clothes off and lure Lauren into this bathtub and ravish her hard and fast until we both forgot our names, yet now I could see I couldn't do that. Not to Lauren; ever.

She had sat me on the closed toilet and I watched as she precisely sat at the edge of the bathtub and started a bath. She put a couple of drops of something in the water and it turned purple. I could smell her beautiful lavender scent engulf the whole bathroom and it calmed me immediately.

"I'm running a bath for you to relax. Just lay in here and let everything fade away Bo, when you come out I'll be in the kitchen making us breakfast. There's some of your clothes in the basket by my bed from when you came by the other night to watch TV with Fleur." She instructed gently as she held my eyes.

"You don't have to cook for me." I whispered shyly, it was so strange yet so comforting that she was taking care of me like this.

"I want to." She admitted.

"Thank you Lauren… for everything." I meant it with all my heart.

"Please do your best to put this situation out of your mind. Trust me, I'll find a way… you have to trust me though so don't go running off on me trying to play heroine. I know Fleur gets that impulsiveness from you missy." She chastised and I chuckled lightly thinking of the girl fondly.

I knew what she was asking me and as much as I now wanted to act and get Fleur better I decided that Lauren knew best. After all, Lauren was my pillar, my rock now and without her I couldn't go and face my demons even if I wanted to. I needed her to know though it wasn't about trust.

"Lauren… I have **never** told anyone what I just told you… you're the first person outside the household it happened in to know." She eyes bore into mine with realization "I trust you with all my heart Lauren. I have bared my heart for you, please take good care of it."

"I promise." She assured me with a truckload of conviction.

She kissed my forehead and walked out of the bathroom closing the door gently behind her. I looked at the door longingly before standing up and taking my clothes off slowly. The water was perfect and I sighed as I lowered my body into it and leaned my head back. As my eyes closed I saw Lauren's beautiful face as I tried to do what she asked and relax.


	12. Chapter 12

**I hope you all enjoy this chapter and remember to leave me a quick line or two to say how you liked it! I took a bit longer but I'm realizing the updates are getting longer and longer. I'm increasingly happier with how the story is developing. BIG KUDOS to my wife SuccubusShinobi and my buddy Kolton Ty for being my BETAS for these two chapters. Thanks!**

 **Remember to follow me on the twitter last_dragomir**

 **PLEASE: Remember this is a parallel story with 'Cosmic Love' which is from Lauren's POV. Make sure you check that one out too.**

 **Cheers eh!**

 **Disclaimer: As always characters belonging to Lost Girl are not mine but the storyline and settings are. All intellectual property belongs to their authors.**

 **Heavy In Your Arms**

 **Chapter 12:**

I sat there in the darkness, in the silence as the thoughts ran rampant in my head. I wanted to run, to scream, to fly away and never return but there was simply no way. As the door opened and a sliver of light came through I saw the dark figure at the doorway. His curly shaggy blonde hair shinning in the light from the hallway. My chest tightened in fear, my eyes darted around in search for an escape but there was none. I saw as his face held the sadistic smile I'd grown to know as he assured me like any other night.

"It's ahright sugah-pie, it's time to have some fun." He approached me and I threw my chin up trying to look defiant although the hammering in my chest proved otherwise.

As his fingers dug into me and I let out a whimper cursing myself for it when he smirked enjoying the fear he was getting out of me. What doesn't kill you makes you wish you were dead and I've got a hole in my soul, growing deeper and deeper to prove it. I can't take one more moment of this silence, the loneliness is haunting me. Night after night the weight of the worlds getting harder to hold up.

"Here this will make you normal and enjoy it. You're fucking broken and now I have to give you medicine to fix you up you ugly slut." He shoved a pill down my throat and within minutes the euphoric feeling and high came and I gave no care in the world. Down the rabbit hole I went with no hope of ever getting out.

TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

I could still feel myself screaming as I sat up in bed drenched in sweat. My chest was heaving and I couldn't control the sobs that escaped me. I rocked back and forth trying to shake the feeling away but I couldn't. It had been so **real** , too real. I could still feel my body tingle with my first high and with that and the full force of withdrawal hitting me, I leaned over the bed and dry heaved in the trash can. My trembling hands shook too bad to hold the bin much longer and I laid back on the bed with the memories now fresh in my mind warping my thoughts.

I felt trapped and unsafe, the darkness in the room was unsettling me but the wave after wave of cravings was rendering me breathless. I started to sweat and my mouth went dry as I felt my mind go a mile a minute now. I needed something, anything to take this away. I couldn't think, I couldn't talk, I couldn't breathe properly there was only the need to get high and forget his hands on me and my body.

I heard knocking at my door and with a jump over the bed I crammed the chair under the doorknob to prevent it from opening. Nobody was going to get me tonight, I needed to get out of here, to escape once and for all. My mind was not clear and at the sound of the male voice outside I panicked and turned on the radio blasting the sound over anything else. My trembling hands reached my ears and I covered them as tears spilled down my eyes. I wouldn't let them see me like this, I wouldn't let them break me no matter how hard they knocked on that door. Tonight he couldn't have me.

I leaned down against the wall as the man's voice came through the wall I couldn't understand why Gregory was doing this, changing his tone just trying to deceive me. I knew by heart his cruel tone, his insults, his sadistic words, his moans. His blue eyes and blonde hair captured many girls but he only ever focused on me. In a way I was glad nobody else was hurting, yet I wondered time and time again what I had done to gain this hell.

I heard a woman outside the door, I couldn't place the voice, so familiar yet so far away in the clouded judgement of my mind. I needed something, **anything** to calm this pain, to make it all go away. I needed a drink, or a pill-pop… maybe some blow… I **needed** to numb myself and get lost in somebody else to wash his hands off me. His greasy sweaty hands. I shut my eyes firmly as my breathing picked up from the overwhelming emotion and pain in my heart. It was like floodgates that had been opened in the middle of a rain storm.

I felt such gentle hands on me suddenly that it threw me off. My eyes opened and she was here in front of me just staring into my eyes carefully. She was only inches from me and I couldn't think, I couldn't breathe, all I knew was that _**I needed to be numb.**_ I leaned into her quickly and kissed her with fervor as my hands ran down her shoulders gripping her hips firmly pulling her against me and entering her mouth quickly as a moan left her lips. My mind was running a mile a minute in the fog of pain and darkness, my body acting on its own prepared to take what I **needed** right now.

As if a light had been shined in the darkness her soft gentle hand raised to my face and caressed my cheek with such care it blew me away. Her lips slowed as she set the pace and led me out of the fog. She disarmed the thoughts running rampant in my head making me come down to reality. Suddenly I could think, I could see clearly it was Lauren and in a second I pushed her off gently before crumbling within myself in hard deep sobs. I couldn't believe I had gone so far, I had almost… _Oh God Lauren…_

In seconds her hands were cupping my face pulling me up and her lips kissed my cheeks taking the tears away. I felt her come into my space and kneel before my crumbled soul as she found my lips and kissed me with such care and tenderness I could feel it touching my soul grounding me. It scared me how much she blew me away and I knew I didn't deserve this from her. After a few breaths I heard her sigh into the kiss and my eyes fluttered shut completely as my mind drew blank and I only focused on her and how she made me feel. She pulled apart as our kiss grew sweet and innocent, her eyes stayed shut and she leaned her head on my forehead.

"I'm here Bo, I'll always be here when you need me." She promised and I almost started crying again, this time from joy.

"I'm so terribly sorry Lauren." I choked and she shook her head.

"There's nothing to be sorry about Bo, you were not yourself but now you are." She held my hands gingerly.

My hand cupped her cheek as I tried to focus on putting the horrid nightmare behind me. I wanted Lauren to know how sorry I was from almost… I couldn't believe that this was happening when I had been the most happiest.

"Oh God Lauren how did you get in here?" I snapped out of it completely realizing with a start my door was barricaded and the radio was blasting.

I stood as she stood with me and I flicked my light switch as the light blinded both of us for a second. She winced as she stretched and shut off my radio. My eyes fell on the bruising forming across her chest as my hands trembled reaching out to soothe her but pulling away in the end.

"You're hurt." I whispered and she chuckled.

"I'm a badass, so I wince with pride right now." She rolled her eyes with a smile that melted my heart. "I jumped to your balcony from Ryan's window."

My eyes widened in surprise as I grew speechless from the thought of Lauren doing something so reckless for me. I pulled her close to me carefully in such an immense amount of relief I almost couldn't bare it.

"Why would you do something so stupid!" I admonished scared of losing her with all my heart. She wrapped her arms around me with a sigh.

"Because I love you Bo…" she breathed and I pulled away holding her at arm's length searching her eyes for confirmation.

"This will be my last confession Lauren…I love you has never felt like any blessing it's been whispered through my life like it's a secret, only to condemn the one who hears it with a heavy heart…. That's why I feel so heavy in your arms." I confessed when I realized she meant it. **She loved me.**

"I will carry both your heart and mine Bo." She whispered with such conviction I could only nod.

I looked into her eyes and she smiled touching my soul, strengthening me, picking me up from the ruins of my life and slowly piecing me back together. What had I ever done to deserve this woman was beyond me but she and Fleur made my life whole now, that I couldn't deny. I opened my mouth to say anything but Lauren's lips pressed against mine sweetly with a slight smile before she pulled back.

"You don't need to say anything back Bo. I wanted you to know how I felt." She was so raw and candid that I was completely surrendered to her.

"Let me tell Ryan and Kenzie that you're fine, that I'm fine and that we need to talk. I want to tell you something ok?" I nodded answering her, calming my heart.

My night had taken quite a turn. I could remember vividly how disoriented and alone I had felt from my nightmare. How I had confused it with reality at the force of the memory. Lauren had broken me out of all that pain and told me she loved me. I couldn't quite wrap my head around this. I picked up the phone quickly and dialed the number that I knew by heart.

"Bo what's wrong? It's very late, are you hurt?" her voice was so worried and I realized I should've contacted her way sooner.

"I'm not hurt but I need help. Your help. I'm confused." I heard her shuffle around and she sounded more awake.

"Keep going, what's changed since the last time we spoke?" she questioned, undoubtedly she had to be taking notes.

"Lauren and I have grown close." I breathed as she practically squealed.

"Go on, I need to know details here Bo." She warned and I felt soothed by the normalcy of speaking to my therapist.

"We've kissed quite a few times and… and she told me she loved me just now." I smiled.

"Is this something you're comfortable with?" she pondered and I smiled.

"I told her everything Evony… I just had a really bad trigger flashback and she snapped me out of it she deflected my sexual advance when I tried to comfort with it." I cringed confessing it.

"Recovery is not an easy road Bo, the important thing here is not that you almost lost control once but that you didn't fully lost control. Focus on positives like the fact that your new partner knows now why you've come to be the way you are and she has now told you she loves you." I could hear her chuckle before she continued "What about Fleur how is she doing?"

"Well that's how the whole thing started, Lauren is going to need Gregory if she's going to find the cure." I mumbled. "She was adamant in not asking me about this, I heard it some other way, she was scared to hurt me. I overheard and it triggered nightmares thinking of the impending meeting. She's been so careful around me and I don't want her to sometimes."

"Well… this changes a few things… I'll be in Toronto tomorrow Bo. I'd like to do a group session between you and Lauren, I think it's time I meet the woman who loves you."

I smiled liking the sound of that.

"I'll make that happen. Perhaps you can meet Fleur as well." I added and she let out a sigh.

"I hope you feel better Bo. Embrace Lauren, she's trying so hard it seems." Dr. Marquise offered and I agreed.

Lauren came back as I was ending the phone call. As I told her about my therapist wanting to meet with us tomorrow at 6:00p our eyes met and I could see relief in them. It was as if she could sense I was more stable, alert and at ease. She closed the door quietly and offered me a cup which smelled like chamomile tea. I took it gently from her hands and took a seat on my bed taking a small sip. I scalded my tongue and put it down with a frown as she let out a small chuckle.

"I'm sorry, I should've told you it was very hot." She blushed and I knew deep down in my heart I loved this woman as well as I patted the space beside me to offer her a seat.

It was new and different and very scary but it was also safe and peaceful and calm and exciting. I couldn't comprehend it quite well but the way I felt when I looked at Lauren, even when she was in just sweats and a tanktop made my breath catch in my throat. This woman was amazing and she was the mother of my child. I don't think I could've ever predicted or expected this wild turn of events.

"Thank you Lauren." I whispered as I turned to her, my hand rested on her cheek and she leaned into my touch. "You make my demons disappear sometimes."

"I'm glad." She whispered. "I know it's hard Bo but I beg of you, let me deal with Fleur's situation, I don't want you under unnecessary stress."

"I want to help." I confessed looking down at our entwined hands.

"And you have beautiful." She whispered and I blushed. "Now let me take the rest."

I nodded knowing now I had to let Lauren do her part. She was certain she could do things without me or Fleur seeing **him**. I needed to trust her and accept she could help me move on, she could fix my broken soul.

I felt the need rise within me it wasn't lust but more like a need for **her**. A need for closeness, for her soothing touch, for just her. I needed her to cover me with her healing hands and make me feel alive like she had when she had told me she loved me. I pushed forwards and captured her lips in mine kissing her gently yet deeply. I felt her arms around my neck as I gently pushed her down on the bed falling atop her carefully. I finally understood that I didn't want sex at this moment, I wanted intimacy, I wanted to bare myself to Lauren and have her gaze into the depths of my being.

I parted her lips with mine and we fell in sync like every time we did this. Her hands dropped to my waist and she squeezed my hip bones with her nimble fingers while sucking on my bottom lip. I let out a soft moan at the feeling of her touch and her sweet grass and lavender scent was overcrowding my senses. She smiled against my lips and I pulled away with a chuckle after pecking her lips softly a few times.

She was absolutely breath taking here in this moment. Her golden blonde hair framed her face as it fanned around her smiling features. She bore into my soul with her loving caramel eyes that held all the questions and all the answers I needed in this second. I don't know if she was even more beautiful to me by the fact that she knew all the things that had happened to me and didn't run.

"I can't believe you jumped to the balcony Doctor." I shushed and she laughed under me as I laid my head next to hers curling against her.

"It was pretty crazy, I should've gotten a ladder now that I think about it." She chuckled as I traced my fingers down her collarbone soothing the bruised skin.

"Would you stay with me tonight?" I whispered vulnerably hoping the nightmare wouldn't return.

"I will. Dyson came by earlier, he was worried about you. He's been staying in my couch since last night, so he'll take care of Fleur when she wakes up… I found out about Tamsin." She confessed and I could see it cut her to the core.

"I'm sorry for not telling you Lau, it was not my place." I explained as she shook her head.

"I don't want to talk about this right now though." She smiled sadly. "I actually wanted to share something with you."

"I'm intrigued now, go on." I smiled softly and she turned to me so that we were both on our sides while facing each other on my big bed.

"Well… you've shared with me so **so** much from your past that I think it's only fair I share some of mine." She started and I shook my head gently.

"You don't have to Lauren, that's not why I did it."

"But I want to Bo. You and I… we're the two sides of the same coin." She whispered and my curiosity grew.

"Only if you want." I said as I pulled her closer.

"I was too an orphan when I was young. I was probably two or so if that." She started and I felt myself stare at her in surprise.

"I didn't have any living relatives so I was quite literally alone, like you. Difference was that there was a lawyer my parents made the will with, he was determined not to let me fall in the system so he made arrangements for my living." She continued.

"Arrangements?" I asked as she smiled liking that I was following probably.

"Well… I had a house, I had many servants, butlers, a nanny, as many tutors as I could burn through and I had a cat at some point." She recalled.

"Who took care of you?" I asked as my brow furrowed in confusion.

"They did, my servants… you see my parents had a massive amount of money and it was left to me when the time came. My lawyer made sure I was properly taken care of and when I took off to college my trust fund kicked in." She shrugged blushing.

The thought hit me like a ton of bricks. She was an orphan like me, she had no parents or guardians to help her, only servants. It didn't matter that she was rich or had a mansion, she was alone. My hand rose to her cheek as I caressed her gently.

"You must've been so alone." I noted and she gave me a sad smile.

"I was." She confirmed "So to pass time I took all kinds of classes: etiquette, cooking, languages, politics, history and then one day I landed in science. I was used to just sitting in a corner and reading hours on end huge college level volumes. My tutors suggested to my guardian that I needed to go to college. He was skeptical at first since I was 16 at the time but in the end not even the best tutors had anything left for me to learn. He wanted me to take introductory courses and a year later go into med and I agreed. Medicine had intrigued me to no end."

She chuckled and I couldn't help but realize how much I loved seeing her smile. She was lost in a memory and then she pouted meeting my eyes once more.

"Nothing prepared me for college. It was very stressful. I was very socially awkward since I only spent my time with the servants." She blushed.

"You're cute" I smiled and she smiled back.

"Thank you." She whispered as she played with my hair.

"You grew up so fast, at 16 and in college dealing with credits and term papers, medical school…" I noted and she nodded blushing.

"Well, in a sense that's what drove me to adopt Fleur. I was very young still, 19 is hardly a time to have your life together but I had never been a child to begin with. I knew I was ready, I wanted to have a family and with a baby I knew I'd have that family always. I had the money and with…" her eyes fell guilty "…with Tamsin and Dyson to help, I knew I could do it."

"You are not responsible for Tamsin, Lauren." I assure her as she shakes her head.

"I still don't want to talk about it." She mumbled pouting in the most adorable way.

My eyes crinkled in a smile as I buried my face in her neck. She pulled me close and ran her fingertips down my spine as I burrowed further into her. She giggled as I tickled her neck with my nose and breathed her in.

"I'm so happy you found Fleur." I whispered meaning it completely, I couldn't imagine my life without them now.

"I'm so happy she found _**you**_." She countered and I smiled against her skin.

My eyes opened slowly as I felt weight on half of my body, the mess of blonde hair indicating me it was Lauren. I smiled remembering her opening up to me. It meant so much to me to know that somewhat Lauren knew how I had felt growing up. I knew now why she worked so hard to give Fleur a great childhood, why she was so on guard when Fleur came to meet me. As the sun came from where she came in through, it washed over her body tangled around mine. Her flat stomach was exposed as her tanktop had pulled up in our sleep and I couldn't help my eyes as they wondered the firm muscles. Her golden hair shinning with the light making me sigh in happiness. This woman loved me.

After a few seconds her eyes fluttered open, she smiled sleepily at me and I felt my heart melt. I brushed a blonde strand of hair out of her face with a smile. I didn't know what was going to happen after yesterday and last night, but I knew I wanted to show Lauren how much I appreciated having her in my life.

"Good morning." She mumbled blushing and I kissed her forehead.

"Good morning" I replied.

"What time is it? I should check on Fleur." She whispered and I nodded wanting to see our girl.

"I don't know, I passed out…" I mumbled groggily as she chuckled. "Haven't slept that good in a while."

"I'm glad." She replied earnestly.

"Let me take you out for dinner tonight. A date." I suggested out of the blue feeling the need to do things right with Lauren.

I wanted us both to get those experiences we missed out for growing up way too soon. I wasn't naïve to think Lauren had never had a date up until this point, but she hadn't had one with the mother of her child either. I chuckled at my own wit amused and she gave me mischievous eyes.

"A date?" she countered as I nodded fervently.

"I'd like you to be my first date." I insisted as I saw her eyes water before she nodded animatedly.

"I would love to." She whispered and before anything else was said her lips found mine.

I shuddered in delight as her soft lips brushed against mine in a gentle pace. I responded by deepening our kiss parting her lips with my tongue and reveling in the warmth of her mouth. I felt her hands grip the football jersey I was wearing pulling me even closer as a sigh escaped her lips. I slowed our pace and my hands found a home at the swell of her hip enjoying the warm skin under my digits. We must've been in our own little world because we were startled apart with a gasp.

"OH MY GOD!"I cringed recognizing the voice and Lauren pulled away from me as if burned.

As I looked at the doorway my suspicions were correct and there stood Fleur in a pair of jeans and her baseball jersey. Her eyes were wide in surprise but the beaming smile that ran across her lips told me she was far from upset at what she'd seen. I heard Lauren groan from beside me, she was covering her face in embarrassment with a deep red blush up her neck.

"Fleur…" she started but the kid was having none of it.

"There's nothing you two can say that makes this not what I think it is Momma." The young one offered and I just threw my head back and laughed. Our daughter was perfect.

Lauren was glancing at me with a small smile as Fleur gave me the 'have you grown a second head' look and I laughed even harder. I opened my arms wide and the kid didn't need a second thought to run and jump into bed next to Lauren and I snuggling into my arms. Lauren then snuggled my other side and right then and there between these two beauties I was happy.

"Does this mean I have two moms?" Fleur fired off excitedly and I laughed.

"Well, I thought you already did." Lauren poked her tongue out at her making me snort some laughter.

"You know what I mean, are you guys dating? I'm super stoked about this by the way." The kid rambled and I thought about it for a second.

"Well, Fleur thing is…" I could tell Lauren was looking for the words to let her know there was much uncertainty in what she and I were going through but I wanted none of that.

"We're going on our first date tonight so you **could** technically say we are dating." I interjected as Lauren's eyes darted up at me in disbelief and longing.

"Oh my God!" Fleur jumped off our embrace to pace my room. "I have two parents!"

As the girl paced up and down the room I couldn't help but look at her fondly. I couldn't handle the implications of what she had said right now. I too had longed so long for a set of parents and I knew this happy moment was not one that I was in a hurry to burst. There was so much happiness within me seeing my child smiling and laughing that I promised myself then and there that I would **never** let anyone take that from her. I reminded myself that I was her mother and I was here to protect her no matter the cost. As I looked at Lauren laughing and edging Fleur on her rant I realized with her by my side I could take on whatever life would throw at me.

"Mom!" I blinked a few times as I stared at the semi-teenager's face realizing with a start that she was talking to me. _She had called me_ _ **mom.**_

"I…uh…what?" I asked clearly taken aback as Lauren's hand found my own squeezing it.

"Are you going to work out or are you going to make out?" she teased making kissing lips as I blushed and threw a pillow at her.

"I'm going to work out." I declared as Lauren was giggling on the bed.

I suddenly turned on her, mad that I was the one under scrutiny from our child and decided to get even. My hands attacked her sides quickly and her laughter took over the room immediately.

"What's so fuckin funny gigglybits?" I whispered as she laughed even louder and Fleur jumped in to help.

"Mom, language!" the younger kid admonished with a look and I shook my head before leaping out of bed with a huge grin.

"Get changed kiddo, I'll meet you at the gym." I winked at Fleur as her face lit up and she ran out of the room in a dash.

I looked down on my bed as Lauren laid there in a beautiful mess quieting her laughter as her chest rose up and down with her hard breaths. I could feel my heart beat faster at the sight and my smile stretched against my lips. I could tell she was happy and so was I.

"My God you're beautiful." I smiled and she bit her bottom lip.

"Thank you." She breathed as I smiled before turning and gathering my workout clothes.

I opened my closet and searched for my gloves, excited to put them on once more. The prospect of showing things I knew to Fleur was exhilarating. I was kind of relieved that Fleur knew, things were starting to slowly fall into place and even though I dreaded what we needed to do to find the cure I trusted Lauren to find a resolve. I looked at her on the bed just staring at me with so much love I couldn't help but smile.

"So, the cat's out of the bag." She mused looking at me from half lidded eyes as I licked my lips nodding.

"She's a smart one, like her Momma, it was only a matter of time." I admitted and she blushed.

"Bo… if you need me to talk to her about calling you Mom…" she offered as I shook my head with a small fond smile.

"I'm ready Lau, she is my child and I am her mother." I admitted as the blonde smiled brightly.

"Then I'm especially sad I don't have time for breakfast, I have to get to the lab soon." She whispered and I pouted.

"I'm taking Fleur with me to the office to pick up an assignment then." I declared and she smiled as she nodded.

"Did you mean it about that date?" she was shy about it and it only endeared her even more.

"With all my heart" I whispered as I leaned over her before kissing her lips gently. "I'll meet you up at 6:00pm, we'll go for my therapist, then dinner and something fun so dress comfortably."

"I look forwards to it Bo." She whispered as she caressed my cheek.

I kissed her palm before pulling away and going down the hall to get changed. On the way I met Kenzie in the hallway, I looked down ashamed of my behaviour but her smile and good mood didn't falter. She shoved me a bit and ruffled my hair.

"Feeling better? I heard the Doctor made a house call." She teased and I blushed deeply.

"She did, and I do feel much better thanks for understanding guys." I admitted as she smiled at me fondly.

"No problem Bo-bo, I'm glad Hotpants has you covered." She winked and I laughed.

"Fleur called me mom today." I blurted out and her jaw dropped to the floor.

" .Gee!" she gushed and I laughed nodding.

"I'm pretty stoked myself, it's pretty amazeballs." I gushed back and she shook me a bit in excitement.

Suddenly I heard a hand saw break through the late morning silence and I frowned knowing Ryan was probably going repair crazy now. Kenzie laughed at my expression and I stuck my tongue out at her.

"Ryan's doing some repairs, no worries, you'll see when you go by." She patted my back as she walked away and my curiosity piqued.

I got changed quickly into a pair of shorts and a Penguins jersey over my sports-bra, I decided to keep the hair out of my face with a snapback backwards to match my jersey. By the time I came back to my room Lauren was gone, I smiled as I made my bed noticing her aroma still in my sheets. I grabbed my gloves and my Ribcor Reckoner Stick and headed out into the day repeating Evony's mantra in my head. Blank canvas.

The sound of Ryan's saw got louder and louder as I neared the back yard fence and I noticed he was taking a portion of it out. Dyson was with him both of them oozing testosterone as Dyson had no shirt and Ryan wore a tight white tanktop. I chuckled at the duo and decided to apologize for the ruckus I caused last night. I was embarrassed by my behaviour yet after talking to Dr. Marquise she reminded me that sometimes it was out of my control and the only thing I could really control was my reaction.

"Good morning Chip and Dale." I chuckled and Dyson shook his head at me laughing.

"Morning Bo. You feeling better?" Ryan asked as I nodded.

"Who wouldn't with Lauren giving you CPR." Dyson teased as I blushed hard wondering how did he know.

"Your kid is too excited for your own good." Ryan laughed in explanation. "After she went inside the Doctor made the walk as well."

"Oh Lord…" I laughed seeing the humour in the situation and shook my head.

"Yup!" Dyson chimed in as they got to work again.

"Ry, can I use the car today?" I asked shyly.

I didn't like driving all that much, but I didn't want Ryan to drive us around in our date. It would also mean getting around with Fleur all that more easy.

"Yeah, I have a few plans to go through for a new project so I'll be bunkered in all day. Should I concern myself with where you're going?" he was cautious but sounded light hearted.

"I'm taking Lauren on a date tonight so I wanted to drive around." I declared with a huge smile.

Dyson let out an amused whistle as Ryan looked at me with raised eyebrows in surprise.

"Lauren likes Asian food Bo, you'll win her heart if you take her somewhere like that." Dyson suggested and suddenly I was glad he liked me.

"Thanks Dyson!" I smiled. "Close your jaw Ryan, it's not polite to stare."

With that I continued my walk hoping to catch Lauren before she left. I knew I'd see her again soon, but I just couldn't resist the want to see her. It was as if last night had showed me just how much the woman had healed me little by little without me noticing. I was excited to do a normal thing with her and take her out to dinner like a normal person. I had entertained the idea last night after I had opened up to Lauren about my past.

We had lounged around in the house just watching old movies to keep my mind off of things after I had taken my bath. Lauren had made us brunch with loads of fruit and bacon knowing it was two of my favourite things. On a bathroom break she took I looked through my phone for restaurants she might've been interested in. With Dyson's recent confirmation I knew exactly where we were going.

When I went into the gym Fleur was already down there in a Crosby team Canada jersey and her shorts. I could hear her hitting the wall even before I came down the stairs. When she saw me with my gloves and my stick her smile stretched out wide in excitement. I returned her smile and tapped her legs with my stick as I put my gloves on. We ran some stretches and in a few minutes my heart skipped a beat as I saw Lauren come down the stairs.

"I'm leaving now, thought I'd come and say goodbye." She smiled as Fleur hung to her waist in a genuine tight hug.

The blonde looked graceful and smart with a white button down blouse and dark jeans as brown boots adorned her feet. Her blonde hair was straightened and framed her face so lovely I couldn't help but stare. Her eyes caught mine as she looked me up and down and bit her bottom lip beckoning me towards her with her caramel eyes. I obediently closed the distance between us as Fleur looked up and included me in the hug with a smile.

"Be safe." I whispered and she nodded before pulling me in for a soft kiss.

"You're so cute!" Our daughter squealed in excitement and we pulled apart chuckling as she kissed Lauren's cheek before running off to her stick.

"She's not allowed on the ice yet and please keep an eye on her blood pressure for me." The blonde asked gently and I nodded diligently.

"I will." I whispered and she smiled.

"You ARE too cute in this outfit." She sighed as I rolled my eyes with a smile. "Maybe you'll get me into hockey…"

I didn't miss the mischievous tone in her voice with the ending statement and the way her eyes captured mine made my throat run dry. After several minutes of instructions to Fleur and one last scorching kiss when I walked her to the door Lauren took her leave as Fleur and I got back to training.

"The fact that your Momma hasn't cleared you for ice time doesn't mean that you're going to slack off on your game young lady." I instructed and she listened intently nodding at the end.

"We're going to do a few stretches and leg exercises today and some shooting drills, tomorrow if you feel up to it we'll hit the pavement and get some road hockey in." I mentioned giving her some tape.

"My stick has tape already, coach did it last practice" she countered and I smiled shaking my head.

"Your stick is your ultimate shield and weapon on the ice. You need to treat it with care and respect game in and game out. You need to feel it out and adjust it with tape when necessary because every game is different and you'll go into different streaks." I advised and she listened intently. "Have you seen the way 87 tapes his stick?"

"Yeah, I want to learn how to do it." She admitted and I smiled.

"I can show you right now. Just remember that even though he probably tapes it the same day in and day out he does it freshly every game." I gave her some food for thought and from then on we started.

After that I taught her how to tape her stick and how to feel it out and make sure it was feeling even to her. We took some time shooting the puck in net after we stretched and I gave her some pointers in adjusting her stance and balance. After a bit I saw her flushed pink cheeks and realized we had been working along for hours with just some Gatorade and water.

I promised her lunch when we went to my office so with the promise of meeting up in 20 minutes at my house she ran past Dyson towards the shower. The scruffy fellow watched me down a glass of orange juice before offering me a smile. He had donned a shirt now and was looking in the fridge for some food.

"I'm your neighbor too now, you know?" he offered as I raised my eyebrow "We live right next to your house." He pointed out.

"Lauren told me that you are staying over here." I ventured to ask.

"Ah yes… well I was done playing the martyr husband. My wife wants no help for a problem she doesn't have and she spends her time now deflecting her issues onto Fleur's research." He explained as I shook my head.

"Maybe she should get counseling." I recommended as he nodded.

"Maybe, but she's going to have to figure that out herself. I gave her the chance, she doesn't want to take it so I'll be here until she does." He frowned.

"Takes a brave man Dyson." I assured him as he smiled at me in gratitude. "I have to go get changed, Fleur will be finished soon."

Fleur and I sat outside in a patio as the sun shone on us. We kept glancing at the Jays game on the TV to keep up with the score. Fleur had insisted on us wearing our Jays jerseys today and I obviously obliged. Even though I loved my tight leather and tanktops sports apparel had been a clear plus within my job. We had already gone to my office where Fleur had met most of my new co-workers proudly stating she was my daughter. I could only smile fondly and nod with emotion built up in my throat. Spending time with Fleur was the best to me, rivaling spending time with Lauren by an inch or two. I had learned she loved a few of the bands I loved myself and we had jammed out to a few of them on our drive around the city.

"What are you having Mom?" she asked curiously and I reveled in the sound of the name leaving her lips.

It was surreal to me that she was calling me her mother; that she deemed me worthy. I smiled at her and wiped a bit of whipped cream from her cheek as she gave me a blushing smile. I took a long happy sigh not wanting to ever let go of this amazing feeling of being Fleur's mother.

"I a torn between the beef tartare and the duck confit legs." I admitted reading the selections over again.

"I've never had any of those before." She mused and I tapped her nose as she slurped on her milkshake.

"Well my little munchkin, you'll try some of mine for sure. That way you won't miss out on that burger I see you eyeing." I winked and she giggled.

"Mom… did you play hockey when you were small?" she looked like she had been wanting to ask for a while. "It's just you know so much…"

I smiled as I felt us bonding through the thing that got me through the darkness of life; sports. This was a question I could easily broach without much repercussions. My fosters had indulged me playing sports because it kept me out of the house and the local arena gave me a meal after practice. I was one mouth less to feed on those days and for me it was an escape of my daily hell.

"I played for the Tim's league in my town back when I was a wee-baby Shamus." I joked and she brightened up.

"What position did you play? What number did you wear? Tell me everything!" she shot off as I laughed.

"I was a centre like you." Her eyes shone with excitement as she bounced in her seat with wide eyes. "I wore number 16 and I dropped my gloves quite often, got me a few misconducts."

She wrinkled her nose and laughed as she shook her head.

"Momma says I can't drop the gloves unless I have a perfectly good reason for her when I come out of my game." She mumbled and I laughed.

"Well your Momma is right, however **if** someone makes you drop gloves and you feel it's justified you stand up for yourself young lady." I advised wanting her to understand something no matter how old she was.

"You're a strong lady who deserves all the respect in the world, from anybody as long as you give it. Anybody who doesn't give you that respect doesn't deserve your mere presence and you are entitled to give yourself that respect no matter what." I caught myself maybe talking over her head since she was so young but I could see the gears in her head turning as she internalized my words.

"I will remember that Mom." She whispered and before the food got there snapping us out of such deep conversation.

TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

I wrung my hands together as I looked at the half painted shell. You could tell that the regal looking space would be an office in no time. I was nervous now and regretted not grabbing that handkerchief Ryan had offered before I left the house. Lauren had ran a little late and we had decided to meet at Evony's office so she would have a bit more time. I smoothed my black tight pants and played with the hem of my knee-high boots for what felt like the thousandth time. As I heard the door I stood and my breath caught in my throat as I saw Lauren come in the office. She looked astonishing in a beige halter-neck blouse and dark pants as her straight hair framed her face perfectly with the right touch of makeup to her eyes. I couldn't help but smile as she approached me and I got lost in the moment of seeing her approach.

"I'm sorry I'm late my conference with Dr. Reid ran a little later than usual." She tried as I shook her off.

"It's alright, you're only late by a few minutes anyways. Besides, it must be a first for a first date to be in a shrink's office." I tried to joke as she rolled her eyes and chuckled.

"I don't think we do anything conventionally Bo, I mean we have a daughter, yet this is our first date." The warmth of her smile enveloped me and I couldn't help but kiss her lips gently before pulling apart.

"You look amazingly beautiful." I breathed as she blushed.

"As do you, Bo! I must say, I really do love how this blue goes with you." She mentioned tugging on my leather jacket as I smiled widely.

"If two are done eating each other with your eyes then come on in, by all means." Evony's voice broke through the office as I smiled rolling my eyes.

"Can you believe the basket case is my Doctor?" I mumbled as I entwined my fingers with Lauren's pulling her with me to the new office.

Evony's office was just as I remembered it in Ottawa to the last detail. I was glad to see the familiarity. She even had the punching bag in the corner we used for my sessions quite often. Lauren seemed to be taking it all in until her eyes fell on my therapist.

She was young even by Doctor Standards but not as young as the beauty holding my hand. Her brunette hair fell in waves unusually loose from its bun prison as her thick rosy lips stretched in a smile, her big eyes shining with curiosity. Before I could introduce them I felt Lauren's professional demeanor come on covering her with confidence. She was so attractive when she was in her element and I couldn't help the heat that raced through my body.

I still couldn't get used to the fact that I wanted Lauren, I wanted her sexually as well as mentally. It wasn't the unhinged and primal urge to numb myself as if had been until now. It was different and it scared me but at the same time I felt like it was right this time and that somehow it was the way it was meant to be felt if I wasn't as broken as I was.

"I'm Doctor Lewis, I've heard much about you from Bo and the community of course." Lauren spoke up taking me out of my thoughts as she shook Evony's hand.

"It's a pleasure to finally meet you Doctor Lewis, I'm flattered that you've heard of me. I hope you haven't needed my kind of help in the past" Evony winked and Lauren smiled charismatically before answering.

"Not at all… I must admit, I took up reading about your work and expertise after meeting Bo." She squeezed my hand that was still in hers giving me a fond glance and a smile.

"I wouldn't expect anything else from such a professional. A good Doctor does their homework." My therapist smiled and I let the words wash over me.

She had studied up on me, probably how to act around me, to treat me. It was weird, yet with what I now knew of Lauren I knew it was a normal thing for her to do, I was kind of flattered that she had gone to such lengths.

"Ysabeau!" my head snapped towards Dr. Marquise and I smiled sheepishly. I had been staring at Lauren. "My, oh my look at you my dear girl."

I blushed and crossed my arms with a huff as Lauren chuckled beside me. The sound alone made me smile a bit and drop my tough act almost immediately. Evony was getting a kick out of all this, I could tell. She was noting down things here and there and kept smiling at us pleased.

"Well, now that you're both here do any of you want to talk about what's going on?" This is what I loved about her, she went straight to the point.

Lauren gave me a look as if gaging the situation to know how much she could say, perhaps how much could I? I gave her hand a soft reassuring squeeze and with a soft tight lipped smile she took the initiative.

"I'm not going to be naïve and think you don't know who I am, there's a reason why I'm here." She smiled and Evony mirrored it. "My daughter Fleur very recently turned into **our** daughter Fleur… we also found out she's sick and there are certain complications to her recovery."

Evony nodded and took a few notes before turning to me. "How has spending time with Fleur? Let's start simple like that…"

"I really enjoy it. It was really scary when I called you because she had an episode. Lauren has been working endlessly to get her up and running and about a week ago she was brilliant enough to get a treatment going for her." I opened up as Lauren nodded here and there.

"Unfortunately my research all points to…" I watched as Lauren's jaw clenched hard and in an instant that breathtaking fury was back within her.

"I'm going to guess Bo has by now told you about her foster life and Gregory." Evony chimed in as Lauren nodded, her knuckles white from exertion.

"We spoke about it yesterday morning, it's what I believe led to her episode." Lauren chimed in and Evony nodded.

"Bo…"

"Yeah… I think talking about it sent me to that dark place again. I would've worked-out but it was the middle of the night, I was quite disoriented." I confessed with a frown as Lauren squeezed my hand reassuringly.

"This… I like this" Evony smiled pointing at our hands. "It seems like you finally have found someone to be strong enough to be your support system. As I always tell you, the strength to keep on your path is on you, but having people here for you can be the difference between you getting overwhelmed and you overcoming an obstacle."

I nodded understanding her now with a sudden new light. Lauren and in some capacity Fleur were my support system, the people who along with Kenzie and Ryan helped me keep myself afloat. My phone rung and I realized it was work, I needed to pick up, they wouldn't be calling me if it wasn't important.

"Sorry guys it's work." I explained as Evony gave me a nod and Lauren a smile.

"Go ahead and use the waiting room, we'll be here Bo. We're almost done unless there's more you want to talk about." I shook my head and stood heading towards the lobby.

Picking up hearing one of the departments assistants briefing me I realized that now that the hard parts were done I was super excited to take Lauren out. As I listened to the details of my new assignment I felt my stomach do flips at the prospect of having a normal night with Lauren. To me this felt like perhaps the start of something I had never experienced in my life.


	13. Chapter 13

**Sorry about the delay, internet went down for a bit. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. It was challenging to write but I love it. If you guys love it too drop me a line or two in the reviews! A shout out to Ronda Rousey for addressing mental health in public recently guys!**

 **Remember to follow me on the twitter last_dragomir**

 **PLEASE: Remember this is a parallel story with 'Cosmic Love' which is from Lauren's POV. Make sure you check that one out too.**

 **Cheers eh!**

 **Disclaimer: As always characters belonging to Lost Girl are not mine but the storyline and settings are. All intellectual property belongs to their authors.**

 **Heavy In Your Arms**

 **Chapter 13:**

I was nervous beyond believe when Lauren and I finally got to the parking lot. It was a cool evening out with a slight breeze and I watched as Lauren reached in her car to grab a jacket. I leaned against the electric blue and black Skyline that I had restored with Ryan, waiting patiently for her to bundle up. I was unsure how to proceed but I knew I didn't want us to go in separate vehicles.

"Hey, how about we take the car?" I pointed behind me. "I'll bring you by later to get your car of course. I kinda borrowed it to drive us around."

She chuckled and appraised the car behind me with a raised eyebrow. I gave her a sly smile wanting her to agree. I wasn't too sure of the etiquette of a first date but I was almost certain two cars wasn't it.

"Are you sure we won't die?" she teased as I gave her an unamused look and opened the passenger door.

"I can't make any promises but if it happens it wasn't me." I winked and she chuckled strapping herself in.

"Thank you" she mumbled.

I ran to the other side feeling a mixture of adrenaline and fear as I sat down on the driver's seat turning the car on with a smile. I wanted this date to go good, I had read that first dates usually made or broke relationships. I wasn't going to allude myself that this was a normal relationship, but I wanted it to be. I wanted to be normal, I had always wanted to, but now I wanted to be normal for my child and her mother. I found it ironic how all my life I had wanted a family and when I finally gave up on the thought life had given me one.

"I hope you don't mind the radio, I don't remember how to change the station in this touch screen Ryan installed recently." I brooded not liking the new addition.

"It's alright, I don't mind. Where are we going?" she tried but I shook my finger and tsk'd at her attempt.

"Nope, not telling you until we get there." I smiled smugly and she huffed.

"I… I don't know how these things usually go beyond what you see in moves." I admitted feeling self-conscious about the uncertainty of not knowing how to go about these things.

"Just be yourself Bo, you already have my heart." She whispered and I felt myself visibly relax.

The rest of the drive was peaceful as I tapped my fingers on the steering wheel to calm down my raging nerves. I was scared of screwing up things with the mother of my child. I had heard horror stories about relationships gone wrong with split custodies after failed romances. I by no means thought Lauren would be like that but it scared me putting myself and my child out here like this.

As we approached the restaurant I became increasingly nervous and my palms were sweaty. It was the first time I was taking someone somewhere and I hoped I didn't disappoint. Lauren had been so amazing to me these past few weeks that I wanted to give her everything she deserved and more. I knew she enjoyed spending time with me and her assurance to relax hadn't fallen on deaf ears.

I pulled up to the valet and when her face turned to me in immense surprise I imagined I had done something right. I rushed out of the car as the young teenaged valet smiled widely at the car. All I could see was Lauren and how she was taking in the restaurant's view. When she turned to me extending her hand which I took with a squeeze I could see her eyes lighting up with excitement like when she watched documentaries about hyenas and stuff.

When we came in she marveled at the decor and mentioned little things here and there that were historically accurate to the time period the restaurant wanted to represent. I could honestly hear her talk all night long of intelligent things like this and not grow tired. I didn't care much for the restaurant, I had come by to make the reservations in person earlier with Fleur so it wasn't new to me. The beauty in front of me captivated all my thoughts.

As if in the far distance I heard someone speak when we got to the host stand. I was completely immersed in Lauren's appraisal of the place that I had not heard what the person said. I looked up flustered and embarrassed I had such a lapse in composure to meet a red-head pulling out all the stops.

"What can I have the pleasure of doing for you?" the red-head finished.

Before I could respond to the shameless flirting I saw Lauren tense up. I was about to ask her if there was anything wrong but in one swift movement she positioned herself in front of me with her back at the hostess. Her eyes held mine in a scorching gaze as she fixed the collar of my jacket lovingly, it was then I realized what this was. _She was jealous._ I had seen both behaviours a number of times with previous sexual partners that had expected more of me at some point but with Lauren it was different and I kind of really liked it. I licked my lips with a knowing smile wanting to kiss her so badly.

"I can't believe you brought me here, I've been wanting to come here for months" she confessed in a whisper as I wrapped her in my arms.

"Fleur told me you like Ramen." I explained since Fleur had practically coached me on my entire night.

" _Mom have you thought of where you are taking Momma tonight?" Fleur had asked shyly as we drove around the city after our lunch._

" _I had some ideas but nothing concrete yet…" I confessed "You have any tips kiddo?"_

" _Yes!" she smiled "I have tons of tips to make Momma happy!"_

" _Well come on, don't make me beg eh." I chuckled and she shoved me with her small delicate hand._

" _You gotta take her to eat somewhere either really eccentric or Asian." Fleur nodded pleased with herself._

" _I had thought about a Ramen House I had heard was opening up here." I admitted while the small girl nodded._

" _Momma_ _ **loves**_ _Ramen, you've gotta." She smiled. "I also have great tips for conversation and you_ _ **must**_ _take her phone from her, if not she'll be on it on work e-mails all night."_

I was pulled to reality by Lauren's soft lips capturing my own. It was soft and sweet and my arms tightened around her on their own will. I could feel how warm the skin of her back was against my fingers and her lavender and sweet-grass scent invaded my senses. I was only pulled out of deepening the kiss and getting even more lost in her by the clearing of the throat I could only imagine came from the redhead. We pulled apart and I could see my beautiful blonde blushing under my stare as I spoke up.

"Reservation for two under Bo Dennis." I said in a deep tone covered by my arousal.

"Right this way." The hostess huffed as we followed.

My heart pounded in my chest out of fear. I was nervous about the whole date thing but I was even more terrified of myself. Thing was the more time I spent with Lauren the more I realized how much I really **wanted** her. I cursed myself for getting distracted at Evony's office earlier and not taking the time to ask the important questions. It was as if every time Lauren touched me this fiery need grew inside me wanting **more**. It was foreign to the way I felt around arousal normally so it scared me to no end. Usually I wanted nothing but to be numb, yet the more Lauren touched me, kissed me and caressed me the more I wanted to feel her.

We sat in the small table ordering our drinks as we made small talk. I loved how her eyes shone as she took in the atmosphere. We made small talk about Fleur, anime and overall nerdiness when I royally fucked up.

"Is that what we have?" Lauren whispered capturing my eyes as I tried to revise the prior sentence. _I thought you were the nerd in this relationship._

"I would like that… I dunno…" I mumbled blushing looking at my hands nervously. I don't think I could handle her rejecting me at this point.

"I would like that too Bo. I would like for you to be my girlfriend." I looked up at her when she said it and my smile grew as I realized what she was saying.

"I…" I tried before giving out a slight chuckle. "I'd like that. I'm not too sure how this whole girlfriend thing works but I promise I'll try."

After that declaration I felt on cloud nine. I felt bold enough to order for her and at some point we talked about my background in kitchens and how I had learned to cook. She held my hand probably perceiving that it was hard for me to relive these memories. It was not a complete sad time in my life but it wasn't extremely happy either.

Truth was I had found my independence in the restaurant business. When I turned 14 I had become a dishwasher to work on nights and bring money to the house for Hector and Patricia. It was so freeing to even be out of the house and away from that hell that I didn't care that they were keeping my money. By the time I was 16 I was heavy into oxy's and X and had wanted to make more money for that. It was the only thing that kept me sane with Gregory around being so demanding and controlling, with some favours I got thrown into the line at some point to learn burgers and from there it grew. By the time I had given up Fleur I had run away from my foster home to Ottawa and was homeless in the city working lines and doing lines between binges of sex and parties. I eventually moved into a place and found it freeing to not be under the control of those monsters, yet the damage was already done.

"I used to play laser tag with my nanny in stormy days, stormy days are my favourite." She mentioned as we talked about her childhood.

"Was she any good or did you let her win?" I asked with a teasing smile as I sipped my drink.

"She was decent, we still keep the tally." She smiled.

"Do you still see them?" I asked and she looked down at her hands sadly.

"I haven't in a long time." She mentioned quietly and I didn't press.

We moved on to lighter topics and by the time dessert came I was beyond excited that she had agreed for me to take Fleur on the work trip I had. I was looking forward to the morning training with Fleur to let her know all the details of tonight and our trip. It was nice because I could feel like Fleur and I were beginning to become friends.

Lauren broke my thoughts offering me some of her dessert which I took happily. I indulged in the decadent taste and didn't miss the expression on the blonde. I was well aware I had some kind of effect of the woman and it exhilarated me as much as it petrified me. I couldn't mess this up: not for Fleur not for Lauren.

When the bill came she tried to grab it before I did. I took it from her hands with a soft glare and shook my head indignantly. I couldn't believe such cheekiness but I guess I had seen it in Fleur too at times, not from me might I add.

"Don't insult me Doctor, I invited you out." I mentioned firmly as she shook her head.

"Bo I can cover some of it." She insisted as I dropped some bills in the booklet and gave it to our server.

"Well now it's done." I winked at her as she rolled her eyes but still smiled at me brightly.

I was very anxious as we drove away. As much as the date had given me a mountain of confidence, what I was about to share soon was very personal. I had told Lauren things I had never told anyone about before and now I wanted to share with her something no one else ever knew about out. I didn't know if it was a creepy thing to do on a date, but this was my first one so I didn't have much to base it with. I thought that perhaps sharing something so deep for me would be something memorable that she could enjoy from the evening.

As we pulled in the abandoned building's parking lot I could see the confusion and curiosity grow on her face. She and Fleur had similar expressions and it was very lovely seeing how she had molded our daughter. I smiled as I shut off the car and gave her a glance inviting her to follow me. When we were outside I held her hand and guided her to where I knew the hole on the fence was.

Truth was this was the first place I came to when I arrived in Toronto. I wanted to see if it was here. I had lied to Fleur when we first met telling her I had never been here before. Lauren followed me silently and patiently and I felt the need to speak up before she voiced any concern.

"I promise I'm not being a creep." I promised.

She laughed and squeezed my hand reassuringly. The fact that she was going with this made it so much more comfortable for me to open up. Lauren was truly an angel in disguise to me.

"I **was** giving you the benefit of the doubt…" she teased as I chuckled leading her into the building which was lit up by moonlight in the middle of the courtyard.

"When I was ten I had decided I was either going to do one of two things: Kill myself or run away." I mentioned trying to stay detached from the story as if I was telling her an old movie I had seen as she listened intently.

"I managed to steal the neighbor's van one night. I knew how to drive since I was about nine and a half and this particular van was wheelchair accessible so I didn't even have to worry about reaching the pedals." I laughed remembering how absurd it was.

"Where did you go?" she asked as I opened my arms wide presenting to her my pseudo-home for that time being.

The building looked a lot like when I had been here, it was rundown but the kids kept it clean-ish. There was various murals along the walls of the courtyard and in the middle of it was our pride and joy. It was a rink with makeshift boards and nets complete with a pile of in-line skates and hockey sticks. It was too warm for ice but that didn't stop the hockey. I looked at the mural that Lauren was appraising and smiled widely. I was amazed it was still here but it was a great tribute to Lemieux and his hockey playing days.

"It took me two months to make that. I would steal the spray cans from a local hardware believe it or not." I chuckled.

I smiled reminiscing how I would get chased down the blocks around here if I got caught once in a blue moon. I really was a little shit sometimes. Yet this mural helped my depression so much… the work kept my mind from the hunger and the cold I always felt. While the neighborhood kids left to their homes with their moms I would huddle up in a corner. I looked at the rink remembering how many games we played in it.

"It was winter back then, I had almost crashed the van in the parking lot with all the ice, but I learned how to drive in ice that winter. I ended up here where some of the neighborhood kids would play in the rink. The van was too cold for the nights then, here I could burn some papers at night to keep me warm." I remembered as I found some skates my size and strapped them on.

"How long were you here?" she asked turning to me.

"About two and a half months. Then I got caught stealing a donut one night and the old man called CPS instead of the cops so back to hell I went." I huffed.

"Bo… I'm so sorry you had to go through that." She whispered as I skated around taking a few shots shaking my head not regretting these things.

"I learned how to play hockey here, I had watched when he played a few games but here… here I got to play and pretend I was far away doing something important like scoring the golden goal in the Olympics." I smiled.

"Your daughter loves the sport the same way you do." She mentioned but I shook my head not liking the wording to her statement skating over.

"She's not my daughter... she's **our** daughter." I corrected as I reached her and met her eyes.

"I am so grateful to be her mother Bo… to be your girlfriend…" she whispered and I could help the excitement that ran through me as I pressed my lips against hers.

"Can I hear you say that again?" I begged as she smiled biting her bottom lip making me melt.

"…I'm your girlfriend Bo…" she smiled and I blushed realizing she was my **girlfriend**.

"Let's go home." I declared wanting to just hold her close in the privacy of closed doors as I changed my skates.

I wanted to embrace my future and leave my sad past behind. With Lauren I felt like I could do just that. I held her hand all the way to her house. I kept trying to calm myself wondering how to go about things. I wasn't too sure how to proceed once the date was done so I was stalling a bit. It also felt great to drive around with Lauren, her warm hand in mine as we listened to some music and enjoyed each other's company.

Before I knew it we were parked in front of her house as my heart hammered strongly in my chest. I wasn't sure I was prepared what came next if this was a movie. My knowledge of dating was vague but I was pretty certain people tended to bang after dates too. I swallowed hard trying to keep myself from a panic attack. I didn't need that to be a memento of a first date. As if sensing my turmoil her hand found mine and she gave me a breathtaking smile.

"Would you like to come inside?" she whispered and I nodded.

I had to give myself a pep talk to get out of the car. It wasn't that I didn't want this with Lauren, but I was deeply scared of messing this up. _What if I was truly broken and she wouldn't want me after that?_ Her hand in mine strong and firm distracted me as she rewarded me with a smile. I instantly felt better and we made our way into the house shedding our layers.

She was making her way towards her bedroom and I felt my pulse quicken in anxiousness. The way her hips swayed and her bare back looked in the dimly lit hallway had me completely aroused and I cursed myself for it. She turned to me suddenly as if remembering my presence and I licked my lips unconsciously. She closed the gap between us in a few strides as she bit her bottom lip driving me wild.

"Thank you for the date." She whispered.

I nodded as grabbed my hand leading me into her bedroom. I was sure I would come undone if this was going where it was. I was scared to relapse, scared to be broken, scared to not be good enough for Lauren.

"I wanted to take you somewhere that mattered to me…" I whispered trying to calm myself and she stopped by the bed.

"I loved our date Bo, I think you're amazing." she confessed as she held my waist tight.

"About earlier… I don't regret my past Lauren… things that happened were shitty but **every** step of the way it led me to both of you. Even Fleur led me to you… how could I ever regret this? Regret you?" I explained since I had been thinking about it all night now "I feel sane with you Lauren."

She kissed me before I could continue. Her lips massaged mine and I responded fervently. I needed this woman and I wasn't sure how much longer I could test myself. As much as I didn't want to relapse I wanted to be closer to Lauren, to feel her touch my body the way she had touched my heart. I bunched up her shirt as I pushed against her lips and when she moaned I entered her with my tongue controlling our pace.

I pushed my hips against hers with a hunger and a passion I had truly never felt before. Usually when I did these things I was numb and broken in a heap of darkness, yet I felt bathed in light by her mere presence and I didn't know what to do differently. I kissed along her jawline pulling her closer as a moan built in my throat. I pulled away in fear and desire not understanding what was quite going on in my heart and in my body. _Was I relapsing?_ I must've been because this felt too good.

"What are you doing?" I whispered as she shook her head.

"I don't know yet, just let me." She whispered back.

I debated with myself in a whirlwind of emotions. If I was to be with Lauren like this I would have to bare myself to her and I was unsure if I could do that with anyone at this point. The look of utter safety and patience she was giving me was enough to resolve my troubles and I pushed forward kissing her hard as I felt her melt in my arms. I held her face carefully as her hands held my hips catching my skin on fire everywhere she touched. I was unsure of what to do with the raw need I felt for her as I sighed and panted heavily when her lips found my neck. She pulled me closer and I let out a tantalizing moan.

It was as if my body had gone on auto-pilot from there on out even if I didn't want it. I ran my hands around her body in a rushed manner before she intertwined our hands slowing our kiss. The soft gesture almost grounded me and in a way showed me what to follow. I didn't want to be rough with her or desperate, my body was used to such interactions but Lauren deserved so much more from me.

I softly and gently tugged at her shirt with trembling hands. I was willing myself to go slow despite of the urges overtaking me. I was afraid to show Lauren the monster I could sometimes be. I felt her hands cover mine as she pulled away from my neck and looked into my eyes pulling my hands to her heart. It was such a simple gesture but it filled my soul so much.

Her lips found mine as she laid me against the bed. My heart rattled in my chest so loudly at the nervousness that I was sure she could hear it loudly. As the kiss deepened I felt that surge in me as my body reacted once more with old habits. I flipped us suddenly feeling the deep need to dominate her as I pinned her under me. She groaned loudly with a moan and I felt myself dampen at the sound before grinding our hips earning a loud moan from her.

I sucked on her neck hungrily before she pushed me away hard while she panted heavily. I looked at her surprised, nobody had ever resisted my advances before and it truly puzzled me. She pushed upwards sitting up and kissed me softly. I tried to deepen the kiss and push her down once more when she pulled away shaking her head slightly. I blushed deeply ashamed of my behaviour before she took my hand and kissed it making my insecurities fall away.

"Trust me Bo. May I undress you?" she whispered and I felt my throat go dry.

I didn't know what to respond. In one hand I really wanted us to get naked, I felt this strong attraction to the blonde that was only amplified by the fact that I was completely feeling things for her. On the other hand I was scare of this intimacy, of letting Lauren see all of me: the good, the bad and the disturbing. Her palm came up caressing my face and I nodded slowly granting her permission.

She left a trail of kisses on my face and neck as she undressed me eagerly flipping us over. I could see it in her eyes, the way she drank me in, the way she held her breath was telling me she wanted this for as long as I had. I smiled proudly at the thought of this amazing woman wanting me. I couldn't help but caress her face I wanted her to know how I felt for her.

"Don't be afraid Bo… I love you" she whispered and the emotion filled me up so much I couldn't do anything but kiss her.

I whimpered into her mouth as her fingers brushed against my thighs taking my pants off. She pushed me on my back and stared at me drinking every inch of my naked body. I felt loved and wanted but at the same time I felt so vulnerable. It was almost too much as the memories came back to me of the only times I felt **this** vulnerable. I closed my eyes fighting the bad memories as I took a deep breath.

"Look at me baby." she whispered and my eyes opened taken aback by the pet name. "there's my beautiful girl."

I smiled feeling happiness envelop me fully. I had never been called the things Lauren was calling me right now, I had never allowed it.

"It's just you and me Bo, just keep your eyes on me." she whispered as I nodded gently.

She ran her fingers over my body making everything hyper-sensitive. I felt like any touch from her would send me over an abyss I would find no end to. I was breathing heavily as she kissed my jawline feeling the overload of emotions. I gasped hard as I felt her thumb my nipple and I moaned loudly not able to contain how I felt.

"Are you ok?" she asked as she laid kisses down my chest and stomach.

I almost couldn't take how good it felt but I nodded wanting her to continue. Her lips were scorching my skin and leaving a trail of fire in their wake. I felt like I had never felt before and it scared me a bit. Her fingers found my hips and I trembled as memories filled me distorting the bliss I was feeling. Before I could make heads or tails I felt myself being entered and filled and it was too much as I let out a whimper. I closed my eyes trying to will the bad thoughts away from this moment but failed as I felt the tears fall down my face. I was ruining everything… _broken._

"It's ok baby, it's just me… open your eyes beautiful look at me." She begged in a soft whisper as I concentrated in her voice opening my eyes.

"I'm sorry." I whispered but she was having none of it.

"Never be sorry… I can stop if you weren't enjoying yourself." She offered but I didn't want to stop.

The love and care she was showing me right now was so much that I **wanted** to be normal and enjoy this with her. I felt so much for her and she loved me so much that I knew she would be patient with me until I was ready. Things was, I was ready. I wanted this, I wanted **her** , and the only way to get her was to push through this last hurdle.

"I felt really good, I just… it's a little hard… I don't know how to turn it off…" I whimpered as she kissed my tears away.

"I could try something different." she suggested and I nodded trusting her. "If you still want to try that is… Let me know if at any time you want to stop."

"I still want to try." I whispered and Lauren nodded kissing my lips deeply.

She kissed down my neck once more leaving a mark undoubtedly on my collarbone as I moaned loudly feeling myself moisten. She then made her way to my breasts nipping and teasing with her tongue and teeth as I wrapped my hands along her beautiful blonde hair. I moaned and panted heavily as her tongue traveled down my flat stomach, stopping at my hips to bit and suck at the gentle skin.

I almost couldn't take it, this was unlike anything I had ever experienced before. Before I knew what was going on I felt her kiss my folds and I gasped suddenly gripping her hair tighter as she ran her tongue in my most intimate place. I closed my eyes in divine pleasure as I screamed her name softly over and over again. Her tongue was absolute magic and I wasn't prepared for the wave upon wave of pleasure that was enveloping me right now. I grabbed onto the sheets suddenly scared I'd hurt her as a huge shaking feeling of bliss wrapped around my whole body leaving me deliciously spent. I could feel Lauren's lips all over my body as I smiled like an idiot.

"Wow…wow…" I kept repeating as she chuckled.

I laid there reveling on such an amazing feeling. On how she felt against my skin, how right it felt to be in her arms. It was amazing how strongly I felt about her, about us and in this moment in time I felt us unite and connect in a way unlike no other. As if catching my second wind I longed to feel her against me without any barriers between us. I pulled off her shirt quickly and bit my lip at the sight of her amazing breasts. She kissed me as I moaned into her mouth before we parted and I took in her amazing body. Lauren was beautiful inside and out… _my Lauren._

I moaned when our bare skin touched. It was like electricity and fireworks all in one. For a writer I was having a hard time conveying all the things this woman made me feel. I helped her out of her pants before engaging her soft ample breasts and the sounds that came out of her throat were enough to get me ready again. Every kiss, every touch and every sigh was pushing me close to the edge once more and I couldn't even articulate correctly.

"Oh God Lauren you're…" I gasped against her as I arched towards her needing more of her warm skin against mine.

She kissed me as it felt all over and before I knew it her fingers were pressed against my wet centre once more. I whimpered and moaned in intense pleasure this time as I looked into her eyes.

"Lauren that feels…" I breathed before a soft gasp escaped me and she bit my bottom lip.

We both moaned in unison as Lauren entered me after my approval. She kept my eyes on hers as we picked up a steady rhythm and I enjoyed how she felt within me making me come undone. I gripped to her shoulder blades for dear life probably scratching her as I needed some sort of ground. My knee jerked forwards landing against her wet centre and as she moved within me the friction between us intensified.

"Oh Bo" she purred pulling away from my lips a burying her face in my neck.

As she took me to new heights I could feel her trembling in pleasure above me almost at her peek. I pulled her into a heated kiss pressing us closer as I felt her tense with her heat suddenly. I was close and knowing she was at the edge tipping over was almost too much. She stared into my eyes as I held her gaze wanting her to know how much I loved her, how much this moment meant to me.

"Bo I-"

"Lauren I love you" I whispered as I watched her unfold atop me with the force of her orgasm.

Her beautiful head thrown back as her eyes closed and her lips parted whispering my name was too much. I came undone as well while she thrashed with her pleasure gently above me. After she calmed down she tried to roll off but I held her in place. We kissed again like we had never kissed before and I knew I would never be the same after Lauren.

She buried her face in my neck after we pulled apart when our kissed turned softer. I felt so happy and full at that moment that I was convinced truly and utterly that I was for once whole again. I was no longer broken and mangled discarded to the side. I had great friends like Kenzie, Ryan and now Dyson. I had a beautiful daughter who loved me and was starting to trust me. Finally but in no way least I had this amazing, strong passionate, smart and incredibly funny woman who loved me and had shown me what that was. I couldn't help the tears that fell down my face from the happiness I felt in this moment.

"Oh Bo please look at me." Lauren begged as I felt her fuss about me.

"Oh Lauren…" I sighed. "You take my breath away."

"As do you Bo, which is why I'm so saddened you're crying." She countered and I shook my head.

"I'm crying cause I'm happy Lauren… I… I've… I've never been touched like that before… or at all. I had never let anybody touch me after the incident you're the only one."

"I… wow" she stammered as I chuckled and pressed my lips against hers.

"Mhm…" I purred before pulling away. "wow is correct doctor. You made me feel so many things."

"Good things I hope." Lauren laughed a bit as I nodded falling for her even more.

"Amazing things." I corrected as I gazed at her not really believing how lucky I was. "You are so beautiful Lauren."

"Thank you" she mumbled.

"Every time I look at you I feel myself loving you even more." I insisted not really feeling she had understood my point.

"Bo… you… you love me?" she asked with such vulnerability in her voice.

"If it wasn't for Fleur I would say I love you more than anything Lauren." I confessed.

"I love you so much Bo." She whispered as tears fell down her face softly.

I gently kissed her tears away wanting nothing but to make this woman happy. I needed her to understand that now because of her I understood. It was as if everything that Evony had said made so much sense right now that I was mindblown.

"Thank you Lauren… I now know the difference between sex and love." I admitted as our lips found one another's and I knew this was heading into another round of passion.

I woke up early in the morning. The sun was still dull in the sky and I enjoyed the cold breeze coming in from the open balcony window. I closed my eyes reminiscing about the previous night. With the thought of slow and gentle in mind I found more than a few ways to return the favour for my good Doctor until she was spent. We had fallen asleep curled up in each other and I had never felt so peaceful as I did then.

I pulled the covers to my chest and leaned over the curvy sleeping body to see my girlfriend's face. I brushed a few wild strands of hair out of her face and kissed her cheek softly almost bursting at the seams from happiness. I mapped and etched her gorgeous sleeping face into my memory as I felt my heart swell with love. With one last kiss to her shoulder I peeled the covers off me and stretched feeling like a new woman.

I grabbed a pair of Lauren's shorts hoping she wouldn't mind and a t-shirt not bothering with the jersey I had left in the room. I went to the bathroom and did my daily routine before heading out into the house hoping to get my workout in before Lauren woke up. I wanted to do something special for her and Fleur today but hadn't quite pin pointed what that was yet.

As I closed the door of Lauren's room and turned to walk to the hallway I felt something thud my stomach with force and I let out an 'oomph' as I stumbled back. I was out of breath for a second from the hit and cursed internally but not out-loud since, to my utter surprise, it was Fleur. She rubbed her left eye with the back of her hand and looked up at me now equally surprised. I could tell she was expecting Lauren and as if a lightbulb went in her head her nose scrunched up.

"Ew." She declared as I almost died on the spot with embarrassment.

"Oh God" I breathed as she giggled.

"I'm teasing you." She yawned before she gave me a sleepy smile. "I'm happy about this. I won't have to be walking back and forth from the houses so much to see whoever I wanna see now."

I shook my head at the way the kid's head worked. She was definitely Lauren's child hands down. I ruffled her hair with a smile and stretched again feeling my muscles deliciously achy.

"In other news…" I stressed as she rolled her eyes. "Want to hit the gym and then help me make your Momma some breakfast?"

"Duh!" she smiled and I shoved her slightly. "And you're welcome for the dating tips Mom!"

With that she disappeared into the room to get changed and I stared after her. I loved this kid so much it was unbearable. I was never aware that you could love someone to this magnitude let alone two people, yet here I was head over heels with my two ladies. I let out a sigh walking into the kitchen to put on some coffee for Lauren and for the first time in my whole life I could see myself doing this over and over until the end of time. Coffee pots, hockey training and me being a girlfriend and a mom… who would've thought… certainly not me.


	14. Chapter 14

**Alright kiddos here we go with this chapter. Cosmic Love will be updated in an hour or so once it gets proofread. Thanks all for the kind reviews. Here we go with another chapter. Enjoy!**

 **Remember to follow me on the twitter last_dragomir**

 **PLEASE: Remember this is a parallel story with 'Cosmic Love' which is from Lauren's POV. Make sure you check that one out too.**

 **Cheers eh!**

 **Disclaimer: As always characters belonging to Lost Girl are not mine but the storyline and settings are. All intellectual property belongs to their authors.**

 **Heavy In Your Arms**

 **Chapter 14:**

I turned down the TV volume as I took off my glasses and glanced at the phone smiling brightly. Lauren's face greeted me with a huge smile as Fleur ruffled her hair. I had taken it yesterday as we lounged around the house before Lauren had to work the night shift at the local hospital. She had taken a few shifts for a colleague who was doing her maternity leave and I knew the stress was getting to her.

"Hello there Doctor." I purred into the phone as I heard her sigh.

"Hey beautiful." Lauren whispered and my breath caught as I heard the smile on her voice. "How you doing?"

"I'm good, getting some work done before making some dinner." I sighed happily as I stretched out. "Are you craving anything?"

"Nothing I could mention right now." The blonde drawled and I felt my body tingle with the double meaning of her words.

"Maybe I should catch a cold and get a certain Doctor to make a house call." I teased as she laughed heartily.

"Tamsin?" she joked and I groaned stifling a laugh.

"Of course Tamsin… she's so hot." I bantered as she huffed with a mention of my name warningly.

Jealous Lauren was sexy Lauren that I couldn't deny.

"I wish I could babe." Lauren mentioned and I felt myself melt instantly. "Actually I have disheartening news."

"Uh-oh" I frowned as I could practically see her nodding onto the phone.

"Troublesome news more accurately. I have to stay and cover the next shift since the other Doctor isn't available now." Lauren lamented and I groaned a bit.

I hadn't seen much of the blonde in the past few days because of work and I had wanted to spend time with her before Fleur and I left on our trip that was approaching fast. As much as I craved it I was also a bit scared and couldn't help it. We hadn't been intimate since that first time, we had cuddled a lot and just overall held hands, kissed the whole enchilada except _that._

It's not that we didn't want to, I mean the butterflies in my stomach were humongous any time she would touch my neck, kiss my lips… and the way she _**kissed me**_ , I could swear I had died and gone to heaven. It was perhaps that I had been overwhelmed by emotion the other night while she held me against her while kissed me ever so gently and whispered how lucky she was. I cried, it was out of joy but I cried none-the-less. She made me feel so normal, so human and whole. Lauren and Fleur's love filled me in a way that I couldn't describe and at that moment it just overwhelmed me.

"Baby where'd you go?" I snapped out of my thoughts as her voice reached me.

"I'm just thinking about how much I miss you. That's all." I admitted and she let out a soft sigh.

"I miss you too… listen babe I thought I'd make it but tonight's Fleur's game and I don't know if I will." She explained and I nodded.

"Fleur's game!? I thought she wasn't cleared yet." I smiled excitedly.

"I wanted to surprise you after work, she has been cleared since this morning." Lauren's voice reached me and I sprung into action.

"I'll be there Lau, I'll let her know you had some work to take care of. I'll bring her home with me afterwards so you can take your time." I reassured her.

"Well I have to go, I love you." Lauren mumbled shyly making me grin like a dog.

"I love you too Lauren, be safe," I begged and with that we parted ways.

I let out a sigh with a disbelieving smile geared towards life. I honestly couldn't believe I was here, I was happy. It had been so long since I had given up on the notion of happiness that now it was all surreal. I heard a knock on the doorframe and when I turned I saw Ryan there with a smile.

"You're thinking of the Doctor, I can tell!" he accused and I made a face at him to leave me alone.

"Thank you Captain Obvious, what can I help you with?" I asked with a chuckle.

"I'm bored, my date ditched me…" Ryan groaned and I shook my head.

"We told you she didn't look good." I laughed remembering how Kenzie and I advocated for him to cancel this one. "Shit what time is it?"

"5:40 ish… Almost six" he responded as my eyes grew wide.

"FUCK! Fleur has a game, I have to go or I'll miss puck drop." I ran haphazardly around my office putting my papers away.

"Oh My God! Are you serious!? I'm totally coming with you." He exclaimed and I laughed. "What are her team colours?"

"Luckily for her it's Black and Yellow." I rolled my eyes jogging down the hallway to my room.

"At what time does it start!?" Ryan yelled from his room.

"Six thirty so hurry up we're taking the Skyline and I'm driving." I insisted as he grunted from his room.

I quickly texted Lauren to send me directions to her arena and instructions on how to get in, she also filled me in on the equipment I should grab from the house and where it was. I rushed as I quickly threw off the small v-neck I was wearing and grabbed my favourite jersey throwing it on quickly. It still smelled like Lauren and it brought a huge smile to my face remembering how it hugged her every curve. I quickly ran a brush on my hair and donned Fleur's team hat. Lauren had gotten it for me yesterday since I wanted to come to a game as soon as she was cleared. It had Fleur's number in the back and her nickname 'the flower' on the side. After I quickly finished my makeup I grabbed my keys and rushed out.

"I'll be at Lauren's grabbing Fleur's gear, hurry the fuck up Ryan I took the car, if I'm done and you're not done I'm gone." I warned as I rushed out. I wasn't missing any second of my baby's game.

I peeled out of the driveway nervously as I rounded the block and made my way into Lauren's house and to the basement. I grabbed the gear I needed and threw it over my shoulders spotting a small cooler in the corner. I grabbed that as well and headed upstairs. When I came into the kitchen I saw Ryan with black pants and a yellow UFC t-shirt that matched the shade of my jersey and hat. I chuckled as he handed me a few sports drinks and water bottles from Lauren's fridge and I threw them in the cooler.

"Wrong sport doofus." I warned and he shook his head when he turned to me he had a huge **29** on his cheek and Fleur on the other. "Oh God she's going to love that."

"I thought so too." Ryan smiled widely before dropping some ice on the cooler and grabbing it so I could comfortably carry the gear.

"We gotta hurry." I announced and he nodded.

We piled into the car and I drove like a bat out of hell to the directions of the gps. Ryan gave me a few shortcuts here and there and we were in the arena with time to get Fleur what she needed. Ryan told me he was going to grab a seat while I went to meet Fleur and I nodded feeling the excitement rush through me. I had never felt more like a mother than right now with this simplest task. I guess it was in the end, the want I had myself to see my real mother at one of my games, I had dreamed it time and time again.

I was about to cross into the hallway that led to her locker room like Lauren had instructed when I saw a tall woman tanned woman with curly dark hair and green eyes step into my way. She had a track suit on and a few clipboards in her hand a whistle around her neck. I felt like I had seen her before but couldn't quite place her. I tried to side-step her and she blocked me again.

"Excuse me, but this area is off limits for spectators." Her tone held a coldness that I didn't care for and I let out a sigh knowing this would be a problem.

"I'm just trying to get some equipment to my daughter before it's too late." I explained pointing at my hat.

"I'm sorry but I know Flower's mother, I don't see Doctor Lewis anywhere. I can take her equipment." She stretched her hand out expectantly and I scoffed.

"Listen lady… I don't know who you are-"

"I'm Coach Nadia Karkanis and I certainly don't know who you are. If you want to get that equipment you should give it to me because you're not going through. You're certainly no one's mother here." The coach's words cut me to the bone and as I grit my teeth I handed her the equipment resenting her cocky smile.

I turned after surrendering the equipment not wanting to give this bitch the satisfaction of seeing how much she had gotten to me. I now remembered clearly who she was and it all made sense to me, she was the one sizing Lauren up like prey the first day I came back into Fleur's life. Maybe this was payback for that incident but regardless I wouldn't let it stand, I was also Fleur's mother and especially with her condition I needed access to my daughter at all times.

I bought some drinks at the concession stand to support their fundraising and set out to find Ryan. He had found seats right next to Fleur's offensive net. I gave him his drink as he bounced in his seat full of excitement I could tell he was totally uplifted from being ditched earlier. I heard his phone ringing and gave him a quizzical look as he shut it off.

"Bitch wants to go out now 'cause she changed her mind." He mumbled and I shook my head.

"You gonna leave her hanging now." I teased as Ryan grinned widely at me "I'm not gonna miss Fleur's first game back for the world."

I laughed and we chit chatted about stats and my upcoming trip a bit before we heard the announcement that the game was about to start. We both shared an excited look before we paid attention to the game.

To my surprise the game was fast and skilled from the first faceoff. I knew my girl was skilled but I didn't know if this was one of those leagues that only one or two players are skilled. From the opening shift I could see that this was not the case and they were playing hard fought elite U14 hockey. After an icing call against the other team I saw the coach near us tap Fleur in the back and my heart raced. She took the ice and was talking to her linemate before taking the faceoff when Ryan hollered her name next to me. My girl looked up and as soon as her eyes met mine her smile grew in her beautiful face. She gave me a nod as I returned it with a smile of my own and I could see her getting into game mode.

I could see her posturing up for the face-off and her body was misaligned, I knew she would lose it before they dropped it but her quick hand proved me wrong. She passed the puck to her right winger before zooming down the ice with intense speed. She waited patiently for the puck to cross the blue-line and once on side I could see her establishing position near the goaltender's net. She tapped her stick on the ice as they cycled and as the puck drew near to the tick-tack-toe play they wanted I saw her wind her stick anticipating the pass. As she hit the rubbed puck hard the goalie swallowed it up but not completely so she swamped the net trying to tap it out of his fumbling hold. The whistle went but the girl covering her in the white jersey crossed-checked her a couple of times in the chest.

"Hey!" I heard Ryan mumble before Fleur skated away glaring at the other kid while her coach called them in.

"It's ok Ryan she's got it." I assured him patting his back.

The game continued with that hard pace through the first and second period. A girl from Fleur's team had allowed a turnover and the other team scored in the second period. I could see the bench had kind of lost focus with frustration and anger, the other team was being more physical and using their back checking a lot more. I could tell the coach had tried to get them back in the game but so far hadn't been able to motivate them. The more I watched the game the more I realized she was utilizing the lines wrong and if she didn't change them she might not get the results they all wanted.

The girls had taken the bench before the coach came out, I could see Fleur was sitting with the first line centre girl and an idea popped in my head. I rapidly went down the steps to an opening in the ice as I caught my girl's attention. She hopped over the boards across the ice and came over to me taking her mouth-guard out of her mouth.

"Hey Mom" she smiled "Momma had to work?"

"Good guess, did the coach give you all your things?" I asked inspecting her up and down.

"Yeah thanks for the tape, I got my stick just right. I knew it was you 'cause Momma wouldn't have remembered the tape." She giggled and shoved me a bit and I chuckled.

"Listen I know you guys are frustrated-" I started before she jumped in.

"It's like nothing is going in, like they have our number and even though we're close nothing is going our way." She groaned and I could see the frustration on her beautiful features.

"K, Baby-cakes listen to me." Her smile lit up but she focused on me. "I think your coach should pair you with their first line centre but she seems to be very adamant to stick to the lines for some reason. If I was you, I'd talk to your buddy and see if you guys are willing to get grilled to see if something different gets you a goal."

I could see the wheels turning in her head as her brow furrowed and she nodded slowly understanding what I meant. She ran a hand through her hair a bit before tying it back up and putting her helmet on nodding at me.

"I think I caught your drift Mom, anything else?" Fleur asked now serious in training mode.

"You're off balance in your face-offs so shift those hips, get your centre aligned and your core low so you have strength on those arms to beat the other girl." I advised as she nodded popping her mouth guard in and lowering her helmet on her face.

I held out my fist to her to bump it against mine and she did as her coach passed us by giving me a glare. Calling her name put sternly.

"Be safe!" I called out and Fleur tapped her nose through the cage cutely.

I ran up to my seat once more before the game started as Ryan kept looking at me with a huge smile and a slight chuckle.

"You're absolutely adorable with that kid Bo." He assured me as I blushed shoving him a bit.

The third started as I expected with the fourth line matched up with the other team's third line. The coach was so predictable I knew she was going to the third line after and then the first line. That would be Fleur's best bet to attempt her move if she was going to try it at all. I didn't want Fleur to get bad habits in discipline within the game or otherwise but I couldn't bear the frustration etched on her face from the lack of production. My phone vibrated in my pocket and I checked quickly not wanting to miss a beat of the game.

 _ **Hey, about to get a real rough case come in so decided to brace myself and hear from you. How's Fleur doing? Are they winning? I miss you both.**_

 _ **-Lau**_

 _ **Sorry, but they're down by 1, Fleur's a bit frustrated but hopefully she'll get out of this funk soon, I just had a talk with her and gave her advice. Miss you too, I hope your case isn't too bad. Come over when you're done I'll leave the backdoor unlocked for you.**_

 _ **-Bo**_

 _ **I might make the end of the game… hopefully! Gota go!**_

 _ **XOXOX**_

 _ **-Lau**_

I smiled widely and as I looked up I saw the tired bodies of the third line ready to come out. My body tensed in anticipation and I held my breath wondering if she would take my advice. I saw the coach tap the girl I had seem sitting with Fleur in the back as her line mates got ready and jumped while the other line came in. Before anybody could protest or do something about it instead of the first line centre Fleur jumped into the ice oblivious to the hollers of her fuming coach.

I saw her receive the puck and push it against her sake to advance it to her stick like we had been practicing. Her teammates either didn't care that she was on or thought the coach had done it, but they were rolling with it. She broke through the blue line in a breakaway faked the pass to the line mate beside her and then shot off that hard backhand she practiced so much. I heard the horn go as Ryan raised to his feet immediately. I was shocked and astounded as I rose slowly not quite believing I had seen my girl score. She was engulfed by her line mates but as they skated to the bench to salute their teammates she looked at me with a huge smile pointing at me.

To my immense disappointment and much to the protest of her teammates it seemed that Fleur had gotten benched for the rest of the game for her swap. The coach stubbornly kept to her lines and I could see my daughter fuming on the bench as she glared at the ice. With each passing second I felt my anger rise from just furious to livid. I couldn't believe that this lady was getting back at me through Fleur. I could hear Ryan angrily yelling at the coach as well as other parents as they asked for 'The Flower' to come on. I saw the bitch grit her teeth and keep the strategy until she lost us the game.

In an array of boos and grumbles the arena slowly emptied with the last buzzer and I rushed to the door on the ice to wait for my girl after the stupid coach had practically run into the locker room. She was the first one on the ice and she made a beeline for me hugging me tightly. She was lost in all of this equipment, her helmet was already off and her flowing waves of brown hair framed her face as her brown eyes grew lighter with her tears.

"I stand by what I did." She grumbled to me in the midst of angry tears making my anger surpass what I had ever experienced.

"You left everything on the ice and gave your team a chance." I assured her going down to her level as I took off her helmet and wiped her tears.

I was impressed as her teammates passed her by all stick tapping her and grumbling their approval of her decision. The first line centre who was also the captain was last and she stood beside Fleur with a sad smile.

"We're going to get chewed out but I don't care, we got a goal out of that. We could've won with that line." The girl admitted and Fleur chuckled sniffling as I squeezed her shoulder.

"Well I guess we should go get chewed out together Chloe-G." Fleur smiled and tugged my hand slightly before I made my escape to Ryan. "Mom, this is my bestie Chloe-Grace. Gracey, this is my Mom."

I couldn't mistake the pride in her voice as I shook the other girl's hand. Like Fleur she got lost in all her gear but I could see her pretty smile and bright green eyes.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Fleur raves about you .time" Chloe shoved my girl and Fleur gave me one last blushing hug before leaving.

As I turned to our seats I saw Lauren next to Ryan as he was talking animatedly about what had happened apparently. She looked absolutely gorgeous in her dark jeans and tall boots along with that brown leather jacket I loved so much. Her hair was up in a messy bun and tucked away under her worn hat which was identical to mine. I saw her frown as he finished but as she looked up and our eyes connected all anger dissipated within me. Ryan gave me a nod and went outside as I approached Lauren on the stands.

"Hey." I whispered as I couldn't help but smile when she draped her arms around me.

"Hey you. I had the worse time at the hospital so it's great to see you." She breathed into my ear and I sighed as I squeezed her hips pulling her closer.

"You're good now" I assured her as she pulled away giving me a soft shy peck on the lips.

"I know, all I need to be great is my SmallFry now but I heard she got benched after scoring a goal." Lauren frowned and my anger returned.

"First of all, the coach didn't let me in the room to give Fleur her stuff." I gruffed and her brow furrowed in confusion "then I advised Fleur to take a chance with a line change to stir up the lines-"

"Bo I don't understand those terms, did she deserve to be benched?" she asked and I thought hard about it.

"No, if it was that severe the coach would've disciplined Chloe-Grace as well, she only benched Fleur. It attributed a chewing out on the bench not a whole benching of the third period." I insisted truthfully and Lauren nodded.

"I can't believe Nadia would do that!" she exclaimed angrily as I shook my head.

"I want to hurry, Fleur might be upset." I mentioned as I took anxious glances at the players hall.

Lauren frowned and she walked with me closer to the hall to greet Fleur with me. I had seen a couple of girls from the visiting come out already so I knew Fleur's team wouldn't be far behind. I felt Lauren tug my hand and give me an apologetic look.

"I have to step outside and take this." She motioned at her ringing phone and I nodded assuring her it was fine.

She gave me one last glance before walking away and ducking after the open door. After a few more minutes I saw Fleur's team start to come out mumbling and grumbling about the game as parents surrounded their kids. One Father came up to me after he had gathered his girl who was in the same second line as Fleur. He gave me a smile and extended his hand which I took.

"I'm Dave Bradshaw, Rosie's father. Listen, I saw you speaking to Fleur earlier before the beginning of the third period. I'm not saying you encouraged her to break the rules, but if you did… I'm glad she listened. My girl hasn't had that much fun in a while." Dave mentioned and I smiled.

"I'm glad Rosie had fun, I'm sure my daughter had fun as well, until well…you know." I shrugged.

"Complete BS if you ask me, chin up, see you next game Mrs. Lewis." He commented and left as I smiled there flabbergasted by what he had called me.

I felt a small tug to my shirt and turned to see a beautiful girl in front of me. She was not much taller than Fleur with beautiful natural waves in her dark blonde hair. It wasn't until I saw her green eyes and pretty smile that I realized it was Chloe-Grace.

"Fleur's Mom… or whatever you want me to call you. She's still in there getting showered, coach held her back to grill her some more. I'm super mad but couldn't do anything." Now that she mentioned it I could tell she was shaking with anger and soon so was I.

"That's completely uncalled for! Wow!" I huffed as the blonde nodded.

"Can you please tell her to call me later? I know she's going to be all bummed out about this." Chloe-Grace lamented.

"I sure will, thanks for being her friend." I admitted and she nodded before leaving.

I leaned against the wall, the arena almost empty as I clenched my jaw in anger. A few moments later I heard the locker room door bang and I stared up coming face to face with that bitch. I felt the anger take over me as I took several strides to close our gap staring her down as she gave me a smug smile.

"Why did you have to keep her longer, this is totally uncalled for." I snarled as she shook her head and shoved me out of her way.

I breathed deeply and reminded myself to behave, this was not the time or place for me to break this girl's jaw.

"You had no right to tell her to change my game plan. I'm the coach end of story." She refuted and I grit my teeth.

"No. This was personal, you only benched Fleur and not Chloe." I spat back as she got in my face once more.

"I don't give a fuck what you think, you don't matter here you'll be gone before you know it. Just like I was. She smells good, doesn't she? Lavender and sweet grass eh?" She poked me heavily in the chest with her finger shoving me against the wall even more as my anger rose with each word.

I pushed her hard back so she would back off as I head footsteps coming towards us rapidly.

"Nadia!" Lauren's voice was firm and hard across the hall as she closed the distance to us.

I was glaring at the dark haired woman as my chest heaved in anger and my knuckles whitened from balling them. The woman took a step back looking at Lauren with something I couldn't quite place. Nadia smiled widely as the blonde approached us and the coach shook her head in mirth.

"Lauren, there you are! I was beginning to worry, this lunatic has been preaching up and down that she's Fleur's mother." Nadia gestured at me as my anger rose.

"This is Bo Denis, Coach Karkanis this is Fleur's other Mother yes." Lauren replied evenly as a cold tone took over her voice.

"You're Fleur's mother." The coach responded blatantly angry.

"And so is she. She's also my girlfriend." Lauren responded firmly.

"Wow… what an irony." The coach made a face. ""Isn't it too early for Fleur to be calling the girlfriend Mom?"

"I'm Fleur's biological mother." I hissed and the woman turned to me glaring before she punched me hard across the face.

Lauren ran to us quickly shoving the other woman away before I could do anything. I think that by the look on my face Lauren knew it wouldn't be pretty if I retaliated. The woman and I glared at one another tensely before making a disgusted face at Lauren.

"I can't believe you stooping down so goddamn low." The coach spat and Lauren closed the gap between them and slapped her hard.

"Next time you take your anger out on my child or my lover I will fucking end you." Lauren warned in a low dangerous voice and with that the coach made her escape.

Lauren turned to me as I clenched my jaw watching the other woman leave. Lauren was about to say something but I shook my head nodding behind her where Fleur was making her way towards us her head down gloomily. Lauren rushed to our slumped child and wrapped her arms around her kissing the top of her head. The small brunette sniffled and looked up at me as her eyes widened and she broke lose running to me.

"What happened Mom?" she asked as I leaned down as she caressed my face where I had just been punched.

"It doesn't matter now Fleur, do you have everything?" I asked and she nodded holding onto Lauren's hand and mine as well.

"Momma I'm so glad you didn't see the joke of a third period we had, I can't believe I got benched for getting creative and scoring a goal." Fleur fumed as we walked outside.

The rest of the car ride Fleur just rambled on and on giving her mother a play-by-play. Ryan had left earlier to meet up with Dyson who wasn't feeling so good at the moment and needed some guy time. I leaned my head against the window while Lauren and Fleur spoke and Lauren held my hand. I was deep in thought trying to figure out this woman that had such a vendetta against me. I didn't think I deserved to be punched for changing up her lines, yet I felt like deep down there was more to the situation than met the eye. Before we knew it we were almost at our streets and Lauren squeezed my hand.

"I'm going to take us to mine, Kenzie sent me a text earlier about having a private meeting" the blonde gave me a wink and then I understood that Kenzie was probably getting laid. I laughed loudly at Lauren's wording and Fleur made a confused face in the back.

"Sounds good, oh Lau you have solid gold sometimes." I admitted and she chuckled.

"Ugh you adults and your weird conversations!" Fleur huffed as we laughed.

We went inside and Fleur ran to the bathroom to take a shower while Lauren and I sat on the couch trying to relax after taking off our shoes. It felt so good to be with her after all this time that I just couldn't help but stare at her for a bit. She noticed and chuckled incredulously before shoving me a bit.

"Bo come on, you're staring." Lauren's laugh was magical as she said the words.

"I know." I assured her and she shook her head leaning into me and caressing where my now black eye was.

"I hope this doesn't affect work." She lamented and I shook my head.

"No, it's all written so no worries" I assured her wrapping my arms around her neck.

"I'm sorry about Nadia… I never thought she would punch you. She's just got some unresolved anger issues." I could hear the anger simmering beneath her voice and I let out a soft sigh.

"You know I could've handled myself." I mentioned and she nodded.

"I know you would've destroyed her so I just took pre-emptive measures." Lauren assured me as I brushed a strand of blonde hair away from her face.

"You're so hot when you're angry." I chuckled.

Her lips found my own in seconds as her body molded to mine pushing me back against the couch gently. The way her lips massaged against mine was magical and I couldn't help but whimper into her mouth as her tongue ran the length of my lower lip. I couldn't resist giving her entrance as she massaged my tongue with hers in a sensual dance that I had missed tenfold. I pulled her closer feeling myself get lost in her and her lips as my body went into overdrive. We both tensed as we heard a door and footsteps Lauren pulled back suddenly as we both heaved breathless and flushed red from the intimacy of the kiss. Dishevelled and disoriented Lauren looked around to come face to face with Fleur behind the couch. Lauren smiled guiltily as our child shook her head in disapproval, however her eyes shone with laughter and approval.

"What do you have to say for yourselves?" she mocked and I grinned when Fleur's eyes met mine.

"Call Chloe-Grace?" I offered with a shrug and she giggled.

"You too are incorrigible!" she declared as we laughed. "And I already did. I know we're supposed to have dinner together tonight, but can I please go over to Chloe's? I won't see her after tomorrow when we're in Montreal." She pleaded her case as Lauren looked at me.

"What do you think, does she get off the hook for ditching us for dinner?" Lauren asked and my heart pounded in my chest.

It was such a silly question, such a silly moment, but the fact that she was asking me to weigh in with a decision regarding Fleur really did touch me. It was hard to describe, it was as if now that the excitement of the game and the adrenaline of being late was gone I could thin clearly and realize the responsibilities I had been given today.

It was now that I realized I had been Fleur's mother today. It was a stupid notion since I had been Fleur's mother since birth, but my actions had been of a normal hockey mom. I had rushed to a game after work, supported her, stood up for her, advised her and even got punched for her. I had met her friends and had been accepted by most of the peers there. It was the first time in my whole life that I had acted…. _domestic_ in a positive way.

"I think she earned it with that breakaway goal on the backhand." I grinned as she smiled and dropped something on my chest.

"Later losers, don't make me a sister alright?" she chuckled and walked out the front door as we laughed and shook our heads.

"That's it no more hanging out with Kenzie!" Lauren exclaimed and I laughed hard as I felt around my chest for the heavy object Fleur had tossed there.

I touched it and my heart stopped having an idea of what it was. My eyes grew wide and Lauren stopped chuckling as I gripped the rubber and pulled it up. It was the puck Fleur had scored on. It was taped with today's date her number and her name printed on it. I noticed she had put some tape on the top and had written something herself.

' _Thanks for being in my corner Mom'_

I felt tear come to my eyes as I ran my thumb against the message.

"She's very sweet. I'm happy you were there for her today. Sports is something beyond me, but I see it every morning how it brings you two together." Lauren whispered as she drew circles on my hip absentmindedly still straddling me.

"She's amazing, you've done so good with her… so polite and educated." I whispered in awe.

"It's all you and her… _us_ … she was good by herself as she grew into her own little person. I knew I wasn't your biggest fan when we met." She cringed as I chuckled squeezing her free hand. "But I knew you had to be good if she was this good Bo… and you are."

Her words and love engulfed me like a tidal wave. I couldn't contain myself as I raised myself closing the gap between us kissing her deeply. I got lost in her tongue as a moan ripped from deep within her throat ignited the fire of want I felt simmering with each of our caresses. My palm pressed flushed against her thin camisole clad back as I sighed feeling he warmth of her skin. Lauren was undisputed the most beautiful being I had ever experienced in my life. The way she felt, the way she tasted, the way she spoke, her laugh, her lively personality I couldn't describe how much I loved Lauren's soul and moments like this I felt like I could just give myself completely to her.

"Baby please." She moaned as I kissed down her neck "I can't catch my breath do… do you want to slow down?"

I chuckled against her throat as I pulled back and took my Jersey off tugging at her camisole gently. She let me with apprehension and I pressed my lips against her own as I pulled her against me pulling another groan from her lips as her head leaned back.

"It's ok baby just relax… I'm **me** …" I assured her trying to convince her that I was not trying to get off.

"I… you'd tell me right?" Lauren asked in the smallest voice.

"Of course baby, I'd get away from you." I confessed looking into her eyes now with the utmost sincerity. "I wouldn't want that for us… Not… not after that beautiful night you gave me Lau"

Her lips found my own once more and I could feel her hands pull me closer as we melted into one another once more. I broke apart from her and motioned for her to stand which she did. I grabbed her hand and walked her over to the bathroom. I remembered she had told me in the arena she had a rough night. I turned on the glass paneled shower in the corner as she slowly without breaking our eye contact took her clothes off. The gesture was so intimate and sensual that I felt myself moisten at the sight of the want in her eyes.

I was frozen to my spot as she walked towards me and busied her hands with my black jeans and my underwear. Anywhere her hands touched me caught fire as her lips traveled my body leaving a scorching trail of kisses around my abdomen and ribs. My fingers tangled in her hair as I moaned pulling her closer while the room steamed up with the heat of the water. I pulled her into the shower with me before we got carried away.

Lauren moaned as the water hit her skin soothing her aching muscles. I grabbed her shoulders and pinned her against the wall as our mouths found one another in a warm embrace. My body pressed flush against hers felt so good that I couldn't help but moan myself. She whispered my name as I sucked a particular spot on her neck wanting her to go crazy. I wanted Lauren to feel as good and whole as she made me feel.

Her hands tangled in my hair as I nipped and sucked on her collarbone, the water warm against us intensifying the moment. I gripped her hips with my fingers and rolled my own into hers making her moan loud into the acoustic space. I shuddered in delight as I took her nipple into my mouth, her fingers with a tight grip on my hair.

"Oh Bo" she sighed in pleasure as I assaulted her senses hoping to convey how much I loved her into the actions I was using.

I was carefully threading a line in my mind that was a constant struggle. I was pulling things from my past experiences that I knew were good and felt good but with that I had to be careful not to bring the insatiable beast of my addiction into our intimacy.

As I licked between her breasts and kissed down her stomach her knees buckled slightly and I shook my head with worry. I pinned her hard against the wall making sure she couldn't move. The beast within me delighted as I shook it away with disdain.

"I love you so much Bo." Lauren breathed bringing me back to this _**our moment**_.

"Whatever you do, don't move too much." I instructed as she looked at me confused before I grinned mischievously.

I put my hands strongly under her ass reveling on the firmness of it and in one swift movement I raised her slightly. While squatting I got to pinning her against the wall firmly and stable, knowing that if I kept my centre of gravity balanced we would be alright. Lauren yelped in pleasure as her legs now propped on my shoulders while my face buried on her warm centre.

I could hear her moaning loudly as I licked her with a steady rhythm. She kept mumbling how she couldn't believe how strong I was. Pretty soon her words turned into incoherence's as her head leaned back against the dark blue tile and I licked her swollen mound. Her hips moved against my face and I pressed against her hard nipping her clit gently as she hissed. I pulled my face back looking up at her as she met my eyes.

"Baby" I panted as I readjusted my foot slightly. "please, don't move much or we'll topple over."

All she could do was nod as she bit her lip and without losing my gaze I licked her length several times as she moaned and panted. Our eyes still held one another's as I sucked on her swollen lips and she gasped loudly when I entered her easily from this position with my tongue. Her moans turned into screams as time passed up and stilled at the same time. I savoured each stoke as I felt her give herself to me completely. It wasn't until I felt her start to quiver that I gently lowered her to avoid us falling.

"Bo please…" she begged as I pulled away and pushed her against the corner gently.

"Put your leg around my shoulder and your weight against me." I instructed as I guided her palm to prop against the wall.

I pulled her leg above me and lapped away again feeling her build up return to it's fervor. I sighed in content as my name rolled off her tongue and with a few words of encouragement and direction she was soon pressing me closer to her as her walls tightened around my tongue. I felt throw her weight against the wall to let me raise myself up and I did pulling use under the stream of water as she panted holding onto me.

"Oh Bo… wow…" Lauren breathed as I chuckled.

I felt on cloud nine, ecstatic even. It was like being drunk but better, I was enthused by the reactions I could pull out from Lauren, her sounds, her quivers, her caresses, her kisses, her screams. It was all like a new form of awe that I needed to explore carefully and slowly with all the calm in the world. She was beautiful like that in so many ways. It was so raw and candid and deep that I just wanted to touch her soul like this over and over again. She was giving herself to me and I was proud and honoured to be taking her into myself.

"I love you Lauren." I whispered meaning it with all the fibers of my being. "I know I don't say it often but I do feel it every second of my day."

"Oh Bo." She breathed and held me even closer.

After we showered she took me to the bedroom and slowly but surely she explored every inch of my body leaving me breathless numerous times. As we laid tangled in each other I laid my head on her chest listening to her heartbeat while she played with my hair making me laugh with her jokes. There was no heavy topics like her hard day or what had happened in the arena. It was just Lauren and I lost in one another and relishing the fact that I was slowly learning how not to be a monster.


	15. Chapter 15

**Here we go guys, probably a chapter most of you have been waiting on. I hope you guys enjoy and leave me a good chunk of feedback!**

 **Remember to follow me on the twitter last_dragomir**

 **PLEASE: Remember this is a parallel story with 'Cosmic Love' which is from Lauren's POV. Make sure you check that one out too.**

 **Cheers eh!**

 **Disclaimer: As always characters belonging to Lost Girl are not mine but the storyline and settings are. All intellectual property belongs to their authors.**

 **Heavy In Your Arms**

 **Chapter 15:**

I was brushing my teeth when Lauren came in wrapped in her bathrobe and a lazy smile upon her lips. Her gorgeous blonde hair was a sexy mess and her eyes shone with fire when she scanned my body only covered by my shorts and sports bra. She kissed my shoulder and wrapped her arms around my waist as I rinsed myself and gave her a smile through the mirror.

"Did you sleep well? I know re-adjusting from graveyard is hard sometimes." I mentioned gently as I pulled her hand to my lips kissing her knuckles.

"I slept like a rock… something about having you next to me always gets me to sleep good." She blushed and I chuckled. "You look absolutely edible right now Bo."

The way her voice purred with want made my pulse quicken. I turned in her arms to look into her face and her shoulders moved in one smooth motion to drop her robe to the floor. She looked absolutely stunning standing in front of me in her naked glory. My mind blanked with lust in a good way and my hands wrapped around her waist pulling her to me in a single soft tug. I husked in approval as her body pressed against mine and behind heavy lids she looked into my eyes with desire as she bit her lip.

"See something you like?" she asked with a sly smile as my breathing shallowed.

"I do." My voice was so thick with want that it was unrecognizable to me and I had to lick my lips to keep me occupied before jumping the Doctor.

"Then take me Bo." She whispered in my ear as I felt myself soak immediately as I brushed her hair back and sucking on her neck.

Her nails scraped my back as a moan ripped from her low and sensual making me want her even more. The more I tasted her the more I hated the fact I'd have to part with her tonight. I wanted her burned into my soul before I left to make the trip bearable without her presence. Her flush skin against mine was exhilarating and I knew my lips were driving her nuts.

"Bo, baby…" she whispered before I shook my head bringing my lips up to hers.

Our lips molded to one another as we molded into one another and she pushed me into the sink ripping a moan out of my throat. She smiled against my lips as her hands lifted to my cheek and we deepened the kiss. In seconds a loud banging ripped us from the glory of the moment.

"Mom come on we gotta get going, Chloe's already here!" Fleur yelled through the door of Lauren's bathroom as I leaned my head against the mirror sighing in frustration while Lauren laughed softly.

"I'm coming" I yelled loudly.

"No you're not." Lauren whispered running her fingers down my collarbone making me whimper.

"Well hurry up Mom and tell Momma I'm putting her coffee on. I can hear her laughing." She laughed and walked away.

"Oh boy…" Lauren laughed louder now and I groaned.

"I have to…" my thick voice came out and I cleared my voice. "…I have to go help the girls. They have this fundraiser today, but they want to train with me."

She nodded against my shoulder as a sigh escaped her and she pulled away from me. She gave me one last kiss and pulled back smiling before sauntering into the shower. My eyes followed her every move appraising her marvelous body. The beast within me screaming at me to forget the rest and take her right then and there. My hand shook and I closed my eyes and turning on my heel hard I softly left the bathroom to find the girls in the basement.

Kenzie and I had planned to leave this morning for Montreal so Kenzie could do some shopping but Fleur had a fund raiser and an exhibition game to go to tonight that she couldn't miss. Kenzie agreed to meet us at the airport with the car after she made the drive last night and checked into the hotel today. I was excited for this opportunity to spend time with Kenzie as well, with all of my problems we had pulled apart some as she took more the role of a mother. Now that I was the most stable I had ever been I was hoping we could go back to being the goofy silly friends we were.

Fleur and Chloe trained until they were exhausted while I ran laps around them laughing at some silly joke Fleur had cracked. I was so wound up after the incident with Lauren that I was burning as much energy as I could. When I finally stopped and dropped on the floor Fleur attacked me on an MMA hold trying to get me to tap out. I easily tucked and rolled on my back and shrugged her off.

"Better luck next time Squirt." I declared as she huffed and Chloe laughed.

We all went upstairs where Lauren had prepared us a feast that reminded me of the first time she made me breakfast. I had quickly thrown a shirt on before sitting down much to Lauren's amusement. As the girls piled their plates and Lauren sipped on her coffee I munched on some bacon. I couldn't help but look at my beautiful girlfriend in her blue tank-top and dark pants. She caught my eyes and walked over to my side leaning into my body.

"Is it good my Flower?" she asked lovingly as Fleur nodded vigorously.

"It really is Doc, thank you so much for breakfast." Chloe gushed as Lauren smiled.

"It's not a problem at all. Chloe are your dads going to be at the fundraiser?" Lauren asked as Chloe shook her head.

"Daddy is in a company in New York but Papa has to be with the council. It's a co-op today so I might have to forfeit." Chloe lamented as Lauren piqued up.

"Nu-uh, we have plenty of uncles willing to help around with whatever this is going to be. Fleur after breakfast go get Ryan, I'll call Dyson and get him there." Lauren explained as I chuckled at the notion of Ryan's excitement.

The rest of breakfast was perfect. I did the dishes while Fleur and Chloe rushed off to get Ryan and Lauren talked to Donovan in the living room about the fundraiser. After a heads up to Lauren I headed up to freshen up. From what I was hearing about the fundraiser apparently they did these once a month and they were random. An activity would be pulled out of a hat the day of and they would perform it in pairs, whichever team raised enough funds would win a prize. After throwing some clothes on quickly eagerly to get this blank canvas painted with colour I went downstairs to find my beautiful girlfriend. As I came into the living room I noticed Donovan leaving as Lauren gave a grumpy sigh and turned to me.

"What's wrong babe?" I asked with a pout opening my arms to her as she smiled and came into my embrace.

"Krystal and Nadia are both in the organizing council today… I have no doubt they'll be difficult." She groaned against my chest tensed from the prospect of trouble.

"Why though, I mean, not that I don't love my new shiner but…" I rolled my eyes as Lauren looked at my bruised eye a small frown on her lips.

"They are both exes of mine, Bo." She cringed and I tensed as Nadia's comment now made sense.

 _ **She smells good, doesn't she? Lavender and sweet grass eh?"**_

I pulled away from Lauren suddenly with my brow furrowed in frustration. I didn't want to be mad but I was. I was angry that this is why I had gotten punched, this is why Fleur had gotten benched. I wasn't angry at Lauren, far from it, I was angry at Nadia for not being an adult about shit and leave at least the kids out of it. I was angry she was abusing her power. I suddenly saw the hurt in Lauren's eyes and I stopped pacing grabbing her hands gently.

"I'm not mad at you." I added quickly "I'm just upset she hurt our daughter."

"I am too Bo, I have that one written down with every intent of cashing it." She grumbled and I half smiled.

"We all have a past and you love me in spite of mine, I won't hold yours against you. I WILL however go down there and make sure our daughter gets treated fairly." I declared as Lauren gave me a dreamy look and a smile.

"I absolutely adore when you get all Lioness about our child." Lauren mentioned and I blushed.

After gathering everything we needed, we took two cars since we were a bit late rounding up Ryan. I stayed behind to wait for him while Fleur, Chloe and Lauren went ahead. Ryan and I got lost going to the rendezvous point so Lauren texted us to meet them at a gas station they had to go to.

It was incredibly hot out for this time of year so Ryan was sporting some board shorts and a muscle tee making him look stocky. He had been hitting the gym with Dyson frequently and I guess it was paying off. I had opted for a white tank-top and black leggings fearing the weather would turn at any second. We drove with the windows down listening to the radio and sipping on some pop. This is what I loved about Ryan we could hang out and not say a word and speak volumes with our silence at the same time.

We pulled into the address Lauren had given me but I highly doubted this was the place for a U14 girl's hockey fundraiser. It looked like a gas station with some run down pumps and a car washing spot with a small service garage opposite which was closed and vandalized. Across the street was a very full, very crowded bar full of bikers and the like which I didn't like one bit.

"I thought you said this was a fundraiser for Fleur's team" Ryan bellowed and I hit him in the chest.

"I did doofus, we must have the wrong address." I mentioned as I got out to ask for directions at the gas station's convenience store.

I could hear the catcalls and hollers from the bar immediately. I really should've been bothered by it but by now I wasn't. I had dealt with this kind of attention my whole life and as of late I was able to block it and not give two shits about. Now with Fleur and Lauren in my life it was even easier. I felt the cool air hit me from the small convenience store as I entered with the door jingling. The teenaged boy at the counter gave me what looked like a genuine smile and gave me a good day, eager to help.

"Hey there bud, I was wondering where around here is 1055 Pembroke." I asked.

"This IS 1055 Pembroke Ma'am." He assured and I groaned.

"Alright then… great… do you have an event booked here today?" I was going to be very angry if this was going where I thought it was.

"I thought it was a joke, but I have a U14 hockey car wash booked here today." He grimaced and I let out an angry huff.

"Thank you, I'll be back in five minutes."

With that I walked briskly outside livid beyond belief. This was borderline child abuse! I was definitely going to rip this woman's head off. My jaw clenched in anger as I rushed out and in my haste I stumbled into an over excited Fleur.

"MOM! You'renotgoingtobelieveit" she rushed and I struggled to keep up. The winner of today's fundraiser gets a signed official game used Marc-Andre Fleury stick and catching glove!"

"Fleur slow down, let your mother breathe." Lauren warned as she approached us but I could see her worry written all over her face.

"Mom we gotta wash some mad cars today, please." Fleur begged and I sighed "The Flower, the original Fleury Mom."

"Fleur let me talk to your Momma real quick, go tell Ryan about this prize you're going to win ok?" I smiled and she rushed off.

"Absolutely not." Lauren reprimanded and I nodded.

"I completely agree on that, however look at our child, I mean we gotta at least get another gas station but we have to wash some cars." I reasoned and she nodded.

"I'll go to the nearest post to talk to Nadia and Krystal. They must be joking, I mean there's no way they would be this reckless right?" Lauren questioned but I could see her anger.

"Go on and I'll stay with the girl's ok?" I mentioned and kissed her lips before she hopped in her car and left.

Fleur and Chloe were sitting on the curb with Ryan as he asked them riddles. I sat next to Fleur and she leaned into me looking up with her gorgeous brown eyes. I loved my baby so much there was nothing I could compare it to. My love for her and my love for Lauren was so different yet they filled me just the same.

"We're gonna win this right Mom?" Fleur asked with a smile as I nodded.

"We're just going to move to a different gas station, it's not suitable here for a car wash." I explained and she nodded as Ryan gave me a knowing look.

A while passed as Fleur and Chloe had been talking movie trivia with Ryan. He was sometimes like a walking, talking, breathing encyclopedia. I laughed as he started disputing the realness of Carrie's psychic powers when my phone rung in my pocket. I smiled knowing it was Lauren and walked away a bit to answer.

"Tell me where to go beautiful, I'll rally the troops." I chuckled but tensed as I heard her teary voice.

"Oh Bo… I don't know how I'll tell Fleur…" Lauren's whimper made my heart drop and I couldn't help the anger that raised within me.

"Lauren, what's wrong? What happened?" I asked worried beyond belief.

"They said the assignments are final and that if we didn't deem it safe there then they'd have to forfeit." Lauren lamented. "Fleur and Chloe were so excited…"

"It's alright baby we'll figure it out." I sighed pinching the brim of my nose. "Just get here and we'll figure it out."

After a few parting words we hung up and I walked over to where the trio was lounging. One look at Fleur's face told me she would be devastated if this didn't work out. Within a few minutes Dyson had pulled over in his crappy old yellow convertible parking it by the car wash spot. I watched as Fleur and Chloe ran to him and animatedly started to rave about the prize. There was no way I was disappointing my daughter in such a way. With my mind made I grabbed a couple of bucks from my pocket and walked inside.

Ryan had followed me inside as Fleur and Chloe painted a sign with Dyson explaining we might be moving to a new location. I busied myself grabbing a few things and Ryan walked beside me watching me silently. We came up and down the aisles until he raised an eyebrow at me and smirked.

"You're not actually thinking of having the girls washing cars right?" Ryan asked incredulously as I shook my head.

"What kind of mother do you think I am?" I glared at him. "I want you to take Chloe and Fleur to the back hose the one away from the view of the bar, give them this bucket and get them to wash your car and Dyson's if any parents stop by… whatever comes from that 'safe' side. I'll take care of the rest."

"Bo…" Ryan warned and I shook my head.

"I promised my baby she'd win this and I'll be damned if she loses it over some sabotage a jealous ex-girfriend with a vendetta put up." I huffed and he seemed to understand.

"I hope you know what you're doing." He smiled giving his card to the clerk. "I'll take care of the kiddos."

He went through the back door towards where his car was and whistled for the girl's to follow him. I came out through the front towards Dyson's car when I spotted a frowning Lauren. I winked as I passed by her and she cocked her head at me in curiosity.

"Don't cancel anything with Fleur, I've got this. Why don't you get them some ice cream, they're in the back." I assured her and Lauren nodded looking at me quizzically but going inside non-the-less.

Dyson gave me a look with a raised eyebrow I gave him a wink and started filling up the buckets I had gotten with soapy water. I took my shoes off and gave them to Dyson with a smile as I felt the hot asphalt under my feet. I gave a glance to the bar and I could see a couple of guys sitting on the railing looking across at me. I scoffed and Dyson shook his head.

"I'll give you this… you are persistent." He chuckled and I nodded.

"You've got my back?" I asked as he nodded firmly.

"Yeah I also put a sign facing the bar, I had a feeling you were going to make it work." Dyson nodded at his car "Make mine the first eh, I'm trying to sell her."

"Oh yeah? How much?" I asked excitedly "I've been wanting a vehicle of my own."

"It's not much Bo, I'm sure you can get something better." Dyson smiled as I shook my head.

"I want a project, I think Fleur's old enough to start working on a beater before she learns how to drive it. It'll give her more responsibility when she drives if she builds what she's driving." I shrugged.

"I like your way of thinking Bo, we can talk about it when you get back. Tamsin and I are going car shopping this weekend so I'll be able to part with her soon." He tapped the hood of the car.

"You and Tamsin doing better now I hope? Lauren said they've been chilling together lately." I mentioned as I shooed him to the side trying to get him out of sight to get some customers interested.

"We are doing really well, she's been seeing your therapist Dr. Marquise, she's been a Godsend." Dyson chuckled and I nodded.

"She really is, changed my life completely." I smiled before letting the conversation drop and getting to work.

I was soaking wet by washing the hood alone. I wasn't stupid, I knew what I was doing and what it would attract. As I lathered more myself than the car I heard the men from the bar yelling at one another and cause an uproar. Within a few minutes I heard Dyson chuckle as the first motorcycle revved up and I heard it cross the street. I gave Dyson a wink as I turned to look at the biker standing there with his helmet off now.

"Scuse me gorgeous… are you… are you doing the hockey car wash here? You look a little older to be U14 eh?" the scruffy man gruffed with a chuckle.

I pushed off the hood with my soaking wet white shirt as he swallowed hard looking me up and down landing on my breasts of course. I smiled salaciously at him batting my eyelashes as he got even more flustered.

"I'm helping my daughter out, you want a wash big boy? Your equipment seems pretty dirty." I worked him and he nodded giving in and handing his money to Dyson without tearing his eyes off me.

"You can go back to the bar while I finish this puppy up and I'll wave at you when I get my hands on your piece." I suggested as he cleared his throat and nodded dumbly walking away.

I hated doing this, I hated how it made me feel dirty, the kind of dirty that was too close to comfort to my past. I bared with it as I grit my teeth and put up an act as more and more bikers started to come and park their bikes giving Dyson massive amounts of money. I would make Nadia pay for this one way or another, putting me and my family in this situation had to be punishable some way. Beating her in the fundraiser was not enough, I wanted her to hurt the way she was hurting me and my daughter… the way she was undoubtedly hurting Lauren.

I tried to blank my mind from the fact that there were about 30 men staring at my wet ass at the moment. When I looked up to see Lauren by the door of the convenience store her skin glowing in the sun from her blue tank-top while an ice-cream cone sat in her hand. I connected my eyes with hers as I saw her mouth hang slightly open as she took me in. I got great excitement that I was making her react this way. I picked up some foam and blew it in her direction playfully as she licked her lips. I climbed on the hood of the car to get the windshield and concentrated on the car.

I pulled out all the stops with the car until most if not all of the patrons of the bar had brought their cars and paid for their washes. Dyson helped me with some of the vehicles until slowly but surely we had washed everything and some of them twice. I insisted Lauren to go help the girls, in reality as possessive as it sounded I didn't want any of these guys looking at my girlfriend like they were looking at me.

It was a few hours later and I smiled counting the money as I could hear Dyson teasing Lauren about something. Ryan was next to one of the dad's from the Parent council who kept grinning from ear to ear as I was handing them the last of the money. It wouldn't be official until Mr. Donovan here said it was but we had a good idea that Team Fleur had this in the bag. It turned out Fleur and Chloe got quite a bit of business on the back as well and the money flowed like a fountain to push us ahead of the pack.

"I can't believe you pulled that off Mrs. Lewis" Mr. Donovan chuckled and I bit my lip somehow not wanting to correct him.

"Well when life gives you lemons eh?" I winked at him and he laughed harder.

"Indeed! My husband Christoph would absolutely love you. We have to do dinner at our place sometime, Doctor Lewis and yourself along with Donovan and I, I'm sure Chloe-Grace and Fleur will find something to do as always." He insisted as I shook my head nervously.

"I'm sure Lauren and Fleur would love that." I replied not knowing how else to proceed, I had never had people invite me for dinner like this and I wasn't sure of the etiquette.

"Mr. Lambert thanks for stepping in to help our Chloe-Grace. With Christoph away for work and the coordinating duties I couldn't stretch myself thin enough." Donovan assured and Ryan brushed him off with a wave and a mumble of 'no problem'.

I had joined Lauren and Dyson as she wiped her hands from a mess of ice-cream she had all over still sticky. Fleur kept laughing at her and Chloe pulled my girl with her to follow her dad to meet the other team members.

"Geez Babe did you get to eat any?" I teased Lauren as she blushed a deep shade of red.

"Eat any?" she swallowed hard and I laughed.

"Yah babe, Ice-Cream?" I giggled as I draped my arms around her waist squeezing her from behind.

"Oh my god!" Dyson couldn't stop laughing and Lauren kept getting redder by the second.

"Shut up Dyson." Lauren muttered cutely as I realized how much I'd miss her these coming days without the beauty by my side.

I was distracted by the grey Mazda coming down the block like a bat out of hell. I made sure Fleur and Chloe-Grace were safely with Donovan and Ryan before keeping my eyes on the car. It pulled into the parking lot with a screech making us all turn to look and out of it popped Nadia with the other snake Krystal. I gave Lauren a last squeeze before pushing off the car noticing the coach's eyes on me. My anger was palpable at the sabotage and I wasn't backing off this time. Lauren had to let me fight my battles.

"Bo…" Lauren called from behind me but I just flashed her a smile and a wink before glancing at the woman stomping towards me.

"I just wanted you to know that you've cost Fleur and Chloe-Grace their shot at the contest for immoral behaviour." Nadia hissed in my face and I scowled but before I could answer I could hear Donovan's voice.

"Under whose authority?" his voice was loud and clear as the women turned to meet him. "I didn't see anybody asking me for a vote and a disqualification must be unanimous so…"

"She was selling sex to those men!" Krystal accused as I saw Fleur fuming in the distance about to say something, Chloe not so happy with her either.

"She was washing cars in long black pants and a long tank-top… you're both in bikini tops and booty shorts so please save this bullshit." Donovan glared at them before walking away urging Fleur and Chloe to follow him.

"I see right through you." Nadia warned looking at me crossly and I crossed my arms giving her a hard glare.

"Oh please, you wouldn't see a lighthouse if it hit you in the forehead." I rolled my eyes and shook my head. "I did what I needed to in order to help my daughter's hockey team raise funds. It's all about the charity. No more, no less."

"If that's the case and you feel all Mother Theresa then you would probably like to know there's a charity pick-up game at 7:30, I'm sure that them losers from the other team would appreciate the hindrance on the ice." Nadia mentioned firmly.

I could hear what was unsaid, the challenge, the bait. I didn't know if I was stupid for taking it or just plain fed up about this bitch running her mouth and punching me in the face and targeting my family. One thing I was confident of was my hockey and if this chump wanted to take it to the ice she had another thing coming.

"Unless you're too scared, I mean it's a contact game and all. Don't wanna break a nail or get your ass handed to you in a scrap." She taunted and my jaw clenched.

"I'll see you at seven." I muttered and with that Nadia walked off satisfied for now.

"Bo…" Lauren spoke softly behind me grabbing onto my hand "She's just taunting you into reacting."

"I know Lauren, but I can't let her walk around thinking it's alright to punch me either to bully our child in her hockey team." I said turning around as she flinched looking at my black eye.

"I already-"

"I know you did babe and I appreciate that, but I have to fight my own battles too." I softly added holding her face in my palms. "I won't be too hard babe I want to set a good example for Fleur. I'll make you proud I promise."

"You already do Bo, so damn much." She breathed and I couldn't help but smile before kissing her lips.

"Come with us." I suddenly plead not wanting to be away from her. "To Montreal, just come with us."

"I can't, I really have to do some work baby… next time ok? I promise." She spoke softly not meeting my eyes.

"Ok" I whispered not wanting to let go but knowing she was getting soaked.

"You are such a fucking Tease sweetheart." I laughed hard at the tone she used and hugged her tighter.

We had packed up and left to meet Donovan at the Arena and hear the official results. I had convinced Dyson to let me drive the yellow Chevy SS convertible since I was soaking wet and it had leather seats. Lauren agreed to hop on with me in my future car and we took off with the wind in our face. She had donned her 'Fleur' hat backwards to counteract the wind and I smiled brightly holding her hand has I drove. Lauren was gorgeous in every way and I was glad she had taken the day off to be with us see us off at the end of the night.

"You don't have to prove anything to her Bo." Lauren broke my thoughts off and I nodded knowing she probably feared me getting hurt in some way.

"I know Lau, I just… I can't have this woman smugly walking around town disrespecting me in front of the other parents. I'm Fleur's mother just as much as you are and I want to be seen as a responsible adult. With Nadia yapping her mouth and sabotaging even Fleur's interests that's not happening." I explained as Lauren brought my hand to her lips kissing it.

"Do what you have to do Bo. I just… I wish I hadn't brought her into my life now." Lauren regretted and I shook my head.

"Lauren the past happens, sometimes it comes to bite you in the ass… I've learned recently that you gotta grit your teeth and tell your past to fuck off sometimes." I smiled at her and she giggled.

We had stopped at the house for me to grab my equipment and skates before going to the arena. I also took the time to change into something dry quickly. I tried to rush, eager to get some ice time before the game, I was now nervous and excited about the prospect of a game. Dyson and Ryan had dropped the cars at the house and waited for us for a ride into the arena.

Once there we walked around the various booths set up for the hockey tourney that weekend. Lauren had gone off to find Fleur while Dyson and Ryan looked around but I wanted to find out more about this pick-up game I had agreed to. I saw a booth with the sign for the women's team and made a beeline for it. A brunette haired woman with warm eyes and a kind smile greeted me at the table as I saw their donations box.

"Hello there, my name's Sabine would you like to make a donation to the downtown women's hockey league?" she smiled and I shook my head gently.

"Hi, I'm Bo… actually I heard you guys might be looking for players for tonight's game against the local team?" I checked and Sabine's face lit up.

"Yes! We actually are looking for a Centre and a Defenceman… well defensewoman." She chuckled. "Would we be in luck and consider you either?"

"I'm a centre and can play a bit of defence in a two way penalty kill." I explained and she chuckled delighted at the information.

"Oh great then! Let me text the Captain of the team Clio. We've been trying to beat this team we're going against for quite some time." Sabine chuckled as she texted away. "The coach of my daughter's team is in it and never lets me live down that I play with the downtown team."

I laughed and shook my head to signal I meant no offense as I tried to recollect myself before explaining.

"My daughter's coach is a pain in the ass and she's on that team so it might very well be the same one. U14 girls?" I asked and Sabine nodded with a chuckle "Yeah, I'm The Flower's Mother."

"Oh wow, I'm Jackeline's mother she's the goalie! Mrs. Lewis between us, I heard the results already and let me say Fleur and Chloe won that prize by a landslide." I had butterflies in my stomach from how much I had been called by the wrong name today but I was also ecstatic about them winning the prize.

"Oh, I can't wait for the announcement now! Fleur is going to flip about this!" I smiled as a short dark haired green eyed woman approached us.

"Are you looking to be our Centre?" the woman smiled politely at me as I nodded shaking her hand. "I'm Clio the Captain. Are you a right handed shot?"

"Left handed." I answered and Clio perked up.

"That's great! Do you play on the Power Play?" She asked as I nodded and she patted my back "Well if you can drop gloves then we're all set, although with that shiner it looks like you already do eh?"

"I'd rather not since my daughter will be watching, but who knows." I shrugged and Clio nodded.

"I can respect that. Alright then, warm up is at 7:00pm, puck drop is thirty after that and if you want to go over some lines before the warm up just be here fifteen minutes early." Clio explained as I took it all in and agreed.

I talked to them a little bit more before setting out to find Lauren and Fleur. Lauren had rounded the kid up from all of the excitement as they waited for me by the entrance. I could see Lauren smiling brightly at me as Fleur talked away about this and that. I reached them and ruffled Fleur's hair as she shoved me playfully.

"Momma says you're hitting the ice tonight with downtown." Fleur lit up as she talked away.

"Your Momma as per usual is correct Jedi apprentice." I joked and she just cheered as she danced a bit.

"Mom! Oh Geez, you gotta score a goal for me, it'll only be fair for me scoring yesterday!" Fleur gushed as Lauren laughed.

"Well if I want some strength we need to go eat before it's too late." I argued and Fleur grabbed my hand tugging me towards the parking lot.

"Let's get going then! You better not snore on the plane from exhaustion after this Mom, I'll be super embarrassed!" Fleur dramatized as Lauren's hand found my other one with a gentle smile.

"Who says I snore?" I asked with a frown.

"You don't Bo." Lauren assured me as I nodded "much"

"Doctor!" I gasped as we all laughed getting into the yellow car fastening our belts as I pulled away.

Fleur was putting her hands up in the air as I drove us to the nearest food place when I decided to tease Lauren back. I had been mulling it over in my head since last night and now was the perfect moment for payback on that snoring comment.

"By the way, what am I supposed to do here? People keep calling me Mrs. Lewis when I say I'm Fleur's mom." I teased as I saw Lauren turn twenty different shades of red while Fleur laughed uncontrollably in the back.

"I…um…" Lauren stammered helplessly as I took her hand in mine intertwining out fingers with a laugh as I looked back at Fleur through the rear-view mirror.

"Whad'ya think Squirt? Should I just roll with it?" I asked Fleur as Lauren buried her face in her hand embarrassedly as I pulled into the restaurant's parking lot.

"Yeah, I mean like geez mom, how difficult would it be to explain how we ended all up together!?" Fleur exclaimed as I laughed and nodded agreeing with her.

"Well, I don't know, maybe Doctor Lewis here wouldn't want people getting the wrong idea here." I joked some more as I pulled my seatbelt off.

In a second Lauren had taken her seatbelt off and pulled me by the collar of my leather jacket kissing my lips softly with a smile as I melted into her. I grabbed the sides of her face with a sigh kissing her back while I heard Fleur giggle behind us in a dreamy way. I pulled away from her Mother giving the small girl a wink and we set off to eat. Before we walked in Lauren pulled me back a bit and looked into my eyes with a smile.

"Bo I don't want you to feel pressured to act as my wife just because we have a different situation than most… I can talk to people, explain that you're Bo Dennis, my girlfriend and Fleur's mother." She mumbled dropping her eyes from mine finding the ground interesting.

"It's no big deal Lauren, really babe. I don't mind being Mrs. Lewis in front of the PTA if you don't. I bet it's driving your ex's crazy." I winked as she chuckled and looked up lovingly at me.

"I cannot believe how much I love you." Lauren whispered blowing me away for one reason or another.

My heart swelled at the emotion flaring in there with her warm words. I was stumped at how much feeling Lauren could convey in me. I hadn't been in many emotionally invested relationships in my life. To be honest before Kenzie and Ryan I had highly doubted my ability to love anything or anyone, yet here I was being someone's mother and someone's girlfriend as well. Maybe lots of people in my position in a new relationship would've taken that as something too fast, too soon but with me it felt so real and right. Somehow this was not something I saw wasting my time in, my relationship with Lauren was something I wanted to last into the far future. Just like I was upset and sad I was spending the weekend away from her I knew my life would never be the same without the blonde intellectual. The realization scared me yet it filled me with hope at the same time.

We waited for our food happily as Fleur explained that Dyson and Ryan had stayed behind to help some of the dads with their league. Ryan was pretty athletic and knew quite a bit of sports so I wasn't surprise at him staying with the prospect of some guy time. The results for the car wash fundraiser would be announced at the beginning of my game tonight.

Fleur had now been interested in my hockey pedigree. In a way I think she felt us being even more connected knowing she'd be able to watch me in a live game for the first time. I had opened up a bit to my daughter, even though there were questions that opened up old wounds. I was very aware of how intently Lauren had been next to me listening to anything and everything Fleur was asking. She was mostly wondering about how I got into the game and if I was rusty or nervous which I wasn't. I told her a few stories about a few of my games as I tucked Lauren under my arm puller her close. I caught Lauren yawning from the lack of sleep a few times but she was as beautiful as always.

A few hours later I sat in the dressing room with the other ladies that were in my newfound team. They had taken to calling me 'Dr. Bones' on the ice because of my black eye and my connection to Lauren, I kinda liked it. A girl had joked that with how skinny I was she imagined the fight I had been in was all elbows and bones as we all laughed breaking the ice. I had my shin guards and my skates on with my garter holding up my socks. I shifted fixing my pelvic protector finding it uncomfortable after all these years and tightened my pants before throwing on my Jersey over my shoulder, neck, chest and elbow pads. It all felt so familiar that it brought a heart pounding sensation to my soul.

"Hey Doctor, you have an extra set of gloves?" a red head centre from the third line asked me snapping me out of it.

"Nah sorry Red, I only have my own." I shook my head as she sighed.

"I'm such a doofus leaving mine at home with the hurry, I'll see if anyone from the other games has some. Thanks." She mentioned before walking out.

"Here, just in case." I looked up to see Sabine offering me some Vaseline. "I know you don't want to drop gloves, but I saw last game where Fleur scored. Coach K will be gunning for you, I want you to be ready."

"Thanks." I smiled and took it fixing myself a bit before the coach came in wanting my attention and to welcome me to the team.

After introductions with the coaching staff and a couple of instructions it was time to hit the ice. The team had their red jerseys but since I was an extra I had been asked to just wear a red jersey for the game. I had my team Canada golden goal jersey with Crosby's 87 on the back hoping Fleur got to see me in it. I stared at the back of the jersey Clio was wearing in front of me and tried to keep my breathing even and my nerves down as we stood in the hallway before hitting the ice. The coach had blindsided me putting me in the first line with Clio after the practice but I was ready to step up to the challenge. I knew with Nadia's egotistical nature she'd probably be in the first line as well.

As we skated out I realized the game was sort of prime time. There was a lot of people here to watch and it made my nerves tenfold as I took the ice. I looked around hoping to catch my family and by the goal line right around where Ryan and I had sat and saw Lauren, Dyson and Ryan but I couldn't see Fleur. As I skated to the bench I saw Fleur and Chloe were standing next to my bench about to take the ice.

"Oh My God Mom!" I heard Fleur's voice reach me through the glass and I grinned from ear to ear.

"Hey Squirt!" I waved as she pummeled Chloe's side trying to get her attention.

"Mom we won!" Fleur exclaimed happily and as on cue the PA started the ceremonies confirming that Fleur and Chloe had won the fundraiser.

I watched proudly as they were presented my girl and her bestie with the memorabilia we had helped them get. She had told us how much fun she'd had at the car wash while we ate and the way her face lit up right now in the middle of the ice was all the incentive I needed to know I had done the right thing. As she exited the ice and we got ready for puck drop she pressed her fist to the glass for me to give her 'props'. I did and with a smile she mouthed 'good luck' as Clio tapped my back to jump on the ice for the starting shift. I could see Nadia eyeing me like a predator about to pounce and attack as I gave her a smile centering my body for the faceoff.

"Thought you weren't going to show chicken shit. No girlfriend here to defend you now." Nadia snarled as I ignored her eyeing the puck in the refs hand.

"Watch it 39, we're barely starting." The Ref warned her before putting his whistle in his mouth once more and getting ready to drop the puck.

It was as if I had never ever left the ice. Maybe it was because I now kept myself in shape, or because I had been training with Fleur to show her if I could do it so could she. The crowd deafened as I zoned on the puck and almost as if I was seeing in slow motion I saw it drop to the ice. I shifted my hips at the same time and dropped my stick pushing the puck to my skate and kicking it to my winger. From there everything went fast and I was hyperaware of my linemates and the defense.

We flew down the ice as I flanked Clio with a give and go play, Nadia probably didn't expect my speed and was hooking my hips to get my centre off the puck. We crossed into the offensive zone and I dropped passed just in time as Nadia slashed my hand hard and I grimaced forgetting how much that hurt. I dodged her hip check changing direction as I looked to cycle and get closer to the net while my defenseman was passing the puck to the Left winger. I shifted my legs digging hard as I knew my shift was coming to an end and hit my stick hard on the ice for the puck. I felt the force as it touched my stick and went to the backhand but their goalie held on to the rebound.

I felt a hard cross check from behind and fell to the ice as my defencewoman Katie came and checked Nadia hard told her to back off before the refs came and broke it up. We went to the bench for the change and the ref came to give Jen and I instructions on a formation she wanted us to try with Clio. I took some water and watched the play analyzing every second immersed in a world I thought I had forgotten. I saw one of our players who I had only known by her nickname gassed as I tapped Clio on the chest hard as I tried to get her attention.

"Smokey's gassed she won't be able to get back!" I yelled and the coach heard me noticing the detail.

"Smokey come off!" Coach's voice broke through the arena as Smokey's head snapped up. "Good call Doc."

At that same time a turnover and Krystal blew by Smokey with the puck. I groaned hard as I saw Krystal skate hard at Sabine, who was our goalie knowing she had the edge. I cursed under my breath as the goal light turned on and the horn got going signaling Krystal had scored on the breakaway. I hung my head muttering under my breath as I felt a tap on my back as the coach leaned in and whispered a couple of moves in my ear.

I hit the ice again to kill a penalty I heard Katie yelling at me to get back to cover Nadia on the Kill. I shifted my hips squaring them with Nadia's as I skated backwards and focused on the puck as I timed myself. She was yapping away but I couldn't really hear her taunts as I concentrated and in a second I dug my left skate slightly, bolted forwards and poke checked her off the puck. The rubber sailed towards the other way and I moved my legs as fast as I could feel them burn hard as I felt the puck on my stick. I smiled and concentrated on the goalie as I tried to deke her out. As soon as I saw the goalie commit to the low side I wound up and knuckled the puck high left side. I saw the light go on and heard the roar of the crowd. My eyes met hers and before I knew it I had thrown myself on the glass against where Fleur was losing her shit.

"Atta Doc!" Clio hollered as she jumped on me and so did Katie as we celebrated the goal.

"I want that for my daughter, please don't lose it!" I smiled as Smokey came and ruffled my helmet cage.

"We got it!" Katie assured as I smiled bigger and we skated to the bench.

I found Lauren next to Fleur and blew her a kiss as I heard the coach praise me and tell me to sit down. I took some water and watched Nadia give me the glare of death as I gave her smug taunting smile. The whistle came and went and the game got underway once more. After a few battles on the boards and getting shoved and checked by Nadia I was getting more and more angry. She was taking dangerous risks by boarding me ever so often. She had been called on a two minute slash but nothing more and our coach had shuffled the lines so that I wasn't paired up against her.

I saw their second line hit the ice and I jumped the bench hitting the ice hard with my skates. I felt tired since this was my first full game in a very long time but I was loving how great I felt playing again. I took the puck from Krystal and pushed towards my zone knowing I had two people on my tail. I heard the girl's warning me so I threw the puck to the boards and braced for a check. I heard Nadia's voice in my ear as she slammed her stick against my pelvic protector hard. _Is this bitch spearing me!?_

"You think you're going to come into my town take my woman, raise that kid after you threw her out like garbage… _**you fucking addict.**_ " Her voice came into my mind and it was as if there was gunpowder in my veins and it had just been lit.

"That's fucking it." I announced firmly.

I turned suddenly as the play continued away from us, my eyes held hers with a fierceness that left no space to question what would happen next. I shoved her hard away from me, blowing my gloves off with one swift motion before reaching for my cage and taking it off quickly. The arena erupted in cheers as the deafening sound of palms against glass fueled me. I watched as she glared at me evenly but threw her gloves off as well and reached for her helmet. I raised my fists close to my face and got ready for what was coming.

"Your face will be so fucked you won't be able to smell the Lavender or Sweetgrass." She taunted and I grinded my teeth not taking my eyes off her.

I was at a level of anger that I couldn't even speak and all I wanted was to hit. This was why Evony had gotten me a punching bag. I saw Nadia take a left jab as I blocked it with my right wrist and lunged at the same time with my left hand grabbing the collar of her jersey and gear. I remembered this, I would thrive on fights in my teenage years to burn the absolute rage I had at life. Now my body just fell into muscle memory and rage to keep me alert against this woman making my life impossible. I concentrated on keeping my feet balanced under me as I blocked two more left punches and shrugged a right hook.

Without warning and as fast as I could I started pounding her chin with a couple of punches with the fist I had on her sweaty jersey. I felt her hit me hard on the black eye and saw stars but I expected it and was able to think past the hit. I tried to think pre-emptively and set her up so when she least expected it I could get the jump on her. I tugged her down throwing her off balance with a smirk as the adrenaline pounded in my ears and when she dodged I threw a right overhand bomb catching her in the cheekbone. The sound of my knuckle crunching on her skin made me grimace but I pushed and quickly switched the hand holding her jersey. I surprised her with a hook to her jaw and saw almost in slow motion as her eyes rolled to the back of her head for a second or two. I noticed her knees buckle and her body crumble as I let her drop on the ice. I hovered over her as the ref held me back while she tried to stand on shaky legs looking at me crossly.

"Next time you try something against **MY girlfriend** , or **MY daughter** I'll make sure to give you a cement facial so don't try me." I assured before skating to the box as the home crowd booed and the visitors cheered.

I hung my head between my hands panting as I heard I was getting a five minute major for fighting. I groaned admonishing myself for losing my cool. My daughter was watching me and I wanted to set a good example. I nodded to myself convincing myself that I would apologize to Lauren and Fleur once the game was done. I heard the gate of the other penalty box and when I looked up to look at Nadia I saw her sitting the furthest away from me looking away with a scowl. I hoped she wouldn't bother me again and concentrated on the game and getting my breathing back to normal. My eye felt like shit and it hurt a lot but I was almost certain Nadia was way worse.

After my penalty I approached the bench with my head down but as I got there all I heard was whoops and hollers of approval. I shook my head waving them off embarrassedly and the coach tapped my back in approval. I heard Red from the other side of the bench with a laugh.

"I'm sorry guys, I don't think Doc Bones is gonna cut it anymore. I think Doctor Ruthless is more like it." Red hollered as the other girl's showed their approval as I smiled in spite of myself.

The rest of the game went by without incident and the coaches matched us on different lines. After our second goal to take the lead the coach tapped me on the back to take a short shift. She knew I was getting to my limit but I wanted to put in a good workload and finish the game for my girl.

"Last five minutes Brutal Bo, get me thirty more seconds and you can sit the rest of it out. We have more girls to finish the game." Coach smiled and I nodded hopping over the boards to the ice.

I took my place in front of the net for the power play as I battled with their defensewoman. I shoved her slightly without drawing a penalty but suddenly she turned and hit me hard with her stick crosschecking me across the ribs. The pain was almost unbearable for a second and I fell to the ice breathless as the coach called a time out on the spot. The other chick never got a penalty as much as my coach yelled and I slowly wincing in unbearable pain pulled myself up and skated towards the bench. Once safely there Clio threw her arm around me and took me into the dressing room's quiet room where an EMT was waiting.

I groaned as they got me on the bench and I raised my arm yelping at the pain as I shut my eyes in agony. Clio gave me a sympathetic smile as she turned and left closing the door behind her. I took my helmet off as I heaved and the EMT finished listening to me.

"On a scale of 1 to 10 how much pain Ma'am?" the darked haired woman asked.

"A solid eight I believe." I quipped and she nodded.

"We might have to take you to the hospital for some x-rays, I'm going to have to give you something for the pain in the mean-time-" she explained but I was already shaking my head.

"No." I said firmly as I heard a ruckus in the hallway not far and my heart raced. "No drugs of any kind, I'm fine it's just tender."

"Ma'am I have no choice it's protocol." Her tone sounded bored but final as if on a power trip.

"No, you're not fucking sticking me with nothing. I can't have any drugs." I tried to stand but winced and gasped at the pain and the EMT grabbed my arm.

"Ma'am I have no choice." She gritted through her teeth with the syringe held high and I trembled with fear but worse of all with _**want.**_

I shut my eyes waiting for the prick but it never came as I heard a loud smack and a thud. I opened my eyes to meet Lauren's soft eyes as she hovered above me trying to get my attention.

"Bo… baby… Ysabeau!"

"Yes! I'm here I'm… oh my God!" I groaned as I reached for my side and blew out a breath. "Did you just clock her out?"

"I could hear you screaming down the hall, did she… oh God Bo… did she inject you with anything?" She asked in a panic as my hands trembled and I shook my head hard.

"No… but… but she was so close." I opened her eyes and met hers in fear. "I… think I almost relapsed just now."

"But you didn't Bo… I'm here baby, I'm with you. You have me here and Fleur and Dyson… and and Ryan is here." Her tone was gentle but I could hear her begging tone behind it all.

"Lauren…" I whispered as she cooed me and examined my wound carefully shushing me.

"Do you trust me Ysabeau?" She asked and I sighed as my real name rolled off her tongue in a way nobody else could imitate.

"I do." I whispered and she nodded.

"This might hurt." She whispered and pressed on my injury as I winced but nothing more. "It's only a bruised rib Bo, it's not broken."

I nodded softly not being able to grasp how fast my life had gone to shit at the moment. Lauren's hand caressed my cheek gently and she looked into my eyes smiling softly at me with all the love in the world.

"If you really trust me believe me Bo… you did the right thing, you asked her to stop. You looked at the monster in the eye and told it to fuck off." Lauren's eyes bore into my own and I realized with a start I believed her.

"You still love me?" I still asked and she chuckled incredulously.

"You remember that night… it was about 3:30 in morning… wow I was such an asshole" she smiled and shook her head as I chuckled as well.

"I do." I whispered.

"You opened the door in those shorts you love so much and a jersey with your tousled hair and your soft eyes." Lauren whispered and my eyes watered as I remembered the moment clearly.

"I thought you were an angel." I smiled and she nodded blushing.

"I loved you on the spot Bo Denis. You were a mess back then and yet I fell in love with you as if I had gotten a glimpse of the amazing woman you'd become now. I saw you for a second as beautiful and healthy and wonderful as you are right now before you fell into your shell and unhealthy habits back then. "

Every word washed over me and before she could continue I kissed her hard and deeply not wanting to ever let her go. We pulled away panting and laughing as she caught us from toppling over in the stretcher where I had pulled her on. She gave me a hand getting up and getting changed before she woke the EMT and threatened getting her fired if she reported her. She begrudgingly agreed after Lauren gave her a speech on medical ethics and then she ran off scared of my girlfriend. We gathered my stuff quickly as I realized I'd have to make my stop at home a quick one before heading to the airport. The team slowly caught me as Lauren helped me to my feet they gave me props and convinced me to come back for a game anytime. Clio made sure I got the puck for Fleur and with a few last hollering woops we walked out.

Dyson and Ryan helped me to the car. Fleur kept gushing on and off about my goal, my game and my fight and I couldn't help but feel happy at the girl gushing away. My eyes caught Lauren's on the rear view mirror as I squeezed Fleur carefully in the back seat and right then and there I knew, _**I knew**_ , Lauren would never let me relapse ever again. I closed my eyes leaning into the seat feeling better about my trip already wanting to get back to the blonde.


	16. Chapter 16

**Thanks for the patience and the love! These chapters are two that I'm very happy and proud to put out. No individual shououts, but as always I read and appreciate each and every review I get from you guys!**

 **Remember to follow me on the twitter last_dragomir**

 **PLEASE: Remember this is a parallel story with 'Cosmic Love' which is from Lauren's POV. Make sure you check that one out too.**

 **Cheers eh!**

 **Disclaimer: As always characters belonging to Lost Girl are not mine but the storyline and settings are. Every other intellectual property belongs to the owners.**

 **Heavy In Your Arms**

 **Chapter 16:**

His face flashed in my mind as he took my soul over and over again once again. My life had become the endless pit of despair it had once been. I needed to scrub the memories off my mind and I knew exactly how. I felt my hands shake with the force of the craving as I jostled with the pouch in anger. My fingers were so numb from the withdrawal that I couldn't open the plastic of the syringe. I yelled in frustration and after I got the thing open I whimpered at the mixture I had already prepared. I had to erase his hands from my skin. It was searching for a vein in my legs since my arms were so crowded that her voice pierced through my ears.

"Mom!" Fleur yelled through the door pounding hard "MOM!"

" **Mom!"** I heard her again as I felt myself being shaken lightly.

My eyes opened with a start as I breathed hard from the nightmare I had just experienced. It was a short flight but I had managed to pass out. Fleur was looking at me with soft questioning eyes and I swallowed the hard knot in my throat. I tried not to frighten her and blinked the tears off my eyes.

"Are we here?" I mumbled and Fleur gave me a smile from the isle and a nod.

I stretched as Fleur threw me a wink with a giggle. I literally felt like I had been run over by a Mac truck and everything hurt, especially my ribs. I let out a groan as I looked around and saw we were some of the last people on the plane. I gave Fleur a small look as she popped my backpack on her back and carried her own on the front.

"I thought you'd have a hard time if it was crowded so I waited to wake you." Fleur explained and I gave her a soft smile.

"Thanks babycakes, that's very thoughtful of you." I smiled as we walked slowly down the aisle of the plane.

I was touched with how caring and loving Fleur was being after I had injured myself. She was enough to get me grounded from the horrible thoughts the nightmare had brought with it. Fleur's hand found my own and gingerly she led the way with a wide smile. I could see the tiredness in my daughter's eyes, yet the excitement was something I wasn't prepared for.

Without much fuss we found Kenzie by the baggage claim. She gave us a wide glamorous smile rocking out an amazing beige blouse and fashion stamped leggings. The woman's hair was framing her face and bright blue eyes in waves as I realized with a start she was a beautiful blonde now.

"Wow Auntie! Look at your hair!" Fleur raved and Kenzie gave her a twirl with a flutter of her eyelashes.

"I thought I'd find out if blondes do have more fun." Kenzie teased and I chuckled before cringing and holding my side. "What's wrong with you?"

"I played hockey today." I smiled widely as the small woman widened her baby blues at me.

"Are you fucking joking me!? Is that why you have the shiner and the fat lip? Girl I hate to tell you but you got fucked up. Swizzlesticks Bo!" Kenzie lamented and I laughed harder trying pointlessly not to.

"The other girl got knocked out." I half grinned and Kenzie gave me a high five.

"Good girl. How about you? Are you learning to be a badass like your Mother?" Kenzie teased Fleur as the woman draped her arm over Fleur after taking one of her backpacks.

"I do as I'm told, not as I see." Fleur repeated as we all laughed.

We grabbed our luggage as Fleur and Kenzie talked about the car wash and the hockey fundraiser. To be honest I was way too tired to even talk much, yet I was a bit scared of falling back asleep. I followed Kenzie and Fleur out the airport as we got into Kenzie's SUV on the curb. Fleur made sure to have me seated and buckled-in on the back seat before settling next to Kenzie in the front. I sent Lauren a quick text that we had made it safely and leaned my head back on the headrest. I let the voices of the girl's wash over me as I took in the landscape wash over me with its city lights.

The hotel looked nice but in all honesty I was looking forward to seeing the bed. I had taken a shower with Lauren's help before the flight and now I highly appreciated my past self. Kenzie had gotten a room for herself across from ours which had two full beds. Fleur was in the bathroom as I watched the latest SportsCentre while I paid attention to her movements. Ever since that day I made it a point to always pay attention when she wasn't in the same room.

After a while Fleur came out ready for bed. She gave me a gentle smile and softly yet carefully she climbed onto bed with me. Fleur laid her head on my chest on the side that wasn't injured and wrapped her delicate hands around me with a small sigh. She had been telling me how we were going shopping tomorrow before she had gone off to the bathroom but now she had fallen silent. I played with her beautiful hair reveling on how lucky I was that she was my daughter. Relishing the fact that I had gotten a second chance.

"Mom… I don't want to be sick anymore" Fleur's voice was barely a whisper and I closed my eyes softly letting out a breath slowly.

"Fleur, baby…" I whispered as well trying to be strong for her yet my voice shook as well. "I know it's hard and it's tiring but you gotta keep at it."

"How do you know Mom? I mean, you're so strong and fit… your body is like Naruto's, like an Ox!" Fleur admired as she propped up and flexed her muscles while I giggled softly.

My gaze fell on my beautiful child lovingly and I gave her a fond smile. She was sick, but she was strong just like she thought I was. Truth was, I was as scared as she was of being sick. I didn't want it as much as she didn't and my only resolve was the fact that there was a cure on the way for her ailments.

"Not all sickness makes you weak baby." I explained and she got closer to me paying her head on my stomach as her brown eyes never left mine.

"Are you sick too Mom?" Fleur's tone was sad and gentle as I nodded.

"I'm sick as well baby, I'm the kind of sick that I'll have to deal with it my whole life." I explained as my girl's brow furrowed.

"What is it?" she asked curiously and I had a split second where I debated this for a moment or two.

"I don't want to delve into specifics if you don't mind… but I'm a recovering addict." I explained holding my breath waiting for her to pull back or recoil from me at any minute.

Thing was, Fleur was so open and candid with me just now that I knew I could only trust her back. I needed her to know she was as strong as or stronger than I was. I saw her eyes softened and her hand found my own as I saw the wheels in her head turning as she processed the information.

"This is why we had to leave so sudden when we met." She whispered in realization and I nodded slowly as she squeezed my hand. "No offense Mom, but you look so much better now."

We both laughed as her teasing tone danced in my ears. She pulled my hand to her chest as she cradled it there her gaze down as her hair covered some of her face in a beautiful cascade. I held my breath in hope that she was as understanding as I was sure she was. Lauren had really done a very good job at raising this incredible little adult in front of me.

"Can… can we talk about this?" Fleur bit her lip slightly as she asked embarrassedly and I gave her a gentle smile cradling her cheek.

"If you want… but I won't want to talk about everything just yet." I explained as she nodded eagerly.

"I don't have many questions…" she assured me as I breathed gratefully "Is this… Is this why I grew up with Momma?"

"Yes, it is." I nodded appreciating she wanted to get to the point.

She seemed to hesitate to ask the next question and I braced myself for a hard inquiry. Unlike ever before, even though I felt anxious about the subject, it felt almost liberating sharing this with Fleur. She still held me close, like she held me dear to her heart. I could still see the care and pride in her eyes for me and I understood even though she was curious about things, she was still my daughter. She still wanted to be my daughter is what I knew. I saw the resolve in her eyes as she met mine.

"Have you been sober for long?" Fleur breathed and I cringed slightly as I shook my head in slight shame. "Was it my fault?"

"No! Never baby… it's… It's a long story and I really don't want to get into it too much. I will say though… this is the healthiest I've ever felt." I admitted as her eyes shone with happiness.

"This is my last question." She admitted as she leaned her head on my stomach again, I could see her expression turn clouded and I nodded urging her on. "My father-"

"He's not your Father… you have no father Fleur. There was a man sometime and that was all I want to say about it." I tried to hold off my biting response but as I finished my voice broke in sadness looking away at the window.

"That… that man hurt you." Fleur's statement filled the room and I looked from the window to her eyes as they held my own.

"I **really** don't want to talk about it." I whispered and she nodded.

"I'm sorry I pushed Mom…" she laid her head on my chest listening to my heart. "The past doesn't matter Mom. Us being together again matters… you being my Mom matters… you loving Momma matters."

"It does." I nodded with a small smile as I pushed my point across taking the conversation back to where it was intended. "You both matter heavily in my heart, it's what makes me strong… It makes me strong to battle my sickness and win day by day the struggles I have with it."

"I think I understand you Mom." Fleur whispered as she drew lazy circles in my arms. "I need to be strong up here to battle my problems.

Her elegant fingertips touched her head and I nodded as I pointed at her heart. With a smile she nodded in understanding as we fell silent. Fleur's thoughts turned into her own and I laid there worried over what had been shared between us. Had I spoken too much? Had I brought her into some themes that were inappropriate to her age? I didn't want her to have the huge weight and burden than adults did, yet with her demeanor and her sickness it was so hard not to treat her like the smart mind she was. I felt it would've been an insult to try and dumbed things down for her just because of her age.

After a few more minutes Fleur's eyes met my own and I gave her a quizzical look. She gave me a very big smile as she played with my hair as well. I gave her time and space to express herself before I pushed and she surprised me when she did.

"It seems like eons ago but a few weeks back we had a conversation over ramen." Fleur blushed and the way she smiled made her dimple come out like my own. "…I think we're both ready now and I… I want you to know. I don't care what you were before you got into my life, I care that you are my Mom now and I love you so much."

I could hear the knot in her voice as it cracked in the end and I held her close not wanting her to shed any tears at all. She held onto me and gave a slight chuckle as my world spun. She had told me she loved me, even after I had shared part of my demons she loved me non-the-less.

"I love you too Fleur, I'm so happy you and your Momma gave me a change." I admitted as tears fell down my cheeks as well.

"Look at us, we're a hot mess!" she chuckled and hugged me gingerly. "Besides Mom, you were like Minato, you gave me my best chance."

I chuckled and kissed the top of her head and gave her a squeeze. I didn't really tell her how much the comment meant to me but the fact she had compared me to the parents I had grown up wishing I had made my heart swell. The tween grabbed my phone from the nightstand and unlocked the Pittsburgh Penguins lock-screen to reveal the picture of her and Lauren on my background. I saw her smile at it as she gave me a sly look and I flushed with embarrassment. Her nimble fingers tapped away and in a few minutes we were watching episodes of the anime that brought us together which I loved so much.

When I woke up Fleur had stretched out on most of the bed and was a mess of limbs and hair. I chuckled as I stretched with a grimace, I felt completely drained from the hockey game last night and knew I wouldn't be able to work out today. I looked at the girl on the bed and thought fondly about last night's conversation. Even though it weighted heavily in my heart I knew last night talk had cemented out bond and brought us even closer.

After quietly struggling in the bathroom with my injuries I applied massive amounts of make-up to my face to make me decent. Kenzie had dropped me a message about breakfast and I was happy to make it. I threw on a pair of dark jeans and my bitching red and black CFL RedBlacks track jacket, I finished the look with my black make-up and loose hair in waves as I moved to the room to don my boots.

Fleur was snoring slightly which made me chuckle. I had decided to let her sleep in while Kenzie and I caught up a bit. My little girl and I had stayed up to an obscene time watching anime so I quickly scribbled her a note after putting on my knee high black boots. I kissed her temple before securing the bracelet around her wrist and activated the app on my phone. I quickly gave her a last longing look before I set off to meet with Kenzie.

By the time I found Kenzie in the small restaurant tucked away in the lobby she already had a pot of coffee in front of her. I gave her a wide smile as she waved me over and quickly I joined her. I winced as I sat with my rib feeling tender as fuck and Kenzie shot me a worried look. I rolled my eyes and gave her a sly smile.

"K, so you've missed a bunch and now I'm dying to tell you." I admitted as her eyes widened with interest.

"Spill to the K-Star right away!" Kenzie gushed as she poured me some coffee and I drew out a big sigh.

"Where do I start Kenz!? I feel like it's been ages." I confessed as Kenzie shook her head sadly.

"I know Bo-bo. That's my fault though, I needed to get away and take a break for a bit. Once I saw the good doctor and the niece had it covered I stepped away." Kenzie explained and I looked down "I know I sound like a selfish bitch-"

"Not at all Kenz!" I soothed her by holding her hand in mine. "I totally understand, sometimes we all need a break. I'm just glad you're telling me."

"I'm totally Kosher now, after taking some time for Fashion and moi I actually feel the winds of change affect us all." When the typical Kenzie smile crossed her lips I knew we were back to being _us_.

"I'm happy you're here with us." I nodded taking some coffee and sipping it slowly missing the way Lauren made coffee.

"So… so! Spill! What's with this Mommy cult and all this beating of the wondersnatch." Kenzie raged signaling to my bruises as I laughed.

For the next hour or so I gushed to Kenzie about everything from the relationship with Lauren to the exes taking the ice against me. She fumed when she heard about the sabotage and laughed when she heard how we still beat them. The more and more we talked the more we reverted to that easy going friendship that I absolutely adored having with the woman. I had missed her antics and her vibrant personality and it was now that I realized how much of a toll my addiction had taken on the ones I loved. I pushed the negative thoughts away focusing on the now and the fact that I felt healthy enough to get back to the friendship with Kenzie.

When we took the elevator I made sure Kenzie understood how urgent it would be to get me if Fleur's health went south for any reason. I gave her a couple instructions as she internalized how serious Fleur's illness really was. In the end Kenzie being Kenzie she cracked a joke and we went back to get ready to get changed and grab Fleur before we went shopping. I had to be back before 2:00p m to get to work so we wanted to get the day started. Kenzie and I split in the hallway as she went to get ready and promised to meet me there. I punched my card into the door and made my way inside to find Fleur sitting in front of the TV.

Fleur was watching some science show as she rocked out a pair of dark blue jeans, high tops and a Raptors long sleeve shirt. I made a face sticking out my tongue at her as she gave me a giggle munching on some bacon. It seemed she had ordered room service like I had encouraged her to do so.

"You're a Raptors fan?" I asked as she nodded her head finishing with her food and wiping her hands on the moist towel.

"Yup! I love my Raptors, Momma used to take me to games when I was younger." She admitted and I smiled thinking of Lauren. "Is it sunny out?"

"Yeah but it's also windy so maybe grab a jacket and be ready for your hair to be all over. Mine was." I grumped and she chuckled.

"I've got a snapback ready Ma." Fleur assured popping her cap on backwards and shooting me a dazzling smile.

"You're something else young lady." I accused as my heart ached with how beautiful my little girl was getting.

"Mom, you think I can call Chloe-Grace from your phone later?" she asked and I nodded.

We took our time walking out in the sun enjoying the beautiful weather. Kenzie and Fleur were laughing at some lame joke Kenzie had cracked as they swung their bags of purchases around. I hadn't found anything I wanted to buy yet, but I spoiled Fleur within reason. She was easy to please and I was grateful we had such a humble child. I watched as they shoved each other lightly and Kenzie let out a loud laugh at something Fleur said while kicking a pile of leaves.

Smelling the fall beginnings in the air I smiled widely and took in the happiness my daughter and best friend showed. This was my favourite time of year and I was excited to spend it with the ladies I loved. Fleur and Kenzie stopped to look into a window and I leaned my head against the window wanting to feel included. They gushed about a dress and the pairing of shoes but what caught my attention was the beautiful necklace that was accessorized with the dress.

"I gotta get in there, I'll be right back." I beamed with a wide smile as I ran inside the store excitedly.

The store looked refined yet it also held a homey feel to it that engulfed me. A tall blonde woman smiled at me from behind the counter as I cleared my throat. Sometimes my battle with sexual addiction surprised me like this and creeped up when I least expected it. I shook my head trying to keep focus why I had come into the store in the first place and then I remembered the blonde Doctor that held my heart. I shook the last remnants of the person I used to be and thought about the caring woman that was waiting for me in Toronto.

"Hello there, welcome to The Fabulous Warrior. My name's Ciara, how can I help you?" the woman approached me and I gave her a simple smile not wanting to shake hands.

"Hello, I'm Bo. I noticed the pendant on the mannequin and would like a closer look Ma'am." I stayed on track and the woman smiled wider.

"It's a beautiful selection. It's designed to symbolize a Double-Helix strand. It's the same stuff that makes up your DNA you know?" the blonde chuckled and I felt warmth engulf me as I thought of Lauren.

"My girlfriend's a Doctor and she just gushes about the stuff so I do know… I thought Double-Helixes are meant to have one strand." I noted since it looked more like two of them entwined.

"Because this particular design is meant for a mother. The smaller one symbolises the connection between mother and child." Ciara continued to explain as I got excited.

It was surreal thinking I had just stumbled into this exquisite piece. After Ciara told me the specifications I took it without a second thought. The price was up there considering it was white gold and a deep blue sapphire that I knew Lauren loved, but it was too perfect to pass up and I took it quickly. I knew I'd have to work mad overtime for this but hoping today's game went well I knew I could pick up the workload. With a small smile and a big loving sigh Ciara wrapped up my purchase in a small black velvet box as I tapped my fingers against the counter in happiness. I bid her a goodbye and went out to find the girls.

"Let me take your bag Mom." Fleur insisted as soon as she saw me.

"I'm injured, not elderly Fleur calm your horses there." I smiled at her as she rolled her eyes with a smile.

"Did you see anything you liked in there?" Kenzie asked as she got up from a bench not far away.

"I found something for Lauren." I smiled widely and Fleur looked instantly excited.

"Way to go Mom!" Fleur cheered and I chuckled lightly. "Will she love it?"

"Yeah I think she will." I admitted as we set off towards the hotel again. Deeply I hoped she did.

After gathering the tickets and the passes I had in the hotel room I packed my bag with the laptop and pads I would need for my reports. I grabbed my high performance camera and tucked it into my bag as well as I ran through a mental checklist to make sure I had everything. I was old school like that even though new kids on the scene preferred to do it all with their smart phones. Fleur swung the landyard with my press pass on her neck as she insisted to take my bag. Kenzie put hers on too and walked with us after assuring me Fleur had just taken her medicine. Fleur made a face and nodded as I chuckled and we set off.

I was nervous about the double coverage we were doing today. It was SportsNet first of only three CFL games they had the rights to cover that year and I didn't want to be the one to fuck it up. It was also my first time covering electronic media and writing scrips on the fly with stats and background reports for the field reporters. It had been why I had asked Kenzie to come with us, hoping they could still have some semblance of a fun game while I worked at not losing my mind.

We walked over to their seats and had a few hot dogs for lunch as I wrote about practice. Fleur was gushing to Kenzie about how she'd convince her to do a sports fashion line and Kenzie was actually listening to the girl with some interest. I shot off stats with Fleur but overall I kept glancing at my phone. I missed Lauren and I wanted to go home soon. I had texted her a bit in the morning and now I sent her a picture of Fleur and I to show her the bright smile on our girl. I was ecstatic that Fleur was enjoying her time and Kenzie actually looked like she was interested in things going on around her.

After a while my phone vibrated with my alarm and I hugged Fleur gingerly giving her a kiss. I made sure Kenzie had things under control and with that I left the ladies to go work a bit. I walked down to the field and found my supervisor as he gave me an excited smile. His name was Jason and he was just as excited about sports as I was. We talked stats for a bit as I jolted down a few things and tweeted out to keep on pace as the buzz of the impending game ran rampant among us all.

The game had gone well and it was probably the third quarter when I noticed something was wrong. I had just came back from checking on Fleur and Kenzie when I caught Jason's distraught face. I jogged over to see what was going on, maybe there was something I could do to help.

"Hey Jason, what's up?" I asked as I neared him and he took a big sigh.

"There's problems upstairs. One of the anchors came down with something and they might be looking to replace them. If this doesn't get resolved we might lose the contract and TSN would get the sole rights to the sport." Jason lamented worriedly since it would take out a lot of jobs.

"Well, pop another guy in a suit and script him up." I shrugged as he shook his head.

"Union dictates it's gotta be a woman for the event. The script seems to be the problem." Jason explained as I sighed.

A guy rushed over to us as he pulled Jason aside. From Jason's face I could tell that things were not going well so far. I frowned and decided to take the reigns offering my help. I walked over grabbing the attention of the two men and unzipped my track jacket to grab my pen from the inside pocket and the small pad I had left there. It was as if a lightbulb had turned up in the second man's head with the way he was looking at me and I frowned.

"What?" I asked as he chuckled.

"I just didn't realize you were THIS pretty under that hat. Aren't you also the scripter for Charles?" the second man asked as I frowned zipping up my jacket again.

"This pretty hunh?" I repeated bitterly.

"Totally not what I meant." the guy chuckled and offered me his hand "I'm Brandon St-Randy, I am the executive director for upstairs. I wasn't trying to get an HR nightmare with you, I just meant you're TV PRETTY."

"Oh wow… thanks I guess?" I tried and he shook his head with a smile.

"If you tell me you don't freeze like a gaping salmon and have some prompter training under you I might faint. So pretty please…" Brandon hinted and I shook his hand firmly.

"I'm Bo and yes I have prompter training and last time I was in front of the lens I forgot it was there." I smiled as he suddenly looked relieved.

"That shiner might be a problem but hair and make-up might be able to do a miracle. Let's get going girl, we have limited time to waste." Brandon insisted and off we went.

The next thirty minutes were a blur as I texted with Kenzie in awe of this happening. We had done a screen test on me right away and realized I was not afraid of the camera at all. I was given an offer to take a shot right here right now in primetime. If everything went well and I wanted to leave right after they'd change my flight and move me to a different department afterwards. I took the chance in a heartbeat and after that I had been taken to hair and make-up where I was sitting now.

"That was sent for you from wardrobe." The tall man with the make-up apron pointed at a beautiful blue dress.

"Hopefully my tits won't come out." I muttered and he laughed flamboyantly.

"I have to worry about this shiner and lip first. Girl what did you do, fight GSP?" the man chuckled and I laughed.

"I had a hockey game last night. Another girl was running her mouth about my girlfriend so I took care of it." I explained shortly not really knowing what else to add.

"Well took care of it you did!" he laughed congratulating me as he got to work.

After a few minutes I looked as gorgeous as ever as my face looked flawless. My hair was held back from my face in a loose and elegant intricate braid while my heavy dark eyed make-up was flawless. The man I now knew as Corey was absolutely pleased with himself as I studied my scrip over and over stressing now about things. I was given a shot to add personality to my script and I knew this was a test, if it worked many doors would open. After a quick phone call to Kenzie to explain we were leaving earlier and talking to Fleur for encouragement I played with my phone once more.

"Call the missus while I go give the graphics department your credentials." Corey winked at me and I smiled.

My fingers toyed with the last digit of the known number as my hands shook a bit. Never did I imagine when I woke up this morning that I would be covering SportsNet Central tonight. I was completing my lifelong dream right here in this very moment and I wanted nothing else but to share it with my gorgeous girlfriend. Before I continued and called through the phone rung in my hand and I smiled when I saw it was the blonde Doctor herself.

"Well hello there Doctor. Thought you had a shift at the ER." I smiled as I imagined her beautiful face.

"I'm going to the clinic right now, I have a breakthrough on Fleur's case." She mentioned wearily and I wanted to ask about it.

"Oh that's wonderful news! She had her hashish oil treatment for today already before we went shopping with Kenzie so we're seizure free for today." I cheered.

"I'm glad this treatment has kept her healthy so far" Lauren confessed, as I heard the call for me to get on set. "Baby where are you? It's so quiet… did you go into the bathroom?"

"I have to go baby, be safe. Oh! Please, please PLEASE watch SportsNet tonight. I have a small spot in there with a script so I know you'll recognize my wording and phrases!" I pleaded deciding to just surprise her with this as she chuckled.

"Alright, I'll play script jeopardy with you." She joked and I laughed.

"I love you Lauren, see you soon." I promised and with that I hung up.

I cursed myself for not remembering to ask the question that was bubbling in my mind before she called. I rushed to leave her a voicemail as I heard a tech come get me with a bright smile. He kept raving that I would do great and I chuckled believing it. The butterflies I felt in my stomach as I walked on set in my blue dress and heels were humongous. I felt beautiful yet powerful and deep down I knew this was the moment my career would balance on. I had full control of my work destiny from this moment onwards.

The cameramen were laughing about a joke as they got introduced to me and they urged me on stage convincing me they would get my best shot regardless of what I did. The mic girl came by and started strapping me in as everything sank in and I realized there was no going back.

"It's good to see another girl in here." I joked trying to get my nerves down but she frowned and shook her head whispering as she set me up with the mics.

"There's a reason why there's not many girls here. Gruyani is a total douche and gets them to quit the second they get in here. There's a reason why he's limited to the hometown series." She warned and as fast as she came she left.

"Great!" I muttered to myself.

At that very moment a guy walked in with a primed and tailored suit. His tanned skin and dark eyes told me he had exotic descent and I slowly grit my teeth getting ready for the onslaught. His smile spread a tad in a cruel grin as I huffed in exasperation when his eyes fell on my breast.

"Wow, who's the new pair of tits?" His voice was low enough that nobody but him and I could hear him at the moment with all the commotion on the set.

"I'm…" I started angrily but he interrupted me ignoring me completely.

"Why don't you get me a coffee, Tits? I bet that's the only thing you'll be useful for. Women in sports… as if you could remember a stat to save your life" he mumbled and I grew angrier.

With that I got up quickly and looked around trying to think on my feet. I heard the rude man mumble something about me being too easy and I scoffed quickening my pace. I looked around sizing everyone up until I got to a small man in a powder blue suit.

"I need that suit." I pointed as he rose an eyebrow at me.

"I'm wearing this suit." The young dark haired blue-eyed man smiled.

"I know… but if I don't get that suit and myself back on that desk in the next five I will be forever known as Tits to him." I pointed at Gruyani in annoyance and the small framed man started undoing his tie before he extended his hand for me to shake it.

"I'm Rocky" he mentioned as we shook and he threw me his tie while busing himself with the shirt as well while we moved to a quiet corner. "Pants too?"

"Yes. I'm-" my hands shook as the man undressed before me and I closed my eyes trying to keep the monster at bay. I was better than my sickness, my daughter believed it so.

"Ysabeau" Rocky smiled at me and handed me his shirt. "I'm the graphics coordinator, I did up your name and all that jazz."

"Nice to meet you." I smiled hopping into his pants and he nodded finally giving me his suit jacket.

"Show me I made a great choice" Rocky encouraged as someone handed him some shorts.

With that he straightened on his tie around my neck, straightened out the jacket and gave me a smile and off I went to the desk once more. My palms sweated as I walked under Gruyani's stare with my head held high. I took my place at the desk and Gruyani shook his head in annoyance.

"Just 'cause you look the part doesn't mean you'll suddenly know sports, Tits." He gruffed and as the mics opened and we went 'local' his demeanor changed. "…and that is why I want to be the first one to say welcome to the team Ysabeau."

I grimaced and sat straight as the teleprompter turned on and I decided to just outhustle this fool beside me. I gave him a glance that managed to convey the challenge was accepted and with that I turned towards the camera. I heard the holler of the countdown as my heart hammered in my chest and I put on my best smile. I saw the signal and my smile widened as I felt confident in my element.

"Good evening Canada and beyond, this is Ysabeau Lewis and this is my partner Roger Gruyani as we dig into this special edition on SportsCentre CFL Hometown Summer Series." I started as Roger made a small noise and started reading from the teleprompter.

We had covered a few nba highlights and a bit of soccer when the first commercial break drew near. For a second or two I thought I had imagined Gruyani's hostility since he had been so courteous and polite during the broadcast. Once that red light came off and the studio started buzzling to get us ready for the next segment his voice gained its former disdain.

"Just 'cause you were able to read a teleprompter doesn't mean you belong in this desk." Gruyani whispered and I frowned.

"Alright let's get ready for hockey!" the directors voice reached my ears and I shuffled my annotations.

A few minutes later the light came on seconds after the live command and we were back to the façade of TV. I was about to take a cue when Gruyani deliberately took one of my stories and ran with it. The cameraman made a hard gesture towards him as he had to adjust to the improv. Gruyani was flipping me the bird under the desk as I readied myself for the upcoming transition.

"Shifting onto baseball…" I started as the camera centered on me and Gruyani started making obscene gestures under the desk. I was ready to end this tool.

"The negotiations with Jose Bautista have seem to hit a snag within Jays top office. Fans are 'all-in' with the slugger as proven by their most recent social media campaign, yet front office has not given us or him any indication that contract talks are getting any traction." I concluded as the cameraman gave me a thumbs up.

"Well I guess we'll have to wait and see Jizabo." Gruyani interjected himself butchering my name in purpose. "Honestly $150K for a 6 year contract on a 36 year old slugger is overshooting it, if you ask me."

"I'm glad you're not the Jays GM, as always I try to stay impartial, but Jose's numbers speak for themselves." I threw in a small jab of my own with enough humour and charm it seemed harmless.

That was the bait. If he was a good anchor he would leave it alone and not try to 'macho' bullshit his way out of this one. If he went on to beat on a dead horse and challenge me for stats I'd be forced to make a move he wouldn't like. Once his eyes set harshly on mine I knew I had him on the hook.

"What numbers? The ones he rode on Tulowitzki and Encarnacion's back? I mean, the whole franchise will be lucky if Boston doesn't pummel them for letting go of Price as well. Regardless, this year the Jays will be lucky if they get far and Bautista is as good as gone." His eyes met mine in a challenge.

The staff was going nuts we had fallen off schedule but I tried to keep the semblance of the show intact. I tried to bring the intelligence and professionalism an anchor should have and gave a small smile as I shuffled my papers. I had him where I was sure he would lose.

"Jose Bautista's age should not matter for his contract he's had more than 450 AB's consecutively for the last 6 years, the only year he had less than that was a 92 game season short by injury. Out of those AB's 4 out of 6 have been more than 100 run producers, his slugging has been more than .500 for 5 out of those 6 years and he's had over 40 moonshiners in 5 out of those 6 years. That's what Bautista gives to this Jays team and that's only on the plate. His contributions to the Jays locker-room and field are immeasurable for the playoff run they will be contending for this season." I finished coolly as I saw the rage in his eyes.

"You cannot sit here all smug and predict things like this when it comes to sports. Who taught you that your mother?" Gruyani spat at me condescendingly and before I knew it the red light was off.

"COMMERCIAL!" someone shouted in the distance as Gruyani hovered over me shaking in anger.

"Listen to me you little SLUT! I'm the man in here, you're only good to suck dick and look pretty-"

"WHOA!" I looked next to us to see Brandon standing there wide eyed. "You CANNOT talk to anybody here like this! This is insane! This is a professional like you, what is wrong with you!?"

"Are you fucking siding with this cunt!?" Gruyani spat out as Brandon shook his head in utter disbelief.

"You need to get off the premises." Brandon responded and hollered at security.

Within seconds a raging Gruyani was escorted off to the main offices for some HR treatment and I was sitting there dumbfounded. Brandon was on set with me within seconds, this was all happening so fast.

"Can you finish the show?" he asked worriedly but I nodded.

"I can, there's only two segments to go." I nodded confidently.

"I have your daughter and your friend in the back studio for when you're done. We also managed to change your flight. Congratulations Mrs. Lewis, this favour was the right favour to do for us." Brandon smiled as we shook hands and just as fast he was gone.

The rest of the show went on without a hitch. I hit all my cues and felt utterly comfortable behind the desk. With a few jokes and a solid sign off I took it home. The studio erupted with cheers as we all celebrated getting over that madness. They just literally ran a primetime show that would solidify their competition in the sports world without their scheduled anchors. I was awed when I heard clapping and noticed they were clapping for me.

"Great job gorgeous!" Corey was suddenly next to me and I smiled at the familiar face glad to know someone.

"Yes! Although if you wanted a suit I would've arranged for you to look hot woman!" he joked and I laughed finally feeling like I had done something pretty big for myself.

After the congratulations from everyone I took the time to change back and give Rocky his suit. The man gave me a huge smile and a pat in the back agreeing to get together in Toronto now that the station was apparently picking me up. I was led to a small studio beside the set where Kenzie and Fleur were waiting for me. I smiled excited to see them, excited to be sharing this moment with them.

"Holy hell hot Momma!" Kenzie congratulated as she took in my dress.

"Mom!" Fleur breathed as she threw her arms around my waist into a hug as I kissed the top of her head.

"Did you see me?" I asked unable to contain my excitement. Now that it was all said and done the magnitude of what was happening hit me.

"I did! You were great! I was so mad at that red sox loving yank." Fleur huffed and I laughed hard. "But then BAM the true power of statistical mathematics got it's one true vengeance. Like Momma says, in the end two things are absolute: Death and Numbers."

"I'll have to talk to your Mother about something called love then." I grumbled as Fleur giggled and Kenzie shook the kid slightly.

"He's unimportant now, your mother handled it. Let's go celebrate!" Kenzie dismissed and I shook my head as I looked down at Fleur's eyes.

"Do you miss your Momma?" I asked with anxious excitement as our girl nodded and smiled.

"I'm having fun but I do miss Momma." Fleur smiled sadly.

"What about you Kenzie? Do you miss Ryan?" I asked and Kenzie perked up.

"I do, but I especially miss that hunky partner Dyson has: Hale. Yum!" Kenzie raved and I laughed.

"The let's go home ladies, let's surprise the family." I smiled. "I already arranged for the car to get home."

"Bo-bo you're the best right now! I loved our little trip but mama is gonna get her freak on at the dance floor!" Kenzie hollered and we all laughed.

True to their word my new employer had taken care of the flight home and our car getting delivered. We packed up from the hotel and made the flight with not much time to spare. I knew I was cutting the trip short, yet I had already accomplished what I needed in Montreal and now I wanted to be home. I knew the girl's wouldn't mind cutting the shopping day short to get back. Fleur was dying to get back to the tournament and surprise Chloe while Kenzie had set up a date already after the airport.

We were all in high spirits during the flight. Fleur took a nap but I was still too riled up with excitement from the job and the prospect of seeing Lauren sooner than expected. I wanted to surprise her with my presence but also with my gift. It was the first time I had bought someone something besides Fleur and couldn't wait to see what her reaction to it would be. Kenzie and I chatted away about this new boy in her life and it was as if our connection and friendship had never stopped.

After the hour I shook Fleur awake as she groggily rubbed her eye with the back of her hand and gave me a pout. She was absolutely adorable and sometimes I thought my heart would burst at the love I felt for the child. Kenzie urged us out of the plane and we did as Fleur shook herself awake and wrapped her arm linked with mine as her head rested on my shoulder while we walked. As late as it was the terminal was not as busy, we had decided to fly at these times for this reason and to minimize Fleur's stress. I had quite the fun time with Fleur and in a way I knew that things would be different after our talk.

We took the escalator by departures to get to the outside bustle. Fleur ran up to Kenzie wrapping her arms around her with a smile as they goofed off. Suddenly a dark sinking feeling enveloped me and the hairs on my neck stood up. I felt revealed almost, it was hard to describe but I had only felt like this under someone's presence. _**Under his presence.**_ I tried to shake my uneasiness away as I looked around to convince myself this was another game by my mind. Suddenly out of the corner of my eye it was as if I had seen him, only when I looked again there was nobody there in that corner of the lobby. I frowned unnerved and tried to put my panic behind me. I head Fleur's voice as she threw her arms around my neck carefully with a smile.

"Mom!" her voice rung out.

I loved the name, the title, the honour yet right now for some reason it felt like it escaping her lips only put her in danger. I was so disturbed and I couldn't understand why. All I could think about was the feeling I had that I was being watched. _**That he was watching again.**_


	17. Chapter 17

**Thanks for the patience with these chapters. We had the bro/sis-in-law visiting so we got a tad distracted. I also wanted to get the chapter 100% cohesive so it took a bit. Next chapters might be a bit delayed since I will be changing internet providers soon. I hope not, but we'll see. Please as always leave me some love in the reviews section.**

 **Remember to follow me on the twitter last_dragomir**

 **PLEASE: Remember this is a parallel story with 'Cosmic Love' which is from Lauren's POV. Make sure you check that one out too.**

 **Cheers eh!**

 **Disclaimer: As always characters belonging to Lost Girl are not mine but the storyline and settings are. Every other intellectual property belongs to the owners.**

 **Heavy In Your Arms**

 **Chapter 17:**

I could feel his presence, nothing could convince me otherwise and I was fearful downright terrified. I pushed Fleur forwards trying to rush her out of the public space, out of this sinking feeling. Kenzie was talking in her usual carefree manner and Fleur was responding to her jovially. Both of them were clueless to my inner turmoil but as we crossed the doors and hit the outside multi-level parking lot I saw someone who shared my terror.

I met Tamsin's eyes and her brow furrowed before her eyes widened and I **knew,** I knew she had met him. Somehow the fear the man left in you was indescribable. Tamsin rushed to us looking around us as Kenzie and Fleur gushed surprised.

"Come on, come on I have my car here let's move it. Quick!" the tone in Tamsin's voice was somehow confirming my fears and validating my sense of danger.

"Calm your tits Tamsin." Kenzie rolled her eyes giving me a smile but then she saw the fear in my face.

"Fleur go ahead with your aunt Tamsin please, I called her to come get us and surprise your Momma. We're running in a tight schedule." I instructed lying quickly and Fleur nodded not questioning any of my words.

"Bo…" Tamsin warned and I shook my head with absolute conviction.

"You go ahead with the girls, I'll meet you at the house." The firmness in my voice told her there was no room for arguing. "It's me; this is about me, in the end it's always been me."

"Please!" Tamsin begged in a hushed grunt and I pulled her closer to me for only us to hear.

"You get my fucking baby away from this monster Tamsin. Get Fleur as far away as you can. DO THAT FOR ME." I insisted as I pushed her towards where Kenzie and Fleur were waiting for her.

The blonde's eyes stayed on me as she ushered the duo into her car. She was angry but she knew she had to do this. Fleur broke my heart looking confused about the whole exchange even though she kind of bought my excuse for Tamsin being there, she was still sad I was staying behind. I gave them a wave and started walking back out of the parking lot. I didn't know what I was going to do or what I was expecting but I knew, **I knew** , he'd stay behind to get to me.

Since it was so late there was nobody around, the parking lot was dark and humid and only heightened my panic. I wanted to run towards the busy street but somehow I knew he was watching, he would follow and then find Fleur. I had to be meticulous and not take any chances until I had a plan. If I knew anything about him it was that he got away with every whim and want he ever had.

It was in the middle of the desolate second floor parking lot when I came face to face with the devil. He was groomed, his hair was slicked back and his suit was tailored, yet the sadistic grin on his face never changed. If I was none-the-wiser I'd take him as an average man, yet I knew the monster within. His smirk turned into a chagrin as his eyes took me in. Up and down they went as they scanned my frame as they always had in that dark and sleazy manner. I shuddered at the intrusion I had not felt in years and tried not to show my discomfort, yet I felt like that scared child all over again.

"At first I couldn't quite believe my luck, now I know it was probably destiny. Hello there, _sister._ " Gregory's voice came out casual and smug like it had since I had met him.

"I'm nothing of yours why are you here?" I trembled as I spoke surprising myself with the rage and spite laced with the words.

"Oh but you're wrong, we're _everything_ Bo. Why do you think life has brought us together again?" he chuckled and took a step towards me. I fought hard enough with myself not to take a step back and hold my ground.

"How did you find me?" I asked firmer this time as I felt the anger boiling within me mixed with the unwavering fear and terror this man produced in me.

"You'll have to thank dear Doctor Lewis for that, she's the reason why I'm here in Toronto." Gregory explained with mirth as I bit the inside of my cheek to prevent a response reverting back to 16 year old stonefaced me.

 _Lauren would never._ I told myself and shook my head with a smirk. I didn't know how he had gotten her name, but I knew Lauren wouldn't bring this monster a mile from me.

"Oh you don't think so?" He chuckled and tsk'd "I was with her when you sent her the picture of you and your brat at the stadium… what was it? Oh yeah! _Thought you wanted to see how good of a time we're having."_

It was when he quoted the text that I had sent with the picture that my blood ran cold and doubt seeped into my mind. I looked down drawing deep breaths as my brow furrowed in distrust. There had to be some kind of explanation for all this…yet… if Gregory was here, why hadn't Lauren told me?

"I know how to find anyone I want Bo. You were the only one I hadn't been able to find…" he spoke perhaps to the confusion written on my face as he held up a strand of blonde hair.

"You're just trying to play with me, as always." I tried to convince myself through gritted teeth trying to keep the fear and tremble from my voice. "If you had gone to Lauren, you'd be in jail. She knows people."

"She doesn't know the people I know, in the heights they are." Gregory warned with a smile "Don't test me Bo, there's a reason I still roam around doing exactly what I want. I found her in a snap, didn't take me two hours… I can do it again."

His voice was threatening and low as he inched closer to me in the menacing way he was always used to. I couldn't help but look away and tremble in utter terror. The sound of my heart hammering in my head was astounding as I breathed heavily. I couldn't believe after how much I had battled in my life to get away from this situation that I was here about to be abused yet again by this man that I couldn't shake off.

"Never did I think you'd have a brat Dennis! Although I must admit that Doctor is on another level of hot. I enjoyed pressing my cock against her very much." I snapped to glare at him in horror as I saw he was now inches from me grabbing his erection.

My heart hammered in my chest, I was angry and livid from hearing this. If Gregory wasn't lying about this… I closed my eyes tightly feeling ashamed of my inaction. As angry and livid as I was the fear I felt at his sexual energy was staggering and paralyzing. So many memories running through my mind and making me almost throw up. He grabbed my chin and pulled my face up with a sadistic grin and as my eyes met his I heard his cold tone.

"I wonder if your kids pussy is as tight as yours was back then." He hummed and my eyes widened immensely.

It was in that split second that the rage I felt consumed me, it was overpowering and raw. I would never let this monster get to my baby, **ever.** In a flash a grabbed his neck and pulled him towards me as my knee came up and hit him square in the chest. I winced at my bruised rib but with the anger I felt I was not stopping for anything. He was stunned in surprise, never had I ever fought him back, I was too terrified to do so. I saw the challenge in his face and my boot came up my knee making contact as I started kicking his ribs repeatedly, when he covered that I went for his face still pulling his neck towards my chest in a clinch. Somehow seeing him struggle enraged me even more and I blanked. I was in such a state of rage I completely shorted out. It wasn't until I felt someone tugging my shoulders that I got up heaving. It seemed I had sat on his chest and went to town on his face with my fists.

"Come on Bo, Jesus Christ I think you killed him." Tamsin's voice came into my ears as she pulled me away, yet I still struggled to continue.

"No!" I huffed and Tamsin pushed me against the wall pinning me there with her strong frame.

"Bo, we need to leave. You probably killed him, I can't even see his chest moving. Go, get in the car… I'll be right there." Tamsin commanded and my eyes moved from her to his body in still sizzling rage. "Bo… your daughter is at home, waiting for you… go back to her."

At the words I met her eyes and nodded understanding what she meant. Now I realized I must've been on him for a while if Tamsin was already back. I tried to reign in my emotions as I brought my shaking hand up to push Tamsin away from me. The blood was bright red on her shoulders and it was then when I realized my hands and arms were covered in the bright red stuff. Tamsin pulled back and it was then when I noticed her blue Jeep idling by where we were.

I started walking towards it as my chest heaved and my hands still shook. I took my jacket off and tank-top popping my jacket back on and wiping my hands as best as I could on the discarded shirt before getting in the vehicle and not touching much. I looked over to where the blonde was pacing around and reaching for her phone with her hands on her head. She spoke quickly into the phone and poked the lump of blood and meat on the floor with her shoe letting out a big ass sigh. I could see all the blood pooling around him and the mess that was once his face and I **knew**. Tamsin rushed to the car after the call and looking around several times she got in with a big sigh. She tapped the steering wheel and groaned in frustration.

"I CANNOT believe that things went to shit THIS fast." Tamsin lamented in disbelief as everything came flooding back to me.

"What's going on!? Why was he here?" I demanded and Tamsin opened her eyes widely shaking her head.

"NO! I'm not explaining this to you. Your girlfriend will see you when we get home and then… then you guys can talk." She was shaking, her hands were trembling too and I held my tongue realizing I had to be as careful with Tamsin as I was with myself.

"Can you please just tell me how you got here?" I whispered as she looked around anxiously.

"I can ask you the same, you were due back Monday! It was SHEER luck I was here to take Fleur away." Tamsin breathed as her voice trembled.

"I got a contract… I'm going to be on TV… I wanted to surprise…." Suddenly the panic and worry consumed me "WHERE'S LAUREN?"

"She's at your home, but she's not with Fleur. Fleur's in my house with Kenzie and Dyson." Tamsin explained and I trembled in worry.

"Is she… did he touch her? Did he put his filthy hands on her?" my voice trembled but instead of it being fear it was anger.

It was as if years upon years of anger and pain had taken over me. Something in me had snapped at that moment and I had let the monster roam free, but this time it was a different monster. Hearing him threaten Fleur was just too much and even now I felt no remorse whatsoever. My only wish was that Tamsin would be right and I had killed him. I couldn't believe he had come back into my life after so much work to keep him out of it.

"Ryan found Lauren relatively safe. It could've been much worse if that sicko…" Tamsin let out a shaky breath and rubbed her hands on her face. "I need a drink."

I grabbed her by the arm and made her turn to look at me as I shook my head. Her shirt was now bloodied and matted like my arms but I couldn't care about that right now, she needed to stay the course like I did. My brow was furrowed in concern and I let out a shaky breath as well.

"We can't… I won't dare to say the things I **want** , but what I **need** is Lauren and Fleur. You need Dyson and or the other two, but we can't let these demons win Tamsin, if you drink I know I will fall with you and I **won't** stop there." I explained in a pleading tone as she nodded.

"Of course… we need to get out of here." Tamsin mentioned giving one last look at Gregory's body.

"Did I?" I asked tentatively.

"I cannot say, I don't see him breathing though. I don't want to touch him. I'm breaking my Hippocratic oath as it is." Tamsin lamented and I frowned.

"I'm sorry to drag you into this." I mentioned and she shook her head.

"I was in this the minute Lauren brought Fleur home." Tamsin admitted and we turned as we heard a car approach.

In a matter of seconds another car pulled up and a young dark man with a concerned look get out. He was wearing jeans and a cardigan along with his long-sleeve and tie, his fedora made him look casual and his eyes lit up with the recognition of Tamsin. He shook his head at the mess behind us as he looked all around assessing the situation. I wanted to ask who this was, I was terrified it was somebody unknown but Tamsin's voice banished all that.

"Thank God." She breathed and hollered at the man. "What took you so damn long Hale?"

"I was here in ten minutes woman. Whoa." He cringed as he looked past us. "Is he…?"

"I think so, but I don't want to touch him... Just make this disappear Hale, or at least make _**her involvement**_ of it disappear." Tamsin instructed pointing as me as he nodded.

"The latter will be much easier. I'm on it, get out of here before it gets more complicated. Clean her and the car as soon as you get home. Tell Dy I'll call him once it's done. Stay there, please." Hale instructed and with a few parting words we were off.

The drive was silent and tense as I could see Tamsin was gritting her teeth lost in thought. There were a million things running through my head as well. Plus there was also the raging withdrawals we both were probably having. It was very late, almost 3:40a and I was worried about Lauren yes, but most of all I was worried about Fleur and how this was all confusing to her. I was worried for my family, for the implications of my actions. I was confused as to what Gregory was doing here in the first place with me none-the-wiser. It was as if my present and my past were meeting in a cataclysmic event.

Tamsin parked at Lauren's house I shuddered when I looked to the door ajar, obvious signs of a struggle in the dark landing. I frowned and bit the inside of my cheek to control myself and my anger. I wasn't too excited about the prospect of my emotions being this out of control and raw. The fact that I had acted the way I had without a second thought scared me, yet deep down inside I knew my anger was founded. Tamsin gave me a sad smile as she closed the door and pointed at my house.

"Lauren's at your place. She's probably asleep Dr. Marquise came and checked on her after everything was said and done… She said that you needed to talk to Lauren and then call her ASAP." Tamsin instructed and I nodded.

"Are you going to go check on the girls?" I asked and she nodded.

"After I clean up Lau's place I'll go over and check on them." She assured and I sighed looking down suddenly ashamed that Tamsin had seen at my very worse in all aspects of the word.

"Tamsin…" I started but she shook her head in negative.

"I would've killed him too Bo… Lauren didn't go into details but I know he did the unspeakable to you…" she shook her head "Lauren thinks I was at the hospital but I was really at the airport making sure the creep left. Please don't be too harsh on her, get all the facts Bo."

"I'm sorry about the car though…" I mumbled and with that and heavy heart I walked over to my house.

I wondered what she meant, in reality all I experienced right now was anxiousness to make sure Lauren was safe. My mind was in turmoil but my heart only wanted to see the blonde and wrap my arms around her. I walked fast yet when I got to the door I felt numb and ill. It was Gregory, yet I had taken a life and I didn't know how to begin to deal with that or understand it even. I leaned against the wall trying to calm my fried nerves but the moment my bloody hands raised to my face and the horror of it hit me. I leaned over to the lawn and emptied the contents of my stomach as my mind reeled.

Before I lost my nerve I walked silently into the back kitchen door. I walked into the house silently and washed my hands in the kitchen sink before splashing water on my face and mouth. I silently watched the blood run down the sink until it ran clear and I sighed knowing I wasn't proud of what I did, I didn't know how to face my child after this; my girlfriend…

I sighed deeply trying to keep my sob in check, I couldn't break down now, I couldn't let myself fall in the deep space of that dark abyss. I looked to the living room where I could see my face on the screen paused at a clip of me smiling. It was a few hours ago, yet it felt like an absolute lifetime away. When I looked down on the table was a joint and some weed cut up. I could see Lauren was laying on the couch sleeping soundly covered in blankets up to her chin. The way her chin was tucked into herself made her face fall into shadows from the dim light on the TV.

I didn't want to disturb her sleep, but in a way I also couldn't bear to see what this animal had done to her. I felt the anger and rage overtake me once more, it was something I'd take out in the gym, yet I knew I couldn't go to Lauren's house to face the attack; it would make it even realer than I could handle. I sighed and sat on the recliner before grabbing a joint and lighting it up knowing I needed to get this anger to simmer down. I had so many questions for Lauren but I couldn't bring myself to face her just yet.

After half the thing I felt myself settle into a more relaxed state. I could think more clearly now than I had since I had gotten off the plane. I looked down and realized with a disgusted smile that I was covered in dried blood. Thankfully none of it was getting to the recliner and I rushed up quietly to go take off this mess. I grabbed a bag to dispose of the clothes and with that I had gone to the bathroom.

I took my time cleaning myself and letting the water wash over me. I cried softly with the sound of the shower as I watched the water run clear at some point. I had encrusted myself with blood more than I thought. I drew a deep breath after I rinsed the suds off my body, my knuckles were bruised and open, one might've been broken but who really knew. The more and more I thought about it, the more I came to the logical realization that I had acted in an expected way. I was abused by this man for many years, and if the prospect of him hurting me again wasn't enough, he had threatened to rape my child. I tried to silence my conscience with the fact that if I hadn't acted the way I did, I knew with 100% certainty he would've followed through in those threats.

As I dried myself I felt the peace of knowing that Tamsin would've done the same to him as I did. It comforted me knowing that the woman knew I had lost my shit to something completely rational. Yet, would Lauren see it that way as well? As much as she could've seen the fact that he had threatened Fleur, would she understand murder? Could anybody?

Yet thinking about Lauren raised a lot more questions than answers. I knew from the bits and pieces I heard that he had attacked Lauren at some point. I however, didn't know about how in the world did Gregory find us. It was perplexing how he knew to be in Toronto at this time. The fact that he had been with Lauren at the time of my picture text unnerved me and I frowned considering for a slight second that he could've been telling the truth and Lauren had brought him into our lives again.

I hoped desperately that this wasn't the case. Lauren would've known how much distress that path would've taken me under, she would've at least filled me in that she was planning something. I knew Lauren, and I knew she trusted me, if she didn't I wouldn't have taken Fleur with me plain and simple. These were just the perpetual mind-games Gregory always played… _not anymore._

I knew when I was doing my interview that I had to tread lightly with my public appearance. It was partially the reason why I had chosen to appear with Lauren's last name and my given birth name. My foster parents hated my birth name from the get go so they raised me as Bo, I only found out my real name from the forms Trick had given me when I left their care. I had been cautious to wear my hair back which I wasn't allowed to do in my foster home either so I was certain nobody would've recognized me.

When I came out of the bathroom I almost jumped out of my skin. Lauren was standing in the hallway where I was trying to get by looking straight at me. Her hands trembled with fear, one of them was splintered while her face was bruised and swollen on top of her cheekbone. I almost had to look away at the fact that there were hand marks along her neck and I knew he had been vicious with his attack. I felt the shimmer of anger shift within the fog of the cannabis within me but the medicine was strong. I could see her eyes focus on my eyes as she let out a sigh of relief. She held her chest in relief after a heartbeat when she really internalized that it was me.

"Bo?" Lauren's soft vulnerable voice asked in confusion as if convincing herself that I was just a mirage after a hard day.

""The one and only" I breathed as I took a step towards her gently. "How are you? You seem worse for wear."

"I've been better." Lauren's voice came uncharacteristically low accompanied by a sad smile as she took a step away from me.

"Lauren-" I tried yet I could see her guard come up instantly and it ignited the anger I felt within me.

"You were supposed to come on Monday… I…" she stammered almost justifying herself before her brow furrowed in concern as her eyes widened. "Is something wrong with Fleur?"

"No." I denied firmly as I clenched my jaw at her playing dumb with the situation.

"…Oh lord what time is it? Where's my phone? Hale-" Lauren started rambling as I scowled deeply as I saw the panic in her actions.

"So it's true." I shook my head in disappointment. "You knew he was here in the very least."

The flinch in her demeanor and the way her eyes glued to the floor told me she was bracing for this conversation. For a moment I felt bad and wanted nothing more than to wrap my arms around her and pull her close, comfort her perhaps, yet there was so much pain within me at the realization of her guilt. I shook my head at the thought of how unprepared I really was for the encounter with Gregory, I just wanted to know why she hadn't had the decency of letting me know. I would've stayed away and now, I had killed a man.

"I did… I brought him here." she whispered and I shook with anger as I pushed past her and paced my living room.

I couldn't believe my ears, I was livid of her admission and Gregory's voice rung in my ears. I shook with the despair and realization that she had indeed brought this problem into our lives. I was left breathless at the prospect of Lauren turning me into a killer. Stunned in such a manner that I felt my knees buckle with heaviness.

I quickly sat down in the recliner once more and grabbed the things from the table to properly roll a joint. I needed something to desperately hold myself together before I crumbled into oblivion like the monsters inside me desperately wanted me to do. I looked up and saw that she had sat down on the couch with her limbs closely together as if protecting herself. There was a rational part of me that knew she was upset, she needed some comfort, she needed to be safe as well. Yet the other part of me grumbled in anger: she had put our daughter and me in this vulnerable situation without warning, without word of it. I looked up with trembling hands as I finished rolling. Lauren had her gaze fixed on her hands and I didn't really know which emotion to act out on as I lit the joint up.

"Bo I can't… I can't take this silence, I'm so confused." Lauren chimed in but I raised my finger up in pause as I took a long drag.

After I was halfway done with my joint and I had relaxed enough to see things a bit more clearly I decided to give Lauren the chance to speak. I didn't want to jump into conclusions and assume she didn't trust me. I wanted to believe she trusted me as much as I now trusted her. When she had said she'd take care on Gregory this was not what I thought she'd do.

"I'm going to tell you what happened to me, and then you're going to tell me what happened to you. We'll go from there." I mentioned in a soft yet commanding tone that left no room for interpretation.

"Ok." Lauren whispered like a small child and I nodded.

"I won't get into the story of what happened and how I got on your TV, at least not now… However I will mention that we were coming home early to surprise you." I mentioned levelly with a raised eyebrow as I saw her nod still looking down.

"When… when did you come in?" Lauren asked and I didn't miss the whimper in her voice.

"Well, that's when the whole story gets messy Lau…We came in roughly around three. The airport was mostly silent, yet I **felt** off." I chuckled bitterly leaning my head back and looking up at the ceiling wanting to cry. "I felt like I used to when I was 9 or 10 and **he** was watching me. Can you imagine that?"

My voice was barely a whisper and I fought hard to not let a bitter tone cover my voice. I didn't want to corner Lauren in such a way, it wouldn't be fair to her and I wanted to stay true to the kind of mother I wanted to be. Lauren shook her head letting out a soft sob as her non-braced hand reached to her mouth to calm it.

"Bo… I didn't-" she started but I interrupted her without a pause.

"At first I thought **I** wasn't right, you know? I thought that perhaps it was my anxiety picking up from the adrenaline rush of the great things happening like the game or the show." I sighed and shook my head and raised my eyes to find she wouldn't meet my own. "Once I saw Tamsin there I **knew** … that panicked face as soon as she saw Fleur could only mean one thing."

"Tamsin?" Lauren asked confused as I nodded. "Was he?"

"Yes but… I don't want to finish my story until you finish yours if that's ok with you…" I drawled out balling my hands against the recliner trying to get rid of the hammering in my heart before I went on any longer.

"Bo…" Lauren started but I shook my head.

"I'm not ready to talk about it just yet." I explained as Lauren nodded tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and drawing more onto herself.

"I suppose you want to know how Gregory was at the airport?" she ventured and I nodded before forcing myself to speak up.

"I do…" I admitted as she nodded.

"After much debate and consideration I realized that Gregory was an intrical part of figuring out a cure for Fleur. With the evidence of her condition receding towards immunity from her treatment Tamsin and I knew we had to do something. In the end I decided to set up a fraudulent operation where he would come and give us the genetic material under false pretenses."

Her voice was almost mechanical and rehearsed, it had that cold professional yet detached tone I heard her use with the hospital time and time again. It unnerved me that she had taken such tone with me and I looked out the window to calm myself. I saw the sunrise coming into the darkness and felt as if it was my inner struggle happening before my very eyes.

"I thought it'd be best if we used the opportunity of your trip to keep Gregory as far away from both of you as we could-" Lauren continued but I couldn't take this anymore.

I felt the sadness and anger at the fact that Lauren had deliberately not told me the truth. She had not only lied to me, but used me to take Fleur. She didn't trust me with our daughter, I was just convenient!

"You used me!?" I demanded as I stood rapidly wide-eyed.

"Bo, please, it's not like that. That's not what I meant… I'm nervous…" she pleaded but I shook my head disappointed beyond belief.

"No… I see… you… you didn't trust me with Fleur… I was just the lesser of two evils." I whispered and she shook her head adamantly.

"No Bo please! That's not it at all! " Lauren pleaded but I couldn't take it.

"Lauren… all I hear is the fact that you **do not** trust me whatsoever in any aspect of our lives. You might love me as you say you do and I love you as well, but you don't trust me." I finally admitted as her eyes snapped to meet my own. "Even if that wasn't it at all, how can I trust that to be the truth at this point?"

"I… I'm scared… I'm scared of the consequences of my actions." her voice trembled and I frowned.

"I have to live with mine Lauren." I mentioned with finality.

"I…" Lauren started but fell silent at a loss of words for the situation.

"I will never be out of your life, because I will never abandon Fleur again, but maybe… maybe we should take a breather and revaluate our stance with one another." I watched her flinch as her eyes met mine and watered. "I know being a recovering addict things will obviously be difficult with me and I know I'm no expert in relationships but we have to be able to trust one another with anything that comes up… especially something this big."

"Are we breaking up?" she hiccupped as she started softly crying "I don't want us to-"

"I don't either. I just want us to work on ourselves first, maybe later at some time where we're both healthy…" I whispered as the words and their meaning grew between us.

Somehow it sounded like a typical cop-out like in the movies: _'it's not you it's me'… 'we need to take some time_ apart'. Bullshit answers to hide the fact that the love was gone or the spark was missing or they were seeing someone else. I didn't want that to be us, yet I had no idea if anybody but Lauren could fix this. She needed to come around and truly trust me if we were going to be in a relationship. I had trusted her with everything I had and it had bitten me in the ass harder than anything ever had. The fact that Fleur had been put in danger was unforgivable to myself.

After a few minutes that passed between us all that was around us was silence. The sun had begun covering us in its light, showering our faces in shadows making our bruising worse. I thought about what I was saying and what I was doing. I loved Lauren, I really truly did and it was because of this that I knew this was the right choice. The way she had gone about things, explaining herself and that cold demeanor led me to believe that perhaps I wasn't the only one 'not ready' for a relationship of this magnitude. When I was sure Lauren was not going to respond she took me by surprise yet again.

"I understand." She whispered in a small voice. "I will leave your-"

"Don't be dumb Lauren, you're not going anywhere until you recover. I might be a masochist but I cannot let you roam around like this in good conscience. I brought this problem into your life." I admitted and she shook her head.

"I don't deserve your kindness Bo." She whispered as I started walking towards the kitchen ready to see what was going on with Tamsin and the rest.

"I'm still going to give it to you. Please go lay down in my room, I'll be bringing Fleur home and I don't want her to be alarmed ok?" I asked gently and saw the doctor nod.

I started walking away eager to get Fleur under my eyes again, to feel her in my arms safe and sound. I wanted that more than anything right now and my mind or soul wouldn't be calm until she was with us. As I reached for the door Lauren's soft voice reached my ears making me frown.

"What did you do to him?" the blonde asked.

"I'm sorry Lauren, I don't trust you enough with that information anymore." I whispered with deep pain and betrayal in my heart.

With that I escaped into the early morning feeling the heat of the sun hit my back. I was hollow in a way I couldn't explain. The love I felt for Lauren was there but it was as if now it was a shadow covering my heart, tainted by the secrets between us making the space abysmal. Figures that the only time I felt good enough to have a girlfriend I fuck that up as well.

I huffed trying to convince myself to look at the positive side of things. I had to keep a good level head above me and not fall into the darkness of my habits. Now more than ever I was facing a test and I had to be strong for my daughter, for my friends and my family. Even though Lauren and I were in unknown grounds we would forever be connected by this amazing child we shared. Some part of me, crazy as it may be, wanted to believe that Lauren and I would eventually figure things out and maybe she could work on herself. I could work on myself and things could possibly work out. Hope was such a foreign concept for me though and I didn't want to make it a habit because I knew first-hand what broken promises tasted like.

I lingered by the fence that connected the three properties wanting a second of peace. I was being bombarded by so many things I couldn't quite grasp anything quite well. I reached for my phone and opted for a friend. I punched in the numbers quickly and waited until she picked up.

"Bo?" Evony's voice came to my ears

"Hey, yeah sorry it's late." I mumbled and I heard her sigh.

"Bo… thank God, I was waiting for this call later though. I'll assume you've spoken to Lauren." She guessed and I sighed this time.

"Yeah, we just spoke… I heard you were here checking her out thank you for that. I will assume correctly you know what's going on." I grumped.

"Only because she spilled after I examined her. I swear Bo I didn't know she was doing this and advised her to tell you as soon as I knew." The woman adamantly admitted.

"I believe you."

"So how did it go with the Doc?" Evony asked and I shook my head.

"We're taking a break of sorts." I admitted grumpy at the prospect.

"Oh… well… I guess that's alright." She sounded so far from alright.

"Unless you have some things you wanna talk to me about Doctor Marquise." I interjected.

"No, these things are not mine to speak of. I think you and Lauren should speak more. Remember Bo, she went through something pretty traumatic tonight and needs your support as well. Doctor Lewis likes to be in control but she's a little stubborn when she needs help it seems."

With that and a few parting words we hung up. I didn't want to know about Lauren's events tonight. When I got to Dyson and Tamsin's Kenzie was waiting for me along with a sleeping Fleur. Dyson had promised to bring her into her room and left as Kenzie and I stood there with Tamsin. Apparently Tamsin had talked to Kenzie about what had happened before I got here. I was sure Tamsin had omitted what she had found when she went back for me and I was grateful that it had stayed between Hale, Tamsin and I. The heaviness in my heart was enormous from the incident. Even though Gregory was a bad man his life wasn't mine to take. As Kenzie and I walked back she couldn't help but speak her mind.

"You looked almost ill back there." Kenzie began and I sighed. "I was scared to leave you but I didn't fight it. I didn't want to scare Fleur more than she was."

"Thanks Kenz, I needed someone with a level head to take care of her…" I sighed appreciating my best friend.

"Was it a ghost you saw?" Kenzie asked with slight tremble in her voice.

"In a lot of ways I did Kenz." I admitted closing my eyes upset at the situation that followed me for so long. "Someone from my past showed up."

"I'm afraid to ask… Are we safe now?" she asked seeming to sense I didn't want to talk about it.

"I believe so." I breathed frustrated and she nodded.

"I heard the Doc had a pretty rough night as well, is she alright?" Kenzie asked worried and I could see Lauren had grown on her a lot as well.

"She's a little banged up, but she'll be alright. Evony checked her out already." I repeated feeling guilty I hadn't delved in what happened to her or I.

Reality was I couldn't handle knowing what had happened to her, I wasn't ready for the sorrow and guilt that would come with her words. I wasn't sure if she could handle knowing the truth, knowing she was sharing her roof with a **killer**. It was surreal yet astounding at the same time, something I never in a million years saw myself having to think about it being an issue.

After Kenzie and I parted ways in the hallway I spent a long time looking at Fleur and making sure she was sleeping soundly. I wanted to lay with her but the space was much too small. Going back to my room and facing Lauren was not an option today. I couldn't walk in there and keep my resolve about me of taking time to work on ourselves. I knew I was weak when it came to Lauren and my body kept reminding me how much I had missed her every second of our talk.

I slowly and sadly made my way to the attic and took my jeans off as well as my shirt. My skin was flushed with heat despite the cold in the air and I sat in the small window to look down upon the silent yard. I could see Lauren's house now tainted with shadows from the cast in our house. The house now looked sinister and hollow, damaged and dirty somehow with the events that unfolded there. Once again the deep shame crashed into me.

What kind of woman was I that I couldn't put our differences aside, the day aside and hold the woman I loved in my arms to comfort her? I didn't want to think of myself as weak, but I had to remember that Dr. Marquise always said everybody had a limit. I was afraid that if I pushed those boundaries I would not stay sober at all. I was already pushing a fine line, it had been scarily close when Tamsin and I came razor thin close to relapsing in the car. Today's limit of stress, duress, anger and carnage had been met and now I needed to rest and recharge hoping that tomorrow I was strong enough to confront what had happened to Lauren as well. As I laid in the futon up here I hoped for a dreamless sleep so I wouldn't have to relive what I'd done just yet.


	18. Chapter 18

**Happy Easter everybody! Thanks for the continues patience while I search for a internet/cable provider. I encourage reviews please and thank you. And as always my two ladies are only human and have human reactions through it all! Please be advice this chapter may contain triggers or violence.**

 **Remember to follow me on the twitter last_dragomir**

 **PLEASE: Remember this is a parallel story with 'Cosmic Love' which is from Lauren's POV. Make sure you check that one out too.**

 **Cheers eh!**

 **Disclaimer: As always characters belonging to Lost Girl are not mine but the storyline and settings are. Every other intellectual property belongs to the owners.**

 **Heavy In Your Arms**

 **Chapter 18:**

It was probably later than I had wanted it to be. I wasn't all too used to the late night shifts at the studio and it reminded me all too well of my restaurant shifts. Truth was games ran late and we had to be on the ball about such updates and changes and I just had to embrace it as the opportunity it was. I had to be stronger than my demons and that meant gritting my teeth as I passed by the bar where the studio crew was now having a pint across the building we worked at. I gave them a wave and a polite smile with a courteous shake of my head and a shrug as I opened my car and got behind the wheel. I was grateful now for the parking spot since it meant a fast getaway. Nobody but myself could see or rather feel the shake of my hand as I drove off into the night.

As expected sticking to my sobriety was far more difficult after the incident that changed my life as I knew it. It seemed that in my lifetime I had a run-in with such an event as soon as I started feeling content and happy. Truth was I was skeptical about myself as of late. I hadn't been able to shake what happened between Gregory and I that night nor the fact that somehow Lauren had brought him into our lives. With a clearer head recently, I began to realize that while indeed I had agreed at some point to let Lauren handle the Gregory situation, I didn't appreciate her not telling me such important details as him being in the city.

It wasn't like I was vindictive or anything but it just shook the confidence of what I thought we had built with one another. I thought that out of everyone Lauren saw me as an equal and would trust my healing to speak for itself like she had in the past. I realized that perhaps the detachment she had shown in the beginning had been a wall to hide behind and now that it was down she was clinging onto bits and pieces of it that had no space in our relationship.

I had wanted to sit down and speak to Lauren since that very day when we woke up in the afternoon and every day after that. I remember it was all worked out in my head like some kind of encouragement mantra to edge me on to break the silence.

 _I had laid in the futon for a few hours before deciding to work out and clear my head before the talk. I had gotten very little sleep as the argument between Lauren and I replayed in my head over and over again. Despite last night's anger and coldness I wanted to show Lauren that I wasn't ready for it to be over, I wanted her and I to work things out. I wanted to explain that last night was a very surprising turn of events for me and that I was shaken to say the least. In spite of her misgivings I wanted to find a solution together if she'd let me and start anew. A clean slate like Evony would say._

 _When I was done with my workout I grabbed one of the cleaner duffle bags and went off to Lauren's room. I tried not to look at the living room or foyer too much knowing I'd find something wrong with it and I'd be back to square one. I grabbed items that I knew would comfort the blonde. As much as I didn't want to dwell on things for fear of relapsing into that state of mind, I knew she needed comfort right now. It was why I had insisted in her staying, while I didn't trust my body to not give into her in a coping way just yet. After the wounds had been reopened, I wanted to be close to her and tend to her needs._

 _After gathering everything I took a long sigh and decided to give Lauren her things so she could feel more comfortable in my house. I didn't want things to stay as tense and hard as we had left them last night. When I walked in through the glass sliding door on the back I smiled at Ryan who was rambling on and on about a particular saw he wanted to get._

 _I had imagined he was talking to Kenzie but when I turned and saw Lauren with her back towards us making a coffee I grew nervous. Ryan grew quiet which drew the blondes attention to me and our eyes met. Hers seemed cautious and guarded I could see the pain of the moment as she drank me in. I wanted to reach out and pull her into my arms but the beast inside me looking for escape from the past few emotional days wanted other things. I couldn't even give into a simple touch right now, this I knew._

" _Fleur and Kenzie just left. I have to get to a meeting. Call me if anything." I turned and looked at Ryan who had spoken and I nodded._

" _Of course. I'll be leaving shortly as well, station wants me to sign up as soon as possible." I answered before Ryan promptly left._

 _In an instant out of my peripheral I saw the blonde's movements and scooted away from her reach. I was well aware I was wearing the bare minimal for working out and with the knowledge of how those fingers felt on every inch of my skin this was dangerous. I put the duffle bag between us to prevent any further action and gritted my teeth. Not only was my resolve for our time apart wavering already but I knew the monster simmering beneath would release wanting to take her in an unhealthy manner to wash my thoughts away._

 _I turned to Lauren once more and noticed her hurt expression as she looked down away from my gaze. Her hair was up in a messy bun and she was wearing her dark rimmed glasses I loved so much. It was a rare occasion to watch her wear them but I loved it none the less._

" _I'm sorry…" she whispered and I could hear the reluctance in her voice._

" _No, it's ok… I just… I'd rather not be touched at the moment if that's alright." I whispered trying to explain in a way that wouldn't further upset her offering the duffle bag._

" _What's this?" she asked tensely as she looked up finally._

" _I went to work-out and thought you might want some clothes." I mentioned but my voice grew low as I took in her face for the first time._

 _My jaw tightened at the sight. I realized with a start that Lauren's right eye was swollen almost shut which was probably why she was wearing the glasses. As if on their own accord my legs carried me towards her the guilt heavy in my mind that I had not notice this last night. I was shamed by the way I had acted last night and knew I could never take that back._

 _My eyes roamed her figure wondering what else was concealed behind my wind breaker. She seemed to mistake my gaze as she reached for the zipper and yanked with a healthy tug._

" _I'm sorry… I just…" she mumbled_

 _I frowned reaching for her hands. I wanted her to know that it was alright, that I wanted her to be comfortable. It was the least I could do after my behaviour._

" _No, Lauren, it's fine really…" I started but my tone grew silent as my eyes fell on her exposed skin._

 _My hands shook at the sight with her hands still in mine. I felt the anger swell up inside me uncontrollably much like last night. It was incoherent and raw and I despised it as soon as I felt it. This anger was only directed at a certain monster and I hated the association. There was a large bruise on her neck, I could clearly see it was a handprint._ _ **His handprint.**_ _I couldn't quite handle the intense burning rage I felt about that. I found myself wanting him alive so I could kill him over and over again for touching Lauren in such a way._

 _Suddenly her hands left my own and with a start rummaged through the bag for her belongings. I knew I had to get out of here before I exploded with this rage. It was unnatural to feel this way and I knew I was probably broken even worse than I had previously thought._

" _I have some papers to sign. Fleur and Chloe were going to the movies so she won't be back for a while. I haven't really talked to her about anything…" I could hear the anger in my tone and I knew I had to leave._

" _I… I have work to do." She whispered._

" _I'll see you around" I mentioned not knowing what else to add as I rose from my seat._

" _Bo… I can stay somewhere else… you can have your room back." Lauren spoke with such uncertainty that I couldn't quite take it._

" _No, please… just stay comfortable. Use my things." I pushed my utmost care and sincerity into the statement forcing the anger down._

 _As she nodded I stepped away and left her silently._

I had barely made it out when I was screaming into the small space of my vehicle. I had driven for a long time much like I was now. These days everything was a struggle and nothing quite felt like it was doing enough to keep me going. I was numb in a different way, but I could feel quite a lot and in the end I wondered if this was what would break me in the end.

The drive home did little to relieve my discomfort but I was also looking forward to the silent house. Don't get me wrong, I loved having my baby around all the time and the liveliness she gave the house. We had been spending much time together since Lauren worked so much now-a-days. It was probably my fault of course, I hadn't been able to find a way to shake off the rage and guilt I felt. On top of everything every time I'd get close to Lauren thinking break-through was coming the raging beast of monstrous lust would take over wanting to silence the guilt I felt over the situation. We had stopped trying to get fake comfortableness at some point until either one of us was spending time with Fleur instead of both of us. It pained me things had turned this way and I wasn't sure quite how to fix it.

I could see Lauren's demeanor shift every time I came into a room. She would tense up and shy into herself closing her body language. Her eyes would find the floor after meeting mine and it was as if all the happiness had been sucked out of the room. We were walking on eggshells around one another and even when I tried I couldn't get through to the state of mind I wanted to be in with Lauren.

The house was warm and inviting and as expected it was flooded with silence. The soft hum of the appliances greeted me as I came inside and took off my outside apparel. I spent a bit of time in the kitchen snacking on a mix of crackers and ham to calm my roaring stomach. I had missed dinner as we scrambled for some footage of a local high profile player being traded. It was a hectic day but a productive one which was why the boys wanted to go out and get the celebration going. I shifted from one foot to the next enjoying the peace inside the house. I could see the soft glow in the hallway from Fleur's T.V. which she slept with on.

With a soft smile I approached her room and looked at Fleur sprawled out on her bed. Her new T.V. had some random episode of Naruto in the background and I smiled recognizing it. She would turn it on mute to be able to sleep with it on and I would find it incredibly endearing. Fleur's slender figure was crossed on the bed with the blankets half on her as her pajamas rode up her back. Her fingertips touched the floor as she mumbled something incoherently and I resisted a chuckle. I loved watching her sleep after work. Even though Fleur seemed to understand that her mother and I were taking a break she didn't hide the slight frowns when one of us would leave the room caused by the other.

I gave the door to my room a longing look knowing Lauren was in there. I was surprised her light was off since I knew she stayed up quite frequently these days. With hope that she was finding enough peace to sleep I set out to find some clothes to take a shower. I had left in such a haste that there were heavy layers of makeup on me and I was sweaty from the set's lights so I was excited for the refreshment.

I had ran to the attic where I slept now and grabbed some toiletries. I walked with my towel draped over my shoulder and the clothes I was going to wear in my hand when I reached the bathroom door next to Kenzie's room. I frowned when I read the sign that the bathroom wasn't working. I could've crossed the house and begged Ryan to use his but he had company. I sighed throwing a glance at my bedroom door and noticing the light was still off.

Biting my lip I cautiously opened the door slowly and quietly glanced around. The room was still and dark except for a small little flashlight kind of lamp looking towards the ceiling from the book that lay on Lauren's hand forgotten with sleep. I ventured inside quietly as to not startle her sleep, knowing she was not getting enough these days. As I passed by on my way to the bathroom I couldn't help but stop and admire the beautiful blonde. Her hair fanned around her face as her brow was furrowed and her mouth was in a slight pout. I noticed how the Doctor had thrown the blankets from her in her sleep and appeared to be restless even in her slumber. My hand moved on its own accord towards her cheek but I resisted before reaching her fearful that I would startle her or something of the like.

I walked into the bathroom with a heavy heart knowing the woman was in shambles partially because of me, if not fully. As I undressed quietly hoping the shower would not wake the blonde, I thought about her longingly. I missed Lauren terribly and didn't know how to get her back. Even with her in the other room she felt lightyears away and I wanted her warmth back, her laughter, her voice, I needed her back but how? How could we get through this immense cliff that was separating us?

As I stepped into the warm water I felt my muscles relax and my mind blank for a second with the heat of the showerhead. I moaned slightly at the contact reveling it after a hard day of work and let my head hang as my thoughts turned heavy the more I thought about our current situation. For the past days Lauren had been up at all times of the night, I could hear her in my room like a small mouse just scurrying here and there at all times. She had also been in the lab a whole lot and it was beginning to worry me that perhaps she was over-working herself to compensate for our present arrangement. I didn't want to continue in this circle that consumed us but I had no way of getting out of the rage that would consume me every time we would hit a _**trigger**_. At least that's what Evony had called it.

" _A what?" I asked confused._

" _It's a trigger, like with a gun my dear." Evony explained as she crossed her elegant legs once more taking the heel off her foot and massaging it lightly "It's what's causing you to short-circuit of course."_

 _In the middle of the classic antique cedar desk sat Evony wearing a smirk for me. She was in a good mood after lunch and despite my initial unwillingness to cooperate she swore up and down we were making progress. Her slender hand and manicured fingers fiddled with a pen as she smoothed a wrinkle on her skirt. She looked regal as did her whole office. It was almost as if she were a lawyer instead of a Doctor but Tamsin joked all the time that Psychiatrists were like this all the time. Tamsin and I had grown closer than ever after our encounter and now she was even trying to help me curb my anger._

" _We know what the trigger is! That night!" I mumbled frustrated and angry as Evony ticked at me._

" _And still…" she noted with a raised eyebrow as I frowned._

" _How do I turn on the safety to this gun Doc? I'm done with this!" I groaned and Evony shook her head._

" _That I have no idea, thing is, that's something YOU have to find out. I can help you talk and analyze all you want but in the end you're experiencing this anger for a reason. For some reason or another you're being triggered by Lauren specifically, now you have to do yourself a favour and talk to her." Evony gave me her advice and I shook my head._

" _I can't hurt her this way." I lamented closing my eyes in agony. "I can't be a monster to her like I was to that animal… that rage… I can't ever look at her in eye knowing I…" I drifted off not wanting to continue._

" _Listen to me you stubborn little shit. You don't know 100% what happened with Gregory. Did you lose your shit? Yes, definitely. Did he deserve it? Absolutely! Did you kill the son of a bitch? Cue the part where everything is uncertain since the medical professional didn't check for a pulse." Her tone was sincere yet condescending and I scowled in the corner. "You have also not ONCE asked your ex-girlfriend about what happened to her!"_

" _Girlfriend… we're not broken up" I insisted through gritted teeth._

" _Oh please Bo! You barely talk to one another now. I asked you to go easy on her and you went terminator on her!" Evony remarked as I frowned. "You wanted off-the-record Evony well there it is. My professional opinion? Go home, communicate with the ones you love, avoid coping mechanisms and keep your mind clear. My friendly advice: Stop being an asshole, talk to Lauren, communicate what terrible partners you both are and get over this damn chapter of your life Bo. Once and for all now more than ever put Gregory behind you where he should stay."_

I seemed to be too caught up in my own thoughts while I toweled myself dry and walked into my colder bedroom. For a second I forgot to be quiet and careful and just walked into my room like normal. My eyes wondered over to Lauren's form again not being able to resist the glance at the blonde. I found her very much awake as her light brown orbs stared back into mine. I hovered over her letting my body feel her body heat permeating from the covers. I wanted nothing more than to crawl under those covers with Lauren and forget the world as I kissed her lips. I still felt my stomach flutter at the sight of her. I still wanted to press my fingertips against her skin making her sigh my name with happiness. I still very much loved this woman and I was beginning to think that would never ever change.

I smiled at her as my pulse quickened with nervousness. I still felt I had such little control when it came to Lauren Lewis and her presence when it was candid moments like these. She gave me a bashful smile as I shuffled my towel around and broke the silence.

"Sorry for barging in, the other shower is out of service." I whispered as I saw her eyes shine beautifully before she nodded.

"It's your room Bo." She reminded but I waved it off with a shake of my head. "It is late though, are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm just getting home from work. It was my first live recording." I confessed with a proud smile.

I had been working hard but nothing had been live before and now that the experience was under my belt I could gage the rest of work that lay ahead. There were so many things I wanted to share with Lauren so many firsts, so many jokes, so many struggles, so many memories…

"I… saw you on TV." Lauren's voice came to my ears and in an instant I recognized the apprehension and pain in her voice.

It was coming, this I was sure of now. I felt my body tense up at the situation like it normally did now-a-days. This was my trigger as Evony had so kindly explained. Lauren's pain, her avoidance and reactions to the event, to that night were my trigger and I didn't understand how to stop it. I had tried so many times to talk to her about it and yet the words died on my lips as I tried and say them. The terror of the whole moment causing me uncontrollably anger was the top fear in my mind perpetually freezing me in a constant fleeting state.

"I'm glad you made this happen for yourself Bo. Congratulations." Lauren finished softly her eyes downcast and reserved once again, recognizing my shift.

"Thank you. Good night." I muttered as I balled my fists as all but ran away from the room.

My feet carried me out the door and down the hallway as fast as they could. In seconds I had pushed the back glass door open and walked barefoot on the soft grass on the backyard. I walked briskly past Lauren's looming house which now had a constant shadow around it. I worked out in it every morning, but it never held the kind of warmth it once did. Now that it was getting colder I regretted not wearing something warmer. I jumped the back far fence away from Lauren's and ended up in a backyard. I walked the cobblestone and knocked on the glass door on the back glad to see the T.V. on. I watched as the blonde approached the door rolling her eyes and shaking her head at me.

"First of all it's cold out Bo, you're gonna die. Second of all, it's late, I have a life that involves ice-cream and medical shows and none of this complicated shit you've got going on." Tamsin mumbled and I shook my head.

"I know Dyson's not home, I need to… I don't know vent or something I feel like I might explode." I confessed.

"Come in, I was about to light a joint. I take it you **didn't** talk to Lauren." Tamsin remarked as she let me in and led the way towards the living room.

"I didn't… I don't want to talk about it." I mentioned with a scowl as I took a seat.

"Bullshit, if that's the case go home and go to sleep." Tamsin countered as she lit the joint and passed it to me.

"I miss Lauren." I confessed voicing this for the first time to the other Doctor as I took a hit.

"About damn time!" the blonde threw me a look and shook her head accepting the joint back "What are you going to do?"

"What can I do? Tell me 'cause I'm all ears Tam Tam." I rolled my eyes frustrated. "I've tried everything. Kickboxing, MMA, Dyson took me to the shooting range when he took Fleur with him not long ago. I went for meditation classes, Zumba, I've been hitting the gym twice a day and I still feel like I'm about to snap every time she flinches or cringes around me."

"I don't think you'd ever hurt Lauren, Bo." Tamsin admitted with a serious face. "You gotta remember no amount of anger will erase the love you have for the woman."

With that I let silence befall us as we passed the joint around a few times. We sat there watching a medical show and just relaxing with each other. This was what Tamsin and I had taken to calling 'keeping sober'. Instead of going out to party like Kenzie and Hale sometimes convinced Dyson to do, Tamsin and I stayed in and worked on supporting one another's sobriety. It was nice to have somebody that was going through the same thing I was, someone who understood the struggle. I constantly felt guilty because I had Tamsin to turn to whereas I didn't know who Lauren was turning to, if anybody. Tamsin and I had one rule and that was no in-depth talk about her bestie. I respected those boundaries but sometimes I just wanted to cave in and ask her about Lauren.

" _Look Bo I'm not saying I don't love you bringing me roast beef sandwiches, but it feels like you're trying to bribe me." The blonde doctor admitted as Bo laughed a bit._

" _Well, maybe I am Tamsin. Besides, it's a thank you for everything of course." I admitted as Tamsin waved me off. "I guess I also wanted to talk about your friend?"_

" _Nu-uh." Tamsin shook her head adamantly, already on her second bite of her sandwich on the parking lot._

" _I just…"_

" _No. You want to speak to your baby momma then by all means, walk right up to your own bedroom and do it. Leave me out of it. I like you Bo and you and I will always be friends after what happened but truth is you and my best friend are hurting each other and if you were someone else I'd probably get Dyson to make you disappear." Tamsin quickly explained._

" _Duly noted." I mentioned swallowing the lump in my throat._

No, I knew better than to be bringing up Lauren in conversations with Tamsin again. I just sat there and relaxed while we watched T.V. trying to consider the possibility of perhaps writing down what I wanted to talk to her about. Maybe I could express things better that way, anything was worth a shot at this point. I settled into Tamsin's recliner with a resolution in mind hoping that it would lead to reconciliation.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The crisp air hit me as I walked outside the station taking a deep breath. Fall had begun to set and I was convinced time was passing me by yet not passing at all. I pulled my coat on tighter as I rushed around the crowd of late night partiers. I had been forced to use the public transit since my car was being repaired, sadly I had no time to do it myself. My phone buzzed in my coat as I fished it out and looked into the newly received messages after getting on the train. I noticed it was Fleur on her brand new cell phone and I smiled picking up quickly.

"Hey Squirt." I smiled thinking of making it there to perhaps take her to dinner.

"Hey Mom, are you still in town?" I heard her voice loud and clear.

"Yeah I just got on the train." I admitted. "Why what's up?"

"I was wondering if you want to meet for dinner. I'm at the next stop. Chloe and her dad had taken me out but I'm just not feeling it." Fleur's voice had a slight tone I didn't quite like and I nodded even though she couldn't see me.

"Of course baby, I'll be there soon. Don't let Christoph leave until I get there ok?" I asked as she agreed and we hung up.

I was fairly glad and quite confident that Fleur had called me when she wasn't feeling well. It made me feel like we were friends and she trusted me. It was quite frankly what I always wanted while growing up and I was glad I could give it to her. Anxiously I waited for the train to rush to its stop, ready to see what was bothering my baby so much. I knew her and Chloe would be coming up here with Christoph but I wasn't expecting the call when I came in to record a Top 30 plays show this morning.

When I arrived at the station I noticed that Christoph and Chloe were there with Fleur who looked totally bummed out. Christoph gave me a smile as I extended my hand to shake his while Fleur moved towards me quickly. Fleur grabbed my hand in a soft grip and Chloe threw her a sad look.

"Hey there Bo, Fleur was very upset when she realized that she had forgotten plans with you for dinner." Christoph explained and I threw Fleur a slight look before going with the flow.

"Well, she keeps a busy schedule I hope you guys don't mind. It had slipped my mind this morning as well, but as you can tell we appreciate our time together." I explained and he smiled waving me off.

"We're going to enjoy a Father and Daughter time as well, no offense taken at all." The well-groomed man smiled and after a few more pleasantries we parted ways with our respective daughters.

With our hands held we walked away and into the crowd of shuffling bodies. We didn't waste trying to talk over the crowd and walked a few yards to the exits. There was a small business district at this particular stop which was perfect as the wind played with our hair. Fleur was wearing a coat much like mine with a simple cream-sickle long sleeve and a pair of jeans with dark boots. She seemed to be enjoying the weather as much as I was so we walked a bit further to a much less crowded restaurant. When we had found one she seemed to approve of she pointed a slender hand towards it.

"How about that place Mom?" Fleur asked as I nodded and we headed inside.

The place she had picked looked like an upscale urban place. The atmosphere as the hostess smiled at us and walked us to our table was quite amicable and it felt homey right away. I let the silence continue as we looked over our menus calculating what to eat. After the waitress had come and taken our orders for drinks and food we were left glancing at one another.

"Wanna tell me why I was lying to Christoph back there?" I asked gently liking to go straight to the point.

"I just… I'm not having a good day I guess…" Fleur mumbled looking away slightly.

"Want to talk about it?" I asked as I saw her grip the table tightly.

"When do you start hockey again Mom? Shouldn't we be practicing?" Fleur asked evidently avoiding my question.

"Soon we could start jogging around and get some drills in once the arena opens up." I offered not wanting to push the issue.

"Why not the gym?" Fleur's question was thick and challenging her eyes held mine tensely and I realized what was going on. This had nothing to do with hockey.

"Fleur please…" I groaned hoping this wasn't why she was upset.

"Please what Mom? I need to know what's really going on. This is stupid that I'm still treated like a child." Her words were calculated and probably rehearsed while she tried to be articulate and wise.

"Fleur I just don't know…" I sighed looking down as my hands trembled slightly.

"You know what I don't know Mom? I don't know how we went from a happy solid family to this mess… I mean, we weren't perfect, I know I'm sick and that you're sick as well and sometimes Momma isn't very considerate but that was working and then it was not. It was so abrupt that I'm still wracking my brain about it." Fleur explained breathlessly with the conviction of something you had wracked your brain over and over again.

"Fleur sometimes adults…" I started with a shaky voice but she shook her head in denial.

"No… I don't want explanations of relationships Mom. I'm not a child, I know sometimes things don't work out but that's just it though, you guys were happy and so was I and after the airport… we're just not." Fleur huffed frustrated.

We were interrupted by the server with our meals. After brief thanks and a heavy silence we ate our food slowly. I could tell both of our minds were clouded with thoughts. I hadn't been ready for the conversation but now that it was right in my face I wasn't quite sure what to answer or what to say. I didn't want to lie to her that was for sure. I didn't want to be that hypocrite parent so I readied myself for the impending conversation. After our plates were cleared and our drinks refiled I looked over to my beautiful child. I didn't want to taint her with this knowledge so I would try to be as truthful as I could without getting her spooked.

"That day at the airport I ran into someone I used to know. He's not a good man so I didn't want any of you to stay." I explained as her eyes snapped up to meet mine in surprise that I was being frank.

"Is he the same person who hurt Momma?" she asked with what I could only describe as anger.

My eyes snapped to meet Fleur's attentive ones. How did she know? What did she know? Who had told her? So many questions ran in my head at once that it was almost dizzying.

"How…? What do you know about that?" I asked with my head spinning on a swivel.

"I overheard Uncle Dyson and Uncle Ryan… Is it true?" Fleur's voice trembled and my heart dropped at the potential of how much she knew compared to how little I did.

"What did you hear? To be honest I don't really know much about what happened to your Momma to be frank. We've been having problems and haven't really gotten to talk about things much." I explained as her eyes flashed and she frowned.

"You… you don't know what happened to Momma?" Fleur asked in surprise as I cringed.

"I don't…I…" I looked down onto my hands ashamed.

Fleur's face fell and she nodded with a frown on her face as her eyebrows burrowed in confusion. Without another word I asked for our bill and we walked out of the restaurant. It was hard having no answer for Fleur, I didn't quite know how to begin to explain how complicated it was. How did I tell her that I had violently pummeled someone to death with my bare hands? How did I explain that I was scared that the rage I felt inside of me would eventually hurt her mother worse than she already was. How did I explain to her that my heart was so heavy with sorrow I wasn't sure it was fair to expect Lauren to carry it in her arms anymore.

The commute to the house was a quiet one and I was beginning to wonder if I had perhaps sealed my own fate with my daughter. I was afraid that her view of me had changed like her mother's probably already had. It saddened me that such a moment had shaped and shadowed what I had worked so incredibly hard to obtain. It wasn't until we made it home before we entered the house when Fleur turned to me on the driveway.

"I don't care why you haven't talked to her up until now, but I need you to realize this is torturing her. I know my Mother, I know this is destroying her and it's why she's working so hard. Have you seen her? Really taken a look at her? She looks like the walking dead Mom." Fleur spoke with thick emotion on her voice. "You don't have to be her girlfriend Mom, but at least be her friend again."

And with that I was left speechless in my driveway wondering when my little girl had grown so much. I pondered her words thoroughly and for a while before I went upstairs I stood in the hallway staring at Lauren's room wondering if I should go in. In the end I just turned around and made my way up the stairs.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I had just made it into the kitchen looking for a snack after my afternoon broadcast of the local college game. I was tired and I welcomed it since it always allowed me to shut off my thoughts and just concentrate on my feelings. I had lately happily taken to untangling my thoughts with a piece of paper and a pen. It was really comforting knowing that even though Fleur was definitely upset at me, she wasn't treating me any different than before, just a bit grumpier.

I took another bite out of the apple as I wrote on the expensive piece of paper. I had been trying to master the old fashioned ink pen used for calligraphy because nothing less than that would do. As I cracked my neck looking out the darkness of the night through the glass door I saw the reflection on the blonde Doctor walking out Fleur's door. I grabbed all my belongings ready to make my exit into my room when Lauren caught me at the foot of my stairs. I gave her a smile suddenly bashful to be caught in such a private moment feeling the heat and intensity that I felt from Lauren's proximity rush through me.

"I thought you'd be in bed by now." I mentioned the tired Doctor as she gave me a cautious smile. "I hope I didn't wake you."

"Not really, I don't sleep much now a days." Lauren confessed and I cringed a bit at the admission.

"I'm sorry to hear that." I mentioned with a mumble as I tried to relax not wanting to let my triggers get the best of me.

"Bo, do you have a second?" Lauren's voice was so steady and determined it reminded me of the time before all of this happened when she was as assertive as she was smart.

I nodded and made my way back to the counter where I took a seat across from her. I had to be strong and let Lauren speak to me now that she had found the strength to actually ask me to sit down with her.

"Is Fleur alright?" I asked fearing I had missed something about the girl's health.

"Fleur is fine, we had a marathon with nature tonight so that was fun." Lauren half smiled and the sight warmed my heart at seeing the gesture. "I just think that we should talk Bo."

"I thought we do talk to each other." I couldn't take the gruffness off my voice and I sighed at myself for being defensive and difficult in spite of the fact that I wanted this talk as well.

"We talk but nothing gets said, nothing of substance… I want us to actually talk and get past what happened." Lauren finally voiced strongly and I shook my head slightly.

"Lauren…"

"Bo, please. I just want us to talk about things, there are things left unspoken between us that shouldn't be that way. I've been trying so hard to work on myself, but now I really think that talking about that night would actually help us get back on track." Lauren interrupted me before losing her nerve and her words left me gasping breathless as my mind flashed with a memory. _So much blood on my hands._

"Some things are not something you can get 'back on track' from Lauren. I **can't** talk about that night, no matter how much we both want me to." I admitted as my hands shook in anger, in pain, in sadness, in all the things I felt for her, for me, for us and our family.

"What if speaking about it meant me getting better Bo? I can't go on like this, like you and I never happened. I love you Ysabeau, I don't know how to undo that now that you've turned the cold shoulder on me." I flinched at the way her voice trembled as my eyes went up to meet hers in fear.

I searched her eyes and face fearing that this was it. I had pushed this woman to the last straw and here we were at the edge of the abyss about to drop and free fall. I felt my anger rise as I resented the bastard for putting me in this position, for breaking my family in such a way. For tormenting me even from afar, I wanted nothing but to release this anger on him once more. Her hand found mine breaking those thoughts with a start, it was grounding and powerful.

"Please Bo, let me in again. I have gotten the message and I understand things are probably bad and dark… but I still love you after all that's happened between us. I cannot promise to be perfect but I can promise to be more careful Bo." Lauren's voice washed over me with her profession of love.

I wanted to believe her, I wanted to think that she'd love me even after knowing the truth of who I was; the murderer I had become. Yet Fleur and now Lauren's voice rung in my ears once more. _I cannot promise to be perfect…_ _ **She's not perfect…**_ Like I wasn't perfect. Were we just both perfectly broken in pieces that helped soothe each other's sorrows? It would be too perfect, and nothing in my life had been perfect, not even by design.

"You don't understand." I started shaking my head knowing there was no going around this and my wishes were nothing but that. "Things are so different now, and sometimes…"

The words left me as they now tended to. I was a reporter yet I could not communicate with my own girlfriend to save my relationship. I wanted to tell her how I missed her, how it wasn't about her anymore, how it was all me now. I was frustrated to the point of despair and I just needed a second to try and push through this silent spell. I just needed more time, I felt that writing had been giving me a way to make progress and vent but I wasn't ready for a conversation to this scale. Just a few more days would probably give me the clarity of mind I needed.

"I… I just wanted to try before I made any irrational decisions. Now though, I must let you know I'll be house hunting soon and will be out of your room shortly." I looked up in a panic as I felt the heat leave my body leaving me cold.

"Lauren, you can stay as long as-" I started but Lauren interrupted me.

"I know. I just… I don't feel comfortable here anymore Bo. I don't feel welcome and that makes me sad. Even if you're trying and I'm trying that night is a dark elephant in the room with us every single second we share. I cannot put myself through this indefinitely."

The weight of those words settled into my chest leaving me breathless. Lauren was leaving, who knew where to or how far. It was something I couldn't quite wrap my head around as selfishly as that sounded. I wanted her here as we worked our problems out but the more she spoke and the more I listened I realized she had been indeed right. I was torturing both of us, and even our daughter to some degree… _Fleur…_ what would happen to her if Lauren moved out? I couldn't even fathom not living with the child all the time anymore. I was scared as a mother, but also I was downright terrified the love of my life was slipping between my fingers because of my inability to cope like a normal human being.

My phone run on the island and my eyes drew to it noticing it was work. I knew I had to answer yet I had to give Lauren the attention and respect she deserved in this instance. Lauren gave me a wave as she rose from her chair with a sad smile as I picked up the phone. My heart was racing in despair as Jason talked to me about a couple new procedures we'd be trying out in tomorrow's show. I quickly hung up with him but by the time I was done Lauren was now gone as was the moment.

With sweaty palms and heavy heart I gathered my belongings and walked heavy hearted up to the attic. It wasn't before hesitating at Lauren's door several times before heading into the attic. It was needless to say that I was anxiously pacing upstairs as I tried to push my mind past the thought of Lauren leaving. I couldn't let her leave, I loved her and thinking of her _not here with me_ drove me up a wall.

 _Not here with me…_

 _Not here…_

 _Not here._

It was like a train had hit me with its full weight and I could finally see past the fog I felt in my mind. As if a lightbulb had been flashed across my eyes I jumped with the sureness of realization and landed on the makeshift work area I had made for myself up here. The monster beneath the skin kept telling me this was useless but I knew deep down I had to try. I grabbed my expensive pen and paper and got to work hoping this could make the difference

I had lost all sense and track of time by the time I had finished writing. It would never be enough for the amount of pain that had gotten between us but it could be a start. Plagued by the late night munchies as I turned off the butt of my joint on my ashtray I walked out in search of a late night snack. Not working the late night tonight had me off schedule but the joint had put me at ease and right back into rhythm.

After rummaging the cupboards for some goldfish snacks I walked down the hallway where Fleur was sleeping. She had her earbuds on with music as she slept and was sprawled all over the bed as always. My heart warmed at the sight before throwing a glance at Lauren's door. My brow furrowed with the thought that I had heard something behind it but I kept telling myself it was the pot making me paranoid. As I turned around to go back to the attic ready to sleep the hair on the back of my neck stood on end at the bloodcurdling scream that came from Lauren. With one last look to ensure Fleur wasn't disturbed I ran into the room to take care of Lauren without hesitation.

As I approached the bed bathed in the light of the hallway I realized she was still asleep fighting and thrashing about. I grabbed her shoulders and shook her lightly wanting her to snap out of whatever horrible image she was seeing. I called her name a few times but to no avail and then out of nowhere her beautiful eyes opened and stared into mine confused. She was out of it as she pushed away from me slightly as her eyes danced around the room in expectation of something lurking in the shadows. I moved my hands to her wrists to keep her from flailing and hurting herself as she heaved for breath calming down gradually as the realization of reality reached her mind.

Seeing her this vulnerable, this fragile was like something broke inside me. It was further validation to my erratic thoughts after hearing she was leaving. I knew I needed to push the monsters out of my mind for the time being and be here for Lauren as I should've been from the beginning. I hopped over her body and crawled into bed with her pulling her into my chest gently. I don't know if it was the gesture or the nightmare but she cried for a while as I tried to keep the tremble from my own voice and reassure her. Her breath caught in her throat as her arms wrapped around me and I hoped beyond hope I wasn't too late to keep this woman in my life.

"It's alright Lau, don't think about that. It was a dream, it wasn't real." I whispered.

"But it felt so real." Her voice shook broken and it broke my heart.

"I know…" I tightened my arms around her before kissing her forehead and promising myself to never leave her this vulnerable again. "I'm sorry Lau, I'm here now. I've got you."

I wrapped the covers around us as I begged the stars to let this woman sleep soundly for at least a night. I could tell by her silence she was thinking, probably overanalyzing things and I didn't know how to convince her that I had seen the light. I pulled her closer and smelled her sweet scent as my heart swelled with comfort. It was as if this was the breath of fresh air and peace my mind and heart needed all along. The solution to my problems had been stubbornly in front of me as I pushed her further and further away in my attempt to protect her. Fleur, Tamsin, Evony… everyone was right, I had hurt her more by not being here for her during this rough time. I had spent a long time in the silence thinking about the penned letter upstairs, knowing it would never ever be enough. I felt Lauren's body go limp with sleep above me and as I kissed her forehead with my eyes heavy I promised myself to go through hell and back to get my woman and my family back.


	19. Chapter 19

**Thanks everyone for being so patient with me these last few updates. I know it's turning into a slighter longer wait than my usual 4 days but with this being the last few chapters I'm having a hard time letting go. Also my new job keeps me quite busy so not much time to perfect my craft. Thanks to everyone who has commented on Twitter, FB or reviewed, it means a lot to know you guys are liking where this is going. This update has a shoutout to Sydney563 thanks for the encouragement girl! Enjoy guys and remember to drop a line or two!**

 **Remember to follow me on the twitter last_dragomir**

 **PLEASE: Remember this is a parallel story with 'Cosmic Love' which is from Lauren's POV. Make sure you check that one out too.**

 **Cheers eh!**

 **Disclaimer: As always characters belonging to Lost Girl are not mine but the storyline and settings are. Every other intellectual property belongs to the owners.**

 **Heavy In Your Arms**

 **Chapter 19:**

I felt myself shake and as a loud 'thud' reached my ears I sprung up suddenly alert and awake. Or half of that at least. I was confused as my eyes opened and my hand grasped for an invisible body, it seemed I was alone in my room non-the-less. I was flabbergasted for a second before it all came back rushing into my memories. Lauren had told me last night she was moving and she had been having a bad dream when I came about checking Fleur and I comforted her. Truth was with the initial rush of urgency with the horror in Lauren's voice I had swept her into my arms without a second thought. The feel of her warmth body against mine, her beating heart, her warm breath on my neck was a wake-up call. I needed this woman and she needed me as well, I had been the biggest fool. My heart hammered in my chest in fear that Lauren had somehow left me in the middle of the night. I was about to panic when I heard a shuffle along the floor.

I propped on the bed looking down to see the beautiful blonde laying on the floor as her beautiful hair fanned around her face. She let out a sigh of exasperation and got up from the floor fixing her beautiful caramel stare on me.

"Oh… why are you on the floor?" I asked sleepily.

I brushed sleep off one more time before my eyes scanned her figure. The small camisole she wore was paper thin and the shorts were much shorter than I remembered. I cursed my morning libido tempting me to grab the blonde by the hips and press my lips against hers and feel that warmth again. It wasn't as much sexual as it was the fact that I had missed her so much but with how much this woman attracted me I knew it definitely had the potential to escalate.

Her eyes met mine and in a second I could see she was furious. I hadn't seen Lauren angry much in the time we had known once another but out first meeting would always sear into the depths of my heart. It was as if in a second a switch had been flipped and back in front of me pacing was that powerful, breathtakingly beautifully angry bombshell that I had met when I met Fleur. The memories were bitter sweet because of everything that had happened but as time went by and perspective had sat in I knew it was a very crucial moment in both of our lives. One I never ever regretted, even if it did indeed push me to a relapse. I had come out stronger and healthier because of it, like a controlled fire burning away the dry bush and tinder. I was stronger because of her and now was the moment of truth and I had to face the prospect of her not wanting to stay after everything.

"Lau-" I tried to start hoping she would hear me out but she shook my head.

"Don't!" Our eyes met as she spoke the words and the ice in it was so familiar it reminded me of when she stormed into the crack shack so long ago.

"You don't get to come in here and play hero when I had a bad dream after you shut me down Bo Dennis. I'm not a recovering ad-person… but I am human, I can't take this hot and cold shit. I'm done!" The confirmation in her voice left me grasping at straws as I started to panic.

"Last night…" I began but my voice fell short as thoughts ran into one another and dying in my throat with the prospect of losing the one person that had ever believed in me fully.

"Last night I realized I have to do something to make myself snap out of this Bo. I can't keep hurting like this. I hate it, but I still fucking love you and I can't go on like this. I will make arrangements to start looking for new property today, I should be out of your way in two days tops." Lauren insisted in anger and I shook my head throwing the covers off me throwing my feet on the cold floor.

"I… Lauren." I whispered as I tried to take her into my arms but she pulled away with angry tension rolling off of her.

I felt the anger flare in me and I couldn't quite understand what it meant. It wasn't that rage I always felt but more like a frustrated simmer of disbelief. I wanted to get things worked out and I knew I wasn't the epitome of communication up until now, but I couldn't just stand idly while she left without letting me try. If it was anger that kept her here then I'd enrage her alright.

I wasn't sure if I was handling this 'fighting with the ones you love' thing alright. I had never had fights with anybody in my life like this. I didn't have many people care for me in my life and I never let anybody as close as I did let Lauren in. Kenzie and I had small arguments about the laundry and mundane things, Ryan and I had bickering about stuff here and there but none of those instances compared to the potential of losing Lauren for the rest of my life. I knew we'd always be connected through Fleur but I felt deep inside that if Lauren left today she would force herself to never turn back when my case was concerned. After all I couldn't blame her, I had hurt her horribly. Yet the anger washed over me nonetheless, I needed one more shot, one more try. I needed Lauren in my life and I would not squander the opportunity to make things right by us ever again and she was apparently not gonna give it to me.

"You can't seriously leave and not let me fight for you!" I demanded as her eyes widened in surprise and more anger. She was beautiful even in her rage; absolutely stunning.

"NOT LET YOU!?" Lauren fiercely beautiful crossed the space between us in a second and stood so close to me I felt her warm breath on my lips as she hissed the words out "I've been trying to get you to fight for us for the last God knows when! Don't you even dare Bo Dennis, you've been a mausoleum!"

My eyes narrowed at the rebuttal as I knew she was right, there was no denying that I could've handled the situation more diplomatically. I am selfish, it's something people remind me of almost daily when they realize I am a recovering addict. Truth is, they're correct and often I get absorbed into the things that affect me the most without any regard for a fellow human. Things had changed with Fleur over time and I had now included her in my bubble. Up until that night, I was convinced I had included Lauren as well, but everything fell apart afterwards. Evony explained that perhaps my trauma had been big enough that I had no capacity or space to process anybody else's. It made sense but I didn't like it one bit which is why I tried to push myself to be kind to Lauren, to try and treat her cordially while she was here while I suffered in silence.

Our chests touched as Lauren was so close, she was rigid and defiant as she stared me down and breathed heavily with her anger. I wasn't going to back down, I needed her to hear me out.

"Don't you think I've been trying too? It hasn't been rainbows and unicorns for me either Doctor. I see you Lauren, I see you trying to fix me; fix us. Things were not fucking lost in me, I needed some time." I countered evenly as my eyes narrowed at the beautiful blonde.

"Why the fuck didn't you say something Ysabeau? I'm not a goddamn mind reader." She asked and I had nothing else to respond.

"I don't fucking know Lauren… I'm an idiot alright? Is that what you need to hear?" I confessed as I searched her eyes. I'd say anything she wanted me to as long as she stayed.

The anger in her voice, the way she stood the firmness in her body... she was breath-taking and I couldn't help but get lost in her strong features once more. No matter if her rage was directed at me, this woman affected me in a way I couldn't quite grasp or understand. It enraged me in a way, I wanted to be angry at her, to demand she'd listen to me now. I needed to prove to her that I was aware of the things I had done wrong, that I was ready to do my part, but how could I do that if she was leaving and possibly breaking me in her wake. I felt the anger wash over me but with it a crippling wave of arousal as my eyes washed over her form again. Her face was so close, her lips were so near I could almost taste them, yet her eyes were hard and defiant and that made her the more appealing to me.

Without a second thought I threw my hand and grabbed the nape of her neck pulling her towards me and crashing my mouth into hers as my other one pulled her slower by the hip. Our lips crashed into one another in a kiss was hard and passionate yet soft and caring, it was needy while it was angry and when her fists grabbed handfuls of my shirt I knew she felt the same things in a way. I pushed my tongue pass her lips as she half moaned half grunted. I could tell she was kissing me with anger and it made it somehow all the more enticing. She pulled back after a moan as I took the offered exposed jawline that I loved so much and kissed every inch of it granted little sighs and moans from the beautiful Doctor.

"You…" she breathed angrily before a soft moan escaped her lips at my ministrations below her ear. "You're incorrigible. I'm angry at you."

"I know… you're absolutely amazing when you're angry Lauren." I breathed as my hands roamed her hips drinking her like a fine wine my lips traveling to the tops of her breasts.

"I… fuck!" She groaned pulling me closer while I squeezed her bosom.

"You're even sexier when you curse Doctor." I husked as she pulled me close and I took that as a sign to continue with I was doing.

"I'm still angry." I pushed her against the pillar from my bed and reveled in her tight body against mine.

"Lauren please, I **need** you in my life." I meant this with my whole being. It was my truth.

The lust I felt for her right now paled in comparison to the need I had for her, it was a thirst to be quenched not a race to finish first. I wanted her in a way that would connect us once more, body heart and mind. I wanted her to melt with me in this moment and let me heal our aching hearts with my lips, with my hands and my touch. The monster in me quiet in the corner as the lover, the woman, the mother came out in me melting into one; the lover I wanted to be for Lauren.

Lauren's hands grabbed my ass making moan loudly into her lips where they had been satiating their thirst for the woman's kisses. We fumbled with our tops and pants discarding them somewhere in the room as my hands found her glorious body again and my fingers mapped it as if it was the first time. I closed my eyes as I felt her hands flutter by my nipples making them erect before kneading and pulling on the skin. I pressed my body against her own pinning her in place once more while my lips latched onto her own as we battled one another for dominance in our wet mouths. I moved to her jaw as she moaned at the contact I applied by pushing her further into the bed. The reaction was amazing as I looked at her half-lidded lustful eyes staring into mine while her mouth hung in a perfect 'O' with her pouty lips and heavy breaths. This woman was everything I would ever want, this I knew here and now as clear as I knew that I loved my daughter.

"Oh fuck Bo." Came from her as I licked her nipple and feathered my touch gently down her stomach.

Every breath, every gasp, every moan coming from her was like adding gasoline to a fire making my movements continue a bit more persistently. I licked and nipped the other breast eagerly wanting to draw our more sighs and shivers from her lips. The way her skin felt under my fingers was deliciously soft, it was as if I was touching pure warm silk and my body shuddered at the known skin. I missed her body, her touch, her taste, her sounds it was all familiar, yet almost as if I was seeing her for the first time. My fingers finally moved from the trail of her inner thigh to her wet folds where I dipped my index feeling the warm moisture there. I moaned loudly at the feeling of her hips buckling against my hand for more contact after I secured her in place with my body. My lips found her own as I explored her wet, warm centre enjoying every sigh and moan the blonde was willing to give me. I ventured a finger inside her as her moan caught in my throat while she grew breathless. Her lust hooded eyes met mine in a connection I couldn't quite describe as I picked up a slow rhythm. Lauren pulled me as close as she could and deepened our kiss as her hips rolled into my wrist.

I could hear the growl build within my throat as she leaned her head back onto the pillar of my bed grabbing onto it firmly as I entered another finger. I moaned at how dripping wet she was and felt the beast within me stir. When Lauren's eyes met mine again, holding my own I felt myself anchored in the moment, in the now here with her connected as one.

"You're so wet for me Lauren." I whispered as I went even deeper into her making her knees buckle.

I held her in place as I continued my ministrations and repeated my movements with more purpose as I curved my fingers in her warmth. I could see the ecstasy and pleasure building in her with the emotions playing on her face. A yelp came out of her at the same time as her body trembled beneath mine making my excitement tenfold. This I remembered, as she gripped my back tightly I recognized she was close to her climax. I felt her bite into my collarbone as I quickened my pace and her walls tightened against my fingers while I pressed my lips against her ears.

"I missed you so much. I could never lose you Lauren, I need you… I love you." I whispered as I felt her tremble with wave after wave of pleasure.

After I was sure her climax had passed I pulled out of her and kissed her lips gently. From there I moved to her cheeks, forehead, nose, along her jaw and so on down her neck. It was gentle and soothing, I wanted to show Lauren how much I missed her. My fingers traveled down where the wounds would've been if they had not healed from that night. With conviction I kissed along each mark now gone swearing to not only protect her from further harm but to support her side by side both as equals.

We fell into the bed as we stared at each other holding one another close. This mended my heart, bringing the pieces together, stronger. I wanted to tell her so many things and yet I didn't want to say anything at all. I looked into her eyes as my finger traced her delicate shoulder. I wanted to kiss her gently and softly until the end of time as I traced her lips as well.

"You are hands down the sexiest being on this planet Doctor." I voiced with a smile before I heard footsteps outside my door.

Thinking quickly I threw the covers over us turning sideways cuddling Lauren while closing my eyes before the door opened. I heard the careful gasp and footsteps of our girl getting closer. I held back a smile as the girl shook me slightly.

"Mom! What are you doing here?" Fleur asked me as I opened one eye 'sleepily'.

"I'm sleeping Flower, go to bed please." I begged.

"Ugh, you're so boring sometimes!" Fleur all but whined. "And it's not sleeping time anymore so come get me when you're up. WE need to train whether you're making up with Momma or not."

Satisfied with antagonizing me Fleur disappeared closing the door behind her after a while. I smiled inside knowing Fleur would be ecstatic if this worked out. I was scared it wouldn't and she would be let down once more but quickly I pushed that thought down trying to stay positive. I knew Lauren and I had a lot of things to talk about and I had no idea how that would go but I would definitely give it my best effort.

"Are you alright?" Lauren's gentle and concerned tone washed over me.

"I am now." I admitted pulling her closer. "I've been so fucking stupid and worse of all unfair to you."

"Stubborn Bo, the word you're looking for is stubborn." Lauren offered with a chuckle that melted my heart.

"I know… I just… I'm not stupid, I know we need to talk but right now I'm so happy that I have you in my arms that it's just something I wanna relish." I explained.

"If you're serious about this talk why don't we sit down tonight? Do you have to record?" she asked as I nuzzled her.

"I don't, I only have to go do two playoff spots today and then I'm all yours." I smiled turning into putty in her hands. I'd do anything she wanted for us to work things out and stay together.

I could feel Lauren's hands tracing circles on my back pulling me closer to her warmth. This was an amazing new experience for me, even though I wasn't too keen on our fight the intimacy had been amazing. I believed this is what people mean when they talked about make-up sex. In that moment of fierceness Lauren looked so appealing there was nothing else but the need that burned deep between us for one another. And even though I myself was still drenched below the waist, I took great pleasure in satiating her even when my needs were put on the back burner.

I was laying on my side face to face with the gorgeous woman as she played with the skin of my hip. Lauren's lips met my own after she gazed into my eyes mischievously, her tongue danced around with mine making me lose my breath as my heart hammered. I could feel her need and hunger rise with the urgency of her kiss as I moaned into her lips. I needed more of her like I needed the air I breathed. I felt her hands feather down from my hip traveling tantalizingly slow down my knee and then up my inner thigh. I felt the breath catch in my throat as her fingers brushed against the moisture building highest on my legs.

"I've missed you, you know?" Lauren whispered in a low tone as I felt her fingers touch me where I needed her the most.

"Oh…" I whimpered as my fingers dug into her back gripping tightly.

I felt her touch fluttering around my heat playing with the moisture between my lips as moans and pleads fell from my lips. I buried my head on the crook of her neck as my eyes fluttered close at the intensity of the pleasure I felt with her simple touches. I couldn't contain the shake in my voice as I whimpered her name at the base of her ear.

"I missed everything about you Ysabeau." She whispered in my ear as I shivered moaning while I felt her slip inside me.

I was lost in her and the feeling of her fingers taking me higher into cloud nine. I wanted more of her as I shifted my hips and took her all in. Lauren's eyes met mine as I watched her through heavy lids loving every motion of our bodies. I almost let out a loud moan wanting more of her deeper or faster, anything to make this feeling spill over. The arousal that had covered me as I took Lauren had doubled as she teased me earlier and I was ready to give myself to her completely.

"WHAT ARE YOU A FLYER'S FAN!?" Fleur's voice reached my ears from the other side of the door.

My eyes widened in disbelief at the mere audacity of the tween by insulting me in such a way. Lauren had stilled her movements and I knew our moment was now broken as I felt the heat reaching my face.

"I'm going to kill this little shit" I mumbled under my breath before as Lauren giggled.

Frustrated I took a huge sigh and belted out loud and clear so Fleur could hear me. "WHAT DID YOU SAY YOU LITTLE GOON?!"

"YOU HEARD ME, IF YOU TAKE MORE THAN FIVE MINUTES IN THAT ROOM I'M COMING TO GET YOU!" Fleur threatened before I heard her footsteps retreat while I paled.

"She's fucking serious Lau… I can't… I" I groaned as Lauren pulled out of me making me moan softly.

"Your loss" she whispered as she pulled her glistening fingers to her lips licking the moisture off with a moan as I almost came at the sight.

"Fuck Lauren…" I mumbled as she gave me a sly smile and got off of me.

"What's she so worked about?" Lauren asked walking around the room.

I watched her with a lazy smile on my face. The curves of her body tantalizing my every thought and all I wanted to do was pull her into my arms again. Her full bosom and shapely ass leaving my throat dry wanting to touch the firm tanned skin. To my utter sadness the blonde Doctor threw a robe on as she threw me a wink and I remembered I had to answer her.

"I start the season with Downtown next week so she wants to shape my ass into ice form." I admitted before getting off the bed looking for my clothes.

I gathered my garments haphazardly and threw them on piece by piece. I noticed Lauren's eyes were trained on my every move. As I threw on the last article I raised my eyes to meet hers behind full lashes.

"If you keep looking at me like that Doctor Lewis I'll never train." I teased.

"Did you know that Men burn 100 calories in the average sheets session, while women expend 69. The typical romp lasts 25 minutes from the start of foreplay to the end of the deed, but that's just an average—the times varied widely but given that a good session of ours can last an average of 57 minutes. The longer the session, the more calories burned… TECHNICALLY I am your training Bo." Lauren ranted and I felt myself long for her hungry with desire.

I loved when she went on these small rants. Lately since our time apart they had grown few and far in between. The fact that they were making an appearance again could only mean she felt more comfortable around me, more at ease. At least I surely hoped it meant something along the likes.

"I love when you use the geek speak Doctor." I admitted.

Before I could continue any seduction the door swung open and I narrowed my eyes at the girl. She was all decked out and ready to rock, yet I wasn't really happy about the interruption earlier at all. I decided to give the kid some grief so she would think twice before doing so again.

"That wasn't even four minutes!" I complained teasingly at the tween. "I could've been naked!"

"Ewwww Mom!" Fleur looked completely horrified as Lauren laughed a few steps away from where I stood.

"It was a hypothetical scenario squirt, chill out!" I joked as I walked over to Lauren throwing my arms around her shoulders lightly. "So… that talk later tonight? After I come home from the gym?"

After she caressed my cheek I smiled widely at her gentle gesture as I leaned into the touch. She pulled me closed and kissed my lips gently and softly. Fleur made some sort of celebration behind us before I smiled against Lauren's lips.

"You can count on it." The blonde whispered as we pulled away.

"Oh my God can you go any slower?" Fleur teased even though she had a huge smile on her face.

"As you can see I have to go, our daughter is quite impatient." I smiled giving Lauren a last look before exiting the room with Fleur.

Fleur and I had planned to take a few laps around the neighborhood. Although her smile was wide and teasing on her face the young girl said nothing to me about the scene in the room. I wanted to talk to her about it, somehow explain that things were not fixed and nothing was concrete but I held my tongue. I was unsure of how things were supposed to go in these cases so I let it be for now as we pushed our bodies faster and further. Fleur, much like me, was very competitive when it came to sports. She enjoyed training with Chloe and I a lot whether in group sessions or singles it didn't matter. Even though I didn't know much about what had gone down _that_ night with Lauren, I knew that as a result Chloe and Fleur had picked up training in Martial Arts with Dyson and Ryan. The more the kid exercised the more her body took it and ran with it.

Fleur was getting taller, her long brown hair getting darker as she grew into a young teenager. Her limbs were getting sleeker and fuller as an athlete since she pushed herself to work out as much as I did, her legs and arms were toned with muscle and her face was slowly losing the last of her baby fat. I was taken by her beauty as much inside as she was outside, her personality shone through every second and I knew I couldn't be prouder of the girl even if I tried. Lauren had done a spectacular job with her formative years and now Fleur was a smart, kind and down to earth young woman who was wise beyond her years. It was when we stopped at a park a few miles from the house where we took a break and sat on the benches that she proved this to me once again.

"You'll be ready for the season in no time." Fleur smiled at me as she dropped to the grass next to the bench dramatically.

"I bet you'll ride my ass until then." I smiled as she giggled.

"Perhaps, you whipped me back in shape so I have to return the favour." Fleur teased.

"Don't I know it" I winked as a comfortable silence fell over us.

Before long Fleur's brown eyes fixed on mine with a small smile on her face before looking away. She seemed to be debating something as she basked in the sun. I let her think at her own pace, with her I learned she would voice things when she felt comfortable enough. A few beats passed before the girl turned to me again and her voice reached my ears.

"So… what's up with you and Momma?" she asked trying to play it cool.

"I'm not too entirely sure we know ourselves" I admitted with a shrug. "I think we're going the right way but I'm new to all this relationship thing to be honest so I'm not entirely sure."

"Is Momma your first girlfriend?" Fleur asked excited as I blushed and nodded. "That is the cutest thing ever Mom!"

"I'm glad you think so." I chuckled at her amusement.

"What's it like? Being with Momma?" she asked a bit excited.

"I…" my smile stretched against my face "It's like hanging out with someone you REALLY like. Think of your fave person and then imagine you're having a sleep over that you never want to end."

I shook my head blushing.

"I didn't explain that well… I just… I have such a good time with Lau that I never want it to end. The talks, the laughs, the things we do it all feels super normal and natural." I tried once more.

"That actually sounds really cool Mom… I hope I can find that someday… like in two billion years of course." Fleur laughed and I laughed along with her.

The relief I felt from her quip about not wanting to date just yet made my heart calm a bit from its racing state. I always got anxious if I thought about Fleur's dating future but today seemed promising. I wanted to set a good example and show Fleur that when two people loved each other the way her Mother and I did they could work things out if they tried. I wanted to give Fleur the strength to make good dating choices and even though I was inexperienced I was no fool to the world by a long shot.

"Let's get going I want to see your Mother before she leaves." I winked at my girl after a minute or two and then we were off.

After our run I was pleasantly surprised that Lauren had made us breakfast. Kenzie and Ryan were in the kitchen spoiling themselves on breakfast when we had come in. Lauren and I got a few raised eyebrows when we kissed goodbye but overall I couldn't rip the smile off my face as I sipped on my coffee after the blonde left. Fleur was wolfing down her breakfast as she made conversation with Ryan about an MMA fight that had recently aired.

"Look at that smile." Kenzie teased and I shook my head failing at hiding my smile.

"Gee Kenz why don't you broadcast it?" I mumbled as she laughed.

"What can we say Bo!? You haven't looked this radiant in a while, we're glad Lauren and you worked things out." Ryan smiled.

"Oh Mom! Uncle Ryan here says he can drop me off at school for that football game. Chloe's dad will bring us back after 9 unless we get some pizza." Fleur piqued up excitedly.

"Are you sure that's cool Ryan?" I asked as he nodded scratching his scruff.

"Yeah, I was going to meet with the Kenz and Hale we're going to a music festival." Ryan insisted as I chuckled.

"What music could you three possibly have in common?" I asked confused.

"That's it, there's all kinds of music at this festival." Kenzie admitted as I nodded impressed.

"Well, I gotta go to work later kiddo, you wanna watch a Naruto before I have to get ready?" I asked Fleur as she nodded rapidly.

"You know it!" Fleur mumbled with her mouth half full.

"Then come find me after my shower." I smiled and with that left to take said relaxing shower.

After the promised episode of Naruto and talking stats to get her acclimated with the wording I'd be using today Fleur and I parted ways. She was going to get ready for her game and promised to call me as soon as she was heading home. I took a moment to text Lauren and after running through some plans with her for tonight I set off to work.

The drive was enjoyable under the still warm sun and unlike most days I found myself in a great mood. I was nervous about the talk I was supposed to have with Lauren but I also told myself it was inevitable. We had to put those events behind us before we could make any kind of progress and I was ready to move on. I had almost lost the woman once and with that eye-opener I didn't want to tempt fate with my broodiness once more.

Once at the station was day became a whirlwind. Between make-up, hair, stylists and scripters meetings about cues and lines and rehearsing between takes I was pretty much preoccupied with work all shift. It wasn't after the director yelled 'cut' a few hours later that I realized time had definitely flown. My excitement grew tenfold as I took off my earpiece and turned to the athlete next to me.

"Thank you so much for doing this guest spot, it was a blast really." I admitted to the young baseball player.

"Thanks Mrs. Lewis, I always catch you at night and think you're pretty awesome. See you soon, have a good night." The young guy smiled as he left the set while I watched him go.

That was another irony of the whole situation. I had begun using Lauren's last name as a way to escape the dangers of my past. Since the universe would have that night came much sooner, after the fact I had no reason to worry anymore. However since my first public appearance nationwide had been done and over with I couldn't change my name back to Dennis. It's not that I wanted to change it, because being the weird masochist I am, even when we were on break I loved being called Mrs. Lewis.

"Down for some roasted chicken at the diner?" Jason asked me as we wrapped it up. "My treat even!"

"Nah, I have a date with the lady." I mentioned feeling oddly domestic, yet loving every second about it.

"Yeah I would turn me down too then." Jason smiled and shook his head at me. "Remember we're doing the Joey bats spot on Thursday but besides that I don't see why you can't telecommute until then."

My smile was as wide as it would go from the insistence. Everybody loved Jason because of his easy going demeanor and eagerness to accommodate. I nodded softly accepting the offer and he winked at me.

"Thanks Jase." I added not wanting it to go unsaid.

"You look a bit chipper than the last few days so I wanna make sure you keep that up, k?"

I nodded with a smile blushingly before I left towards the parking lot and my waiting car. As careful as I had been to keep my personal life away from my professional one, I could see that Jason was very observant and even though it hadn't become a problem he did notice my stress. I mused things about work as I drove my way to the store remembering the times when I used to do this for a living.

I had decided that I wanted to treat Lauren with something special after she texted me she wanted to stay at home. I was glad for the decision, I didn't know how much ground she wanted to cover tonight but I knew our emotions would be running high. I arrived at the supermarket of my choice and after parking and heading inside I grabbed a cart to get busy. With Lauren in mind I scanned the aisles tapping into the slivers of memory from my days in the kitchens to prepare something that would blow the Doctor's mind.

At Evony's suggestion I picked up a non-alcoholic type of wine to reach a compromise showing Lau I wasn't all that deprived from the world. After some fresh herbs, veggies, flour, eggs, a surprise purchase and some treats for Fleur I headed for the line trying to perfect the menu in my mind. I picked up some flowers on the drive home eager to get everything started. When I crossed the threshold I found Ryan and Fleur about to leave getting their stuff on in the hallway.

"Hey guys, off you go?" I asked in a cheery tone as Fleur cheered up while she ran up to me hugging me tightly before taking the bags from my hands.

"We're about to head out." Ryan admitted with a smile.

"I took longer than I should've, I couldn't find the jersey Chloe and I agreed to wear." Fleur explained leading me into the kitchen.

She had a pair of tight skinny jeans and her small school football jersey on and a backwards snapback with her hair lose around her shoulders. I loved that she wore her small black rimmed glasses that made her look so much like Lauren even if we knew it was impossible. Her cheeks had the black marks she'd wear on gameday and I smiled fondly at my beautiful girl rummaging through the bags.

"Thanks for the help." I mentioned putting the flowers down and kissing her cheek.

"You're gonna see Momma tonight?" She asked happily and I nodded. "Have fun then I hope it goes well. Save me some food."

With laughter and the promise that I would she left to join Ryan already waiting for her in the car. I busied myself pulling out my ingredients while playing some music on my phone. With care I put my hair in a bun rolling up the sleeves of my long sleeve v-neck. I got busy and worked diligently tasting frequently as I mixed this and that. With great care I took a look at the duck legs broiling in duck fat in the oven. I was lucky I was making only a few and that my dish wasn't so deep. Practically I'd like something more planned, perhaps some preparation getting done the night before but with so little time I still knew I could pull it off.

After everything was done and set up I went to take a shower and get the smells of the kitchen off my skin. I had taken the time to illuminate the whole house with candles and placed the flowers on the table on a beautiful vase. I wanted Lauren to come home to a beautiful relaxed home and maybe help ease into the impending conversation we would have.

As I dressed I thought of the fact that Lauren would perhaps want to talk about that night. It seemed to be the root of all our problems in a way or another. I wanted to get us back on track, get us back to a place where we were a team, where we trusted each other and if that included breaking down and telling her what I did so be it. I was tired of keeping things from the woman, it was why I had picked up actual penmanship. I wanted to tell her, yet not tell her at all. It was all there in the fake papyrus lying on the kitchen table forgotten in my frustration. I had wanted to arrange them in such a way that she could read them, that she could understand where I was coming from and where I had been without her.

I padded through the house aware the blonde was home early. I heard the pitter-patter of her bare feet on the hardwood knowing I wasn't expecting anybody else. When I turned the corner I quickly put all my papers face-down, not ready to share its secrets. Lauren was standing there in all her glory, she had a pair of washed denim jeans that were tight around her ass and calves showing off her toned body. Her green blouse was almost a smokey colour and it accentuated the curves of her waist as I walked behind her wanting to run my fingertips along her skin. With a wide smile and a sigh I wrapped my arms around the blonde's waist trying to pull her close. She jumped at the gesture and I frowned scolding myself.

"I'm so sorry I should've made a sound." I whispered before nuzzling her neck once she relaxed in my arms leaning back into me. "I just saw you and got excited that you were early."

"It's alright… Ryan and Kenzie's cars are not here." She let out a soft groan between words as she burrowed into me.

"They went out with Hale to this concert or something… I'm not quite sure when they're coming back but probably after Fleur does." I mumbled taking her scent in loving the way she felt in my arms.

"I made us some dinner so sit down and let me pamper you." I insisted after getting lost in her for a second.

I walked Lauren to the table as she gave me a bashful smile. The woman was absolutely breath-taking and I felt my heart soar at the way her blonde hair framed her face. Long gone were the haunted eyes that accompanied her for the past weeks and in their place were the warm pools of caramel that I loved so much. There was life in her face, colour to her cheeks and on her gorgeous lips that amazing smile I had missed so damn much. I turned away from her with difficulty, I wanted nothing but to etch her into my memory but I knew we had to eat something of sustenance.

I opened the oven and pulled out various dishes, pans and pots full of the exquisite meal. I pulled out two plates ready to plate this beautifully when I realized I was being a bad hostess and hadn't gotten Lauren something to drink. I hurried to the fridge and grabbed the bottle of expensive wine hoping it was somewhat good. It was chilled to perfection, apparently a white kind of wine, so it must've been at least somewhat tasty. I turned and made a beeline for Lauren's glass as I poured her some giving her an encouraging smile. I could see her battling the apprehension from showing on her face.

"Bo…" Lauren's eyes met mine and I tried to soother her rather quickly. I didn't blame her conclusions.

"It's non-alcoholic wine don't worry." I reassured her with a smile while I walked to the stove to fix the plates. "I just, I wanted this to be nice, I know we're not going to talk about easy stuff so I wanted us to have a good atmosphere."

"I understand, thank you Bo this is all beautiful." Lauren's voice was full of gratitude and it made my heart soar.

I got my hands busy plating things quickly so I could get back to the Doctor's company. I could feel my nerves lower and the butterflies in my stomach soar. The more time that passed with us together the more comfortable that we grew with one another. I loved how easy conversation normally flowed through us in the past. Like I had explained to Fleur, I felt like I was talking to my best friend and she had only eyes and ears for me. Lauren was great at listening and it was one of those things that endeared me and made me grow closer to her by opening up. If everything went well I could only hope that things would get back to where they were so we could move forwards.

"It's nothing, really… just some good food, not-so-good wine and the most beautiful company I can handle." I smiled admitting my thoughts.

"Are you trying to charm me?" Lauren flirted with me as I laughed turning towards the table with our plates.

"Maybe Doctor, is it working?" I flirted back as I placed her plate in front of her enjoying her surprise.

I sat and tested the wine, cringing at the taste as Lauren admired the plate. It was as if she was scared to delve into it and wanted nothing but to gaze upon it. I was eager to see her try it, I had never tried to cook something so intricate for her.

"Wow this looks amazing! I bet you tapped into those restaurant chops of yours." She complimented and I blushed.

"I hope you like French. I was going to go with Foi Gras just 'cause I've been craving it lately but these duck legs looked perfect for confit so I couldn't pass them up." I took another sip of my wine after speaking but made a face not liking the taste.

"I love French almost just as much as I love Ramen." Lauren admitted as she held my hand with a squeeze "Really Bo thank you, you didn't have to but it all looks wonderful and beautiful in here."

"Thank you Lau but it was nothing really. Now, let's enjoy our meal, our shitty wine and then we'll take it from there." I smiled and we dug in.

Lauren was careful with her words but she did indeed mention the research down at the lab. She was excited that she had done a slight breakthrough in Fleur's case today and she was hopeful it would lead to more concrete things. Lauren's hands would move around animatedly as she went on and on about molecules and enzymes and things that I couldn't quite understand. I was super happy to see the light in her eyes as she spoke about the research done and the work she loved so much.

After our meal Lauren convinced me to relax on the living room while she picked up the plates as a thank you for dinner. I busied myself rolling a joint knowing nothing that would come out of our mouths tonight was easy. If I could do something to ease Lauren's obvious discomfort I would. I didn't want to ponder on my own things, the ones I had to talk about. I didn't want to be frustrated or upset about my actions, I was still scared of my triggers but in the end I wanted was what best for the both of us.

As Lauren walked into the living room I noticed she had found my trail of candles to the dim lighted room. I had lit the joint in anticipation of her return and had pulled a slow hit while I rested the butt of it on my lips inhaling again. When I least expected it I saw Lauren on my peripheral and without missing a beat she took the joint from my hands and lips taking a hit while sitting beside me. She looked so incredible sitting here. Her blonde hair was messy but beautiful hanging in waves around her face. I appreciated every curve as I watch her shoulders fall and noticed her visibly relax. This was what I wanted, I had seen her tense up nearing the end of dinner undoubtedly with the impending talk.

"You look so badass right now." I smiled as she looked over at me with a sensual smile.

"I like this better than the wine." Lauren admitted while inhaling and exhaling through her nostrils.

We smoked slowly, letting the feeling relax us. I tried to calm my mind and heart for the impending talk. I kept telling myself the only outcome of this that could possibly break me was Lauren still leaving me. After a while our comfortable silence turned into a tenser one and I decided this was as good as time as any to talk about what was on my mind. Maybe if I opened up Lauren could see how serious I was about making things work.

"You know, I've been a pretty big asshole to you and the thing is, I didn't even want to be." I smiled trying to bring some comic relief into the situation, the bud making me relax.

"Well, to be honest, I also had some stuff to work out on my own. I know I looked like utter shit for a moment there, but I needed the time off as well." Lauren's admittance stunned me for a bit and I nodded.

At some point, when she was ready, I wanted to know what did that entail. I wanted to know if I could help her in any way not be there again. I knew I wasn't the best support with a million problems on my hands, yet I knew some support was better than none.

"I was kinda having a complete nervous breakdown at the sight of you, every single time and it was hard to even talk to you at times." I finally admitted to my lover as she turned and look at me with terror.

" _ **I was**_ causing that to happen to you?" The look in her eyes as she spoke made me sad and I tried to explain as best as I could.

"Not really you babe." I started as we repositioned cuddling on the couch. "I guess I didn't realize it then but I was reacting to the prospect of losing you. It angered me to a point that I was not processing anything else."

I closed my eyes as we took comfort in each other's bodies as I held her closer.

"Is that why you'd run away?" she asked me silently and I nodded.

"I went to work the anger away. I'd go to the gym or practice some Muai Tai with Tamsin or we'd hit the shooting range. It's partially what led me to join the downtown team this season." I admitted casually.

"Do you feel like that anymore?" Lauren asked and I could hear the fear in her voice.

"What was that word you used this morning?" I asked playfully trying to ease the tension. "ah yes, stubborn, I AM very stubborn so it took me a while to realize that all I needed to calm my heart is in my arms right now."

My hands tightened her against my body as I kissed her forehead. We were tangled in one another as the warmth of our bodies mingled as one. I could feel her heart beating against mine and it felt like the most magical thing. I breathed her in, feeling the comfort in my heart and soul of her mere presence.

"Feeling you close, alive and breathing, safe in my arms calms my heart Lau. It's actual physical proof that I'm not going to lose you." I agreed with my calm mind.

"I know what you mean Bo… after you came home that night the fear of losing you permanently drove me insane. I know it sounds psycho but…" her chuckle calmed my racing heart before she continued "Thing is even though certain things happened that night that were ugly, it made me see that I wasn't well with my own mental health. I had some stuff from my childhood unresolved. Also our situation overall made me go to places I never thought I'd go. It made for a very volatile feeling."

I tensed as the harsh reality hit me square in the chest. Lauren had needed me as much as I needed her and maybe even more and I had missed that opportunity to be her aid and pillar. No matter how much we mended things up I would always miss that first opportunity to my troubled past. I regretted the many times I grew quiet while wanting to ask her how she was or if she wanted to talk about it. I regretted clamming up as I did and fearing the unknown. I made a promise to myself right here and now to be more attentive, more involved in her life to prevent these bridges from ever forming between us.

"How… how do you feel now?" I whispered as I kissed her neck.

"I feel safe, loved, happy… I feel hopeful." She sighed in what I could only describe as happiness.

"I'm glad, I wouldn't want anything else. Do… do you want to talk about that night?" I offered in the spirits of being honest.

I wanted to give her the avenues to vent with me even if it was something I was slightly struggling with. I tried to hide my own vulnerability at the subject to stay strong for her. I would deal with any scenario, I would listen to her pain, her fears, her sadness, her joy. She had done the same for me once and by God I would not let Lauren down again.

"Do you?" The tremble in her voice made me go with the truth.

"I want to do what's best for us, whatever it is that makes us stay together, that's what I want." I confessed.

After a few beats I felt her move in my arms restlessly. I suddenly had her eyes staring into mine like liquid fire doing the talking and making the promises we couldn't voice. Lauren's lips found my own with a softness yet a need that contradicted one another. She drove me wild when she kissed me like this and reached my very soul. If this was any indication, we wouldn't be talking more heavy things tonight that was for sure. I silently prayed to the heavens that someday I'd be ready for that. For now, I was just happy melting into the arms and the lips of this amazing blonde doctor that I adored so much.


	20. Chapter 20

**Remember to follow me on the twitter last_dragomir**

 **Cheers eh!**

 **Disclaimer: As always characters belonging to Lost Girl are not mine but the storyline and settings are. Every other intellectual property belongs to the owners.**

 **Heavy In Your Arms**

 **Chapter 21:**

 _ **It wasn't long ago that I realized two things: One, I'm never going back alone. You will always be with me, Fleur will always be with me and nothing will ever change that. Two, I am absolutely and unconditionally in love with you and nothing will take me apart from you again.**_

I smiled as I put the pen down moving my wrist around from the strain. This was the last one, the last words I had to myself and now they were about to be shared. This was the last wall between us and after this, if we got through this last secret… Well, then I guess it would be our happy ending. Could it be though? After all I had been through, after all the times I felt like I had found happiness, had I really found it? __

I sighed looking out the window as I let the fresh ink dry. I wanted this more than anything in my life. I wanted to be with Lauren, with Fleur every day and night. I wanted to be their rock and tackle some mundane things like a waterpark some odd weekend, hockey games, parent teacher conferences, bringing dinner home, surprising Lauren with lunch at the office. I had never lived any of this but I had gotten a glimpse of it in the time I had spent with my ladies. It was new to me and confusing most of the time, but it was warm, loving and free.

Days had blurred with one another as they passed through the house. The day after our 'talk' I had been apprehensive, still afraid Lauren wanted to leave and move out still. She had gone to the lab early after we had spent the night sleeping in each other's arms so I took that as a good sign. By the late evening she came back and my anxiety had reached the roof. Fleur and I had spent most of the day together but once she left to hockey practice the panic rat was set lose in my thoughts. I had tried gaming a bit and smoking to calm me down so that's what Lauren had found me doing when she came in.

" _Bo?" the blonde's voice reached my ears and my neck snapped towards her so quick it almost gave me whiplash._

 _My eyes drank her long sleeved button down and tight jeans as they hugged all her glory. I was suddenly calm and my heart raced for an entire different reason. I adored this woman and would do anything within reason to make her stay. I was suddenly overcome with shyness, I was unsure of what to do with my jumbled thoughts. I didn't want to be too aggressive to her, but I didn't want her to leave._

" _Baby?" Lauren whispered suddenly in front of me; I had zoned out._

" _Hi" I whispered as I gave her a sheepish smile over my blunder._

" _Hello there, are you ok? You're totally doing two things that take your anxiety away." She had wrapped her arms around my neck as I laced my fingers to crown._

" _I'm alright now." I said honestly as I looked into her beautiful caramel eyes. "Sometimes, I feel so Heavy In Your Arms Lauren."_

" _I've got your back Bo… and you've got mine. We're a team." She assured me before her lips found mine in the gentlest way._

" _I fucking love you." I mumbled as she pulled away from me laughing wholeheartedly throwing her head back and tightening her hold on me._

 _She made me feel so light with a few words my burdens lessened, my pain weakened and my chest grew fuller with pride, love and confidence. Nobody could ever heal me like this woman, this is why our child was so amazing. She took after her brilliant mother; that was for sure. Life had given me the parent I had always wanted for my little girl and the miracle that this woman_ _ **loved**_ _me as well was astounding to me._

" _I fucking love you too Bo." Lauren admitted after getting her bearings about her laughing fit. "I brought dinner, a little apology for being late. It's ramen… I thought you might want to watch some Naruto with me?"_

 _Her smile was slightly embarrassed as her cheeks flushed pink and I fell in love with her even more._

" _You watch Naruto now?" I raised an eyebrow surprised._

" _What can I say? I missed you, this kind of made me feel a connection to you. I know you hold the series dear so I picked it up." Lauren admitted looking down to her feet._

" _You're not moving?" I blurted out not wanting to waste any more time with the unknown feeling in the pit of my stomach._

" _Bo. I love you, I know we have much to work through, but I think if we take things one step at a time we'll prevail. You're the mother of my child and quite possibly the love of my life so I'm willing to stay and work this out…" her words made my eyes brim with tears as I smiled and she pressed her forehead against mine._

" _ **This**_ _right here… In your arms, it feels like home Bo. I'm home." She smiled and the tears fell down my cheeks._

Even now when I thought about it, I teared up. That night we made love all night giggling in the early dawn as we put on our pajamas knowing Fleur would come knocking anytime. The joys of having a child came with struggles as well it seemed. Every day was an adventure and I loved waking up with the blonde in my arms. Days turned into weeks and time as always flew with how life was. We got busy and barely had time with one another between my job and hers.

I had gotten a promotion and was covering the NHL team and the MLB team as well. It was my dream come true but with that came a lot more hard work. I had gotten this far and now I had to see it through. I still found time for the hockey league I played at and attending some of Fleur's games between filming and meetings as well as a plethora of things that came with the job. We got a small break for Christmas and it was then when I fully appreciated the beauty of having a family for the first time.

 _I grumbled as I walked down the aisles as I scanned the contents of the store looking for the cranberry sauce. Dinner with all the fixings and the trimmings while 'jingle bells' played in the background. I_ _ **hated**_ _Christmas time and all it entailed. Lauren kept telling me to give it a shot this year that she'd show me how wonderful it could be but even then I doubted it would be much different. It was probably two weeks before Christmas that I relented to Fleur's complaints and agreed we'd get a tree. I promised we'd go in the weekend when her mother and I had more time off and she said she'd hold me to it._

 _Truth was Christmas brought very bad memories of my childhood and it was hard to shake them off. Ryan and Kenzie hated Christmas as well for different reasons but we had never had a celebration together. Last year before Fleur came looking for me we had all begrudgingly agreed to get a tree since Kenzie's cousin was coming over. I stopped in the aisle as it dawned on me that around this time it would mark the year anniversary of the ladies walking into my life. It felt like so much longer, like a lifetime had passed between us with all we had been through, yet a year was all the calendar marked for us._

 _By the time I had made it back to the house with the stuff needed I could smell the delicious aromas filling the house as I came in. I could hear Tamsin's laughter ringing throughout the walls as Lauren's soft tone rang in our ears. This dinner had all been Tamsin and Dyson's idea, apparently there was something they needed to tell us but I was beginning to think that was just a gimmick to get the Christmas thing going on. When I looked at the living room Fleur was sitting with Chloe and a kid I had never seen before who looked about her age or slightly older. The trio ignored me as they gamed on the console I had brought out to the living room as Kenzie yelled instructions to Fleur from the recliner. I chuckled at the sight and made my way to the kitchen._

 _Lauren was hunched over the counter in laughter as she wiped her eyes with the freehand which wasn't holding her drink. She looked stunning in her Beige long sleeved shirt dress that ended up at her mid-thigh, the red heels looked out of place until the waves of her hair moved and her red lipstick tied everything together. Lauren's eyes met mine and my breath caught in my throat as she looked at me with undeniable love. Her beautiful smile grew as did mine and I felt like we were the only ones in the room until laughter rung out in the kitchen._

" _Wow! Fleur had told me about the 'twilight zone' but I didn't believe it!" Tamsin laughed as my head snapped towards her my brow furrowed in confusion as I walked over to Lauren._

" _The 'Twilight Zone'?" I mumbled confused as I placed the bags in the counter and walked behind Lauren placing my hands on her hips as she leaned against me._

" _Yeah, yeah. She says it's when you two see each other after being apart…" Tamsin chuckled before taking a sip of her punch "She says it's like you two go into the twilight zone and become unreachable. I thought she was being gaggy since she's a twerp, but you guys are totally gaggy it seems."_

" _What are you twelve?" Lauren laughed as her hands held mine in place as she leaned against my neck. "I can't believe you're a Doctor sometimes Tamsin!"_

" _I'm just down with the kids Lauren. You've never been down so don't be hating." Tamsin pointed out as we all laughed._

" _Hey, you found the cranberry sauce? We're about to start. Fleur apparently said something about you saying we were getting a tree tonight after dinner." Lauren's grin was wide and full of mischief._

" _What?" I almost whined and pulled away as Lauren chuckled turning in my arms to face me and pulled me back by the neck of my vest gently._

" _Yeah you know babe, a Christmas tree that smells of woods and pine." Lauren giggled and I threw a desperate look at Tamsin who gave me a smile while she shrugged getting up and busying herself with the food._

" _Come on baby, I'm excited about that tree too. Think of the possibilities…" I felt my hands sweat and my heart raced with fervor as Lauren's lips came up to my ear and she whispered as she gripped my hips tightly "Think of the lovemaking we'll do at the foot of the tree, nothing but Christmas lights to illuminate my naked, wanting, wet body…"_

 _This woman was going to be the death of me. This I was sure of as my fingers dug into her back and I whimpered with lust. I heard her chuckle into my ear in that low savory tone that absolutely drove me wild. I couldn't resist my labored breathing as Lauren's fingertips caressed the edge of my exposed top breast. The blonde in my arms loved when I put the girl's in display and right now as I held back a moan I cursed myself for not foreseeing this. I tried to whisper her name pleadingly as she chuckled richly again and whispered sultry in my ear._

" _Are we going to get a tree tonight lover?" Lauren asked and I did nothing but nod ungracefully as I tried to regain my composure. "Lovely."_

 _As fast as she had come into my arms she fluttered away and I was left holding on to the counter still flustered from our encounter. Tamsin's laughter rung in my ears as I realized that Lauren had completely seduced me into getting a Christmas tree sooner rather than later._

 _Dinner was great and delicious. Tamsin and Lauren made as great of a team cooking as they did being doctors. Dyson and Ryan were locked in an animated talk about MMA with Chloe and Mark. Mark was the kid who was sitting with them in the living room. His dark hair and tanned skin reminded me of a greek God and his chiseled chin was prominent even with his slight teenage face. We had all been introduced to Mark at the same time, he was the reason we were having this dinner. It turns out Dyson found out recently that before him and Tamsin got together when she was in college, an old fling of his had a son which was his. Sadly Mark's mother had recently passed away with the dying confession of Dyson's identity. In a true show of love and devotion Tamsin had apparently diffused a sullen reunion between father and son and had mediated them through the past hard week which was more about them finding each other._

 _After dinner Dyson and I had made our way outside while Ryan laughed with Fleur helping her and Kenzie with the dishes. Lauren and Tamsin had taken Mark with them to take Chloe-Grace home since she had some function with her dads. I was grateful because I wasn't sure what Dyson's teenage son thought about me smoking a joint back here. Dyson had come out here before I did, he was enjoying an alcohol-free beer and looking up at the starry sky. He threw me a rueful smile as I pulled Lauren's coat tighter around me and lit up my joint. This tree getting thing was making me nervous._

" _You know Bo… I'm so glad I met you." Dyson smiled and I blushed not knowing what to say._

" _Thanks Dyson, you're a stellar guy as well. I'm really glad we're all together now." I admitted and he nodded._

" _We're a family Bo. I'll tell you something though… When Mark first walked into my life angry and hurt as he shut me out and seethed in his room I just thought of you. I thought 'I have a kid now, and I'm not quite ready for it' but then I thought of you and how you're Fleur's mother and how you've managed so much love and strength in a year." Dyson's words were making me tear up but I held strong waiting patiently for him to finish._

" _I am just a lucky, happy, clumsy mother Dyson." I confessed and he smiled shaking his head._

" _You showed me that there's no expiration date in being a parent and that as long as you REALLY wanted it, you can achieve your kid's trust. Thank you for being there for all of us Bo. Like I said, we're family now forever." Dyson finished and I nodded not trusting the knot in my throat._

 _That night true to my promise I went with Fleur and Lauren to pick a tree and take it home. It was absolutely fun even though I didn't expect it to be. Truth was, Dyson's words had changed my perspective a bit and made me appreciate this time with my ladies. We picked out the ornaments and lights first and I was totally falling in love all over again as Fleur and Lauren discussed different ornament combinations. Afterwards we drove to the field and set about the task of finding a tree. That night was magical as Lauren picked a snowball fight in the middle of the tree field with Fleur and I. Our laughter rung through the wilderness and bounced off the trees as Fleur and I shoved snow down Lauren's coat while she yelled for mercy._

After the tree was up that night we all sat down to watch a movie and cuddle on the couch. Kenzie was curled up with Fleur in the other couch while I shared another one with Lauren. After Kenzie left to spend the night with Hale, Fleur dragged herself to bed half-asleep. Since Ryan was out visiting Sabine, who he had met at my last game, Lauren and I made love by the Christmas tree as she had earlier promised. I still smiled at the memory as a few weeks later we opened presents under the Christmas tree.

 _I was nervous, there was no denying that, the butterflies in my stomach were huge as I laid in bed wide awake waiting for the inevitable. Lauren mumbled something as she shifted in my arms and pulled me closer with a smile on her sleeping face. I brushed a stray blonde strand from her face with a fond smile and waited. Without fail about five minutes later I heard running through the house as I heard it getting closer. The door swung open and I could see Fleur bouncing with excitement at the door._

" _Mom, Momma! It's Christmas Morning! Time to get up!" Fleur's excitement was actually absolutely contagious._

" _Five more minutes." Lauren mumbled as she buried her face on my neck and I chuckled when Fleur jumped in bed with us._

" _Nu uh Momma come on!" Fleur's smile was wide as I threw her a wink and tickled her mother as she squirmed bright awake._

 _I enjoyed watching Fleur waking everyone up in the house systematically. No one was safe. She woke up Kenzie and dragged her to the living room where Lauren had curled to my side on the couch barely awake holding a coffee cup in her hand. Fleur happily emerged from the other hallway with Ryan and Sabine who had spent the night with us at Ryan's insistence. It seemed Sabine and him were getting serious and he was upset that Sabine's ex-husband had taken her little girl for the holiday just to spite her. Sabine was head over heels about Ryan and would light up in the locker room when I brought him up._

" _Now everyone is here!" Fleur declared as she threw us all an excited smile. "Who's first?!"_

" _Let's all grab one and start opening." Ryan suggested as I smiled nodding._

 _Truth be told I was as excited as Fleur was. That was the real reason why I hadn't slept a wink. As the date grew closer their excitement got contagious and I couldn't really wait. Fleur and I had done loads of fun things like baking cookies, making ornaments and watching what she called 'the classics' like A Christmas Story, It's a Wonderful Life and A Christmas Carol. I felt that I identified with Scrooge on the last one since it felt it was the_ _ **real**_ _first time I experienced the holiday._

 _We had all opened ones and thanked one another with huge smiles and hugs as we got down to the last ones. I had gotten an engraved zippo from Ryan with the word 'family' on it which made me tear up at the gesture since Dyson had brought that up a few weeks ago. Kenzie had gotten me a badass pair of black leather boots that I knew I wouldn't be able to wear every day. Regardless I couldn't wait for spring to wear them. Sabine smiled as she handed me a small sleek gift card with a yellow NHL logo on it and instantly I threw my head back with a laugh as I handed her the same card with a red logo instead, we knew each other well._

 _Fleur had gotten a heap of gifts, at least two from everyone at the very least. Kenzie grazed her with a new fashionable scarf and a beret to match with killer sunglasses. Ryan had made her a lightsaber just like the one he had showed her almost a year ago and Fleur squealed with the excitement. Sabine gave her new hockey gloves which she squeezed her tightly for. Lauren had asked me to go first and I conceded as she handed Fleur the immaculate small wrapped box. Fleur gave her Mother a good tight hug after the blonde had peeled from my side more awake with the exchange of presents. Lauren had gotten a few books and clothes for now as I grew nervous about handing her my gift. Fleur unwrapped the box gently to reveal a sleek new camera and a GoPro attachment bundle as she squealed with excitement._

" _I'll be able to record my practices and correct my movements… and Mom you can totally wear it to your practices too so I can learn about your moves too!" the tween celebrated as she hugged Lauren repeatedly._

 _Lauren busied herself with telling her a few specs as she got it going and started recording around the room with joy and a huge smile. I loved to see the excitement in her slender face as she raved rapidly gushing out words. I was absolutely delighted at her reactions and couldn't wait to repeat the experience again as my heart felt full._

" _So here we are with the family! Christmas is going on and I'll introduce you to the gang." Fleur rambled as she pointed the camera around introducing everyone in turn. "This is the most awesome auntie slash bestie in the world my aunt-o-rama Kenzie. This is my amazing and kickbutt uncle Ryan who's teaching me some sweet MMA and his awesome girl Sabine… who by the way I adore so keep her around."_

 _The statement drew laughs all around the living room as I grabbed my present for Fleur with a slight trembling hand. After the expensive gift her mother had gotten her I felt a bit cheap in mine but hoped the sentiment was well-meant. I chuckled as she pointed at her Mother and laughed introducing her in turn._

" _This is the most brilliant Doctor in the world and one of my heroes; my Momma. She's the smartest woman I love her to bits!" Fleur smiled as Lauren blushed and waved at the camera before it turned and I was looking directly into the lens._

" _This, right here, is my other hero, my Mom." Fleur breathed and my eyes watered as I offered her the box in my hand._

 _Lauren took the camera from Fleur and pointed it at us as I held my breath. This was the first time I was giving Fleur a gift and I was anxious that I had gotten the right thing. She ripped the paper apart with a small hesitation in the beginning and before long she was looking into the box._

" _Oh Mom!" Fleur hopped around with excitement as she pulled the band out carefully and placed it on her head._

 _Soon the sandals came out, the shuriken pouch followed the small case with the red contacts followed by the kunai and the dark blue Konoha vest. In the end she carefully pulled out the ANBU mask and gasped._

" _Oh My God Mom! Now I can cosplay a Naruto kunochi. I'm so stoked about it!" Fleur yelped before wrapping me in a warm hug as I tried to contain my tears of joy._

 _After a few more exchanges I received a framed picture of Fleur, Lauren and I from the kid and I smiled loving it as much as I loved the beauties in it. Lauren had gotten the same thing while Fleur explained she had a third copy with a smile. After Dyson and Tamsin had joined us with Mark and Chloe made her way to our house we all settled in the living room to watch a Christmas movie. I was so into it that it had taken me a while to notice that Lauren was gone. I excused myself quickly to go find her and when I did it was in the bedroom we now shared. Her lips found mine almost immediately and after I closed the door behind me. Lauren's scent enveloped me before she pulled back from the kiss giving me a gentle look._

" _How's your Christmas going?" Lauren whispered as she pulled me close and held me gently._

" _I actually like it very much." I confesses looking into her eyes as I grew nervous all of the sudden._

" _I have something for you." Lauren whispered and my mood turned eager._

" _Well… come on, show me." I whispered suggestively as she smiled pulling back completely from me much to my dislike._

 _Lauren grabbed a small envelope from the table handing it to me. I smiled and pulled out the small box from my pocket and handing it to her as well. She knew with a smile this was our own little exchange and I loved the intensity of the moment. She insisted that I open mine last and I waited patiently as she unraveled my packaging._

 _She held in her hands the pendant I had gotten for her in what seemed like a lifetime ago. Lauren gasped as she eyed it and asked me to put it on her immediately as she battled the tears that threatened to fall with the emotion. I gently put it on her kissing the back of her neck as she examined the piece of jewellery. I loved the way she looked at it with all the love and happiness she had in her heart. After kissing me gently and whispering she loved me she nudged me to open my gift. I did with fumbling hands to reveal the slim papers inside. My eyes scanned over them not really believing this was real yet hoping with all my heart that it would be._

" _Fleur wanted to make it official. I thought it would be a lot more complicated but since you're_ _ **still**_ _the biological Mother… it was a lot easier than we thought to re-establish the rights you relinquished." Lauren explained as I read the paper all over again._

" _Does… does this mean what I think it does?" I asked as my hands shook._

" _It does… you're legally Fleur's mother again." Lauren smiled before I started crying from joy while I pulled her into my embrace._

" _I can't believe it." I breathed._

" _Do believe it Bo. She's as much yours as she is mine. Our daughter, on paper…all you have to do is sign." Lauren prompted and I waved frantically at her._

" _Get me a pen STAT."_

 _With laughter filling the room my girlfriend handed me a pen to make it official._

After that holiday Lauren and I grew closer each day as a rhythm established between us. After the time off from work we were swamped for time yet again as life swung in full force once more. It was as if we had hit the calm before the storm and I wasn't entirely sure I'd be ready for it.

Lauren, Fleur and I would wake up a little after 9:00am, I'd work-out in the living room with Fleur as we had waited the winter to pass and Lauren would fix us breakfast before we all left for the day. At night depending on what was going on: practice/game, therapy, Fleur activities or so on, we would eat together and try to spend some of the evening together before we'd tuck Fleur in. Then Lauren and I would make our way to the bedroom. This is the part I'd wanna say, we talked and poured our hearts out but in reality we found comfort in the other as we consumed our passion or relaxed in each other's arms. Truth was, I knew Lauren was going through a tense time and I wanted to give her as much comfort as I could muster. _I had her back._

Things had gotten moving on Fleur's medication front and I couldn't understand most of the language but between Ryan and Evony we had teamed up to get all the facts and help as much as we could. We had hired a lawyer and now we were crossing our t's and dotting our I's. Of course, that also meant that we all had to be on the same damn page on the Gregory situation in case it got down to any kind of legality. While I was nowhere near ready to talk about what had happened at the airport, apparently whether Lauren was ready or not she had to get this out.

Everyone that was involved in the event was there in the bottom of Dyson's basement with the door closed and the washing machine going. It was quite comical if the situation had not been so serious. It was Dyson, Tamsin, Hale and I was amazed to even see Ryan and Evony there. Lauren of course was there which was why I was. I didn't think I was ready to hear this, but I needed to be there for Lauren and support her.

 _Lauren's hand tightened on mine as my heart raced while Lauren's face contorted in pain at the memories. Dyson had just asked her to accurately start from the beginning of how it accurately had gone down that day since the morning. We had already covered the fact that everyone in this room had one way or another helped get Gregory to Lauren's lab after I had left. I had shivered and shuddered when they all admitted we had almost crossed paths before I went on my trip. It was mind-blowing because of the possibility of it having such a different result. A world of what if's had danced in front of my eyes._

" _So I had barely slept and then went to the lab as if I was a Doctor in that clinic we used by the docks. I… I had played my part and as soon as he came in…" Lauren's trembling voice broke me out of my revere._

 _I pulled her close to me as my jaw clenched in anger. I wanted to protect Lauren from this monster once and for all but now I realized that his scars would always be with her like they were with me. It pained me to realize this and I wished with all my heart I hadn't brought this evil into her life._

" _Of course he was being forward the whole time and then he crept up on me after I had turned my back on him when he pulled his penis out to urinate in the cup." Laured described as I shook my head. "I guess that's when he saw a picture Bo had sent me because he made the allusion to it later on when he attacked me in my house."_

 _I cringed at the reality of it all as I realized that I had literally left her at her darkest time. I kicked myself about it as I held her closer._

" _Lauren, do you have any idea how he got into your house?" Dyson asked as she shook her head._

" _No idea. I wish I did." She trembled and I clenched my jaw in anger as Dyson's voice rang out in my ear._

" _Tell us what happened in your house."_

By the end of it, I was glad Evony was there. I had a meltdown through it all and my therapist revealed her true purpose among us. She was there for me, they had been anticipating my reaction as well as Lauren's shaken up state. Not long after we were finished Lauren's therapist got there and helped her out as well. Thankfully Kenzie and Fleur were purposely at the movies which gave us time to recover before we attempted to go back to normal life. Alibi's in hand we buried the secret and vouched to not speak about it again. For all our sakes I had hoped beyond hope that this could stay buried and didn't haunt us but I knew better than that. Life was cruel in many ways, and I felt like this was one of those cases.

It was hard coming back from that since I couldn't take the images out of my head. The violence she endured, the pain that she was still dealing with making waves and connecting the dots. I relieved that night regularly now, how I had hit him, how angry I had been, how I did what I did to protect my daughter when her Mother was already hurt by this monster. I wish I could say that after hearing what happened I didn't have nightmares, but I did. The days after that were heavier and I bottled up everything inside in fear of closing up to Lauren again. I wish I could say I didn't relapse, but in fact I slipped a bit although it wasn't half as bad as it could've been.

 _I had gone to Lauren's house where nobody went anymore since I knew I would be left in peace. Fleur and Lauren were at home believing me to be at work and the thought of it made me sick. Of what I knew I could be doing to them. The first beer felt bitter to the point of me throwing up right then and there but at the same time it tasted like the best elixir that could exist. The buzzing in my body intensifying the more I chugged. By my second beer I stared at the landing where I now knew the struggle had occurred. I was livid and enraged and wanted nothing more than to kill that motherfucker again. He had tried to do to Lauren what he did to me and I simply dismissed it and continued to be self-absorbed. I was the worst girlfriend in the world._

 _As I downed the second beer, cracking a third one I crumbled in a heap with my arms along the counter of the kitchen sobbing to my hearts sorrow. I was failing them, yet I could not stop myself, the guilt was so heavy and overpowering I needed to make it stop. I stiffened as I heard the back door, my heart hammered in my chest with panic as I thought about bolting out the front door and not looking back. Somehow, I stayed put as my feet planted firmly on the ground not moving even if I was trying to will them to do so. As soon as our eyes connected I let out a whimper and looked down at the counter top in hard shame. I was done, this much I knew._

 _The silence grew heavy between us as I grew even more ashamed. The liquor tasted bitter, piss-like almost now that the fear really settled into me. I knew she was looking at her surroundings, she was smart and could undoubtedly put two and two together. I couldn't tear my eyes off the ground and I was praying it would open up in a sink hole and swallow me whole for the time being._

"… _I…I just want to be fair here Bo." Lauren's voice trembled "Is this one of those situations that look completely like something but it truly is something else?"_

 _I shook my head ashamed as tears rolled down my cheeks and my lip quivered with emotion. I was about to lose my whole entire life over this and I couldn't blame her. I had ONE rule to follow to keep my family and I had broken it… I was unbelievable._

" _How many times has this happened?" her voice was low but firm and I struggled not to flinch._

" _This is the first time." I whispered in disbelief of myself._

" _You can look at me in the eyes while you answer me now can't you?" Lauren requested and in turn compelled me to meet her eyes._

 _The blonde was in front of me in all her glory. I could see her warm pools of warmth brown blanketed with concern yet holding anger at bay. If I had to admit it, there was a calmness about it that reminded me of the calm before the storm. I knew I had to answer her, I owed her the truth in the very least._

" _This is the first time I've ever done this." I voiced meeting her eyes truthfully._

 _Lauren met my gaze seeming to study the truth in my eyes. I let out a few ragged breaths through my nose feeling under scrutiny. I knew I had earned this, yet I didn't know how to react to the sudden confrontation._

" _Then why are you doing it at all Bo? I thought you trusted me, that we had each other's back." Her tone was gentle and I could die at the thought of her possibly giving me a chance here._

" _I thought so too…I… I just feel overwhelmed I guess... and… oh God I'm a fucking idiot." I admitted as I dropped my face to my palms on the counter that separated us in frustration and agony._

" _Bo-"_

" _No, truly. I don't even know what got me the idea that drinking was gonna make me feel better. I mean, I guess experience, habit whatever you wanna call it. As always fucking up a good thing for myself. Fuck..."_

 _I had started tearing up as I sank deeper into my hands. My body still buzzed slightly from the chugging of the beers, yet I was sober as fuck now with this whole ordeal. I felt horrible at the moment, physically and mentally. I almost jumped when I felt Lauren close to me and within seconds her voice was in my ears._

" _I'm going to touch you." It was soft and calm, a statement and not a question._

 _Her arms wrapped around me pulling me to her chest as I wept feeling the warmth of her body envelope me as I cried. She cooed in my ear shushing my cries into small sobs as I clung to her like she was a lifevest in the middle of the ocean. I couldn't quite believe Lauren had me in her arms after she has found me drinking._

" _Where you overwhelmed by me?" she whispered holding me tighter and silent tears ran down my face._

" _No… not you, never you Lauren." I explained._

" _Was it what we talked about the other day at Dyson's?" Lauren dared to ask with a teary voice._

" _It was…" I whispered in a small voice as I took her scent in._

" _I'm sorry you had to hear that." She admitted and I pulled away looking into her eyes. "But it happened, and now I feel better and even though it was hard I'm getting over it one day at a time."_

" _You shouldn't be here." I voiced as I suddenly realized where we were._

" _No… I shouldn't." she agreed and gave me a sad smile. "It took me a while to get the courage to come here. I saw the light on for two seconds before you closed the curtains."_

" _I'm sorry." I closed my eyes in pain before I felt her palm reaching my cheek softly._

" _I came because I love you Bo, because something felt off, because you didn't answer your phone. I came here because you needed me more than the Goddamn fear I have of this fucking house now. Deep down I knew why you were here and I don't want that for us, for you. You've worked so hard Bo and you're so strong, I couldn't let you throw that away without trying to talk to you." Lauren explained as she looked into my eyes._

" _I… wow…" I stammered, breathless._

 _Her eyes were soft as they held mine, I leaned into her touch as we stared at one another. I could see the care and love in her eyes, the devotion in her eyes. I didn't deserve this, I was in front of her caught in a small relapse and yet she had so much pride and hope. This woman was amazing and in some way I was finding redemption in her._

" _Let's go home Bo." Lauren whispered and with a nod we left leaving everything intact._

That day had built me up even stronger than before. It was as if life had sent this woman to pick me up from the lowest lows I could ever experience. Life was better after that and even though Lauren didn't know my abysmal black hole yet, Lauren letting that burden out of hers cleared most of the air between us. A new trust had slowly developed within us and now I felt like it was my turn to return the favour.

I knew Lauren was distraught by the impeding approaching date of my trip and I wanted to alleviate that in any way I could. As part of my job covering the Leafs I had to cover some away games as well. It wouldn't be a big deal, but it was the first time since the incident that I'd be away from her and I knew it was bothering her. I knew deep down it was time to open up to Lauren and 'tell' her everything so I had decided to leave her a series of letters with the truth about what had torn us apart so suddenly. Lauren was a creature of intellect and as much as spoken language connected us I wanted her to have these to do as she pleased.

"Come on Bo! You're going to be late if we don't get going!" Lauren's voice reached my ears from deep inside the house as I smiled fondly.

"I'll be down in a second." I hollered and gathered the letters in a box before gathering the last of my luggage.

When I got to the kitchen Fleur and Lauren were mumbling amongst themselves and they both looked miserable. It was a quite comical sight since they were moving exactly the same down to a T. No matter if it was a day or a month, I knew I'd miss these two with all my heart while I wasn't here. I wasn't quite sure who was more anguished, Lauren or our daughter: Lauren for obvious reasons and Fleur would miss me but it was also the fact that I was going to Pittsburgh that had her moping. I chuckled at the both of them as they looked up and brightened up. I loved these two in a way I never thought I was capable of loving ever.

"Finally." Lauren breathed and Fleur gave her a frown.

"I told you all you had to do was be patient." Fleur accused the blonde as the former squinted her eyes at Lauren.

"Alright Alright let's get going then." I laughed and we made our way into the car.

In the airport my hands trembled before I gave Lauren her letters. I was nervous of what she would think about me when I came back, but reality was we had gotten through so much. This was the last step, the last burden and last block between us and after this we were home free. As I sat on the airplane with Lauren's lips fresh on my own I held my tears back not wanting to let them spill. I was leaving for a short time, but I suspected it wouldn't make me miss them any less.

I stared out my window onto the clouds thinking of how light I felt. Leaving my burden's in Lauren's hands was monumental and yet somehow I had the peace that came with resolution. I was sure the woman would love me no matter what because I felt the same towards her. In the end I felt as if this was the last piece of the puzzle and I could finally concentrate on work, on being a good mother and hopefully someday even being a good wife. For now I'd be a good girlfriend until the blonde wanted something more. As the cerulean vastness stretched around me I realized that this was a new beginning, a new life for me. My past was now just that, my past. I knew for a fact that there'd be obstacles along the way but it felt like a new dawn somehow. I was a new Ysabeau and that was thanks to Lauren and our beautiful daughter that brought us together.

I closed my eyes and a real smile stretched across my features. Finally I was happy, not only with my surroundings but with myself. I was happy with the people around me and the family that had banded together to support one another. Tamsin, Dyson, even Mark, Ryan, Kenzie with her lovely Hale, Chloe-Grace and Fleur and of course Lauren… My family. I had always wanted one and now I knew no matter what happened, no matter the distance between us we would always be there for one another. Together I was sure I was ready to face this new stage of my life.

 **PLEASE CONTINUE ON TO COSMIC LOVE FOR FULL EXTENDED ENDING.**

 **EPILOGUE SOON TO FOLLOW**


	21. EPILOGUE

**Heavy In Your Arms/ Cosmic Love**

 **EPILOGUE:**

I didn't know how to describe it really. Bittersweet was a word that was tossed around in my mind but now I knew the full extent of the expression now. As I looked around the neighborhood with a box propped against my knee and the trunk of the car truck I tried to imagine myself in the suburbs we now lived in. It was frustrating to leave Toronto but I couldn't quite complain moving to Pittsburgh. It had been a lifelong dream of mine to someday visit the city where the team I loved played and now I was living in it. Life; what a ride so far!

"Are you gonna come in anytime soon? The movers can grab the rest, come on. Your bed is all set up and everything."

Her blonde hair was shining in the sunshine and her smile was warm and inviting. The care in her eyes always amazed me even though I had seen it day in and day out. I loved her so much, the comfort of having her here just made everything a bit easier.

"I just wanted to grab my laptop and console. I'm hoping to set up and videochat back home." I admitted.

"Oh I see, gotta talk to Chloe-Grace right away." She shot me a wink and I blushed.

"I don't know how I'm going to do this without her next to me…" It was hard to admit but Momma was my best friend aside from Mom and Chloe.

"Fleur… it'll be fine, she'll come visit like she promised. You'll go visit like you promised. Our family is still up there and we won't abandon them you know?"

I nodded. Momma was always right. She was the smartest person I knew and if she thought things would be fine they probably would be. As I carried the box into my new room already missing the Jedi memorabilia in the old one I smiled at the Evgeni Malkin poster on my door which Mom had brought for me. I carefully set the box on my desk not wanting to break my laptop or camera and looked out the window. Mom was outside examining the back yard when I saw Momma come up behind her and hug her from behind their smiles made me smile. I was so happy with them.

Never in a million years would've I thought things would turn out this way when I stumbled upon those papers that Momma had kept away in the back of her closet. I had come home early from practice and was looking for her old camera when I stumbled upon the file, my mischief forgotten. Her name was what had gotten my attention on it: Ysabeau Dennis. It was as if somehow I knew and my heart raced just before I continued reading.

It took me a few months to get a plan going and to make sure nobody would know I was gone. Looking back on it I had been incredibly naïve to take such a long trip by myself. Things being so crazy out there I could've been in a world of trouble but in the end looking at my Moms I wouldn't change a thing. When I met Mom I knew somehow instantly that I didn't want to be away from her, that she needed a second chance. It took some convincing but in the end Momma saw what I saw and loved Mom just the same.

I heard a soft purr before I looked down to the little grey fuzzball looking up at me with shining yellow eyes. Victor wanted some attention and his cuteness would not let me say no. He was spoiled, we all knew it but we were too weak for his charms. I remembered when Chloe-Grace gave him to me as a parting gift before we came to Pittsburgh.

" _I know I didn't get you anything for your birthday and there was a reason for that." Chloe mentioned as we were sitting in my room listening to music._

 _She had come over after I had come from the movies with Mark. He had a date but Uncle Dyson said he couldn't go alone so it was either me or Auntie Tam Tam. I at least sat at a different section but Chloe wasn't able to come with me because she had a meeting with the math club. She was a total wiz that reminded me of Momma but she could totally kick ass too like she did in hockey. She had promised to stop by after and true to her word as always here she was lounging in some sweats and a white tanktop on my bed._

" _You don't have to Gracie, Uncle Ry and Auntie Kenz got me so much stuff Momma is sure we'll have to get another truck for the move." I joked with a sad smile as I watched Chloe grimace._

" _Ugh! I'm gonna miss you so much! I can't believe you're leaving me." Her voice was shaky and I knew she was as close to crying as I was._

" _I'm sorry but you def need to come and visit me in the Burgh. We gotta go to a game and I can't live without my bestie." I admitted as my cheeks felt warm._

 _Chloe had been with me through thick and thin since she had moved to T.O. and I would miss going to the mall with her and just being silly with one another. I laid on my back with my head to the side looking into her green eyes while her dark blonde hair fell on her face. I smiled brightly as my stomach churned at the thought of not seeing Chloe every day._

" _Well, it's still a few months away, I'll come visit don't you worry that pretty head." Chloe smiled. "I'll come see you and you'll come see me. Let's shake on it right now."_

 _And we did. Her soft hand was on mine we shook on it and we both knew it was as good as done. We always kept our promises to one another. With a jump she startled me and bolted out the door. I sat there confused as I focused of the music playing. Chloe could be impulsive like Mom and I, which made anything possible when we were hanging out. Before I could protest I heard a rustle and suddenly Chloe was there in my room again as her hands were close to her chest. Then I saw the little fuzzy gray kitten who was curled sleeping in her arms. She placed him on my chest as I gasped and the small kitten opened his yellow eyes highlighted by his white 'eyeliner'. Love at first sight is what I imagined this was and Chloe beamed from on top of us as the small kitten purred on-top of me._

" _Do you like him? Your Moms said it was alright… I wanted you to have a buddy to remind you of me." Chloe smiled as she explained looking nervous._

" _I love him." I whispered trying not to wake him._

" _He's all yours then" Chloe sat next to me and stroked his soft fur he opened an eye and stretched his paw pulling Chloe's fingers to him adorably._

" _I think he's more like ours. This means you have to come visit him."_

As if on cue the young teenaged kitten meowed at me and I smiled petting him. His fur was still soft as down and he looked lean and sleek yet still small. I loved him so much already, he was always with me and loved Mom and Momma just as much. Just then I heard a knock on the door and I looked up to see Mom standing in the doorway.

"Hey there, can I come in Squirt?" she asked as I scrunched up my nose.

"Come on in. I have my bed, my tv, and my console set-up." I smiled as Mom plopped in bed with me while Victor jumped off the bed regally trotting away to explore the house.

"How are you doing babycakes? I know it's not 'the six' or whatever you guys call it." She chuckled and I smiled laying on my bed with her.

"I like it though, maybe we can check out the Botanical Gardens with Momma this week." I hoped as Mom nodded happily.

"I think your Momma would love that very much." She admitted as I smiled.

"I'm excited we're here Mom, please don't feel bad. I feel better than I have in a long time now that I can take my medicine. I'm happy Pitt has legal laws and I can still take my cannabis oils and you can work with the team we love." I admitted excitedly looking into mom's eyes.

Mom was so beautiful that I had no trouble believing that Momma had fallen in love with her. Mom's eyes were a darker brown than mine and so was her hair, her nose was skinny and perfect and her bone structure was flawless. What I loved the most were Mom's expressions, she could be read like a book with her emotions on her face.

"I'm glad to hear that, I'm excited too. I get to meet the guys tomorrow for a debriefing and then I start with small social media posts before moving up to Root Sports." Mom explained excitedly as I smiled widely.

"You better get me to meet the team Mom, I cannot believe this is happening… I am like possibly one degree of separation from Sidney Crosby, I cannot believe this!" I squealed not able to contain my rambling as Mom laughed wholeheartedly.

"I'm trying to convince myself not to stammer when I meet him and look like a bumbling idiot." Mom half smiled and it was my turn to laugh at the image of Mom in such a bad situation.

"Hey guys, lunch is about to be ready." Momma's voice came from the doorway as she leaned against it looking at us fondly.

"Do you guys mind if I video-chat Chloe before I come down to eat?" I begged and Momma gave me a loving smile.

"Just don't make it a marathon you can chat her up before bed as well. I just need you to eat soon so I can check out your blood sugar and all that lingo you hate." Momma gave me her trademark 'sorry' look as Mom 'tsk'd behind me.

"Oh Lauren, the poor girl is grown just lay it on her straight. You've got to toughen up buttercup, you're a lab rat now." Mom stuck her tongue out at me and we chuckled at the running joke as Momma rolled her eyes in embarrassment.

I promised I would be brief with Chloe as they excited my room hand in hand in soft giggles. I thought about it and decided that I'd be lucky if I ever found the kind of love my parents had. They seemed so happy in spite of every little fight and argument they had. They were both very strong willed and I wasn't far behind so I could understand why they butt heads all the time. I remembered a bad time I was having, one of their little bickers took me out of my misery.

 _I was crying with how much nausea I had as I hugged the toilet. My throat felt like fire burning with the dryness of the heaving. I could hear Mom pacing outside the bathroom door as I laid my head on the cool toilet bowl._

" _Fleur if you don't answer me I'm coming in!" Mom's voice was full of panic and fear and I wanted to answer but my voice was so hoarse there was no use._

 _Within seconds Mom had kicked the door in and stood there looking at me as I weakly pulled up my clammy head and looked at her from the floor. I felt like a train wreck and in reality I just wanted her and Momma to hold me. I knew people thought I was too old now for such things but I wanted their comfort since I didn't feel well._

" _Oh God!" Mom breathed as she rushed to my side. "Did you have a seizure?"_

" _No…" I croaked and I closed my eyes hard at the pain in my throat._

" _When the school called that you didn't show up in class... Your Mother is assisting Tamsin with that surgery so here I am. I know I'm probably not what you want right now."_

" _You're perfect… exactly what I need." I whispered and Mom's eyes teared up._

" _I have no idea how fix you. Have you thrown up a lot?" She asked as I nodded. "We need to get you some soda crackers and ginger ale. Let's get you cleaned up first though."_

 _Mom was right, I was completely drenched in sweat and I knew I smelled like vomit. She must've asked about 4 times and I reassured her over and over that I wanted her to help me shower since I wasn't feeling too good. Mom ran a cold bath for me telling me it would take my fever down. She mentioned it was what she tended to do for herself when she ran a fever when she was little. I could hear the pain in her voice even though she tried to come off as reminiscent. Momma had warned me shortly after Mom's promotion came up that Mom's past wasn't at all pretty. I knew some of the vague details from the trip Mom and I had taken but much was still a mystery to me._

 _With me feeling bad she seemed to want to open up and I was glad. Mom felt like my friend and I wanted to learn as much as I could from her as I could. I wanted to make up for all the time we missed with one another. In some way, yeah I wanted Momma, but having Mom here to help was so natural too. It felt important that she was here right now and I wanted her to know I knew she could do this and take care of me when I am sick. She didn't need to be a Doctor, she needed to just be my Mom._

 _When I touched the water I gasped and I felt breathless for a second. It was freezing and I shivered as Mom tried to comfort me with her words. She washed me gently and tried to crack a few jokes about the Titanic as she kept feeling my forehead to check my temperature. After I was in clean pajamas and she had settled me on the couch she grabbed me a Gatorade and a box of soda crackers._

" _I'm sure your Momma will put you in some weird other meds but for now Gatorade and soda crackers it is." Mom smiled at me and curled into me on the couch._

" _I don't want any more meds Mom, I'm tired of this wait, I want my oil so I can feel better." I whined feeling as my bottom lip quivered. "It's just stupid I can't take my medicine just to get a visa to enter the US. It's medicine! I don't care if it's made out of cannabis, it makes me feel better."_

" _I know baby I didn't make the rules, if we're not careful in some US states Lauren and I could go to jail for this treatment. Almost there, we just have one more month to go for you to be clear. Then we'll move to where it's legal and you'll have your treatment the first day there. I promise." Mom assured me as I snuggled in her arms._

 _Momma had gotten there sometime after I had fallen asleep and there was a hushed discussion between the two on what was going on. Neither of them had realized I was awake and they bickered back and forth._

" _You can't be calling her a lab rat, she's our daughter!" Momma wasn't impressed._

" _It was a joke, you gotta admit it fits the situation. I didn't wanna call her RoboCop." Mom rolled her eyes as Momma glared at her and shook her head._

" _Never call her that…" her tone was firm and Mom held her arms up in surrender._

" _Come on Lau, baby I was just joking, I just though you checking her blood constantly and the way she's part of medical trials…"_

" _I get the joke Bo I'm not stupid I just don't like it."_

 _I laughed then breaking my cover they both snapped their eyes at me as I doubled in laughter and I wiped tears from my eyes._

" _I like it!" I declared as they picked up their jaws from the floor. It was the first time I laughed so hard in months._

I smiled at the memory as my laptop loaded the video service up and I waited patiently for Chloe to pick up. I was nervous about school and starting hockey over here as well so I wanted to talk to Chloe. She was my bestie no matter where in the world so I knew she'd put me at ease. The screen lit up and I saw Chloe-Grace's smiling face and I lit up along with it.

"Hey!" Her voice was loud and excited "Have you seen Sidney Crosby yet? What about Flower? How's Victor? If you meet my cousin tell him he's an ass!"

"Language Chloe!" I shook my head rolling my eyes "What part of that interrogatory you want first?"

"How was the trip? Were you able to take your medicine yet?" her voice was gentle and soft on those questions and I nodded.

"I took it as soon as we crossed state lines. Momma had a colleague at the ready right then and there." I smiled and Chloe sighed relieved.

"That's great, I'm so glad! I couldn't take seeing how sick you were getting again. I was scared you were gonna get a seizure." Her voice was soft and quiet and I nodded with a knot in my voice.

I never had the heart to tell her that I had a seizure twice before we had arrived in Pittsburgh. It had been particularly rough on Momma who cursed the laws as she kept me comfortable. I shook my head not wanting to think about those bad memories.

"Well, now it's over and done with and I'm healthy. You said to call when I got set-up and I'm almost 100% set-up." I smiled as Chloe smiled.

"Alright, so I wanted you to know that I'm coming to visit as soon as school lets out for December break." Chloe's smile got even bigger as I screamed with excitement.

"Oh MY GOSH! THAT'S LIKE NO TIME AWAY! I'M SO HAPPY!" I celebrated as I heard laugher up the stairs from the kitchen.

"I'm super stoked too can't wait to see you and Victor Frankenstein." My blonde friend smiled and I chuckled at her nickname for our kitty.

As if on cue he strutted into the room and I brought him up on my lap as Chloe raved about him. We talked for about twenty more minutes before I promised her I'd actually give her a phone call later. She had caught me up about my former school, my former hockey team even what was up at the gym with Uncle Ryan and Uncle Dyson. She spent most of her time with them and Mark now who had picked up boxing. I was excited about the news of her visit so we talked a little bit more about where I could potentially take her and then we disconnected the video call.

"You better be done up there Fleur, I need you to eat very very soon!" Momma called up the stairs.

"I am I'll be right down!" I smiled as I reached to close my laptop.

The sound of an incoming message came on and I looked at my screen ready to tell Chloe to be patient. Instead of seeing her usual **HITMindyGirl** screenname on my screen it was one I couldn't recognize. **BlueJays4Lyfe** didn't sound like anybody I knew back home so I was weary. I opened the window to reveal not much.

 **BlueJays4Lyfe:** _Hey saw your profile on Social Media, I'm a friend of Joe Palmer. Thought you might wanna talk some smack whenever a game came on._

I thought about Joe Palmer, we had History together at some point and he was decent. I wished he would've asked me before giving my profile out but he was a solid guy so I couldn't see him giving it to some random creep. Joe had defended Chloe and I against some guys cat calling us on the way to the movies so I knew this was probably someone alright. I made a mental note to send Joe a message later and rushed a response before Momma would call me again.

 **Flower29Lewis:** _I like the Jays too, sorry can't chirp a fellow fan! ;) How do you know Joe?_

 **BlueJays4Lyfe:** _I like the Rangers and I heard from Joe you're a Penguins girl. How can you be a Pens fan when you're from TO? Where's the Leafs love?_

 **Flower29Lewis:** _I AM a Penguins kind of girl! And *gags* don't get me started on those stupid leafs. You're on for the chirp talk, can't wait for hockey now. What's your name?_

 **BlueJays4Lyfe:** _Me neither, none of the girls around here like to talk sports. I'm Greg._

"Fleurence Charlotte Lewis you better get your ass down here!" Momma yelled and I shut my laptop off rushing down to the small kitchen cluttered with boxes.

All the rooms were littered by boxes which Victor absolutely adored and I could see Momma had set up a mini lab in one of the offices by the dining room. The house we had moved into was huge since Mom had gotten a raise with the job offer to cover the Penguins. I absolutely loved the huge windows and the big back yard. Mom and I had plans for a gym while Momma was certain a library would be a great addition to her office. I took a seat at the kitchen table stuffing my face with some thai food we had ordered.

"Could you breathe child? You're on the grid, you have to stay alive!" Mom joked as she shoved me gently.

"It's sooo good!" I smiled between bites and Mom shook her head.

"How do you like Pittsbugh so far baby?" Momma kissed the top of my head and she pulled me close.

"I think it's great, I love the area we live in. The drive around yesterday was really nice. I'm just glad Mom and I can take our meds." I smiled.

"Me too. I need both of my ladies healthy." Momma smiled and her hand stretched to grab onto Mom's.

"Can't have a wedding without one of the brides" I teased with a wink as Momma blushed and Mom paled slightly.

I was ecstatic when they had told me it would happen eventually. There wasn't a timeline on their engagement, just the promise that it would happen someday and to me that seemed romantic. Anyone could get married and divorced these days but promising someone something and standing by it… now that was special. I looked at them fondly as they stared into each other's eyes with love and adoration that knew no limits. I didn't have the perfect family growing up, Momma was more than enough and yet there was something missing. As I looked at both of them I knew nothing was missing any longer. I was completely loved by two of the strongest women I knew. I was more than ready to take Pittsburgh by surprise, much more so with my Moms having my back.

 **Here it is, the end or the beginning?**

 **Please let me know if this is a POV that you guys enjoy. I feel like I have laid out the brick work for anybody who is interested in a SEQUEL. If that's something you'd like and this was a story you enjoyed please leave me a line on the reviews or send me a Tweet Last_Dragomir.**

 **Thanks for taking the time to read this wonderful story. I feel really proud of this journey and want to say special thanks to my wife SuccubusShinobi for being my proof reader and my muse. Thanks to Kolton and Rkrgrrl for proofreading at times that the wife couldn't. I'd like to say a special thanks to Sydney563 and WritingSux for inspiring me to explore writing about depression with their fic How The Girl Got The Girl.**

 **Until Next Time,**

 **Cheers eh!**


End file.
